chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) Ok I knew going into this friendship she had a boyfriend,but she would kiss me and lay with me but no sex. I thought she was separated from him.We had the same problems a year ago when I loved her ,but she couldn't leave him.So I left broken-hearted.She came back 5 months ago asking me to be her co-sponsor for citizenship.We had been back together only for a week and she asked me.She's from Russia.I found about a month later they were married in august but they were fighting because she has too many guys in her life and she was just the type of person that could never admit she was wrong.I think she sleeps with other guys for money.So any way we were all lovey dovey.Then it just stopped.I accepted it for a while I just wanted to be her friend,but I kept battling with my feelings.And every time I would tell her how I feel she got pissed and told me she didn't want to talk about it.Again I accepted I was stupid.We spent every day together I was always there for her day or night on holidays.Even come see her at 12am because she was lonely.Around new years she told me we could be intimate,but no sex and I couldn't tell anyone.She let me please her and that was it.So recently I have been very emotional with her.The night they had their first INS interview he left her and an hour later she called me over because she was feeling lonely.I was Getting scared about this immigration thing.(They were not living together)So I told her she needed to live with him,but then I told her I didn't want her to be with him because it would ruin our friendship.I was just so in love with her my emotions were getting so screwed up.I got jealous at a party and she was so upset.I asked her if she loved me she said no.I love only one person she said.I would make up stories when she wasn't answering my calls or texts.Just so she would talk to me.I knew her hot buttons.And she kept getting so pissed that one day she told me she didn't want to see me anymore.A couple days later we saw each other and started talking again.She told me she will never tell anyone her heart again like she did with me.The other night she needed a ride home.She said she was tired and so I left.I called her later and she was out.I said I thought you were tired.She say who the hell are you to tell me when I can go out.Then I accused her of seeing someone and she told me "f...You!! it's been 3 days and she won't talk to me.I have only sent her one text and no response. Edited March 10, 2011 by chop246 details
Wink Tobasco Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Never give your heart to a professional or a gold digger. Now, get your act together and drop all dealings with her. It's over and you will get over it in some months
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 I didn't know she was a gold digger.Of course I did help her pay some bills,but I was always ther to emotionally support her.We also spent a weekend together in Destin,Fla.We shared the same bed,but no sex.She did spoon with me one night.Of course she told her boyfriend she went with myself and one of her GF's.Which was a lie.It was just her and I.I thought we were best friends.
East7 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 She sounds like a professional gold-digger or worse a wh0re..She is married and playing with you for the sponsoring.. Do you want to be her doormat ? Don't be weak, RUN, cut her off. Your emotions will fade and you will be fine. PS. Watch the movie "Birthday Girl" you will get a hint. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ir9LnBCGCTQ
carhill Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 OP, welcome to LS Can you clarify a couple things for me? First, how is this person legally entering the US? You mentioned a 'vacation' to Florida. It's very difficult for a Russian national to get a visa to the US, absent a K1 (fiance visa), K3 (marriage visa) or for business/professional reasons and sponsored by a US company. Second, is her now-husband Russian and resides in Russia? Lastly, if a good male friend of yours related this story to you, how would you respond and what advice would you give? BTDT. IME, this is just something you need to go through. The lessons you learn will stick with you. No worries.
paleblue Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 you got taken for a ride. sorry to hear that happened. you arent best friends. she just uses you and other men like a tool. hopefully you will realize how she really is and realize that someone in your life like that just isnt healthy. move on.
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 She met her husband in the U.S. They had been dating off and on for the last 2 yrs.Getting married was her last option.Some guy she was dating or was a friend.Was going to marry her,but he wanted it to be a real marriage.She didn't love him.This was while I was away from her for 6 months.I guess Her BF didn't want her to leave or marry this other guy.So they married in August.I was back in her life in Sept.It's funny her Gf texted a day before we hooked back up.Her BF called me the next day.Apparently they were in a big fight and my name was mentioned.She texted me that night and apologized.A week or two late I became her co sponsor.I was so stupid I thought we were financially supporting her.Not that they were married.Until she told me He was her Husband.It just seems after she had the INS interview and it was accepted.She has found a reason to cut me off after 6 months.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 She is a user of men. Her husband doesn't sound like he's getting a really good deal either to be honest. You should just be happy that she didn't get anything more out of you and now you will be more alert to such women in the future. The only honest woman who should demand money, and is not your wife or baby mama, is a wh0re. Then at least a wh0re would have had sex with you. You are not the one with a real problem in this situation she is.
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) I am just having a hard time understanding.Why she always wanted me to come see her.It was usualy around 10pm when she called.We just sat and talked about her relationship issues.She never wanted to hear about how I felt about her.She always said I don't want to talk about it.We did everything together.I was there for her 24/7.She told me everything about herself.She said she never does that.I'm just so confused.We did have to meet on a side street when I had to pick her up.She didn't want anyone telling her BF/Husband I was with her.Now she moved and she is glad no one is spying on her.I don't understand why she would never tell me how she feels. Edited March 10, 2011 by chop246 details
fishtaco Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I am just having a hard time understanding.Why she always wanted me to come see her.It was usualy around 10pm when she called.We just sat and talked about her relationship issues.She never wanted to hear about how I felt about her.She always said I don't want to talk about it.We did everything together.I was there for her 24/7.She told me everything about herself.She said she never does that.I'm just so confused.We did have to meet on a side street when I had to pick her up.She didn't want anyone telling her BF/Husband I was with her.Now she moved and she is glad no one is spying on her.I don't understand why she would never tell me how she feels. She used you. These are common things that women users may want from men: 1) Money, material things. Higher caliber ones would go for cars, houses, lower caliber ones would go for free meals, rent/utility taken care of...etc. 2) Emotional support/Attention. They will talk your ear off, expect you to comfort them, keep them company when they feel lonely... etc. 3) Services. Drive them around, help them move couches... etc. 4) Legal status, as in citizenship. Guard these. Only give these out to ones that have proven worthy. It's easy to understand. She used you for these things. She care about these things, but not you. You're replaceable. If you said no, she'd go find the next sucker that'll do all these things for her. You don't matter to her one tiny little bit.
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 So basically she just gives a little and takes a lot.I feel like it was a scam from the begining.Maybe she did care a little..I don't know It's just hard to believe this could go on for 6 months.
fishtaco Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So basically she just gives a little and takes a lot.I feel like it was a scam from the begining.Maybe she did care a little..I don't know It's just hard to believe this could go on for 6 months. No she didn't care. This went on for 6 months because you let her. That's what users do. Think of this as a valuable lesson. Your user radar should be calibrated to be much more effective now.
iJester Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Why would do all this for her when you weren't getting what you wanted in return(sex, and don't say it's not what you wanted)?
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 Sure I wanted it,but I was willing to just be someone she could always know would be there for her.Sure I was hoping that she would want to be with me,but I knew she had a fake husband.I also tried to hide the fact I just didn't want someone else stepping in my shoes.I knew she had all these other guys that would do things for her.Like give her $400.00 for what?? She must have been giving them something.And I even drove her to meet some guys she was escorting.All though I found out later.She said there was no sex involved.And who makes $400.00 catering a party?She always had somone for what she needed.And the poor sucker who bevame her Husband..I feel sorry for him most of all,but he knows her best.Maybe that's why he is taking a break from her.I know any relationship she gets into will be a lie.And then she will come back to me again...maybe.
sniffys Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 1) gather evidence 2) call http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis 3)http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigrants/info/info_3177.html this is your fault, marrying someone u barely know, figure out if u want her to be free and have happiness or send her back to her hellhole with nothing, no future, and forever banned from the US
Author chop246 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 I didn't marry her...I am her co-sponsor..I don't want to send her back.I have known her for over a year.She is just liar and a minipulator.
sniffys Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 not send her back so she can lie and manipulate more people? youre willing to be an accessory to her crimes? at least get something out of it.
fishtaco Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 not send her back so she can lie and manipulate more people? youre willing to be an accessory to her crimes? at least get something out of it. Whoa there... even if she gets sent back, what is she going to do? Manipulate Russian men back home to get what she wants. Russians are people too. It's not like we can dump trash in Russia and be done with it. I only see this issue as a user and her willing victims. She may get what's coming to her, when she gets old and loses her looks. Maybe. There's a sucker born every minute. So you never know. Real world isn't like the movies where the bad guys always lose. Justice often is NOT served. Best to just make sure as many people are educated about this as possible. So they'll know to stay away. I hope chop246 learned his lesson. Although at this point I'm not so sure.
carhill Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 The lure of a typical Russian (or FSU/CIS) woman is strong. They are amazingly adept at being feminine and sexual, as well as concealing their true feelings. Chameleon is a good word to describe the dynamic. Any who have managed to figure out a way to emigrate to the US have risked and sacrificed much in the pursuit of 'a better life' and some feel certain things are 'owed' to them and will use their feminine wiles to get what they want. I've been fortunate to know both good and 'other' FSU/CIS ladies and can see the differences clearly. The OP happened upon an 'other'. One way to separate the wheat from the chaff is, rather than holding out the lure of emigration, offering to ex-pat and live with her in her country and build a life there. This quickly separates out the visa-whores and gold-diggers from genuinely interested ladies. That's not to say that one day, if married, the couple couldn't relocate to the west, but that's incidental to the dynamic. OP, no worries. If you erase her today, right now, she'll just move on to the next mark. It's a very pragmatic and deliberate process for people like her. Little feeling involved. You've already received a demonstration of that. She can turn on you like a light switch. Erase her today. Trust me.
Author chop246 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Ty Carhill..very wise words..I just hope if there is a next time.I will have learned my lesson..all though I thought I learned it the first time.It's like history really repeated itself here.It's funny she said she gave me a second chance and I hadn't change.I had changed I was happy without her.I had money and a direction.Then I let her back and I went back to the way I was last time.Miserable and Broke.Fact is she never changed.And yes she turned off like a light switch....Just like last time.
D-Lish Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 People can only manipulate you if you let them. Now that you have all the facts, you should make the healthy decision and drop this girl. She's not worthy of your time or energy. This girl is adept at using men- she's made a profession out of it. Don't allow yourself to be strung along any further.
Author chop246 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 What energy?...she drained it.....completely...I am emotionally drained from the whole experience..again.It's funny when you walk away from someone you spend every day with.You can see and analyze all the stories and lies.Love is truly blind.I can't believe I was such a sucker.And when I look at her pictures.She really wasn't that hot..Great body though..Thanks guys for all the advice..
Author chop246 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Update...she called and my dumbass answered..did not tell her off...
Good Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 It's a sad, sad phenomena. I happen to be very familiar with this sort of case, as I personally know people who have been involved in a for-greencard-purposes-only relationships. Some paid a US citizen a certain amount of money to arrange a fake marriage, or just like your situation, some deliberately used other people as means towards their ends. It's conniving, It's sickening. I will suggest trying not to lean on solely your feelings when determining what action to take. Take a moment and let your reasoning prevail. I know this is hard to do when you're infatuated towards someone, yet it is imperative for anyone to differentiate between who really loves you and who really is just there to use you. Cliche as it sounds, from the experiences of the people that I know, this is the reason why they all let themselves be used. Yes. They sense that they were being used, yet they let it continue because their feelings get the better of them. Love IS blind. But love is not what blinded them. It's women's sentiment. Stay alert.
Author chop246 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) Ty GOOD..It is really hard to seperate feelings at this point.My mind wants me to tell her to Piss Off...but my heart still wants her in my life.Something tells me that she cares about me,just because all of the stress I cause her.It pusehes her away. she always seems to come back.It may just all be for her emotional needs.If she does come back and I do let her back in my life,because I care about her.How should I handle it? Edited March 11, 2011 by chop246 details
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