purple_cloud Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I met this guy online few weeks ago. We corresponded for a bit then decided to meet up in person yesterday. It was actually Valentines day but neither of us mentioned it at all. We just had a coffee date and ended up chatting for 2-3 hours. He is smart and funny. There was no flirting or touching at all. He only hugged me at the end of the date. He did ask mid-date if I am available one day this week to hang out and play some cards at his place. On the spot, I said yes. Few hours after I got home he texted me that he had a nice time and asked me to come online to chat a bit more. So I did. During IM conversation I asked him what he is looking for in terms of relationships. He said that he has just moved to the area so is not looking for something TOO serious right off the bat. But he also said that he is open to it happening with the right person. My concern is that he asked me to play cards at his place as a second date. This is supposed to happen at 7:30pm on a week night. I am not sure if he is after quick sex. It would be kind of weird because first date had no sexual feeling to it. Thoughts? I am on the fence about seeing him again.
Author purple_cloud Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 BTW we are both in our late 20s. Most of our conversation so far was just discussing politics and economics.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) Just the two of you playing cards? I'm sorry that is not a date. I would have expected a guy to treat me to sushi and dessert on the 1st date if not the second. If he insists on cards, politely decline. I'm sure you're not particularly fond of playing poker with him anyways. However if you're interested in a second date, suggest a neutral area, like " oh how about this great Italian restaurant place on so- and- so street".... Take the initiative if you're uncomfortable with going back to his place. Edited February 15, 2011 by xpaperxcutx
Author purple_cloud Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 Well, I was talking about some card game and he said that he wants me to teach him. During our IM the only flirty thing he said is that he wanted to kiss me at the end of the first date but was too shy to do it. I am leaning towards canceling.
jerbear Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I think he is beyond shy. IMO don't cancel but suggest another venue and See what his response is. After the second, real date, then decide. My hunch he is more introverted than you.
Hanther Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Why? Card date does not equal sex. You've said multiple times now that you are leaning towards canceling. What's the real reason? Go see him. If he pushes for sex, you CAN say no and leave, ya know? If not, you may have a good time. Either way you'll have your answer. Or you can tell him no because you really don't like him that much.
NYCGirly Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Cancel! Cancel! Cancel! Yes he's looking for sex. My general rule of thumb is never having house dates within the first 3-4 weeks. House dates lead to sex (or at least oral/heavy petting). If you're not ready to take that step, I would stay away. Cancel the date stating something came up. Then suggest an outing for another night where you'll be around other people.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Why? Card date does not equal sex. You've said multiple times now that you are leaning towards canceling. What's the real reason? Go see him. If he pushes for sex, you CAN say no and leave, ya know? If not, you may have a good time. Either way you'll have your answer. Or you can tell him no because you really don't like him that much. A card date does not equate sex, but being at his place would imply the possibility of sex. There are women who just goes with the flow of things until it's too late, and whether the OP can actually say no, I can't speak for her. But I do understand her position if she does not want to be put into an uncomfortable position, hence why I suggested a neutral place.
somedude81 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I suggest rescheduling and avoid a going to somebodies house for now unless you're going to have friends over playing cards. BTW, sex may be on his mind, but he doesn't seem the type to actually try so soon. I'm the same way. If a invite a girl I like over to my apartment to play video games and I haven't kissed her yet, I'm not going to try and go for sex. What I'll be doing is trying to get comfortable touching her, putting my arm around her etc.
Author purple_cloud Posted February 15, 2011 Author Posted February 15, 2011 I guess my issue is that I don't like forcing guys to take me out. If I were to suggest going out to some place for dinner for example, even if he agrees he may feel like I have forced it. I just hate being with someone at a place that they don't want to be at. Even though he said he was too shy too kiss me, he is not inexperienced and has had few relationships before. I am sure that he knows how to take a girl out properly.
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