somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 There are a few girls I want to ask out, but I'm afraid to, because I don't know what to do if they said yes. Of course the odds of them saying yes without knowing what I want to do, are really low. Right now my thoughts are like Me: "You want to go on a date?" Her: "Sure, what are we going to do?" Me: "For what?" Right now the most I can think of is getting lunch or coffee. If it matters, the girls are college age, under 21. (Stupid forum rules not letting me use what in the tittle )
Jazzari Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I wouldn't ask them to "go on a date". Rather I'd ask them to do whatever it is your had in mind. "Would you like to go out for (lunch/coffee/whatever) on (whenever)?" If you know a bit about the girl, you might be able to make plans that would interest her. A sports event, walk along the river/park, museum, concert, whatever.
WTRanger Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Good, take them a safe day-date. That won't lead you to the friendzone. It doesn't help you have taken yourself out of the running by assuming they'll say no. Those girls surely won't pick up on the fact that you won't even date yourself. If you do find your confidence to ask them out, there's always the time tested standby of taking them to dinner. Is there a park/beach nearby? You can do go for a walk/picnic at sunset. There's a reason why dinners work so well. It's an intimate setting and allows you to get to know the other person. Avoid movies as you can't really talk and the whole point of the first date is to get to know each other. Avoid comedy shows as you don't know her style or sense of humor and it's limits. Avoid concerts for the same reason as movies, unless it's an outdoor show where the noise isn't so confined.
january2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Chatting first to find out a bit more about her can lead to some ideas. E.g., films to watch, places to visit, etc. Otherwise, you can chat to them then after a while say something like, "have you eaten yet?" --> then if she hasn't, "would you like to grab some lunch/a snack?" or "I'd really like to continue this conversation with you, would you like to grab some coffee?" You really need to play it by ear and use her responses as a springboard for date suggestions.
carhill Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 'I think I'm going Japanese. Wanna share some sushi with me'
Author somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 I really don't know much about the girls besides that two of them are into Asian cultural stuff (music, anime, games etc.) I haven't talked to the third that much, I just know that she was really flirty when she was my partner in social dance. There isn't much that I have in mind to do and I don't know what she would like to do either. It's Step 1: Talk Step 2: Ask out Step 3: ??? Step 4: Relationship I'd like to avoid a dinner date for now, it seems to formal and not something that a 20 year old girl would be into for a first date. Thanks for the warning about movies, concerts and comedy clubs.
Author somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Chatting first to find out a bit more about her can lead to some ideas. E.g., films to watch, places to visit, etc. Otherwise, you can chat to them then after a while say something like, "have you eaten yet?" --> then if she hasn't, "would you like to grab some lunch/a snack?" or "I'd really like to continue this conversation with you, would you like to grab some coffee?" You really need to play it by ear and use her responses as a springboard for date suggestions. Chatting first makes the most sense. With two of the girls we had a class together last year. Now I only run into once a week or so and would have to arrange a meeting through facebook, I didn't grab their numbers last time we talked. So I'm leaning more towards getting coffee when I'm out of class. One of the girls lives close to the beach and I would have suggested we go there if It wasn't storming. And as always, I want to avoid getting friendzoned.
carhill Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I have three restaurants I frequent, one Japanese, one Mexican and one Chinese, where the food is reasonable and I know the owners. First dates are asked to lunch at one of them. My advice is to not worry about venue. In my prior post, if the lady were to say 'oh, I can't eat raw fish', then I'd say 'well, they do have things other than sashimi and sushi; heck you can even get a burger and fries if you want' If she continues to 'negotiate', then I know she's really not interested in me, or is incompatible in her pickiness about food, so I get to move on without any investment in her. Win-win
Nexus One Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 You know what I think is actually a good dating environment? The zoo. I hear you laughing, but hear me out on this from a guy's perspective. When you take a girl to a movie, the audience requires you to stfu, so you can't get to really know her then. You could put your arm around her, but that's cheesy and very cliche. Or you can try to kiss her, but public affection annoys other people. You can take her out to dinner, but then you're face to face in a kind of forced setting. You can talk, but again, you can't get into her physical personal zone(i.e. close to her) in such a situation, because generally you sit across each other. And again public affection like kissing is often not appreciated in restaurants. The coffee break seems like the best option, but first of all, I don't like coffee, it's bitter water. Second of all a coffee date is meant to be relatively short. But now the zoo. If you go to a big zoo, you'll have plenty of time to talk and get to know each other, you pass along the animals which also generate topics to talk about, you can get in her physical personal zone, by walking directly next to her instead of facing her from the front. So you could decide at some moment to spontaneously hold hands. In zoos there are calm areas where there aren't too many people, so you could kiss her there. Talking while walking next to each other is easier and more comfortable, the walking and the fresh air takes away some of the tension. And last but not least, monkeys tend to be funny, so with some luck you can have a good laugh together.
Author somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 (edited) Lunch first at a restaurant seems nice. If the girl lives out of town where should we go? Sucks that I actually don't know any restaurants any higher up then Jack in the Box.. The zoo sounds like a great date, but definitely not for the first one. Also it's about an hour away from where I live. I think shorter is probably better in this case. If I'm wrong, please tell me. Edited February 20, 2011 by somedude81
Jazzari Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 I can see why you wouldn't want to go to the zoo for a first date since its so far away. But I would keep it in mind for a follow up date. Its a big winner in my book. Personally, I like fast food when you pick it up and take it to the park. Then go for a walk afterward. My park has a cute little pond with a bridge over it. I like to save some of the bread and throw it to the ducks/fish.
Author somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 That's a great idea about getting fast food then taking it to a park to eat. Sucks that the girl I'm considering the most right now is a vegetarian. I wonder if Taco Belll has vegan dishes. It's not exactly beef, right I'll definitely use that idea for the others.
Nexus One Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Sucks that the girl I'm considering the most right now is a vegetarian. I wonder if Taco Belll has vegan dishes. It's not exactly beef, right McDonalds sells lettuce in drinking cups. That roughly sums up their vegetarian menu.
blackmagik Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 That's a great idea about getting fast food then taking it to a park to eat. Sucks that the girl I'm considering the most right now is a vegetarian. I wonder if Taco Belll has vegan dishes. It's not exactly beef, right I'll definitely use that idea for the others. I never think fast food is a good idea for a date, even in that example. Treat her to something that she wouldn't be able to get by herself on a regular basis. I always use Yelp to find good places to eat. You can sort by budget, atmosphere, dress, read reviews, and even check out the menu - totally makes it easy.
Author somedude81 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Posted February 20, 2011 Any other things to do with a girl that she would enjoy that shows you could be into her without being too serious?
FryFish Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 20 and under? Just ask them over to drink a little and play xbox or watch episodes from your favorite cartoon boxset... That is what I do with the young ones... If they say yes, be sure to sit down right next to them lest they think you just want to be friends...
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 And I was rejected again, yay One down two to go.
SmileFace Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 And I was rejected again, yay One down two to go. What did she say? How did you ask her?
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 I haven't seen her in a week and I don't have her number so we were communicating over email. I was trying to arrange a casual coffee thing. She was just being so evasive in her replies to me. The last exchange I asked her what time she was done on Wednesday and suggested that we meet up once she's done with class. All she said back to me was that she only has one class and then goes straight home. I know she's just trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings. But it's still obviously a rejection. I sent her another message that it's cool, I know that she's busy. And she replied that she might show up to club at the end of the week. She ended her reply with, "See you then?' Sigh.
WTRanger Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Or she sent you a clue that says, "Hey, unless you are daft, I just told you I am available for anything after that class." She's also being wishy-washy because you are sending her wishy-washy signals. This girl is only 20. She's young and she's acting like a 20 year old. If you want girls who tend to be a bit more up front, date girls your age. But, you are assuming worst case. You rejected yourself. You are so stuck in your rejection rut. You constantly contradict yourself. You don't want to get in the friend zone, but you don't want to take dating seriously. You want to play it safe. You can't have it both ways dude. You need to ask her to grab some coffee, bite to eat, sit somewhere, etc after the class. You can't ask her, "Hey. Do you want to hang out, maybe, sometime, perhaps?" You've got to have a clear date in mind or she'll respond to your confusion with her own confusion.
Nexus One Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) I haven't seen her in a week and I don't have her number so we were communicating over email. I was trying to arrange a casual coffee thing. She was just being so evasive in her replies to me. The last exchange I asked her what time she was done on Wednesday and suggested that we meet up once she's done with class. All she said back to me was that she only has one class and then goes straight home. I know she's just trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings. But it's still obviously a rejection. I sent her another message that it's cool, I know that she's busy. And she replied that she might show up to club at the end of the week. She ended her reply with, "See you then?' Sigh. Why not take her invitation to the club? Unless of course you're really not into clubbing. Edited February 21, 2011 by Nexus One
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 You've got to have a clear date in mind or she'll respond to your confusion with her own confusion. How is me asking her what time she's out of class on Wed and that we should meet up once she's out when she's out, wishy-washy? That seems pretty assertive to me. You may have a point in that she's just acting like a 20 year old. Because of my situation I've only ever dealt with women in the 18-22 bracket. I have no idea how the older ones act. You know, I don't think I've spoken to a woman my own age since I was 22 myself. Going from high school, to jr college, to working retail, then to a university, all the girls were young. Getting back to her, is it not the worst case? She hasn't said a single thing about wanting to meet up with me. I'm smart enough to see that she's not interested and may even be trying to lessen the blow. Would I have any better chances of success if tried to take her to a nice dinner instead of meeting up for coffee. I doubt it. At least with this girl, it became clear to her very quickly that I wasn't interested in friendship. At least this thing didn't drag on for months like my last mess.
Author somedude81 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Posted February 21, 2011 Why not take her invitation to the club? Unless of course you're really not into clubbing. My bad for not being clear. It's not a dance club, but a business club that meets on campus. The meeting we had two weeks ago was the first time I saw her since our class ended in December. She missed the meeting last week. So if she does show up Thursday this week, there will be about 25 other people there as well. I could talk to her at the end of the meeting like I did when I saw her last, but I don't see the point.
somethingsimple Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Personally, I think you should take girls out to places you like to go and do things you like to do. I always do this, and what I like to do is go out to places to eat and watch movies. 1. It shows the girls a little about yourself. 2. If they can't appreciate or don't like what you like, then I guess its fair to assume it wasn't a match. 3. And if the date doesn't turn out as well as you hoped for, then at least you got to do one of your favorite things. Also, remember that on dates that its a two-sided thing. As much as you want the girls to like you, you have to see if they fit into your standards as well.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted February 21, 2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Dude, girls that age are fickle. Not all, but most. If you want to avoid the head games, date someone older.
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