kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 (edited) Ok, this is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269978/ In short my GF is going through G.I.G.S. LTR 3yrs+ About a week ago, we hung out with a mutual friend. We started drinking a bit and she came out and told me she went on a date with some guy during our "break" and didn't make it all the way through with the date because he left the toilet seat up. lol. I know, but short story: When we first met, she told me she hates falling in the toilet to the point where I had to work on putting the seat down or she was done. LOL. Ok, so she said at that point she realized that she was just starting all over with someone else, when she might as well be with me, because I've worked so hard on this toilet seat thing. It was like a realization for her about everything else as well. In the meantime I've been working on my problems that she had issues with during our LC break. Well, after I worked on them, I asked her if we could work this out again. She agreed. A few days later, I found some messages in her Facebook and accused her of still talking to the guy she went on a date with. She got really defensive about it said "That break didn't teach you anything" and broke it off, today. I went up to her job to get my promise ring and she said fine. When I got up there, we looked at each other and kinda smiled. I hugged her, and we talked a bit. I told her I was sorry, and that I feared her going out and finding more dates. She said "there is no where else to run to" and said "we have 3ys, that's a long time". This made me feel good about us, BUT..... We talked some more and she said she didn't like the way I made her un-friend her ex BF on Facebook because a year ago, I caught them having a conversation about how they felt about each other. She said that she was going to be visiting his state at the time and was seeing if it wasn't going to be weird for him, if she stayed where he was at (I guess his house). WTF? She said "but I couldn't tell you that at the time".......Well no ****! I said you can be-friend him if you forgive me and take me back. She said she forgives me, but "not today" as far as taking me back. Later on, she still friended him last night. This is our text convo..... ME: I thought the deal was you can befriend him if you forgave me AND got back with me?! It's cool....just makes me nervous. HER: U tripping again.....smh ME: I just thought that was the agreement. Ill drop it. Are you free for counceling on Fri? ME: Well I guess I am friends with (my ex name here), so it's all good. Are you free Fri evening? ME: Sorry. Ill stop bothering you.--------I decide to NC is best at this point. I talked to a female friend and she seems to know A LOT about what my ex is going through, she advises, I back the hell up. She obviously loves me and I'm being too "needy" and effing it up by trying to get down to the bottom of things. I think there is some unresolved things not talked about (in my defense.) I do feel like she is giving me chance after chance to be cool, but she still remains so distant and it drives me insane. I figure, before anymore damage is done, I should go NC for a few days. Before all of this We're suppose to be hanging out Thurs. My friend advised me to not talk to her until that day and see if she is still going and for me to be DISTANT, even then. She already took off work for it. My friend said that she is trying to find her independence and prove that I don't own her. I've never been controlling though. What gives? I gave that girl SPAAAAAAAACE during those 3yrs. Always trusted her. I will admit, there has been a shift, ever since this "break" and it's made me more insecure and her dating that guy didn't help at all.... My texts LATER.... ME: I'm going to let you establish yourself. I just wana let you know that I trust you enough to let you go and get back to us when you're ready. I have to do this for the both of us. Make sure everyone else puts you first. Best wishes on your journey, girl. ME: If I truely love you, I have to let you blossom. It's going to be hard for me, but it's worth seeing a good hearted girl like you, happy in all areas in life. What you think? What's my next step from here? In a way, I feel like I'm waiting to be replaced..... I don't know what else she wants to see from me. Edited April 5, 2011 by kingofhearts
PegNosePete Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ok, so she said at that point she realized that she was just starting all over with someone else, when she might as well be with me, because I've worked so hard on this toilet seat thing. Dude... W... T.... F..... Sorry I didn't read any more beyond this. She sounds completely mental. She wants to have a relationship with you because she doesn't want to train another guy to put the toilet seat down? What are you a puppy dog? She "might as well" be with you, gee she sounds really enthusiastic. Seriously man just go NC with this crazy girl.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Dude... W... T.... F..... Sorry I didn't read any more beyond this. She sounds completely mental. She wants to have a relationship with you because she doesn't want to train another guy to put the toilet seat down? What are you a puppy dog? She "might as well" be with you, gee she sounds really enthusiastic. Seriously man just go NC with this crazy girl. LMAO........ lol..... na, bro. You got me dying. It's more than just the toilet seat and maybe I worded it not so well, I'm in a rush. ha It's more of the concept of "I'm back in the dating world and now whoever I choose, I'm just going to face a whole nother set of problems" -Sort of a realization that the grass might not be so green. lol.... The toilet seat just sparked it!
PegNosePete Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Well still. It sounds like a very poor reason for a reconciliation. She has absolutely no enthusiasm for you. Whatever happened to I made a huge mistake and I love you and I've realized that you are the best thing in the world and I hope you can forgive me for treating you like a sack of sh*t?? That is the ONLY phrase that she can say that should make you want her back!
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Well still. It sounds like a very poor reason for a reconciliation. She has absolutely no enthusiasm for you. Whatever happened to I made a huge mistake and I love you and I've realized that you are the best thing in the world and I hope you can forgive me for treating you like a sack of sh*t?? That is the ONLY phrase that she can say that should make you want her back! I hear ya, Pete. I kinda felt the same way when we got back together. No tears or nothing. I think part of that comes from her not feeling the FULL wrath of NC....
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I just checked Facebook...... Mistake. She's alway's posting really positive stuff about the day. Makes me feel like I continue suffering in limbo while she's living her life. AND she posted 10mins after me..... Seems like she's not worried at ALL about us. I really feel like just moving on from this. I will continue NC throughout the day, tho. and tomorrow as well. No more FB post's for me. I need to just disappear. Any other thoughts on this situation? I'd appreciate it.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 My suggestion, is going to be extreme, but it does work... Block her from your facebook, I know this is tough but it beats seeing things you didn't wish to see.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 My suggestion, is going to be extreme, but it does work... Block her from your facebook, I know this is tough but it beats seeing things you didn't wish to see. her updates do bother me, but it just makes me not care more and more and continue NC. After all, I dont even know if she's seeing them and just ignoring them. She's been good at ignoring my text a LOT lately. Do you still suggest it, my little FUFU pie?
SingVoice Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 kingofhearts- why are YOU the only one working on yourself? In EVERY relationship there are 2 sides...2 sets of problems...2 people who need to work on things. NOT JUST YOU. If she really wants to be with you...she has to be willing to make some changes too. It sounds like she is just trying to back you into a corner. She KNOWS you want her back...so now she is trying to put herself in a position where she can do WHATEVER she wants and you just have to take it. Don't take it. It's NOT ok for her to all of the sudden befriend her ex-boyfriend or talk to her exes or whatever if YOU aren't comfortable with it. Move on dude. Seriously. Or at least go NC. I think it will drive her CRAZY to know that you aren't hanging around waiting for her anymore.
Fufu Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I will still suggest blocking her in your facebook, because I see no purpose in being upset by looking at ex's profile and hope they will mention about us. All the time, they will say something or do something that makes us feel more upset. Before I blocked my ex-bf on my facebook, he was chatting in facebook with female friends and with pictures of him tagged going out with friends happily. I don't want to be affected by him anymore, therefore I did the extreme and cut him off from my life.
fetish Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 k.o.h. i hate to break it to you, but your girl is gaming. She's manipulating the whole situation to where you do all the work to get her back without her having to own up to ****t! Singvoice is right. She wants to do whatever she wants and as long as you keep second guessing yourself like this, she's going to continue to think she has power over you. Go NC and make her do the work to get you back. If she doesn't, then you have your answer to move on bro!
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 kingofhearts- why are YOU the only one working on yourself? In EVERY relationship there are 2 sides...2 sets of problems...2 people who need to work on things. NOT JUST YOU. If she really wants to be with you...she has to be willing to make some changes too. It sounds like she is just trying to back you into a corner. She KNOWS you want her back...so now she is trying to put herself in a position where she can do WHATEVER she wants and you just have to take it. Don't take it. It's NOT ok for her to all of the sudden befriend her ex-boyfriend or talk to her exes or whatever if YOU aren't comfortable with it. Move on dude. Seriously. Or at least go NC. I think it will drive her CRAZY to know that you aren't hanging around waiting for her anymore. I was feeling the same way, SingVoice. It just seems like a bunch of games and I'm getting to the point where I just wanna date other people and try to find better. You're right tho. In so many words, she has said that she won't find nobody better and she wants me to give us time... I'll stay NC it seems like the only thing that's been helping.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 I'm still stuck at "toilet seat". LOL. Geegirl, did you read my reply to pegnosedpete? It was more than just the toilet seat. Some of you girls get really creeped out by things. I know a girl who doesn't like you to touch her feet AT ALL. Imagine doing that to her on the first date..... LOL. You may be done.
Strength of Heart Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 If she really has G.I.G.S. then that means she should be truly confused and didn't really know why she ended the relationship, you should take it like any other break up and get started with NC as soon as possible and don't break it.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 If she really has G.I.G.S. then that means she should be truly confused and didn't really know why she ended the relationship, you should take it like any other break up and get started with NC as soon as possible and don't break it. I agree, man. Well, she has said from her own mouth that she thought she was just SETTLING. I'm like WTF? I treat you like a QUEEN and you're SETTLING?.....smh. She is at the conclusion now, that she recognizes this, but still wants to put the pause button on us. She is furthering her ignoring me because she thinks my jealousy is stopping her from being the peacemaker that she is. I think it's time for me to just back off. I think I'm still around until I'm replaced...... or it could just be my insecurity... I don't know anymore. NC is the only thing I know at this point.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Before all of this recent drama we were suppose to be meeting up, Thursday on a date. What do I do about this Thursday? She took off work for it and everything. What to do?
Author kingofhearts Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 anybody? what to do about Thursday?
PegNosePete Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 Cancel on her. Just say you don't want to see her any more and you don't want to speak to her again. Then NC.
Author kingofhearts Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 Cancel on her. Just say you don't want to see her any more and you don't want to speak to her again. Then NC. I thought about just canceling, but Isn't this too extreme though, Pete? I want to at least leave off on a good foot..... Should I talk to her and tell her I can't talk to her anymore to heal and that I have to block her on FB too? Just to soften the blow?
Thatguyintx Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I thought about just canceling, but Isn't this too extreme though, Pete? I want to at least leave off on a good foot..... Should I talk to her and tell her I can't talk to her anymore to heal and that I have to block her on FB too? Just to soften the blow? No need to soften the blow. You need to get more selfish and care about you. Softening the blow sounds more like keeping hope alive. Going NC isn't extreme.
PegNosePete Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 ^ ^ Yep what that guy said. Just say you're not interested in a relationship, delete block and don't contact again.
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