is2008 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Well as I predicted, she was online on V day. I was rushing with adrenaline wondering whether I do or don't wish her... So I did... I got a cold hostile response "What? What you saying that for?"... hmmm bad start. She then goes on to say I'm her valentine by default and clearly she's online for me. Things unfortunately start to deteriorate from that point forward. She tells me that she's meeting someone today... obviously I start panicking and bombard her with questions... who? why? etc. She carries this story on for a long time, oh she met him on facebook through mutual friends, he's funny, and she doesn't particularly like him but wants to see how it goes. She knows it's tearing my heart to shreds and carries this story up. All this on V day. She continues to tell me that she will send me some photos tonight of her kissing this person... Just when she knows she's broken me, she tells me it's all a lie. How the hell could she do that to me? It's probably the 3-4th time she's come up with similar stories to purposely hurt my feelings. I was literally shaking with anxiety with the thought that someone I dated for 6 years and recently broke up from is going to see another person so soon and then rub it in my face. It just seems like she gets a kick out of hurting me, but never in my life have I shaken with anxiety. My brain felt like it had pins and needles, lump in my throat. To put another human being through that is cruel. Even recalling this event from yesterday is having major effects on me right now, the lump in my throat is back, and I feel very upset. To top it all off, she sends me an offline message when I get home from work acting like nothing happened and nothing was said. Just saying my name like she used to when we were together. I haven't spoken to her since. I STILL love her and I don't know what is up with me. She's acting up big time (she's 21 i'm 25) and stating we should be friends. All whilst she figures out what she wants exactly. Only a few days ago after 11 days NC she said she wanted a relationship. Then she says I should date someone else. I told two of my friends about what happened yesterday, both said I was better off without her and she was evil, but unless you're broken hearted, you can't really offer the same advice... what do you guys think?
PowerOfOne Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 What. The. F**k. That's a pretty sick joke to pull. I don't know her, is that the kind of sense of humour she has?! I'm livid just thinking about it! This really doesn't count as 'good contact' mate. How long do you want to play this game with her? If she doesn't want to talk about 'us' then the very best thing you can do is walk away. It'll be hard. So hard. But you made 10 days before and you can do it again! Then you'll do another week, and another. And you will feel better. I promise you that. If I was you I'd set up a time with her that you can talk about things. If she flakes on it then that's your answer. If she avoids talking about it then that's your answer. I don't like giving people ultimatums but how long has this been stringing along for now? A couple of months from memory? How much longer are you going to go down this track? Another couple of months? You're both as confused as a chameleon on a pile of skittles.... Communication is the only way out of this. If she doesn't want to talk then walk away. Sorry mate, I know it's not the way you had hoped things would go when she last got in touch. :/
Author is2008 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 It is pretty much the sense of humour she has. I can't remember the last time she made me laugh properly. I'm just so infatuated with her that I take everything she gives me, I'm like her emotional punchbag and she treats me like that too... I still keep giving her chances. It's been going on now for a good 6 months. These sorts of stories are becoming the norm and I believe them everytime.... each time more hurtful than the last. She doesn't respect me, that's for sure but she won't leave me alone either. Maybe deep down I don't want her to either... You ask how long am I willing to play this game with her? Well she first started doing it 6 months ago whilst we were still together... they were all lies obviously. We broke up and it still continues. I really should have broken up with her the first time she said it, I don't know why I didn't now. She refuses to entertain any idea of "us" and said she's ready to move on. But then... in her words "our hearts will always seek one another"... so it's confusing. She just doesn't want to communicate at all. When I try, she is very very stubborn and selfish. I've resigned myself to NC now, don't ever want an anxiety episode like that again, and slowly resigning myself to the fact she will NEVER change and therefore the relationship is over.
PowerOfOne Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 She doesn't respect me, that's for sure but she won't leave me alone either. Maybe deep down I don't want her to either.. I can understand that. If you're head over heels with someone, any attention is worth it. Look at it this way, if you'd walked away the first time, think about the place you would be now? 6 months of moving forward. You'd be in a much better place. So do the '6 months from now Ian' a favor and walk away from her. She is not good to you. She doesn't sound like a great girlfriend at all. But I don't know her so i probably shouldn't say that. Somewhere out there is an amazing girl that's just waiting for you to be in a good place so she can show up. "our hearts will always seek one another" - That's such a BS thing to say to someone that she doesn't want to be with. It's purely to keep you on the hook. Thing is, when you go NC she's going to chase you. She's proved that already. But it won't be real. It'll be to keep you on the hook so she can get that ego boost. And you're right, she doesn't seem to respect you or give a blip about how you're feeling. Start up the NC thread again! Stay OFF the IM and tell anyone that she might contact that you do NOT want to know about it.
Author is2008 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Thank you so much PowerOfOne... the me 6 months from now would be in a much better place provided I don't go back or get any more crumbs or stories. Guaranteed by the end of this month I reckon she'll have gotten in touch somehow. I've blocked the emails again, and cannot access the IM. She can't hurt me if I'm not around to hurt and she will realise one day it was a bad move. I'm going to restart the NC thread and maintain it this time. I've had a terrible time over V day, and I feel so broken right now. I need to man up and get myself through this before I waste any more of my life away. I've not been 'truly' happy with her except the initial honeymoon period. I don't know how I let it go on so long. I really appreciate your support though, I'd be a mess if I didn't write it down and get advice.
marqueemoon4 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 there are some really evil women out there. i happened to procreate and marry one of them.
PowerOfOne Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Just keep where you'll be in 6 months time in mind. That's the goal. You are doing the right thing, remember that. It's one thing to work on a relationship but it takes two. Otherwise it's toxic. I never would have thought it possible but after almost 3 months of NC I can look back and see that what I thought was a great relationship - wasn't. She was cold, closed and never made an effort to share our lives. She's going to make a great doctor haha. So even if you can't see the light (God knows I couldn't) - In time you will. Work hard and want to move on. I promise you that you will be a happy, carefree guy again!
Author is2008 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 MM4 - yes there are some very evil women out there. i didn't even know this girl was capable of such madness til around 6 months ago and i'd known her 6 years. would absolutely love for her to change but i can't see it happening anytime soon if at all. it's a shame because i feel so strongly for her PowerOfOne - congrats on the 3 months NC! i'm glad you're able to see the relationship for what it was. that unfortunately isn't my problem. i can see the relationship for what it is right now, i just wish it wasn't this way. does that even make sense? it's not that i can't see myself with someone else... i can, i just wonder whether i'll have that bond and connection with someone new? also, the key for me is that i cannot open my heart to someone new whilst i'm not over my ex. i'm sure it's the same for you. i'll never be able to see the good qualities in another girl... i can't right now and i know some damn decent girls.
stopthemadness Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) ok I read the first post and all the others too. And i must say it is amazing to me that you believe that those stories about other men are not true!! Yes there true. Yes she is seeing or talking to other men. The thing that she kidding about is when is tells you 'No am playing" thats the lieing part. This women is playing games big time and its because you let her. Letting go of our exs hurts and its hard. But we have no choice!! We have to let them go and the sooner the better. Am going through it now with my ex. The letting go, and we were off and on for 8+yrs. It will be 30 days On thursday of N/C and am doing alright. He seeing smone he met off facebook and life goes on..It has too.. I do see a therapist it helps to have smone to talk too. As by now my family and friends just cant hear another word about it. Thats why I come here.. Good luck..hang in there..NCNCNCNC Edited February 15, 2011 by stopthemadness
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