Andymack Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 And what was the response? I'm thinking about sending a letter to my ex just putting everything i wanted to say to her in it just telling her I miss her I've changed and that she'll always be a special person to me and some other stuff as well (except word it a lot better than that ) There is a reason behind it and that is that we saw each other on a night out and had a really long chat and after that she said that she still had feelings for me to one of her mates, who told my exes sister who then told me (She was also the one who suggested the letter) I know I'm probably get flamed saying don't send it, go NC etc etc but i was just after some stories of what happened if anybody sent a letter.
Call Me Al Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Consider the outcome before you send it. If she gets it, and either doesn't respond, or responds negatively...how will you feel?
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I will share with you about my previous relationship when i sent a LONG LONG letter to my ex-bf. When I wrote the letter, in my mind, I wanted him to forgive me, I wanted him to see that our quarrels and differences are just misunderstanding and can work it out, I just want him to see what I've been through all this time. So I sent it to him, and he read it. Guess what he did to me? He said, "Oh, I read your letter, I understand where you are coming from, however I just don't see we can be together anymore, I can change my thinking to work things out with you but I cannot change my feelings our relationship is just destined to be failed again." What is your objective of sending that letter to her? 1. She don't reply you You will get all rejected again. 2. She replies you but said this is too late, we are over. You will become more sad and rejected again. 3. Said thanks to sending her the letter and ask you to be her friend instead of gf bf. You will start to get confused by her and start to think that there is a change to be together again. When in fact she just wanted to be your friend and nothing else. You may write a letter, but don't send to it. After writing the letter, read one last time what you wrote and tear it away or burn the piece of paper.
0hpenelope Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 H*ll no. You've been warned by the previous posters, but sometimes, one has to take action in order to learn the lesson. If you send it, let us know how it goes. If you become one of those who receives the outcome you want, I'll be happy for you. I mean it. Good luck!
Ginger Beer Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 You may write a letter, but don't send to it. After writing the letter, read one last time what you wrote and tear it away or burn the piece of paper. Good advice.
Lees Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 If you can handle the eventuality that the response (or lack of) means the relationship has no chance, as well as the very unlikely positive response you seek, then send it. No harm in getting closure and helping you to move on if it's negative.
Eeyore79 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I received a letter from my ex once. It was all about how he still missed me, how he didn't feel able to date someone else, how he's tried to improve his life and would be a better partner now, blah blah blah. I thought a)How pathetic that he's still clinging onto a crappy relationship after this amount of time, and b)How pathetic that he felt the need to bother me when I've ignored him for months and have made it clear I don't want anything to do with him. The letter said we broke up x number of months ago to the day - tbh I don't even remember what month I dumped him, never mind what day. I really didn't care about anything he had to say - I just put the letter in the trash and felt annoyed that he was still trying to cling to me when I just wanted to forget I ever knew him. In summary: I don't think anything good can come of writing a weepy pathetic letter to an ex who obviously doesn't want you.
Author Andymack Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I received a letter from my ex once. It was all about how he still missed me, how he didn't feel able to date someone else, how he's tried to improve his life and would be a better partner now, blah blah blah. I thought a)How pathetic that he's still clinging onto a crappy relationship after this amount of time, and b)How pathetic that he felt the need to bother me when I've ignored him for months and have made it clear I don't want anything to do with him. The letter said we broke up x number of months ago to the day - tbh I don't even remember what month I dumped him, never mind what day. I really didn't care about anything he had to say - I just put the letter in the trash and felt annoyed that he was still trying to cling to me when I just wanted to forget I ever knew him. In summary: I don't think anything good can come of writing a weepy pathetic letter to an ex who obviously doesn't want you. Wow. No sitting on the fence with you is there! I understand that if the relationship was crappy then fair enough, but you obviously didn't care about him anymore but in this case my ex has told someone that she still has feelings for me so I think the situation is different. My ex got a letter from a previous boyfriend who treated her like utter **** and was considering speaking to him and it was probably only cos I was going out with her that she didn't respond so that's why I'm thinking of doing it. Just out of interest what was the reason that you split up?
radiodarcy Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I will share with you about my previous relationship when i sent a LONG LONG letter to my ex-bf. When I wrote the letter, in my mind, I wanted him to forgive me, I wanted him to see that our quarrels and differences are just misunderstanding and can work it out, I just want him to see what I've been through all this time. So I sent it to him, and he read it. Guess what he did to me? He said, "Oh, I read your letter, I understand where you are coming from, however I just don't see we can be together anymore, I can change my thinking to work things out with you but I cannot change my feelings our relationship is just destined to be failed again." What is your objective of sending that letter to her? 1. She don't reply you You will get all rejected again. 2. She replies you but said this is too late, we are over. You will become more sad and rejected again. 3. Said thanks to sending her the letter and ask you to be her friend instead of gf bf. You will start to get confused by her and start to think that there is a change to be together again. When in fact she just wanted to be your friend and nothing else. You may write a letter, but don't send to it. After writing the letter, read one last time what you wrote and tear it away or burn the piece of paper. great advice! i would definitely go this route. as someone who has written not one but several long heartfelt e-mails to an ex, i know the above scenarios Fufu outlined too well. you're better off writing down what you need to say for you and leaving it at that. no one can tell you not to send her the letter. but personally, i would strongly advise against doing so. unless you're doing it purely for closure reasons; and expect very little in the way of a response from her -- you're likely to feel worse.
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks radiodarcy. Andymack: You will have your true closure from yourself, not from her.
betterdeal Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Sent and received. When I received (from an exexex) I felt nothing new. When sent (to ex) I had a phone call back saying how much she wanted to say to me, but I clammed up. I was tired of it all. We met a few times over the next year and each time ended poorly. It was good to clear my head and write it down, but it didn't bring closure - there was always more to write down, more things that bothered me about her and about me. It will take a long time and a lot of change on both our parts to ever be in a position to even consider getting back together. I'm glad to have made a lot of those changes and now, honestly, the letter was all part of the route to making those changes. So send one if you want to. It can be part of your healing process if you want. I've written down much more things and burnt them as symbols of disowning the pain. I also write positive or wise things on post-it notes and leave them around the house.
TryTryAgain Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I write letters to my ex all the time, but I delete them and/or shred them. With my current ex, I have probably written almost a dozen letters, maybe 2-3 pages each and I have not sent one of them. I'm so glad I didn't, and here's why...I saved a few of the letters (emails) and re-read them a few weeks later. I was very surprised at how my feelings had changed on some of what I had written. Moreover, I was embarrassed about how much of a pansy I was coming off as. Definitely not the image I want to portray to my ex. I say write letters to get your feelings out, but don't send them. For me, writing letters is about my healing process. Some of the letters have an angry tone, some are disgustingly sappy, while others come off as cool, calm, and collected. The range of emotions changes so much in the weeks and months following a breakup, so it's hard to capture anything in a letter that is a true representation of the totality of how you are feeling. In my opinion, maybe writing letters without sending them is a good tool to help you understand what you might say to your ex if ever given the chance face-to-face. So many of us long for that second chance, but it has to be them to initiate it. A long heartfelt letter will likely push them further away in most cases. Just my 2 cents.
smudge21 Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 I sent a goodbye email to the ex after I deleted her off Facebook. I knew that I had to explain why otherwise she would probably have kept contacting me. It worked well and we parted in a very nice way with some very nice words from both of us. So in that respects it did work out as planned, but that was a goodbye email - I wasn't asking for her back, or apologising or begging forgiveness or anything like that. If there are things you feel need to be said then I say send the letter, but only do it if it's for the right reasons. If you're expecting a response, then more than likely you'll be hurt even more.
Author Andymack Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 I've done the write letters but don't send them thing a few times and it does help me, but then I think until I do this I won't have done everything I could have and once this has been done then that's it move on as it feels like there is nothing more I can do. As I haven't done this I'll always wonder which I think is stopping me from moving on, so if I get shot down or don't hear anything then I can say "Well I tried"
i made a mess Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 I've done the write letters but don't send them thing a few times and it does help me, but then I think until I do this I won't have done everything I could have and once this has been done then that's it move on as it feels like there is nothing more I can do. As I haven't done this I'll always wonder which I think is stopping me from moving on, so if I get shot down or don't hear anything then I can say "Well I tried" Honestly, I'm a huge believer in taking risks. I'd always rather regret doing something than regret not having done it. I wrote a letter to my ex shortly after the split and an email when I found him on a dating website. I never received a response to either communication, however I felt a lot better knowing that I had put my feelings out there and he at least knew how I felt, whether he decided to come back or move on. I did it...it didn't kill me, I didn't die of a broken heart, and to this very moment almost 6 mos later, I have no regrets for sending them. I say, if you feel you need to make sure your feelings are known and it's going to give you piece of mind...then take a chance. You're already broken up...nothing left to lose right?
justletgox51 Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 LS users, what about if you still have something that they own personally but never returned because you want to hold onto the memories when you basically threw away the gifts? It's because I still have 2 baby pictures of him, and we broke up 4 months ago and currenty about 3 months of NC. Anyway, I think I have moved on cos I'm not bothered whenever I see him walking aroubd the hallways unlike the first 2 months in which I'd try to get away. Anyway, I was planning to write him a thank you letter for breaking up with me since it taught me a lesson on how to let go and have a sense on who I don't want to spend the rest of my life with. In addition, about 2 months ago; after Christmas break one of his friends gave me back my personal belonging that my ex told him to give to me. I gave him some personal belongings as memories during our on & off relationship, and that is why I didn't want to return his personal stuff cos it hurt me. Anyway, I'm planning to write a letter of closure since most of my feelings are gone and I don't really want to give it to him personally but by a letter with the baby pictures inserted in an envelope since whenever I tried to talk him 3 months ago; he'd always have the excuse of "it's too early to be friends or to talk." I just went onto this thread since many of you are experts at what not to do. Thank you! & as for the poster; I believe that if you still have feelings for her-- you shouldn't write a letter if you are not over her yet. It will leave you desperate, trust me. Also, if she really has true feelings for you still-- she would tell you personally and not someone else to tell you. Just my 2
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