kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I believe she is going through G.I.G.S. Everything describes our situation to the T! I'm 28 and she's 23. I need fast help because it is the first day after NC and she is just text me that she misses me. I waited and didn't reply. Now she is texting me "I guess I know how you feel". What do I do right now? Thanks in advance
Thatguyintx Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Talk to her about what she is feeling. NC is meant to give space to heal (you) and figure out what they want (you and them). Does she want this relationship still?
betterdeal Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I believe she is going through G.I.G.S. Everything describes our situation to the T! I'm 28 and she's 23. I need fast help because it is the first day after NC and she is just text me that she misses me. I waited and didn't reply. Now she is texting me "I guess I know how you feel". What do I do right now? Of course she misses you - it's been one day. Figure out why you split up and work on that.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 I just text her back and asked her if the break is really what she wants. I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope I didn't screw the NC up, because judging from those messages, the tables were turning already. After doing all of this chasing her, negotiating, trying to work things out.... I finally felt in power for once.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 This is how the text messages went. Like I said, please let me know if I screwed the NC up her: Missing u..... her: {hr. later} I guess I know how you feel now. Me: Isn't The break what your heart wants? Me I miss u too, but I also want to respect your decision to find yourself. Do you still want us? Listen to your heart and take care. her: I do. I'll find myself. I just miss you a lot. Me: It's hard to just throw that all away. Our relationship wasnt bad or abusive. In the meantime I have to prepare myself for this loss and protect my heart. Did I say the right thing or did I really screw the NC up? Please help. I don't know what to do from here.....
fetish Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 nah man. that was perfect. you put it back on her and now she has to own up and take responsibility. At the same time, you let her know that you have to look out for yourself as well. I might have to use that with my ex as i'm going through a similar situation where she tries to use guilt trips to acknowledge her. Difference is, i've been broken up for going on 6 weeks, but it still hurts considering i was with her for 8 years. Just keep the messages short and don't jump back to her. Act a little uninterested. Let her miss you a while. If she does the work and comes back to you, then you can decide from there.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 nah man. that was perfect. you put it back on her and now she has to own up and take responsibility. At the same time, you let her know that you have to look out for yourself as well. I might have to use that with my ex as i'm going through a similar situation where she tries to use guilt trips to acknowledge her. Difference is, i've been broken up for going on 6 weeks, but it still hurts considering i was with her for 8 years. Just keep the messages short and don't jump back to her. Act a little uninterested. Let her miss you a while. If she does the work and comes back to you, then you can decide from there. Whew..... My heart was pounding out of my chest, bro. I went to sleep last night feeling way more confident. When I woke up.... My heart was in pain. Your answer just helped calm me down. Thanks, man. I'm continuing the NC throughout the week. Through all of this it's easy to think that they'll just up and forget all about you since you're not around, but I'm trying to stick to the script because obviously it's working.
fetish Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Whew..... My heart was pounding out of my chest, bro. I went to sleep last night feeling way more confident. When I woke up.... My heart was in pain. Your answer just helped calm me down. Thanks, man. I'm continuing the NC throughout the week. Through all of this it's easy to think that they'll just up and forget all about you since you're not around, but I'm trying to stick to the script because obviously it's working. yeah usually when people fall for the grass is greener, they usually see that the grass ain't so green and usually want what they had. That not only applies in relationship, but in life. My recent ex fell for the same thing. We had plans of getting married but she started wanting to be single and not have to answer to anybody. Now she calls wanting to hang out and do things we did as a couple like nothing ever happened. I love her still so sometimes its hard to turn her down. I've seen her once since our b/u but still been in LC.
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Geez, I hate the excuse they use as " Finding themselves." If she pulls that crap on you again, just tell her to stand in front of a mirror. WHOA!!!!! There you are! Statements like that are just dumb. How about she start talking to you about the REAL reason she broke up with you.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Geez, I hate the excuse they use as " Finding themselves." If she pulls that crap on you again, just tell her to stand in front of a mirror. WHOA!!!!! There you are! Statements like that are just dumb. How about she start talking to you about the REAL reason she broke up with you. LOL. I know what you mean, Chi town. I actually did have the talk and she mainly said that the "spark" was gone. I think we were too stuck in routine and she wasn't focused on the quality time between us. Everytime we would spend time, it was like nothing was missing and we enjoyed ourselves, but she would rather hang out with friends and go partying. We had a trip to Florida this past Valentines day and it was amazing. I asked her what happened after that and she said it was back to reality. She sounds really confused to me. Like I said, all of the symptoms of G.I.G.S. hit her right on the head. After the spark thing, I also asked her that It sounds like you have something to get out of you and you're asking for permission. She quickly looked up at me and with a sincere look in her eyes, shook her head yes. G.I.G.S...... I think she is missing experience. She has been loyal to me for the past 3yr's and I think she want's me to understand. This is just really hard on me. What do you guys think?
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Now she calls wanting to hang out and do things we did as a couple like nothing ever happened. I love her still so sometimes its hard to turn her down. I've seen her once since our b/u but still been in LC. That sounds fortunate coming from my situation. I just want her back. Do you feel differently toward her now?
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 "Something to get out of you"? okay, I got lost with that statement there. However, yeah...sounds like G.I.G.S. But, it definately sounds like she's not over you either. I suggest living you life to the fulliest!!! Don't spend one weekend at home. Go out and do things, plan weekend getaways for yourself. If she still feels something for you. She'll find out that you're moving on and having fun in your life. Might just wake her up.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 "Something to get out of you"? okay, I got lost with that statement there. However, yeah...sounds like G.I.G.S. But, it definately sounds like she's not over you either. I suggest living you life to the fulliest!!! Don't spend one weekend at home. Go out and do things, plan weekend getaways for yourself. If she still feels something for you. She'll find out that you're moving on and having fun in your life. Might just wake her up. Thanks, bro. That's exactly what I'm trying to do. I think she's doing a lot of convincing herself with outside influences as key. I think it's new influences too. She stopped hanging out with her usual cast of friends. I hope she really does wake up sooner than later. BTW, Your lost with that statement? lol. Bro, I'm confused as ***** right now. lol. I'm telling ya.....
fetish Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Chi Town is right on the money about living life to the fullest. Basically, you need to start training yourself like you're not ever going to get back together. It's that which makes you more desirable and makes them want you even more. Like i said, she will do the work if she wants it bad enough. Your break up is still pretty early so you guys can rekindle, but i advise anyone not to hold their breath because that makes you more vulnerable. When you're vulnerable, youre more subject to heartbreak. As for my situation, I still love my ex. I miss her. We had many great times together, but she has too many issues and emotional baggage, and bad with money. I'm not ever going to say I'll never go back to her but right now, i see no future with her. Maybe if she got help and got out of denial, started taking responsibility, i would consider but right now, i don't see her doing that. If she wasn't willing to work on the problems while we were engaged, why would i want to go back after the relationship has already ended?
VJohnson32 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Dude ive been there, and big mistake you made... My previous ex had the same syndrome. I was 27 and she was 22, we were in a LTR and few weeks down the road she said she wasnt feeling it anymore and wasnt in love. So i did the whole beggin crap for about a week and she kept saying no, i need time for myself. What you have to do is move on or at least act like you have moved on. Ignore her messages and be the man. Right now you are being to easy and she can have you anytime she wants to ... girls at these age want excitement and challenge. I did that my ex, completely ignored her. Month later she kept calling me and calling me and i told her to f... off and leave me alone because i already got over her. But she never did, it got even worst and began begging me to work it out and try again with her ...i never did of course my life was actually alot better without her. Thats what NC does, makes you see things clearly.
Author kingofhearts Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Dude ive been there, and big mistake you made... My previous ex had the same syndrome. I was 27 and she was 22, we were in a LTR and few weeks down the road she said she wasnt feeling it anymore and wasnt in love. So i did the whole beggin crap for about a week and she kept saying no, i need time for myself. What you have to do is move on or at least act like you have moved on. Ignore her messages and be the man. Right now you are being to easy and she can have you anytime she wants to ... girls at these age want excitement and challenge. I did that my ex, completely ignored her. Month later she kept calling me and calling me and i told her to f... off and leave me alone because i already got over her. But she never did, it got even worst and began begging me to work it out and try again with her ...i never did of course my life was actually alot better without her. Thats what NC does, makes you see things clearly. Thanks, bro. I was really worried about this. I plan on being in NC and getting a little edgier with it. I kind of wondered if I was too soft. Usually not like me at ALL. I agree that it is all about provoking a chase at this point.
depplover_1980 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Stop bouncing to her emotional whims, take away that response she expects and that will very quickly make her realise what a life without the support would be like. Don't be afraid to pull away from her and have a bit of faith in yourself.
Call Me Al Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Another thing is dont bother trying to overanalyze why she broke up with you. Dont re-examine every nuance of the relationship and/or decide theres some simple explanation behind it as the whole "Grass Is Greener" reasoning does. I spent far too much time doing that initially, and it gets you nowhere. There isnt anything you can change about her decision based on your actions at this point. If she is uncertain, allow her to be uncertain while you move on. You can come up with all sorts of theories and reasons and explanations that internally make sense to you, but you cant verify them as the truth. Even if you confronted her for an explanation, she doesnt owe you one. It is best to not dwell on why, and just focus on how to move on.
timchambo Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I had a very similar situation. Its been about 3 months now. She was "dating" a new guy the next day after she left. No warning signs, nothing. To me that is infidelity, so moving on came much easier for me. My heart hurt every day I woke up for the first month and a half. What eventually cured it (for the moment) was attention from other girls. I had looked past girls for the last 7 years. Never considered straying. I loved her and all her flaws. I know any girl I find will have a flaw somewhere, so I just dealt with them and knew we could have had a very happy life. Unfortunately she was just too immature and didn't see things the way I did. For the first couple weeks she called and texted me every 4-5 days. I had to put an end to that, which was the one time I contacted after I found out about the new guy. She tried contacting me the other day about some trivial **** I am sure she thought was clever. She still contacts my friends and family about being friends and what not even with the other guy in the picture. If you treated her well she will always look at you as an option. Do you want to be an option? Be the man, you can be whoever you want to be now. Take her back (if she wants it) on your terms, when your ready. If you guys get back together, you may never get this freedom again. I have a lot of big things planned this year, its very liberating and exciting. I have met a lot of people and gotten closer with some of my existing friends and family. Its very true that when one door closes another opens. Take this time to do the things YOU wanted to do that were not possible while in that relationship. Just know that there are some very down days, some very tough mornings. There is no way around them, you just fight through them. They do get better with time. 3 months out and I have 1-2 bad days a week. To a GREAT 2011 friend. Edited March 22, 2011 by timchambo
Eddie Edirol Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Do not respond to her anymore, she will keep texting you to test the waters, make sure you are still there. Dude, once they leave, they dont come back 100%. Once they lose that spark, thats it. Theres no point in answering any of her texts, she will just drag out the breakup anyways. You have to tell her its either you get 100% of her or nothing. And nothing in between. She misses you a little, but doesnt miss bieng in a relationship with you. let her panic, she has to feel what its like without you. Normally when they want "to find themselves" they want to start dating other people, usually someone in particular. So dont give her the time of day. You cant let her think that you are there waiting for her, she HAS to know that you dont need her.
Thatguyintx Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Another thing is dont bother trying to overanalyze why she broke up with you. Dont re-examine every nuance of the relationship and/or decide theres some simple explanation behind it as the whole "Grass Is Greener" reasoning does. I spent far too much time doing that initially, and it gets you nowhere. There isnt anything you can change about her decision based on your actions at this point. If she is uncertain, allow her to be uncertain while you move on. You can come up with all sorts of theories and reasons and explanations that internally make sense to you, but you cant verify them as the truth. Even if you confronted her for an explanation, she doesnt owe you one. It is best to not dwell on why, and just focus on how to move on. Great post! So true.
fetish Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 If you treated her well she will always look at you as an option. Do you want to be an option? Be the man, you can be whoever you want to be now. Take her back (if she wants it) on your terms, when your ready. If you guys get back together, you may never get this freedom again. I have a lot of big things planned this year, its very liberating and exciting. I have met a lot of people and gotten closer with some of my existing friends and family. Its very true that when one door closes another opens. Take this time to do the things YOU wanted to do that were not possible while in that relationship. Just know that there are some very down days, some very tough mornings. There is no way around them, you just fight through them. They do get better with time. 3 months out and I have 1-2 bad days a week. To a GREAT 2011 friend. great advice timchambo. It's funny how it works when you treat a woman too well. I guess that's what i may have done wrong with my recent ex.
Call Me Al Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The type of woman who would turn her back on a man who treated her "too well" is the type of woman who has some serious emotional baggage she needs to sort out...and there is no reason to wait around for this to happen. Mind you, by treating someone well I do not mean being a doormat or having no spine. I mean respecting them and treating them with dignity, kindness, and affection...basically maintaining a balance of individuality in the relationship rather than focusing solely on the other person. There are a lot of scorned, emotionally fragile males who will put up the guise that you have to treat a woman like dirt in order to win her over, which is ridiculous. If you're a pushover, that wont work at all and will certainly turn girls off. Maybe treating women like dirt works for putting notches in your bedpost with girls that have unsorted daddy issues...but it wont lead to anything emotionally fulfilling.
lovnlost Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This has been a great thread and awesome posts from everyone. I found something a while ago that made sense to me and goes along with some of the lines of thinking here. The last one from "Call Me Al" got me thinking about it again. As I feel I suffer from the same plight. But here it is...I hope you all appreciate it at the very least: "When we make deposits of unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live the primary laws of life. In other words, when we truly love others without condition, without strings, we help them feel secure and safe and validated and affirmed in their essential worth, identity, and integrity. Their natural growth process is encouraged. We make it easier for them to live the laws of life - cooperation, contribution, self-discipline, integrity - and to discover and live true to the highest and best within them. We give them the freedom to act on their own inner imperatives rather than react to our conditions and limitations." drive on......
cantunderstand Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This entire topic has made me feel so much better about my situation. I can relate to everything said here and it really opened my eyes to my own personal matters. I'm moving on from a girl who also needs "time to find herself" and I'm pretty sure she means to get back with her ex who cheated on her after he asked her to marry him. So be it, I treated her incredibly and if she can't return it or respect it then theres no point in me waiting around for her to change her mind, because I am pretty damn confident that she will get hurt by that guy again. By then I'll probably be in a much better place...her loss.
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