I need a strategy for an inciter situation

[AdiP]

Hello.

I find myself in an interesting situation and I need some advices. It’s not easy but who knows?

 

So, I am 29 years old and last week my ex left after almost 6 years for another one. It happened so fast that I almost went nuts. I understand real reasons like “I’m bored”. Leaving with another man (I guess he has a better car) it’s kind of slutty. It was a crazy week on which I cried almost every day, called and text her. Until something extraordinary happened. But about this I will tell you a little later.

 

First I want to tell you something about me. I live in a big city in Eastern Europe, I earn well above the average (as a database administrator), and I am good looking, 6.43 ft and 196 pounds.

 

I lived in a flat owned by an office colleague of my ex, who came last week to me so I could pay him the rent. And he stood for about an hour and told me some things. He is a very smart man which develops army projects, speaks German, French, English and Chinese and he is a great psychologist. I can’t really tell you what he told me, but the fact is that the next day I decided to follow and catch one of the most beautiful girls I know. It was a 180 degree turn. I didn’t give one thought to my ex that day and I didn’t have the slightest intent to call her. Till now is great but is getting complicated.

 

The girl I’ve chosen is also a work colleague of my ex, but they are not very closed. I’ve seen her about three times on my ex birthdays. This is what I have:

• We’re friends on facebook and we’ve changed some guiltless lines (through messages).

• She’s not posting anything. I know her birthday (which is next month), some of the music she likes (very good music) and some movies, but that's all.

• She is 26 almost 27.

• For three years since I heard about her, she didn’t have any boyfriend.

• She’s into clubbing and hanging out with friends.

• I guess she’s kind of courted and sissyish.

• Her sign is Taurus

• She’s beautiful.

 

Current status:

• I’m sure she knows about me and my ex.

• Until now we’ve barely spoke.

• First day we changed some nice lines. The second she answered at the first one, and remained silent for the rest.

• There are just two mutual friends which are great palls with my ex and I don’t know if I can call them for help (even that we were great friends, the situation is kind of awkward). However I try to keep as much closeness as I can.

• In three months it’ll be the wedding of a mutual friend. I don’t know if she’ll be invited or if she’ll come, but it deserves to be taken into account. I'll be invited for sure.

 

So, the premises are not so good, but I’m eager to try. If you can give me any strategy or hint, please do. I’ll keep you updated about how it works.

 

Thank you!

 

Adrian

Edited April 13, 2011 by AdiP

[Floridaman]

So, the premises are not so good, but I’m eager to try. If you can give me any strategy or hint, please do. I’ll keep you updated about how it works.

 

Thank you!

 

Adrian

That sounds like a good situation, Adrian. I don't see any big problem here.

 

Yes, ask her to go to the wedding with you.

 

In the meantime, set up a date with her.

 

May answer more later...

[AdiP]

I don't think it works that way. You understand that what you propose is to take her out of her comfort zone and add the awkward situation on which I invite her out when not even two weeks has passed. I guess the first thing is to change a little more words with her before anything or else she will freak out. But I don't really know what can I say because I know so little about her. I also think about finding out a club in which she's going and be there "by mistake". So she can have her comfort zone with her friends. But for now I don't have the necessary resources.

[zakfar]

For going slow, and formal way, you can choose this:

 

Send her a message on facebook; ask her if she is invited to that wedding?

 

Wait for her reply.

 

If she is going there, then plan out something formal.

[Floridaman]

I don't think it works that way. You understand that what you propose is to take her out of her comfort zone and add the awkward situation on which I invite her out when not even two weeks has passed. I guess the first thing is to change a little more words with her before anything or else she will freak out. But I don't really know what can I say because I know so little about her. I also think about finding out a club in which she's going and be there "by mistake". So she can have her comfort zone with her friends. But for now I don't have the necessary resources.

Again, what's the problem?

Hello.

 

The girl I’ve chosen is also a work colleague of my ex, but they are not very closed. I’ve seen her about three times on my ex birthdays.

So she knows your EX... but aren't close friends.

Is that what you're worried about? Dating someone your EX knows?

That would be her problem - not your's.

 

If it were your EX's best friend, that would be a diff. situation entirely.

Current status:

• I’m sure she knows about me and my ex.

• Until now we’ve barely spoke.

• First day we changed some nice lines. The second she answered at the first one, and remained silent for the rest.

Again, what's the big deal?

People break up with others all the time.

Why would her knowledge of you dating your EX influence this girl you may ask out?

 

There are just two mutual friends which are great palls with my ex and I don’t know if I can call them for help (even that we were great friends, the situation is kind of awkward). However I try to keep as much closeness as I can.

Don't ask them then, if tht will cause some problems as they're close to your EX.

 

So, the premises are not so good, but I’m eager to try. If you can give me any strategy or hint, please do.

I don't see any unfavorable premises.

You aren't attached, and this woman you're interested in isn't seeing anyone, so it should be okay.

 

I’ll keep you updated about how it works.

Yes, please post how it goes.

I think you'd have a chance with this woman. Just ask her out.

 

If she asks about what happened with you and your EX, just say it didn't work out. You can go into bigger detail much later in your relationship, but don't go into great detail so early. That's never a good idea.