smartblonde Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Met a guy back in November. We only met once before he had to go home for Christmas (he has family in another province). We kept in contact while he was away and when he got back home, we started dating and got to know each other. He drinks a lot. Every day. Beer. He's the kind of guy that can drink a lot and still maintain his composure. The other day, he came over to pick me up (in a cab) and said he already had 10 beers. He didn't slur his words or stumble around and he was capable of carrying on a lucid conversation. We went out and he drank about 8 more beers. Again, I couldn't even tell he was buzzed. When we woke up in the morning, I had a cup of tea, he had 4 beers. And I've noticed this pattern before. Anyone else have any experience with this? He's missed work because of hangovers, gotten into trouble with the law becuase of stupid stuff he's done while drunk....and I'm quite sure it was one of the main reasons why his previous relationship failed. He works everyday (well, except for the days he's 'sick'), makes very good money and is very smart. I don't want to believe that this is going to be an issue but I'm starting to wonder...
denise_xo Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Met a guy back in November. We only met once before he had to go home for Christmas (he has family in another province). We kept in contact while he was away and when he got back home, we started dating and got to know each other. He drinks a lot. Every day. Beer. He's the kind of guy that can drink a lot and still maintain his composure. The other day, he came over to pick me up (in a cab) and said he already had 10 beers. He didn't slur his words or stumble around and he was capable of carrying on a lucid conversation. We went out and he drank about 8 more beers. Again, I couldn't even tell he was buzzed. When we woke up in the morning, I had a cup of tea, he had 4 beers. And I've noticed this pattern before. Anyone else have any experience with this? He's missed work because of hangovers, gotten into trouble with the law becuase of stupid stuff he's done while drunk....and I'm quite sure it was one of the main reasons why his previous relationship failed. He works everyday (well, except for the days he's 'sick'), makes very good money and is very smart. I don't want to believe that this is going to be an issue but I'm starting to wonder... Definitely has alcohol problems. Run, is my advice. BTDT.
tigressA Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Definitely has alcohol problems. Run, is my advice. BTDT. Seconded. This guy has a serious problem. He seems like a maintenance drinker--the type who has to drink a lot every day just to function normally.
sally4sara Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Yes I do have some experience with that. RUN! Run fast and far and on to better relationship options. You will be the one picking up the slack when he is jobless (and not because of unavoidable reasons) sometimes working an extra job to make up for his lack and to help pay legal costs for his screw ups. If you become his spouse and they boot his vehicle options to ensure he doesn't drive during a license suspension - your car will get booted too and you'll have to go through the courts to get it released for you to have work related driving ability as though it was YOU who got the third DUI. You'll be paying 3x the amount of insurance you alone would have to pay because he resides with you then get dropped the next time he effs up with drinking and driving. And every time he goes sober, you won't be able to get upset at anything else he does - it will be his new excuse to drink again. And then it will be your fault he drank again because you "goad him with your lack of faith in him". If he is drunk and it upsets you - no point in arguing because he won't be running on logic or reason while he is drunk. Of course, if you wait till he sobers up - he won't remember what it was he did that upset you very clearly. Its just not worth it.
Cee Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 This man seems like a candidate for inpatient detox or rehab. That kind of daily drinking can cause dangerous withdrawals like seizures. In the hospital, they would put him on a mild sedative so he could safely detox off of the alcohol. Then he could go to AA to work a recovery program. But he has to volunteer to go to treatment. You can try to talk straight to him, preferably while he has a hangover and before his morning beer. But after you've talked to him, you'll need to leave him. There's nothing else you can do for him except to save yourself.
mtber75 Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Seconded. This guy has a serious problem. He seems like a maintenance drinker--the type who has to drink a lot every day just to function normally. WOW there is such a thing that's really screwed up! Yeah probably if he needs a beer in the MORNING!
tigressA Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 WOW there is such a thing that's really screwed up! Yeah probably if he needs a beer in the MORNING! Yep, there is such a thing. Addicts like this build up such a tolerance that the body literally needs the particular substance--in this case, alcohol--to function normally. While in withdrawal, they will endure rather hellish physical and/or mental symptoms. Seizures are one good example, as Cee posted above.
Back Burner Gal Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 It's going to be an issue. BTDT. Run away fast. You cannot help these people. You cannot fix them. You cannot love them enough. All that can happen is they drag you into hell. You can't normalize them. But they can de normalize you.
KingCrimson Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I was gunna say it's not a big deal if he can keep is composure, and can function normally without letting it affect his life. And it sounds like he was that was when you hung out. In my opinion, doesn't matter if you drink everyday, but when it starts affecting your work, education, or getting you in trouble with the law thats when you have a problem. But drinking 4 in the morning... hmm that's a bit weird. And missing work and getting in trouble? Yea those are red flags.
alethean Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 I was gunna say it's not a big deal if he can keep is composure, and can function normally without letting it affect his life. And it sounds like he was that was when you hung out. In my opinion, doesn't matter if you drink everyday, but when it starts affecting your work, education, or getting you in trouble with the law thats when you have a problem. But drinking 4 in the morning... hmm that's a bit weird. And missing work and getting in trouble? Yea those are red flags. The fact that he's missed work and gotten into trouble with the law indicates a decrease in function. So I will agree with you there. Also, even though he doesn't feel the effects of alcohol due to tolerance, his blood alcohol level is still high. In fact, if he's drinking that much and he still doesn't feel anything, he's in even bigger trouble because he won't notice when his CNS starts depressing. I would do as the others say...and run away...
max2go Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 You knew the answer to this one before you even posted didnt you? I can say that because i have been in a ltr with a woman who, though a sweet, loving, caring, well loved by all person, when shes had a few drinks is the bitch from hell and i have made excuse after excuse for her. She doesnt drink anything like your guy but my feelings for her have lead me into a deep trough thats very difficult to get out of.............im still struggling with it and seem to be fighting a losing battle - from that, my advice is, dont even spend another second on this man or you may live to regret it, as i do.
britchick Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 These are bad signs! No matter how great this guy seems (drinking aside) do not stay long enough to fall in love (or become co-dependent) or get your life entangled with his. It may seem harsh but if you do you will set yourself up for a life of covering for him, lying to friends and family, financial nightmares and worrying whether he will wake up when he goes to sleep not to mention the long term health problems he may encounter. If he says he will give up.....just answer, 'Good luck with that' and keep walking. (and yes this is from very long experience).
Katherineos123 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 Having grown up with alcoholic parents, and dated alcoholic men... I would certainely, without a doubt, agree with the other posters in that this man has a very serious addiction to alcohol. There is no question. However, I dont necessarily think I would reccomend that you run away from him... It depends on how much you value your relationship, or, him as a person... If you're in love with this man (which doesnt seem to be the case juding by the tone of your post) or, if you truly care about him... Then I reccomend having a serious conversation with him about how much his drinking is upsetting you, and how much it concerns you... He more than likely knows he's an alcoholic... most do, its just whether or not theyre strong enough to attempt to regain control over their lives. He's a sick man, you have to treat it as such. People in recovery can absolutely return to normalcy... However, they will forever BE an alcoholilc. Its an iffliction that will stay with him for the rest of his life, but he can "treat it" into remission. You may get threw to him, you may not. But, at least you can say you didnt turn your back.
Meaplus3 Posted February 26, 2011 Posted February 26, 2011 My name is Mea and I'm a recovered alcoholic. I can tell you that.. it's going to be up to HIM.. to quit drinking. While.. family.. and friends can make suggestions, he's going to have to come out of DENIAL.. and face the facts. This can be done.. and there is hope. Hang in there. Mea:)
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