Lilmisus Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 About a year ago, I read a friend's status update that said that she read somewhere that if you are unhappy in a relationship - even subconsciously - that you and your partner will gain weight. You get so comfortable in the relationship that you just don't care about your appearance, or that of your partner's and it doesn't matter anymore to you. If you are happy, than you both strive to look your best in the relationship. When I told my good friend this - who had gained at least 15 pounds since being in her relationship for a year - she denied it up and down. She said that she and her boyfriend were incredibly happy but just ate out a lot and she stopped caring about going to the gym everyday or eating right because she didn't have time for it. She said they loved each other so much and wanted to go out and spend as much time with each other as possible. Their weight gain didn't have anything to do with their love (or lack thereof) in their relationship. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and since him and I have been dating, I've been losing more and more weight. I'm 5'2 and when we first met I was 152 pounds (though I hate to admit it), but according to everybody I didn't look it at all. Now, I am 115 pounds, am still losing weight, and I look absolutely amazing and the best I've ever looked. I owe it all to him and our relationship since we encourage each other to be our best and to be healthy. Although he was very fit and handsome when we met, I'm constantly trying to get him to make healthy and good decisions, and he's doing the same for me. It's great to have a motivator as a boyfriend, and I don't think I could do as my friend does and just "let loose" and let the pounds gain as she does. I want to be my best in my relationship, not just for him but for myself as well. I also want to challenge him to be his best, and I think that's a key needed for a good relationship. I'm just curious, how do you guys do in relationships? Do you encourage one another like my boyfriend and I do, or do you get comfortable around one another and let the pounds gain without a care in the world? Does weight gain or lose indicate happiness, or does it not point either up or down in the love factor of a relationship?
Els Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Almost always gained. Eating out has always been a big part of my relationships, as a fun date activity to do, and that is NOT good for weight control.
january2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) I tend to gain, especially if I end up matching portion sizes and my partner is another foodie. In my opinion and experience, whilst the ideal is that your partner loves you for who you are and is able to support you in your changes, especially physical ones, the reality (in most cases) is that you become someone who is not the person they fell in love with, which means that you eventually grow apart. Edited March 16, 2011 by january2011
Knittress Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Gained big time. I stopped prioritizing my life/health and instead lived according to HIS agenda. I adopted his lifestyle, and as he was a young male with zero weight issues, it was bad. Baaaaad. Ironically, towards the end when we were both unhappy I had already started losing a lot of the weight. I think this is coincidence, though. Hopefully I'll value myself more the next time I fall in love.
Titania22 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Gain weight! I struggle to keep me weight down, as I love food. In a relationship, I will tend to prioritise my partner over everything else, so some working out will be skipped. Couple that with the fact they seem to be able to eat anything they want, as much as they want, in front of me, which makes it a losing battle, when I have to practically calorie count to keep my desired weight.
Els Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 IME the women tend to gain, not really because of growing complacent, but because they end up mirroring the lifestyles and food habits of their partner. Given the fact that their partner is a male with a typically MUCH higher basal metabolic rate, this doesn't usually bode well. Women simply burn less calories than men with equal intake and output, period.
angielove Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I lose weight. My diet pretty much stays the same, but the frequent sex gives me more exercise than I would normally do (that is, more than no exercise at all lol).
USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I try to ensure that my "health and wellness" (codeword for GTL... ) remains independent of my relationship status. That is, I make sure that taking care of myself is always a priority, and I hope to instill that same mentality in the woman I'm dating. That being said, I have always tended to ramp up the GTL if I'm dating someone...
ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Depends...with my ex husband I was in excellent shape cause everytime we got into a fight, Id leave and go bike riding to get rid of all that angry energy. I didnt have to set time aside to work out...I was tearfully riding my bike a few times a week for hours at a time. The next guy, I drank a lot and hardly ate...I wasnt fit, just skinny. My last guy he took me out to eat all the time...and he cant ever make up his mind what he wants, so he ends up ordering practically everything on the menu. So Id end up eating a lot with him. After we broke up and I went on the "ex bf diet" in that, I wasnt going out to eat with him 3 or 4 nights a week and eating the sme things he was, and dropped 40lbs in 6mths. So yeah, I lost weight in the two relationships I was sad in, and gained in the one I was happy in. Go figure.
tigressA Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) If I'm mostly happy in a relationship I tend to gain, but typically not more than 5 lbs. and it goes to all the "right" places anyway. It also depends on the weather. I love to go for walks, go hiking and biking--that's about the extent of my exercise--and when it's colder outside I prefer to stay in. I gained 15+ lbs. with one guy I dated last year, and I loved it--my figure really filled out and I felt more voluptuous. We loved to cook together and we ate a lot. He was tall and skinny but he had fattened up at least as much as I had when we were together. In my current relationship my weight, so far, has stayed about the same. I can attribute that to the frequent sex (averaging 2-3 times a day) and what we eat when we're together. He's Indian, so it's usually lots of chicken, vegetables, and rice. He doesn't like a lot of processed or "heavy" food (really cheesy, creamy, etc) so I keep that in mind when I'm the one cooking. I always lose weight after a relationship ends, and pretty quickly too. Edited March 16, 2011 by tigressA
tman666 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I try to ensure that my "health and wellness" (codeword for GTL... ) remains independent of my relationship status. Bingo. However, it is often difficult for couples to get on the same page about it, especially if one party leads a very different lifestyle (i.e. if one of them is a fatty Mcfatterson who doesn't work out and eats like crap).
Yelle Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Definitely gain weight, especially at the beginning of the relationship. This guy I'm dating is always in the mood for pasta or steak. The last guy I dated had a habit of ordering many appetizers and when he was full, guess who had to help him finish the plate?
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I'm just curious, how do you guys do in relationships? Do you encourage one another like my boyfriend and I do, or do you get comfortable around one another and let the pounds gain without a care in the world? Does weight gain or lose indicate happiness, or does it not point either up or down in the love factor of a relationship? I gain when the relationship is happy. I think I'm the only guy so far that does that. I tend to yo-yo with the seasons anyways. Here is my question though. From what I see both from my experience and from that of my friends, if your GF loses weight quickly... she is planning to cheat!
ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) I gain when the relationship is happy. I think I'm the only guy so far that does that. I tend to yo-yo with the seasons anyways. Here is my question though. From what I see both from my experience and from that of my friends, if your GF loses weight quickly... she is planning to cheat! Not necessarily...it seems guys tend to be more comfortable with whatever weight they are at while women obsess over theirs.. And when a guy suddenly wants to hit the gym and make himself look better its usually for a woman he wants the attention of, not the one he already has. Women on the other hand, while obsessing over our weight will a lot of times think anything that goes bad is because of it. Like if her bf isnt paying as much attention, or doing as much as he used to for and with her...she'll freak and figure its cause hes not as attracted and go on a diet. Its much more often I see a guy who is not exactly harping on his woman to have a hot figure than the other way around... Edited March 16, 2011 by ReturnToSender
depplover_1980 Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Most people gain weight by the looks of it, but I could have told you that at the beginning. People become complacent in a relationship with a 'they'll love me as I am' type attitude. It is usually a mistake though and usually 2/3 years into it the couple realise and go on a health kick, which lasts 6 months before going back to takeaways on the sofa.
USMCHokie Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Not necessarily...it seems guys tend to be more comfortable with whatever weight they are at while women obsess over theirs.. And when a guy suddenly wants to hit the gym and make himself look better its usually for a woman he wants the attention of, not the one he already has. I actually have to disagree with this statement...in most cases, men are in the gym to compete with other men...
Star Gazer Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I tend to gain, especially if I end up matching portion sizes and my partner is another foodie. This. It's really, really hard not to gain weight when you eat out almost every night at delicious restaurants and always seem to match portions with a guy built like an NFL quarterback, even if you workout everyday twice a day! I should know!! Beyond that though, I actually tend to lose weight in a relationship when I'm unhappy. Some people respond to stress and unhappiness by not eating. I'm one of those people. I gain weight when I'm comfortable and happy and content, and eating is largely a social thing for me.
ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I actually have to disagree with this statement...in most cases, men are in the gym to compete with other men... Totally with you on that when it comes to the guys who are always working out and its something thats important to them, but of the guys who didnt care what they looked like, then out of the blue they suddenly want to start working out and looking good, its not cause they got the sudden urge to compete with other men, its cause they got the inspiration to attract another woman thats on their radar.
Cee Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Dating has been murder on my running schedule. I'm lucky if I run twice a week. On the other hand, I'm better about snacking with him. We never eat anything after dinner, which is a bad habit of mine. I guess I weigh the same, but unfortunately, I'm more out of shape.
Author Lilmisus Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I gain when the relationship is happy. I think I'm the only guy so far that does that. I tend to yo-yo with the seasons anyways. Here is my question though. From what I see both from my experience and from that of my friends, if your GF loses weight quickly... she is planning to cheat! Well, I've lost plenty of weight quickly and I have zero interest in cheating. Same with other girl friends of mine. I lost the weight I did because I realized just how important health was when you care about someone and want it to be long term relationship. When I started worrying about my boyfriend's eating habits and diet habits (we'd always eat out at the beginning, and he still smokes and drinks) it made me take a look at myself and realize that I was being hypocritical in wanting him to eat more fruit and salads and whatnot, while I didn't give a hoot about my own habits. Now, I've cut out all junk food and soda from my diet, and am so much healthier, and he's been working at it as well. Other guys opinions of me and being attractive to them means close to nothing to me (though I do enjoy getting checked out every now and then, most do), all that matters is how I view myself and how attracted my boyfriend is to me.
depplover_1980 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I like your attitude Lilmisus, it is positive and I think you're relationship will be a success because of it!!
Star Gazer Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I actually have to disagree with this statement...in most cases, men are in the gym to compete with other men... ...FOR the attention OF a woman.
Author Lilmisus Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I like your attitude Lilmisus, it is positive and I think you're relationship will be a success because of it!! Thank you! We can only hope so, but as I've said in different posts, him and I are taking it day by day for multiple reasons. But regardless of if we're together for only another day, year, or never break up, I can do nothing but view our relationship as "successful" due to how much it's taught me, not only about myself but about what love means.
FearandLoathing Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 This relationship I'm in, I've gained weight but I am very happy. I tend to lose weight when I'm stressed out and unhappy, which I was prior to meeting him - I was underweight after the stress of my last break up. I've gained about 10-15 lbs and I'm a little self conscious but my boyfriend is amazing about it We work out together, we cook together and encourage and support each other so I don't think it's a bad sign in my relationship.
tman666 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 ...FOR the attention OF a woman. Not necessarily... Believe it or not, there are reasons beyond getting attention from the fairer sex for getting in the gym. Some guys are certainly in there because they want to look better to women. Some are in there because they want to be more than they were, thus competing with themselves. Some are in there to be better than the other guys (either in the immediate vicinity, or in a broader sense). While egotistical, it's not entirely centered around the goal of getting the most tail. Some are in there because they have to be athletic and/or strong for their professional and recreational pursuits (cops/military/firemen/athletes/etc.). For many, including myself, there are many reasons they work hard in the gym. While getting attention from the opposite sex is definitely part of the equation, it's not the whole thing by any stretch of the imagination.
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