Jerrica Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Hi, I'm new to this forum....here's my story...sorry if it's kind of long my bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 1.5 years...it was a long breakup, and dragged out for a whole weekend. Of course I fought, begged, cried on his shoulder, he cried as well! He soon changed his mind, only to break up with me again 2 days later after spending the weekend with me, we cried again together and held eachother. Here's the reason he gave me: "A relationship just isn't appealing to me right now, I want to be on my own. Things just don't feel the same anymore, you deserve so much better than me. Maybe once we take time apart we can try again. I'm sorry, but you're going to be fine" next day I asked about our chance of reconciliation in the future, he said you have to move on like we aren't getting back together, I'm sorry but I don't see us getting back but you'll be okay. I finally decided to go NC after all that. A week letter I get a crumb "how's it going" text - ignored! Then, 2 days later another text about getting his stuff (so I kind of had to reply, we lived together for 6 months and there is a LOT of his stuff in my house still) said he could get it while I was at work so I wouldn't have to see him. I played it like I was indifferent, told him I didn't care anymore about seeing him. he texted me the day he came to get his stuff, said he only grabbed one thing because his car broke down.....does this make sense? he was already at my house so why not take more than one thing? he said he'd have to come back on the weekend. So far, haven't heard anything.... is he playing mind games with me? Should I be a little more aggressive? I don't want to get walked all over, because he's been doing that for the last 6 months. My house is not a storage area for all his crap. I also found out he's been out partying till 3am even during the week when he works...I guess I didn't mean much to him, or is this how guys deal? But, although I try to put up an indifferent front towards him, I love him so much and miss him dearly, I would do anything to bring him back. I still cry daily
mr.goodguy Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 hey...you've come to a great forum. He is playing mind games with you because you haven't cut him off. I say, box up his stuff, drive to his place and drop it off. He broke up with you so it shouldn't be a surprise to him it is indeed over. Also by taking this aggressive action to get rid of all this things will send him a strong message, which may lead him to question his decision and be surprised at your strength! Also, him partying until 3am can only go on for so long before he burns out. His work may suffer...he may get fired...who knows. But the guy even said it himself "you deserve someone better than me." Of could he said this to let you down easily, but in reality, you do deserve someone better. So, in essence his own words, whether he truly meant them or not, are gonna bite him in the ass when you move on. Him picking up one item...come on, what an excuse. He just wants to come by on the weekend...the guy wants sex and nothing more. Stay in NC...you have all the power, but its going to need to be him that makes the large move to reconcile...if you even take him back.
Author Jerrica Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 thanks so much for your reply. I can't really box up his stuff......he lived with me in my house and has large stuff such as a computer desk, computer, lots of tools, an entire engine that has been taken apart in my basement (he was gonna rebuild it but decided it was too much work after he took it apart) and an engine hoist. This big stuff I cannot box up or take to his place as I only have a small sports car. He's' the one with the truck (mind you which is NOT insured, and he has been caught so many times his license is suspended, yet he still drives, 3 cars in the impound so far) Suprisingly the one thing he took WAS the bag I packed FOR him. I heard that indifference is the key to show your ex you have moved on, so I've been trying to be indifferent about the whole thing, as if it doesn't bother me. But I don't know if being indifferent about him getting his stuff is the way to go? And with the bigger stuff how can I go about that since I can't just box it up? Just throw it all outside? TO me that just shows anger which is still a form of showing I still care.... Then I think about my successes, 25 with a house, car and a career as an engineer. He only has grade 9 education, but something about him made me fall so in love, I guess opposites attract! oh I miss him so much
No_hope Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Wow! you sound so much like me! My ex left me 2 months ago for another girl (who broke up with him yesterday - haha) In school I was on honor roll, got noticed as a school scholar, made straight A's, I am young but I have my own place, with 2 kids. And him? He dropped out in 10th grade is unemployed and currently homeless. Yet I miss him, and I still love him even though he cheated on me, and broke up with me 6 weeks before our wedding. anyways. It sounds like he wants to know that you are still around, I say don't even pay him any mind till he is on his knees begging for you to take him back, and he is screaming on top of the roof top that he loves you. And he makes sure you know that he made a huge mistake. it's been 6 months? I think it's time to go on a date. and stick to no contact.
mr.goodguy Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Hmm..if it is big stuff like you said, you HAVE to give him a deadline to get it out of YOUR house. You are not a storage unit...unless you want to charge him a monthly fee to allow him to keep his stuff in your house you could, but that might be too complicated in the end. Congrats on the house, the career. You have a lot going for you...do not date someone who will only bring you down. He was lucky to have you...his biggest mistake was letting a good thing go. But that is only to your advantage cause you deserve someone who respects and supports you.
Author Jerrica Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 No no no, he lived with me for 6 months, he broke up with me 2 weeks ago so it's still very fresh. I'm just confused because I'm in NC, but I guess I will have to contact him for him to get his stuff and tell him about the deadline......then I'll have tos tart NC all over again......I wish he would take initiative in getting his stuff.
Author Jerrica Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Just an update..... he couldn't get his stuff today, I gave him a deadline of saturday and told him I need it out because I have a roommate moving in (this is a fib, but I do want to get a roommate asap) he replies with "yup. So you've already started dating?" WTF!!!! Does he have not a clue? Or is he really that dumb?
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