Was saying goodbye the best thing to do before going NC again?

[joshextreme]

So my ex and I have had a really rocky break up. We broke up 2 months ago. We had been talking on and off too. Before I said goodbye we were going NC for about 12 days So on Thursday I decided to break NC and just end everything. I let her know how I was feeling and why I need her just out of my life. We kept sending messages back and forth and I was feeling really guilty for doing this to her. I was even telling her that I'm sorry for doing this and that I do feel guilty. But she knew where I was coming from and knew that the only way I was gonna get over her is if I did this.

 

So we haven't talked since Thursday and I feel like sending this goodbye was such a stupid idea and I have no clue why.

Edited March 26, 2011 by joshextreme

[Sake]

whats done is done.

1. you can break NC again and apologize for saying something stupid

2. or you can continue NC because while you think it was stupid, what's going on in her mind is completely different. She's not going to think it was a stupid move, more like something down the line of "I can't believe its over"

[DollyGirl12]

Don't worry so much about feeling stupid, what's done is done. Now you have to go full NC and try to let go. Easier said than done, but every time you end up trying to make contact again you will end up with the very same feeling, and most likely push her farther away. Letting go is for your own sanity.

[joshextreme]

Don't worry so much about feeling stupid, what's done is done. Now you have to go full NC and try to let go. Easier said than done, but every time you end up trying to make contact again you will end up with the very same feeling, and most likely push her farther away. Letting go is for your own sanity.

 

Well my goodbye wasn't like me confessing my love to her. She knew how I was feeling. This goodbye I believe left us on good terms. Before I sent the goodbye there was stuff going on that she was doing and that I was doing that lead me to wanting to send the goodbye. With time I'll probably feel better. Alls I know is that she was really sad after I sent it. I got this from what she told me and what her friends were telling me.

[MissMoni]

whats done is done.

1. you can break NC again and apologize for saying something stupid

2. or you can continue NC because while you think it was stupid, what's going on in her mind is completely different. She's not going to think it was a stupid move, more like something down the line of "I can't believe its over"

 

I agree with sake. If you break NC to apologize, you're just going to KEEP breaking it because there will always be something else you "forgot to say". Don't do it, it will get worse.

[joshextreme]

These are the exact messages that my ex and I transferred on FB..

 

ME: "This past year and few months have had its high moments and its lows. There are some memories I'll cherish forever and some memories that I wish I could just forget. We've had a hell of a ride and I'll never regret being with you. But it has to come to an end. We've put each other through hell these last fews months and it needs to end.

 

As I was saying, we need to end this. I want to move on and be done. I once thought that there was a chance for me but I know now I was so wrong. You say now that we're not meant to be but it takes two to agree with that. I have yet to.

 

I don't want to be mean anymore, I just want to move on. So please don't text me or even message me back because I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle the let downs anymore. Sick of crying myself to sleep regretting my decision. As I said I don't mean to be mean, I just want to move on.

 

There will always be a spot in my heart for you.

 

Also, I will always love you and you will always be my first love.

 

Also.. If you ever want to talk about us don't be afraid to message me or text. But under that circumstance only should we talk. I don't plan to be let down anymore. I'm really sorry. Goodbye :/."

 

 

HER: "'ll always love you too. and im here if you wanna talk. im gonna miss you so much. im really sorry too. goodbye josh :/"

 

 

ME: " wish I could say I'd always be here for you but thats a commitment that I'm not willing to make. This sucks so much. I'm sorry I'm doing this to you but I gotta think about myself now. I love you. This is my last goodbye. Goodbye.."

 

HER: "im sorry you cant make that commitment to me too, goodbye.."

 

ME: "I guess I can't let that be the last goodbye. I feel so guilty for this. You deserve so much better than me. I'm truly sorry I'm doing this to you. I don't mean to hurt you at all it's just I really need to focus on myself and have self respect. Don't think this means I don't care about you.. You know I would've done anything for you. I wish you the best. I really do. I'll see you around."

 

HER: "i know josh, dont feel guilty okay? this isn't your fault. i need to focus on myself too. because im a mess and have no clue who i am anymore or what i want in life. im sorry i made ur life miserable these past few months. im sorry for how this has to be. it hurts so bad that its came down to this. but you have an amazing future ahead of you and i hope some day ull let me in. i wish you the best too, see you around, goodbye."

 

and thats it all.

Edited March 26, 2011 by joshextreme

[K.K.]

I've been following your story joshextreme and you seem to be a good hearted guy with a lot of class.

 

She's been playing with head for awhile now.

 

If you would've just stopped at the part about this is your last goodbye and left it, man.. that would've been great right there. But telling her you feeling guilty about and all and then HER ending up actually saying the last goodbye kind of defeated the purpose.

 

I think she thinks that she can get you back at any moment's notice. If she would've wanted it, she would've said OH NO JOSH please don't just stop talking to me. But she didn't. She said goodbye. I think she just wants to keep you around on the backburner.

 

I feel for you. I know how it hurts when you're in that stage where all you think about are the good times and memories and you keep thinking to yourself that maybe just maybe... she'll come back. And you feel guilty because SHE'S sad or acting like she's sad and she still has so much power over you at this point that everything you do relating to this is just so very hard.

 

But look... you did ok. You treated her well during the breakup and one day she'll see what a loss it was for her. It is then that she'll start trying to play with your head again. She'll send you texts of crumbs wondering if you still care.

 

Josh let it go. Don't answer her. Because she WILL text again. Keep thinking of that moment in her head where she realizes that she ****ed up and you're never coming back. That's your goal.

 

All you have at this point is your dignity. And that's all that will matter in the long run.

 

I don't believe in 'announcing' no contact. You just wait for them to make that last stab in the back gesture and then wham. Say your peace and never ever EVER contact them again.

 

Trust me, you'll feel like a fool if you do.

[joshextreme]

I've been following your story joshextreme and you seem to be a good hearted guy with a lot of class.

 

She's been playing with head for awhile now.

 

If you would've just stopped at the part about this is your last goodbye and left it, man.. that would've been great right there. But telling her you feeling guilty about and all and then HER ending up actually saying the last goodbye kind of defeated the purpose.

 

I think she thinks that she can get you back at any moment's notice. If she would've wanted it, she would've said OH NO JOSH please don't just stop talking to me. But she didn't. She said goodbye. I think she just wants to keep you around on the backburner.

 

I feel for you. I know how it hurts when you're in that stage where all you think about are the good times and memories and you keep thinking to yourself that maybe just maybe... she'll come back. And you feel guilty because SHE'S sad or acting like she's sad and she still has so much power over you at this point that everything you do relating to this is just so very hard.

 

But look... you did ok. You treated her well during the breakup and one day she'll see what a loss it was for her. It is then that she'll start trying to play with your head again. She'll send you texts of crumbs wondering if you still care.

 

Josh let it go. Don't answer her. Because she WILL text again. Keep thinking of that moment in her head where she realizes that she ****ed up and you're never coming back. That's your goal.

 

All you have at this point is your dignity. And that's all that will matter in the long run.

 

I don't believe in 'announcing' no contact. You just wait for them to make that last stab in the back gesture and then wham. Say your peace and never ever EVER contact them again.

 

Trust me, you'll feel like a fool if you do.

Well after the messages that we sent I had no intentions of texting her back no matter how much it hurt. It'll be a few weeks or months before she decides to make contact I think because she knows how I feel. It's gonna be a rude awakening for her when she throws a crumb and I throw a brick.. lol

[K.K.]

Yeay! It'll definitely take a little strength but you can do it. One day ...hell..one minute at a time. I've enjoyed your posts. I can relate.

[joshextreme]

Yeay! It'll definitely take a little strength but you can do it. One day ...hell..one minute at a time. I've enjoyed your posts. I can relate.

 

Thank you. I post a lot lol.. The first time I broke NC I actually got tricked into it. That won't happen again.

[K.K.]

Yea, I remember that! I felt kinda tricked too now that you mention it. He kept voicemailing me saying he was going to kill himself and how cruel I was that he could be DYING and I still wouldn't talk to him. And since I have feelings and a good heart like you, I caved. And he then proceeded to get his kicks from tearing me down yet again and knowing he could still get a rise out of me. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER. EVER EVER EVER. I just wish I would'nt have answered him in the first place. Who knows if no contact even works as effectively the second time around, ya feel me?

[joshextreme]

Yea, I remember that! I felt kinda tricked too now that you mention it. He kept voicemailing me saying he was going to kill himself and how cruel I was that he could be DYING and I still wouldn't talk to him. And since I have feelings and a good heart like you, I caved. And he then proceeded to get his kicks from tearing me down yet again and knowing he could still get a rise out of me. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER. EVER EVER EVER. I just wish I would'nt have answered him in the first place. Who knows if no contact even works as effectively the second time around, ya feel me?

 

That's actually been on my mind. When we broke up 6 months ago I used NC and every other day she was texting me missing me. Now she knows what I have to do and she'll play the game right back. Except this time I'll have to just let time do its things. When I see her in the hall I'll just keep my head up and forward, when I see her in my classes I'll talk casually with my friends like she doesn't exist. It's all I can do pretty much

[joshextreme]

Also it's been only 2 days of NC so I shouldn't be expecting her to try to contact me anytime soon. Though I also shouldn't be expecting anything at all. I decided today to just block her completely from my facebook.