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Our surprising facebook conversation this morning.. What does it mean?

kingofhearts

By kingofhearts
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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kingofhearts Established Member

kingofhearts

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ok, for those whose been following my story or want to check it outhttp://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272266/

 

I need some serious opinions on this one. I don't know what it means.

This is a Facebook conversation we had this morning....

 

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8:51am

HER: U awake

 

ME: yeah.

 

ME: u there?

ME: What's up?

 

HER: On the way to work. Sleep when u called past

Last night

 

ME: oh. cool. no biggie.

ME: how u been?

 

HER: Okay I guess. U?

 

ME: okay? u guess?

 

ME: whats wrong?

 

HER: I mean everything isn't peachy. I'm surviving though

 

ME: you have to keep your head up, dear. Whats bothering u?

 

HER: U know us. It's just weird

 

ME: being without me?

 

HER: Yes. I know I'm ok though. Time just has to go by a little

 

ME: Be honest....

 

ME: You ever think that we were soul mates?

ME: I'll admit tho. It is weird. It's just not right..... I dont know. Maybe I'm exaggerating. iono...

where'd you go?

 

ME: I guess that pu$$y ***** I said scared you away. lol.

 

HER: Yes honestly

 

ME: yes to what? the pu$$y ***** scaring you? lol

 

HER: Ues I thought we were soulmates

 

ME: I don't wanna scare you or intimidate you, but This is the best relationship I've EVER had with a girl PERIOD. We are lovers first and best friends second. It's an overwhelming experience. Sorry it came to you so early in your life and so late in mine....

 

HER: Ok...iys not early. Im not leaving u bc im young I left bc its best right now. Lately things are getting worse. I really dont want to come to a point where we dont speak. This is the best easy

Way

 

ME: I can understand if it's too much for you too soon, but we can't help who we are and the chemistry between us. It just works.....

Oh, got cha. I agree.

 

ME: Sincerely. I agree. It has been getting worse lately and I think we stopped enjoying each other's company and analyzing this "break" a little too much. I understand. I've been doing a bit of healing over the past few days.

 

ME: I noticed that the recent "break" that we had was initiated by because you thought you were settling. The break made me REALLY insecure about us after that. When I should've just accepted that you realized what we meant to you and the break actually helped you, which helped US. Nothing else should've mattered to me after that. As long as you made the final choice to be with me. I know that now.

Sorry for the chaos lately, baby. I want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing for us. Thanks.

you still there?

 

 

She Idled after that, she had to work so she left the convo hanging I'm guessing. {FB chat on cell phone}

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

What does this mean? Is she still bread crumbing me or is she sincerely trying to protect the relationship with her behavior?

 

I can see it going either way. I've been in LC with her lately. She still remains a bit distant. I don't understand. Sometimes I feel like I'm making nothing out of something. It could just be that, she wants the space for us to get better with each other. I just don't know..........

Edited by kingofhearts
AFriend Member

AFriend

Posted
Posted

I've been following what's been going on with you in your other two threads. Some of the things you do frustrate me, but I've been there too haha :lmao:. I'll keep it short and to the point, it means you need to go strict NC on her. Who cares what she wants. I hope you start thinking about yourself. Are you trying to move on?

timchambo Established Member

timchambo

Posted
Posted

You are coming off soft and weak. I say that in support of you, not as an insult. Stop chasing this girl. Go NC and get comfortable being alone for a bit. Ill bet by the time you are over it, she will have blown up your phone a few times. Between this and your other thread, she seems to be getting off on watching you sweat.

VJohnson32 Established Member

VJohnson32

Posted
Posted

Yeah, you need to stand up for yourself and act a bit distant. Shes obviously confused and wants to string you along. From what I could see, she has no intentions of getting back with you, dont give her the emotional support. You know shes hurting, its perfectly normal but dumpees hurt alot more.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

Posted
Posted (edited)

Haven't read your entire story....but just from this conversation I'd say, it is the norm of a breakup that you're gonna miss this person and waiver a bit. I take it you're on a break, and if so, that is even worst as that time is sooooooo ambiguous. I think most break ups (that weren't as a result of cheating or some such) go through a period of back and forth where mixed messages are sent, people still hang out, still have sex, still see each other, back away, come back, say nostalgic things etc until it eventually comes to a point of FULLY deciding to get back together or continuing separately after you've weaned yourself off of the person.

 

 

That's what it appears to be to me....you're still in that period where things are fresh and there is more of that back and forth and reaching out.

 

 

I don't think you were being a pusssy :rolleyes: You feel how you feel and it is not often that men express their feelings. At least when all is said and done you would have known that you did say and do all you could have. When my ex and I broke up I was so transparent saying all my feelings and I hated myself for it but also was glad I did, as I was 100% authentic and he knew everything and therefore I could walk away content that I left NOTHING unsaid. However, if this person wants a break or is unsure...you constantly pouring out your feelings isn't going to change their mind. We have a tendency to think that just one more email, one more text etc will make them see things differently, usually that is not the case. Unless you messed the relationship up, I don't think it should be that you need to constantly chase and reassure this person of how you feel. She KNOWS how you feel now and that you care....it is up to her to decide what to do next.

 

Continue living your life and trust that if it is meant to be reconciled the chance will come up and it won't be on your part only but she too will express that desire. Take it from me, my ex and I broke up 2 years ago but during that period he came back periodically and it was always this pattern of him starting to feel discontented in his rebound scenarios, he would start with casual texts, then work his way up to more nostalgic texts, then work his way up to calls and to coming to see me, and for like a week or two we would hang out and all would be well.....then NOTHING :rolleyes: This happened about 3 times before the final time where I had enough and just truly went my own way and forgot about ever reconciling.How's that for bread crumbs :laugh: So even more so...if someone is doing waaaaaay less...I would NOT be quick to think it means anything more than the normal missing and nostalgia and not assume we will get back together or it is "meant to be". Only time will reveal this...sooo continue with your life and your own personal development and lessons and it will become apparent what direction things are headed in.

Edited by Beeotch
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kingofhearts Established Member

kingofhearts

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I don't know..... Maybe you guys are seeing something I don't. I'll go NC tomorrow. I just want to know where she's going with all of this. I agree with Beotch a bit. It does seem like we're weening ourselves from each other. She has already stated that she wants to be with me and that's it. My jealous actions just pushed her away this past Monday, so she's trying to keep things steady......

 

On the other hand, it seems like she's trying to get over us, slowly. I'm really not sure what to make of it. I plan on getting a bit of closure tomorrow. I'm going to probe around the nicest way possible. Don't get me wrong if she doesnt want us anytime soon then I will go strict NC. If she is trying to get things back the way they were through this break, then I also understand. As far as I know, she's not looking for anyone, as the date she did had, went terrible.

 

Dont know, man......

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kingofhearts Established Member

kingofhearts

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Haven't read your entire story....but just from this conversation I'd say, it is the norm of a breakup that you're gonna miss this person and waiver a bit. I take it you're on a break, and if so, that is even worst as that time is sooooooo ambiguous. I think most break ups (that weren't as a result of cheating or some such) go through a period of back and forth where mixed messages are sent, people still hang out, still have sex, still see each other, back away, come back, say nostalgic things etc until it eventually comes to a point of FULLY deciding to get back together or continuing separately after you've weaned yourself off of the person.

 

THIS IS EXACTLY what is happening with us. It is really wishy washy. It's like she wants to give me a chance, but maybe not. Lately I've been blowing it. I'm hoping that we end up FULLY reconciled. Just needs to make sure she is REALLY considering it.

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
Posted

Start NC really :) Don't think of what she's feeling, this will only make you MORE MORE MORE MORE confused.

 

If she wants to get back with you sincerely for long-term, let her initiate the contact and action.

 

You are a strong person and I know you will be fine.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

Posted
Posted
THIS IS EXACTLY what is happening with us. It is really wishy washy. It's like she wants to give me a chance, but maybe not. Lately I've been blowing it. I'm hoping that we end up FULLY reconciled. Just needs to make sure she is REALLY considering it.

 

Yep that's the norm...I'd say most break ups that are "mutual" or not ending on bad terms...you go through that period, it may last weeks or months and it can be very confusing. But with time it gets to a stable point where you go your separate ways or reconcile fully.

 

I don't think it is up to you to control that though....and only time will really tell what direction it will go in. Many dumpees find it hard to believe that it is possible that they are the ones who eventually get over it before that point of reconciliation happens and so much usually happens in between. Every dumpee wants to get back with their ex, that is the default response. But the lovely thing is "Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder but it does give perspective" and most people don't get back together, BUT their lives don't end and they truly don't care and move on and love again and it's all good. ;)

 

So I know how you feel cause I was once there...and I can't say how things will turn out for you...but you'll be just fine either way. :)

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted
Ok, for those whose been following my story or want to check it outhttp://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272266/

 

I need some serious opinions on this one. I don't know what it means.

This is a Facebook conversation we had this morning....

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

8:51am

HER: U awake

 

ME: yeah.

 

ME: u there?

ME: What's up?

 

HER: On the way to work. Sleep when u called past

Last night

 

ME: oh. cool. no biggie.

ME: how u been?

 

HER: Okay I guess. U?

 

ME: okay? u guess?

 

ME: whats wrong?

 

HER: I mean everything isn't peachy. I'm surviving though

 

ME: you have to keep your head up, dear. Whats bothering u?

 

HER: U know us. It's just weird

 

ME: being without me?

 

HER: Yes. I know I'm ok though. Time just has to go by a little

 

ME: Be honest....

 

ME: You ever think that we were soul mates?

ME: I'll admit tho. It is weird. It's just not right..... I dont know. Maybe I'm exaggerating. iono...

where'd you go?

 

ME: I guess that pu$$y ***** I said scared you away. lol.

 

HER: Yes honestly

 

ME: yes to what? the pu$$y ***** scaring you? lol

 

HER: Ues I thought we were soulmates

 

ME: I don't wanna scare you or intimidate you, but This is the best relationship I've EVER had with a girl PERIOD. We are lovers first and best friends second. It's an overwhelming experience. Sorry it came to you so early in your life and so late in mine....

 

HER: Ok...iys not early. Im not leaving u bc im young I left bc its best right now. Lately things are getting worse. I really dont want to come to a point where we dont speak. This is the best easy

Way

 

ME: I can understand if it's too much for you too soon, but we can't help who we are and the chemistry between us. It just works.....

Oh, got cha. I agree.

 

ME: Sincerely. I agree. It has been getting worse lately and I think we stopped enjoying each other's company and analyzing this "break" a little too much. I understand. I've been doing a bit of healing over the past few days.

 

ME: I noticed that the recent "break" that we had was initiated by because you thought you were settling. The break made me REALLY insecure about us after that. When I should've just accepted that you realized what we meant to you and the break actually helped you, which helped US. Nothing else should've mattered to me after that. As long as you made the final choice to be with me. I know that now.

Sorry for the chaos lately, baby. I want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing for us. Thanks.

you still there?

 

 

She Idled after that, she had to work so she left the convo hanging I'm guessing. {FB chat on cell phone}

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

What does this mean? Is she still bread crumbing me or is she sincerely trying to protect the relationship with her behavior?

 

I can see it going either way. I've been in LC with her lately. She still remains a bit distant. I don't understand. Sometimes I feel like I'm making nothing out of something. It could just be that, she wants the space for us to get better with each other. I just don't know..........

 

 

What the heck happened between the two of you? What went wrong and got bad that she is referring too?

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kingofhearts Established Member

kingofhearts

Posted
  • Author
Posted

In the meantime I've been working on my problems that she had issues with during our LC break. Well, after I worked on them, I asked her if we could work this out again. She agreed. A few days later, I found some messages in her Facebook and accused her of still talking to the guy she went on a date with. She got really defensive about it said "That break didn't teach you anything" and broke it off, today. I went up to her job to get my promise ring and she said fine. When I got up there, we looked at each other and kinda smiled. I hugged her, and we talked a bit. I told her I was sorry, and that I feared her going out and finding more dates. She said "there is no where else to run to" and said "we have 3ys, that's a long time". This made me feel good about us, BUT.....

 

We talked some more and she said she didn't like the way I made her un-friend her ex BF on Facebook because a year ago, I caught them having a conversation about how they felt about each other. She said that she was going to be visiting his state at the time and was seeing if it wasn't going to be weird for him, if she stayed where he was at (I guess his house). WTF? She said "but I couldn't tell you that at the time".......Well no ****!

 

I said you can be-friend him if you forgive me and take me back. She said she forgives me, but "not today" as far as taking me back. Later on, she still friended him last night. This is our text convo.....

 

ME: I thought the deal was you can befriend him if you forgave me AND got back with me?! It's cool....just makes me nervous.

 

HER: U tripping again.....smh

 

hopingtoheal

This is from my previous post. I've been acting out of jealousy lately and we've been going back and forth about her shenanigans. Nothing "BAD" really. Just arguing. She calls that "BAD". She hasnt tried to resolve things with me at all and I been pushing. Tomorrow We're going FULL NC, BABY!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted
In the meantime I've been working on my problems that she had issues with during our LC break. Well, after I worked on them, I asked her if we could work this out again. She agreed. A few days later, I found some messages in her Facebook and accused her of still talking to the guy she went on a date with. She got really defensive about it said "That break didn't teach you anything" and broke it off, today. I went up to her job to get my promise ring and she said fine. When I got up there, we looked at each other and kinda smiled. I hugged her, and we talked a bit. I told her I was sorry, and that I feared her going out and finding more dates. She said "there is no where else to run to" and said "we have 3ys, that's a long time". This made me feel good about us, BUT.....

 

We talked some more and she said she didn't like the way I made her un-friend her ex BF on Facebook because a year ago, I caught them having a conversation about how they felt about each other. She said that she was going to be visiting his state at the time and was seeing if it wasn't going to be weird for him, if she stayed where he was at (I guess his house). WTF? She said "but I couldn't tell you that at the time".......Well no ****!

 

I said you can be-friend him if you forgive me and take me back. She said she forgives me, but "not today" as far as taking me back. Later on, she still friended him last night. This is our text convo.....

 

ME: I thought the deal was you can befriend him if you forgave me AND got back with me?! It's cool....just makes me nervous.

 

HER: U tripping again.....smh

 

hopingtoheal

This is from my previous post. I've been acting out of jealousy lately and we've been going back and forth about her shenanigans. Nothing "BAD" really. Just arguing. She calls that "BAD". She hasnt tried to resolve things with me at all and I been pushing. Tomorrow We're going FULL NC, BABY!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

Just wow. Well, I get the impression that she was using the break to manipulate you. I'm really floored that she has the gall to complain that you were not happy about her staying in contact with her ExBF when they were talking about their feelings. You just don't do that. Funny, she seems to be so very oblivious to how her actions might have contributed to making you feel insecure..I mean jeez??!!! Who WOULDN'T get paranoid after having that happen? I am glad you are going NC, she clearly is riding the big ole manipulation wagon and trying to use this break for some very nasty, nasty tricks. Shame on her!

timchambo Established Member

timchambo

Posted
Posted

My gut tells me she was hiding that convo for a reason.

 

I caught my ex's online convo with some "friend" a few years before we split. She blew it off as just someone she knew from class. The nature of the convo was her complaining about me in some capacity, and referencing some dinner her and a few people went on. I found this convo on accident and it should have been a bigger deal at the time. I forgave her and things seemed great for the next few years. Fast forward to about 3 months back, and she left me out of the blue for someone she met at work. My money is on this new RL started in the same way she was talking to the other guy. I am sure she confided in this new guy about issues she had that she never expressed to me.

 

My point is, don't be so quick to forgive something like that. She hid the convo for a reason. Her intentions were not in your best interest. Big red flag. Just be careful man, and go NC. She is treating you like **** because she can. You keep engaging her no matter what her actions are. She knows you will be back. Right now she is not worth your time. Heal up and open yourself to new opportunities.

  • Author
kingofhearts Established Member

kingofhearts

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My gut tells me she was hiding that convo for a reason.

 

I caught my ex's online convo with some "friend" a few years before we split. She blew it off as just someone she knew from class. The nature of the convo was her complaining about me in some capacity, and referencing some dinner her and a few people went on. I found this convo on accident and it should have been a bigger deal at the time. I forgave her and things seemed great for the next few years. Fast forward to about 3 months back, and she left me out of the blue for someone she met at work. My money is on this new RL started in the same way she was talking to the other guy. I am sure she confided in this new guy about issues she had that she never expressed to me.

 

My point is, don't be so quick to forgive something like that. She hid the convo for a reason. Her intentions were not in your best interest. Big red flag. Just be careful man, and go NC. She is treating you like **** because she can. You keep engaging her no matter what her actions are. She knows you will be back. Right now she is not worth your time. Heal up and open yourself to new opportunities.

 

Thanks for the incite, Timchambo. I had the same feeling about it. I am going to take you guys advice. She has been treating me like SHIIIIIIIIT lately and I don't deserve it. I'm to that point now. It's as good as over. She'll regret this.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

Dude

If her response is anything other than "I made a huge mistake and I love you and I've realized that you are the best thing in the world and I hope you can forgive me for treating you like a sack of sh*t", then it means nothing.

 

Whens NC starting then?

WTRanger Established Member

WTRanger

Posted
Posted
Im not leaving u bc im young I left bc its best right now. Lately things are getting worse. I really dont want to come to a point where we dont speak. This is the best easy

Way

 

Read this, then re-read it. She left because she thinks its best for her. You are no where in her picture. She is thinking about what's best for her and her alone. This is why she still wants to be all chatty and crap with you. She doesn't want to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you, so she wants to be friends still. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. Meanwhile, you are spiraling out of control.

 

You two simply aren't on the same page, you aren't in sync. Her still wanting to be friends this close to the breakup is giving you false hope that you'll get a 2nd chance. When she keeps being vague about what exactly you two are, it makes you feel as if you are losing her. When you feel like you are losing something, you only try harder to keep it. As noble as it sounds, the opposite is happening. The harder you try to keep her, the more you screw it up.

 

You cannot be friends with someone you just broke up with. There is no such thing as an easy break up. It is physically and emotionally impossible. Yes it hurts. Yes you are sad. But man the hell up and just deal with it. Stop prolonging the issues.

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