caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Guys, if you have no intention of actually going out with a girl, would you have bothered to ask whether she would be free on a particular day for dinner? Would you feel obliged to ask her out of obligation or because of a promise?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 These guys are categorized in the " dating, but nothing serious" drawer. I don't touch them unless I really want to casual date.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Okay, my situation. A guy actually asked and set a day. But then there was no update after I agreed to it. Why would a guy do that?
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Any guy can offer some opinions with the situation?
somedude81 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Okay, my situation. A guy actually asked and set a day. But then there was no update after I agreed to it. Why would a guy do that? How long has it been since he asked you out. When is the scheduled day?
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 How long has it been since he asked you out. When is the scheduled day? It's been four days. The scheduled day is a week after from his initiation. Could it be that he just asked for the heck of it but had no plans to follow through?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Okay, my situation. A guy actually asked and set a day. But then there was no update after I agreed to it. Why would a guy do that? Possibility: You're an option, not a priority. If you have his contact, get back to him about confirmations. If he's a flake, you can dump his number and find other entertainment. No harm, no foul.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Is there really a point in checking for confirmation? I really want to know whether men do such things and why. Anyone?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Sounds like he just wants sex. If he doesn't want a serious relationship, he's just going after you for random sex. If that isn't what you want, I'd say leave it alone.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 We've been chatting for a while and he's always been prompt. He only behaved this way after asking me out so I'm not sure what to think. The first thing that came to mind is that he's playing me. I really can't think of any other reason why a grown man would do something like this.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Sounds like he just wants sex. If he doesn't want a serious relationship, he's just going after you for random sex. If that isn't what you want, I'd say leave it alone. But if he wants sex, wouldn't he at least try to wine and dine me before working toward that? If so, he would have to FIRST confirm the date and MEET me! Or have I been stuck under a rock for too long to notice that the dating rules have changed?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Another thing to consider is that he may be shy, or "love shy." Love Shy men are men who have a social phobia only in regards to dating. They can carry on conversations with women that they're attracted to, but are attached, but as soon as they become available, they get nervous and jittery. I know, because I'm love shy. It's not "playing the girl", I genuinely get nervous around a girl that is single and might possibly like me.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 The rules of dating have changed, but I think you might be letting this get to you too much. If he has been prompt before, maybe something changed like he started talking to someone else and don't want to follow up with keeping the date and is hoping you will just let it go. So it's better for me to leave him be, right? Instead of checking whether the date is still on.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Another possibilty: conquest. Men are hunters/ gatherers, a yes, is equivalent to catching a sabertooth tiger. Some men absolutely love the chase, getting your number and a date is thrill itself. They will charm, coerce and even sweet talk until you break down into those three letter words. Why do you think some men ask for numbers but never call?
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 We actually know each other briefly. Then got to chatting. Then this.
somedude81 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 It's been four days. The scheduled day is a week after from his initiation. Could it be that he just asked for the heck of it but had no plans to follow through? So it's still three days till the event? Just wait. He'll most likely call a day or two before to confirm. BTW, how and when would you like him to give you and update? Meaning, did you want him to call you a few days after he asked you out to confirm that it's still on?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I don't think the chase stops for a man until he completes his mission which is generally sex and not the number. Most guys will collect numbers and keep them for when they are ready to use them not for the hunt. If you take a look at my first post, the possibility of option, not priority goes hand in hand. But you are right as well, some men will collect numbers.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 So it's still three days till the event? Just wait. He'll most likely call a day or two before to confirm. BTW, how and when would you like him to give you and update? Meaning, did you want him to call you a few days after he asked you out to confirm that it's still on? Yes, it would be good if he actually followed it up soon after it to confirm things. I actually only know which day and time. Should I still wait in this case? Should I wait when this is an anomaly in my interaction history with him?
phenotype22 Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 When I set a date with a girl, I assume that it is set, and I really see no reason to bring it up until the day before or day of to confirm time and place. If you don't hear anything by that time, then he flaked. That's just how I operate, but other men may be different.
carhill Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Okay, my situation. A guy actually asked and set a day. But then there was no update after I agreed to it. Why would a guy do that? For someone who's essentially a stranger, this is appropriate. He approached you for a date with a firm day and time and place. You agreed. I hope you enjoy the date. Build (or not) from there. Most men I know of my generation are like this. Intimacy and proactive and more frequent contact are built over time where there is synergy. On your side, assign appropriate expectations. He's one of many options available to you. If it works out, it does. If not, not. Life goes on
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 When I set a date with a girl, I assume that it is set, and I really see no reason to bring it up until the day before or day of to confirm time and place. If you don't hear anything by that time, then he flaked. That's just how I operate, but other men may be different. I actually only know which day and time. I know nothing else of the plan.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 When I set a date with a girl, I assume that it is set, and I really see no reason to bring it up until the day before or day of to confirm time and place. If you don't hear anything by that time, then he flaked. That's just how I operate, but other men may be different. As a girl, this is the approach I partake in as well. In fact, this is the most appropriate method.
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 For someone who's essentially a stranger, this is appropriate. He approached you for a date with a firm day and time and place. You agreed. I hope you enjoy the date. Build (or not) from there. Most men I know of my generation are like this. Intimacy and proactive and more frequent contact are built over time where there is synergy. On your side, assign appropriate expectations. He's one of many options available to you. If it works out, it does. If not, not. Life goes on He's not exactly a stranger, though not someone I know terribly well (or else I won't need to be on here questioning his motives). He didn't approach me with a firm day, time and place. I only know the day and time. That's the problem. And now it's almost like he fell off the face of the earth. How can I still think this guy is really keen to meet up?
Author caseinpoint Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Basically you have two options: 1) Ask him about the date and see if its still on or 2) Wait and see what happens. If I were you, I would just ask so you wouldn't have to play this waiting game and have your feelings hurt in the end. As a guy, if you had changed your mind within this time, would you still like a girl to call and ask you whether you're still going out? Wouldn't you prefer that she gets the hint and moves on? I'm thinking about my dignity.
carhill Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 I actually only know which day and time. I know nothing else of the plan. 'Where are you taking me on our date? I would like to dress appropriately' Nothing wrong with that kind of proactive contact, IMO. An interested man will respond quickly and succinctly. This will be a positive thing.
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