EmotionalWreckk Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Ok internet messed up. Time to type all this again... I was really hesitant to signup here at first but I really need the extra support. So the story is that my gf and I were together for just over a year. We got along great all of the time. We never had any huge fights or anything bigger than a little spat here and there which we resolved fairly quickly. After about 6 months or so into everything I practically started living at her house. I was there just about every day. Well about 2 weeks ago she told me that she wasn't feeling the spark anymore. We decided that it would be best for me to move back into my own house to see if that would help. Well after a week she came over and told me the bad news. She said I was the greatest guy ever and that I didn't deserve to be with someone who doesn't share the same feelings in return. I have been thinking a lot lately and have came to a few conclusions as to why she had lost her feelings for me. 1. I became a door-mat and 2. I was smothering her. She always told me to stick up for myself with her as well as to stop being so clingy. Well I pretty much ignored everything because I was just so love blind that I thought everything would just smooth itself over. So I decided that I want to tell her my thoughts on this and have asked her to talk in person about it. She was very hesitant saying she was busy and that she didn't think it was such a good idea. I asked her why and she said she didn't think I would be ready to talk yet. I told her I am and she agreed to meet sometime soon (hopefully tomorrow). I really love this girl and would go to the moon and back for her. I feel that if we stick things through that we can make it over the hump and her feelings will come back even stronger. I was thinking that maybe the honey moon stage ended for her and that we just need to keep on going with it. Thoughts?
Jimmm Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Turn it around fast. If you think the "honey moon" phase is over and that may be what she's missing, bring it back. Make it happen if you really care for her. Go the extra mile and put all your effort into her. Truly special girls are worth it, it just takes us guys losing them before we realize it.
hunk Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 Sounds like GIGS to me. She's probably gradually lost respect for you after all this smothering and clinginess, and to be honest she probably doesn't see you in that 'way' anymore. I don't want to come off harsh, but she most probably sees you as spineless and there's not much that will turn a woman off more than their boyfriend being a doormat. I'm not sure there's much you'll be able to do at this point, talking to her won't do much, she'll probably respond with stuff like "i just want to be alone right now". I doubt she'll straight up say "i've lost feelings for you because you're too clingy and smothering and i want to see what else is out there". However, i might be wrong, and perhaps if you talk to her you'll be able to show her you understand where she's coming from and that you will give her the space and independence she needs. Just back off now i say and give her space to breathe and figure her **** out. I'm in the same position, except mine left due to me acting opposite - not treating her enough like a girlfriend. Either way, it's GIGS. I'm fairly certain women don't go backwards in terms of feelings, but if you had a good connection besides this then maybe she just needs time. Respect her space and do not contact her. As tempting as it is nothing you say will change her mind and will most probably drive her away further. There's honestly really nothing you can do to help the situation, only mistakes that'll speed up her decision to end it. She'll be expecting you to contact her and smother her, so you must do the opposite throughout this entire process. It hurts, i know. It's like nothing else. But just stick it out and show her a side of you she hasn't seen. Stick up for yourself man.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 (edited) thx for the replies guys. Especially to you hunk that was a great response and I have read your entire thread as well. I think I'm gonna talk to her as I said I was going to just to know that I know what I was doing wrong and then go NC and let it sink in. P.S. I just had to look up what GIGS is. Does it mean that she thinks there is a better person out there or just that she thinks being single will be better? Edited March 28, 2011 by EmotionalWreckk
hunk Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 No worries mate. It's a bit of both really. I doubt she's actively thinking "there's definitely something better out there", more along the lines of "I want to SEE what else is out there". Of course, i don't know your girlfriend so i can't vouch for her personality, maybe she is genuinely telling you the truth that she's gone off you, not for any external reasons but just your behaviour and in that case you need to explain to her you understand where she's coming from and that you never wanted to come off so needy. More importantly, if she doesn't break it off, you need to SHOW you her you mean this. If it is GIGS, then she'll overlook most if not all positives in your relationship and focus on the negatives to make it easier for her to break things off, even if you seemingly had no problems. She won't listen to anything you have to say because she's already made up her mind. There's also the possibility of another man, although i'm going to put my money on her just simply going off you. In this case i think she's just not seeing you in that protective, manly, independent light anymore and rather sees you as a needy, clingy and definitely not independent. You've made her your life instead of making her a part of your life, and she's completely aware of it and hates it.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 So yesterday she said she would let me know when shes not busy so we can talk but she didnt contact me all day today. Hopefully tomorrow she does. If not tomorrow then I'll just tell her we need to make a time. Maybe she was just busy all day but who knows. Being "busy" is an easy out I think. Especially when I only want to talk for like half an hour or whatever.
hunk Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 Don't pressure her about meeting whatsoever. You've made it clear your intentions to meet her. Leave it at that, it's up to her now to sort out a time. If she doesn't get back to you, leave it, it's done. She either can't face you at the moment or is completely over it. If she makes no further attempt to contact you, you have to leave it and forget about her for the time being.
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 So last night was a major set back. My friend invited me to go to the bar with a few people so I decided to go. Well one of my gf's roommates asked my friend if I was going with plus another roommate texted me saying "where are you going tonight". As if she already knew I was going somewhere. I ended up putting in my fb status where I was going and low and behold my ex and one of her roommates show up. As soon as my ex saw me she took off into the crowd. Then after the bar I went to get some food and she was right in front of the door to the place so I had to walk right past her as she gave me the cold shoulder and didn't say anything to me. So P***ed off right now...
Layzie89 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Don't feel down about this man. Laugh it off. Don't you think it's funny she's going out of her way just to get your attention? Without a doubt her roommates were asking where you'd be at tonight on her behalf...sounds like she's trying to provoke some kind of response from you. Don't give it to her. Again, be happy man. Surely you're in control.
2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I know it is really confusing what is happening right now but you need to get that clingy wussyness out of your system and man up she practically told you what put her off so act on it. She hasn't came right out and said we are broken up and is maybe letting you down gently IDK or she could just have genuinely mixed feelings for you at the moment. In any case I would stay the hell away from her because she will only hurt you more and make absolutely no sense plus the way you are feeling right now will only validate her feelings about having 2nd thoughts about you. Do not contact her and leave it for as long as it takes, if she eventually gets back to you in a week, two weeks or whatever just act as if it does not bother you and let her decide when to meet - if ever - and talk. Keep your cards close to your chest and do not give her any power to disrespect you or hold you to anything as she will cling to it for a long time. 2011
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not gonna give in. And just to clarify she did break up with me.
Andymack Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 So last night was a major set back. My friend invited me to go to the bar with a few people so I decided to go. Well one of my gf's roommates asked my friend if I was going with plus another roommate texted me saying "where are you going tonight". As if she already knew I was going somewhere. I ended up putting in my fb status where I was going and low and behold my ex and one of her roommates show up. As soon as my ex saw me she took off into the crowd. Then after the bar I went to get some food and she was right in front of the door to the place so I had to walk right past her as she gave me the cold shoulder and didn't say anything to me. So P***ed off right now... Seems pretty childish tbh, just getting in the way so she can blank you. She's obviously still got feelings for you but just trying to show that she hasn't. If she was there cos she knew you were gonna be there it seems a bit weird. The best thing to do is give her space if she's blanking you. I definitely wouldn't push for a meet just yet. Just try and keep busy and take your mind off things. She may mellow in time and be more receptive after some time apart
Author EmotionalWreckk Posted April 6, 2011 Author Posted April 6, 2011 So I've been NC for 10 days and I'm finally starting to feel better. The best thing I have done was delete my own facebook. It not only made me want to check her profile all the time but it ate up my productive time as well. Thanks for the great support guys. I also want to add that I have also gone NC with her roomates even though they are my friends as well. Oh well though. One of them is very annoying and the rest are moving away soon. Which reminds me... my ex will be moving away for good sometime in May. If she does not contact me by then I'm not sure if I will ask her for lunch or something. I guess it really depends on how I'm feeling by then. Honestly though, I think I am ready to start having some fun in life again, and I am not going to let this one girl pull me down! Thank God for this awesome forum!
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