Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 (edited) I'm glad to be back, I didn't go through any broken rs. I'm still Single and I'm Happy . I joined this forum after my ex-bf broke up with me when we were in our 8th month of Long Distance Relationship. All in total, we were together for near 3 years. He chose to broke up with me in October 2010 and since then for the next 3 months, I went through roller coaster moods as many of us had felt and there are times I broke No Contact and I had to go through the pain again and again. I also did not so smart action of emailing him every day to encourage him that this relationship is worth everything to rebuild. (I know most of us feel this way ). He replied 1 or 2 of my emails and said he was touched by my sincerity and persistent in encouraging him but he can't stop feeling that this relationship is destined to fail again. He even said he can change his thinking but he can't change how he feel. It took me days and weeks to figure out that I am being very very very unfair to myself. 1. The Post-Break up Emotions After your ex bf/gf broke up with you, you will go through a series of disbelieving. You will even tell yourself, is he/she just saying this in a fit of anger or this is just another fight that we will get over? It will usually take you another few days or weeks to come to think of this, Oh Sh*T, he/she is not responding to my e-mails, calls, messages at all, (whatever electronic messages you can think of.) 2. The Blaming Ownself Period When you come to realise your ex bf/gf is dead serious about what they said to you, you start to blame yourself for not knowing and understanding their emotion well-being that leads to this break up. You start to blame yourself why didn't you treat him/her better, why do you have to nag at him/her, why do you have to quarrel with him/her. Basically, you blame everything on yourself of his/her decision to end this relationship. 3. The Misery and Confusion Moment You begin to dislike your ex bf/gf, or you also start to hate them for not giving you a chance and not listening to you. You start to wonder why they chose the easiest out for themselves and leaving you in lurch bearing all the burdens. You also start to question yourself do you want him or her back, and sometimes you start to think you really want him and her back because you love him/her very much. So, everyday is full of mixed confusing signals in your brain. 4. The Fantasy Period You start to day dream that he/she will contact you and say, " I want you back" You start to dream of him/her every night of how both of you will get together again and do all those past lovey dovey moments together. And every time you think of him and her, you have a strong urge and sensation to text him/her to tell them how you feel, how upset you are, how angry you are, how much you miss them, how deep you love them, and how you are willing to move mountains to be with them again. I've come across of threads that people find it very hard and tough to go into No Contact mood. There are times when people are in the midst of No Contact or about to start No Contact, they question themselves if their ex bf/gf will get further and further away from them? Will it be doing more damage than good? Will I be truly recover by going No Contact? Will I get them back ultimately? The thing about No Contact is not for them, not for your ex bf/gf, it is mainly and solely for YOURSELF. I won't be saying the pros of NC in this thread as gator12 has a wonderful thread on No Contact, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265350/. So here's how you can get into the No Contact Mood. 1. Stop thinking about your Ex bf/gf They are the ones who choose to leave you and you did not make them to leave you. After they broke up with you, seriously, whatever they are doing, feeling, thinking have nothing to do with you anymore. Because if they do care about what you are doing, feeling and thinking, they wouldn't break up with you for REAL in the first place. 2. Stop saying or thinking I love you very much and/or I will do anything for you to get you back The love from you to him and her will not convince and move them. If they truly understand and feel your love to them, again, they wouldn't choose the break up path. Loving someone deeply who does not reciprocate your sincerest feelings is not worth to be loved by you. 3. Stop putting yourself in the PAST, look at the PRESENT and FUTURE Again, if your ex bf/gf has truly cherished and treasured what both of you had, he/she will not choose to forgo the past and leave you. While you will be thinking of how happy both of you were in the past, how many sweet moments you had together with him/her, how lovey dovey both of you were, those are the PAST. It is important and essential for your well-being to look into the PRESENT situation. Don't let the nostalgia moments with your ex bf/gf drowned you and hinder your recovering process. 4. Your Ex bf and Ex gf had already been thinking about leaving you over and over again before dropping you the Break Up Bomb. It always puzzles you why will your bf/gf be able to withstand the pain of breaking up with you and it seems to you that you are the one that is feeling depressed and anger by their hurtful decision. The ugly truth is, before they decide to drop the bomb on you, they have think through about this over and over again before being able to drop the bomb on you. What can you make up of from their decision? They do not value you as much as you do for them. When a relationship meets obstacles and problems, instead of working things out with you, in their mind, they are thinking of how to end this relationship. Honestly speaking, do you truly want to be with this person who doesn't want to go through obstacles in life with you? When a relationship meets a problem, they just runaway. What makes you think they will be able to stick through any hardships with you? 5. No Contact is all about YOU and YOU YOURSELF ONLY. Do not treat NC as a method or a game to get back with you ex bf/gf, by thinking this way, you will never be healed completely. If they can choose to be selfish to ditch you, you can too. A true relationship is when both parties not only love each other truly, they are also willing to do whatever it takes to rectify any problems, differences and walk through any obstacles and hardships with you. They will not leave you in a lurch and choose to escape. Relationship is not just about feelings, it is also about logically thinking. Do not neglect your well being for someone who doesn't think the same way as you do and doesn't think about your well being. If they can choose to let go of you, you can choose to be HAPPIER without them. Happiness is always right here with you, don't let it vanish because of people who doesn't value happiness as much as you do. Edited March 29, 2011 by Fufu
petal11 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 thanks Fufu, this is a wonderful post and just what i needed to hear tonight..hugs
Author Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 petal11: Hugs sweetie, you will be fine, we are all here for you
kingofhearts Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 I just need to stick to this NC and I'll be ok. I realized yesterday after talking to her, that this was really going nowhere and I have to stay out of that friend zone for my own personal feelings. I'm noticing the constant circle of hurting all over again. I'm getting tired of it. It's just hard.
Author Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 pianoman30: Thanks Your nick reminds me the time when I played piano....... kingofhearts: It takes time to realise you have to get over from the past, you can Because every seconds pass, we are stepping into the future.
Author Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 2 quotes for anyone who is in the midst of recovering or just gotten forsaken by their love. I learnt one of this quote from another forum. You want to be actively chosen, and not settled for. And. You will want to be heartbroken than to have your life taken away from your beloved. (I watched many episodes of 48 hours mystery and being alive and well is something I am truly being blessed of. As long you are alive and being well to yourself, happiness is right here with you.)
TryingtoUnderstand32 Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 This is a beautiful post and I'm actually in the process right now of thinking I could have been different or "better" and he wouldn't have walked away.
Author Fufu Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 TryingtoUnderstand32: I used to think a lot of how I should be better, however they are not giving us any chances to be a better person. Therefore, we be a better person for ourselves and not for them. 1
Author Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 I hope everyone is keeping up with their NC, don't let breadcrumbs to tempt you over if you are in the midst of NC. Because, you will much prefer to enjoy a full bread than to eat breadcrumbs for your breakfast.
IfiKnewThen Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 hi i like the way you laid out the phases one goes through after a break up. its all part of the healing process. the trick is not to get stuck in one phase. and to be kind to yourself always (but especially during this time). it helps to be kind to others too. good job in describing this process fufu
kingofhearts Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Damn...... now everytime I come to this forum, I gotta see Fufu's pretty babydoll face and fall in love all over again..... This isn't fair. Smh....
Author Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 IfiKnewThen: Thank you very much Do pardon my spelling errors and grammer mistakes. kingofhearts: Wahaha, show me the action man... Thanks for the compliment. Today's quote for the heartbroken: You deserve to be happy through yourself, and not from anyone else.
kingofhearts Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 kingofhearts: Wahaha, show me the action man... Thanks for the compliment. . Fufu, I got to get over this heartbreak, girl..... I'm trying to see what you on, if my Ex keep playing these games. LOL. P.S. I'm a nice guy too .......... Your new profile pic...........
Author Fufu Posted March 30, 2011 Author Posted March 30, 2011 kingofhearts: I can tell most or all of us are really devoted to our ex gf and/or ex bf. ^_^ Whether there's reconciliation or seeing light at the tunnel being single or get into a new relationship, I sincerely wish great happiness to everyone here in this forum.
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