moonlight4 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I'v been a lurker here for a few weeks trying to find not only answers, but also I was looking for a place where others have experienced the same sitch as me. Wow, was I ever grateful that I accidently came accross this sight, really helped through a lot of pain in the last while. So today brought up some intense feelings, today was the day where my MM was to move in with me. My story is no different from others on this forum, I met a MM back in Dec of this year, he was doing some renovations for us in our basement. We were attracted to each other, and yes I was in a relationship as well (24 years, met when I was 18, had 3 children). He pursued me like I have never seen before, saying things he knew would make me feel desirable and sexy, and most importantly he preyed on my vulnurabilites as I had mentioned in passing something about my partner. So we entered into a pretty intense "whatever it was". I asked my partner to leave shortly, as we were having problems for about a year, I guess it seemed like an exit affair at the time. MM made promises to leave, hense why I have posted today, April fools day, yep, I was a big fool for believing all the lies, as I realize now it was all text book. So it's been about 2 months since we saw each other, and although I initially want N/C, we then went to L/C via email occasionally, on friendly terms since we did not have a bad ending, although I still have residual anger. My partner and I decided to work things out, and although he still has an apt. he spends most of his time here. He is aware of everything that happened by finding emails I had sent to the MM, quite intense emails that make me sick that I felt that way while in the fog. He is willing to forgive, and I have told him everything about the affair, every detail, including sexual. It's difficult for him, and we have both entered I/C, the will enter M/C. So this is basically my story, I love my partner, and am trying to understand what happened to me in such a short time as the affair was only a couple of months, I was basically crazy for this guy, and thought it was love, but was it really? or just an addiction? The real question that worries me is that I hope I haven't taken my long time partner back because MM rejected me so many times, and that I just don't want to be alone. The other question I have is when will the memory of MM just vanish from my brain, I don't want the memories, I totally regret what I've done, and as far as I can see there is no lesson in this but pain.
Owl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 There are lessons to be found in this. Boundaries...learning to set limits on your interactions with other people, especially with those that you may be attracted to. The need to safeguard and protect your committed relationship. That your partner is capable of things you'd have never imagined (such as forgiving you and being willing to work through things after what's happened). Right now, the pain overshadows the lessons. Hopefully IC and MC will help you see the lessons in time.
Baroness67 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Thank you for sharing your story. I hope things work out for you the way you want them to.
Spark1111 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Start reading and researching about affairs, what causes them, why some slip down the slope and others do not. Stay NC and begin to devote time and attention to your marriage. You have a second chance here with your spouse. Do not blow it! IC and MC will help. Good luck to you and your husband. It is hard work.
TurboGirl Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Moonlight your post resonated with me, I am about 2 months out of a 2.5 year A, and am still in pain. Not the paralyzing pain of the first 2 weeks... but now a wistful ache in my heart. Stepping away from it for the time that I have, NC (basically we had an exchange of texts... and I was flip with him, and he texted me that we needed a break). He was always used to getting everything his way, and finally I had questioned it, and he didn't like that... so I am tossed out like yesterday's trash. I am 50... married for quite a while, and I think I enjoyed the thrill and the excitement... very intoxicating, and I think the entire A, being in stealth mode, was addiction. (for me, anyway) We met in hotels like the Four Seasons! Such a treat for me! And the few times we did have dinner, it was always just so glamorous at exclusive restaurants in my city. But I am feeling anything but glamorous now, very sad inside... and even more sad, that I had given a piece of my heart to this callous selfish MM. I think it is such a stroke to our ego that another man finds us appealing after being with one person for so long. For me, I know that I was easy pickins. My hubby travels for his job and when he is here does not spend much time with me. (I am working hard on that, and the last month I have forced him to go to the movies, dinner, etc., and believe it or not, our relationship is starting to show signs of improvment, that there is still passion & love left) I know you didn't part on bad terms, but I would suggest going NC. You need to put distance between you and the entire MM and the A... and NC, while painful has really helped me. I hope that you continue to work on yourself with I/C and also M/C with your hubby. I think it will help.
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