DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 If he doesn't like you? My guy friend has paid for me 3 times now while asking me to do stuff. Granted, very cheap, inexpensive things, but still... The first time was coffee...second time was a drink from a gas station when he was inviting me to come over to his house and drink with him in his bed, alone with him, without his mom knowing I was there because it was late...Third time was when he invited me to meet him at a bar after school one day because he didn't want to go "alone"... Plus...he does little stuff for me, like holds open my doors, always lets me go first, sits by me in class even when his friend asked him to sit with him one day and brings stuff to me in class (music stand, it's a music class). Asks me to borrow my stand frequently because he "forgets" his book sometimes, so we have to share a stand... Then he's done stuff, like politely ask me to get him a music stand and he's even asked me to buy him breakfast and I don't mind at all, except for one thing...what's in it for me? lol I'm kinda thinkin' like a guy along these lines, if I'm gonna buy him something, I want at the very least a hug!! I've never even hugged this guy because I'm too shy to make the first move. He's touched my hand numerous times, though... I like him and he's told me he doesn't like me like that and I wouldn't mind him doing things for me like that and I wouldn't mind doing them in return, but only if we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I really care about this guy and want to be more than just friends with him. He sends mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Up until this point he's told me he doesn't like me like thatIt seemed like he was into you. Looks like you found a weird one If he actually turned around and told you he liked you, would you still be interested? Link to post Share on other sites
interfuse Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Up until this point It seemed like he was into you. Looks like you found a weird one If he actually turned around and told you he liked you, would you still be interested? Of course she would! She still likes him. Sorry DreamerGirl27 for answering for you, but I already know the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have a this girl in one of my classes at university whom I feel very comfortable being with but I cant see her more than a best friend no matter how hard I try. I can see that she likes me and its dilemma for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Up until this point It seemed like he was into you. Looks like you found a weird one If he actually turned around and told you he liked you, would you still be interested? No shizzle on the weird part??? I'm totally thrown for a loop here. and yes, I would. I'm like, in love. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have a this girl in one of my classes at university whom I feel very comfortable being with but I cant see her more than a best friend no matter how hard I try. I can see that she likes me and its dilemma for me. I dunno what to think here, I have men and women both telling me guys and girls can't just be friends, I have men and women both telling me guys only view girls as sex objects and all men just want to bang a girl they're hanging around and then I have my own view of, I like to have a lot of male friends, but I'm only attracted to very few and I only like 1 guy right now. I'm so confused!! Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I dunno what to think here, I have men and women both telling me guys and girls can't just be friends, I have men and women both telling me guys only view girls as sex objects and all men just want to bang a girl they're hanging around and then I have my own view of, I like to have a lot of male friends, but I'm only attracted to very few and I only like 1 guy right now. I'm so confused!! Guys who say that are guys who never got to know many females. Although its true that guys wont proactively seek to befriend females they find unattractive, but sometimes you just meet someone and you find that person is so comfortable to be around due to similar background or sense of humor although you know that you dont want to have anything more than friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 (edited) I dont know... I have male friends who when we go for lunch will pay for me, or buy me a drink if we happen to end up at the same place. Theres nothing going on between us, and I set the boundaries pretty well "youre such a great friend!!" lol and also Im always insisting to pay my share or get them a round of drinks too and they always decline. They know we are just friends and thats it, but they are gentlemanly towards me and treat me to little things just because. Even my ex who doesnt want a relationship and has no plans to even attempt one, still wants to buy my drinks and pay in full for our lunches. Last time, I even told him flat out, he really doesnt have to do that..that Id like to pay sometimes too, and he said he still likes being able to take care of me even if its in little ways. Kinda confusing, but at the same time...I get the feeling that some guys are just that way...even with female friends. And I do believe men and women can be just friends...yeah Im sure that with many of my guy friends if I said I wanted more than that theyd jump on it, they are just as happy just being friends. Theres no ulterior motive for our times together...after so many years, if that was all they were after, they would have given up by now. Anyway, if he has said flat out he doesnt like you like that...the best thing you can do for yourself is to take him at his word and not read into the things he does for and with you... All of that could and probably is just what is in his mind treating you well, and because he was honest with you about how he felt about you, it doesnt register to him that you may be reading into your moments together. Take him at his word that he wants to be just friends unless/until he starts getting actually romantic with you... Edited April 1, 2011 by ReturnToSender Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 I dont know... I have male friends who when we go for lunch will pay for me, or buy me a drink if we happen to end up at the same place. Theres nothing going on between us, and I set the boundaries pretty well "youre such a great friend!!" lol and also Im always insisting to pay my share or get them a round of drinks too and they always decline. They know we are just friends and thats it, but they are gentlemanly towards me and treat me to little things just because. Even my ex who doesnt want a relationship and has no plans to even attempt one, still wants to buy my drinks and pay in full for our lunches. Last time, I even told him flat out, he really doesnt have to do that..that Id like to pay sometimes too, and he said he still likes being able to take care of me even if its in little ways. Kinda confusing, but at the same time...I get the feeling that some guys are just that way...even with female friends. And I do believe men and women can be just friends...yeah Im sure that with many of my guy friends if I said I wanted more than that theyd jump on it, they are just as happy just being friends. Theres no ulterior motive for our times together...after so many years, if that was all they were after, they would have given up by now. Anyway, if he has said flat out he doesnt like you like that...the best thing you can do for yourself is to take him at his word and not read into the things he does for and with you... All of that could and probably is just what is in his mind treating you well, and because he was honest with you about how he felt about you, it doesnt register to him that you may be reading into your moments together. Take him at his word that he wants to be just friends unless/until he starts getting actually romantic with you... All of that stuff you just said is romantic to me, though. I can just about guarantee you, most of your guy friends would probably jump at the chance to be with you if you would let them. It's more normal for girls to friend zone guys than it is for guys to friend zone girls. That much I know, and I hate it. I would love to just be friends with ALL my guy pals. They won't have it. The only one I actually want...just wants to be my friend and it's annoying as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
ReturnToSender Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 All of that stuff you just said is romantic to me, though. I can just about guarantee you, most of your guy friends would probably jump at the chance to be with you if you would let them. It's more normal for girls to friend zone guys than it is for guys to friend zone girls. That much I know, and I hate it. I would love to just be friends with ALL my guy pals. They won't have it. The only one I actually want...just wants to be my friend and it's annoying as hell. What makes it romantic is the intent... Like I already mentioned..yes I know if I said I wanted more than friendship Im sure my guy friends would jump on it, but I dont want more than friendship, and yet they still do things for me with no romantic intent. After so many years of friendship, they would have given up years ago if thats why they were doing it. Even my FWB did it...esp back when things were hot and heavy, we were definitely strictly FWB, but by all appearances even his friends thought we were dating. But that wasnt our relationship...we had and knew our boundaries...so he was able to comfortably do things for and with me without worry that I was going to one day confess my undying love for him...we just dont see each other in a romantic way period. But that didnt stop him from being a gentleman or wanting to buy me a drink or treat me to dinner or a movie sometimes..he did it as a friend, not with romantic interest. I took it for what it was, and thats why we're still friends...none of that awkward reading between the lines stuff to ruin things between us.... Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I have seen you post about this guy for the past year. Sorry to be blunt but: HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. You are wasting the best years of your life chasing a pipe dream. Your best bet is to cut him off completely and go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Since you're not an item, and he doesn't see you like that you can go find another playmate to have sex and stuff with, whilst being friendly with this guy too, right? Link to post Share on other sites
kalikula Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 It sounds like he's just being a gentleman. That's just a few very small things. I would do that for a friend easily! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Sounds like the stereotypical... nice guy... RUN LIKE YOUR ASS IS ON FIRE!!! Hmm he said he doesn't like you but keeps doing nice things. He might be too nice to reject you like he ought if he's not that into you. If he was into you he would make it clear. Link to post Share on other sites
SummersEve Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Dreamer, I think this is how people get miserably stuck. Listen, when a guy tells you straight out to your face that he is not interested in you romantically, you need to believe him. He is not into you. End of story. Do not fabricate interest anyway, out of a bunch of trivial niceties. I agree with the others that NC and moving on is a good idea. You can't get over him otherwise and you could be meeting guys who have something for you. This is exactly why I would be leery of these male-female "friendships." All too often, it's not that but unrequited love. What is there to hang around for? Good luck to you Dreamer. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 This is exactly why I would be leery of these male-female "friendships." All too often, it's not that but unrequited love. Not in my experience. I'm even friends with women I've been involved with. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I really care about this guy and want to be more than just friends with him. He sends mixed signals. Ugh... a guy paying for you is absolutely meaningless. I bought dinner and drinks for this girl who I had absolutely no interest in at all. I find her crass and too easy... but that doesn't mean I won't be her friend. Look for another sign that he wants you... like he tries to kiss you or something. Link to post Share on other sites
OldSkool Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 Some men are just hard wired to take care of the woman. I'm that way, I don't care if she is my date, my friend, or my sister. It's just the way I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 Not in my experience. I'm even friends with women I've been involved with. ^THIS Is how I prefer things. I hate being hit on. I hate being asked out. I hate dating, period. I want to be friends so I can get to know a guy without there being sexual pressure involved. I'm going completely against the grain of every woman and saying that I would not friend zone a guy if he became my friend first. It'd actually impress me and make me want him. I'm not interested in any other dudes. I have been looking and trying to get attached to other men and it's simply, flat out not workin' out for me. I'm in love with him BECAUSE he's my friend and he can just be my friend. Without jumping my bones. If a guy can stick around me long enough, be a gentlemen (not an ahole) heck yeah I'll fall hard. and It's funny someone said he sounds like a typical nice guy. I'm hella attracted to that. But he calls himself an ahole, but he's not. He doesn't act like it. He acts like this really sweet, adorable, gentlemanly, would never dare do anything macho/chauvenisticy to a girl ever. He's TRYING to be an ahole, but he's just not. Another reason why I'm so smitten. I also hate it when men ignore me and he does the exact opposite of that. He's the only man I've ever talked to this much. He's also the only man that's ever offered to pay for me frequently. Unless it was a date and the guy was interested. Why would you tell me to run from a nice guy? (to the poster who said that) I would tell someone to run from an ahole. The major upside to all of this...he's a HAWT nice guy. LoL he's the nicest guy I've ever known and the prettiest guy I've ever known. He literally is the most attractive man on the planet to me. I tried convincing myself he wasn't all that cute last night... it all went downhill from there when I saw him this morning. Christ, is he gorgeous. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmi...ng_advice.html I found this interesting. It says something men do to avoid the friend zone is friend zone her first. And everything it says is right. It will literally drive us crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
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