EX Wants to pawn off our ring! LONG!

[joshislost]

Hello all! First and foremost great forum. I have been lurking here for a while just following and applying the rules of no contact for an ex. I could really use some advice! Here is my story... There will be several red flags..

 

I met this girl 2 years ago, she was pregnant by another guy. Claimed she had no connection with him or his family. I dated her, she lives about 50 miles away from me so I would go see her all the time (she had no car). Anyways anytime she would have a false alarm I would drop everything I was doing to go be with her in the hospital, i truly loved her. I even was there for her labor, and spent nights with her in the hospital just so she wouldn't be alone. I cared for her and her son like gold. Did everything for them.

 

 

Down the road she came clean and told me that when I would leave the hospital during day hours, the baby's dad family would actually come to the hospital to visit her behind my back. I mean I don't care that is their blood, but why did she have to lie about it. I was shocked, but still forgave her and stuck thru with her.

 

My family happened to go to europe and I went, while I was away I found out that she was sending naked pictures to this guy she liked, she said we were only a month into the relationship and didn't know what to think so she figured it was alright. Yet I stuck thru with her and forgave her.

 

I was always the one to blame in the relationship, it was always my fault and i was a dumb@$$ according to her, yet I have a college degree. I had to persuade her to get a GED.

 

I truly did love her and her son, and i still do . I treated her child and her like gold. Even got her a promise ring, and was planning on getting engaged to her in May.

 

We were driving down the road one time and she saw an old hs guy made nothing of it, but one week later she is breaking up with me to go out with him, then she came back to me. I still forgave her, and this happened on 3 different occasions. Call me an idiot for always wanting and taking her back.

 

She would always break up with me for something insignificant, just to go out with another guy, which later I would find out about.

 

On our one year I had big plans for her and I, and she ditched me to hang out with her friends, it hurt a lot. I still loved her and put up with it.

 

She would always stay online until 4am in the morning, claiming she wasnt talking to any other guys, but I was highly doubtful of that. I just couldn't trust her, but still love her.

 

THE ONE thing that I messed up was my family, and I apologized countless times for, basically she wanted to meet my family, not an odd request, but my family is very strict. I didn't want to bring her home while she was pregnant, bc my family wouldn't be very keen of her. So we figured after she had the baby. That's when things started to turn bad... I have mentioned her to my family several times, and that she had a son, they refused to meet her. They had seen what she had been putting me through with all the fights and I was depressed, but still loved her. She threatened to break up with me, and finally I, against my parents will brought her point blank to meet them. My parents didn't appreciate it much. Didn't want to talk to her or anything.

 

She always wanted her son to have a family, which I told her I'd be willing to step up and be his father. I started saving for his college and tried doing the right thing for him and her. I wanted to be a great husband and father. What she wanted was my family to accept her, and I couldn't do that, I explained to her that I can't make someone like another person, and literally it is her and I against the world.

 

I told her I pick her over my family, want to start a life with her and grow a family with her. she said she'd consider it, then came back with no until my family accepts her. I can't force someone to like her. She hasn't held a job for longer than a month, I would always pay for everything, she never made an effort to come see me, and it just hurt, but i still loved her. I was willing to work it all out for her to give her and her son a great life and to be a great dad to a child whom isn't even biologically mine.

 

One time she was fighting telling me how I was ugly and she was hot, how she deserved to be with such a hotter guy than me, and that i was a loser, yet I still loved her and wanted her.

 

We had many breaks over the course of our nearly 2 year relationship, she would break up with me for anything and everything, but mainly would root it back to my parents as if she knew that's the only thing in this world that I couldnt change. Yet she would always have a back up plan when breaking up with me, yet I always wanted her back.

 

The event that drove me over the top that I went NC and didn't want to hear from her, yet i still miss her was on our anniversary we were in rough waters and yet it was our anniversary I wanted to bring her a rose and try to mend things because it was "our day." I arrived at her door to only find out that she was out with another guy on her "first date" this killed beyond all believe i left the flower there and the next day we fought. She even was telling me about this guy to get me jealous. It really killed that it happened. From there onward I went no contact.

 

It was hard, and I wanted to contact her, but after nearly a month I start to get better, she had promised she'd keep the promise ring I had got her and that I'd keep her stuff.

 

That ring meant a lot to me and her yet today after nearly a month of NC with her an email saying:

-Listen I will be pawning off the promise ring this wednesday. If you want I will sell it to you. Either way idc just let me know if you want me to sell it to you.

 

I was furious when I saw that, I need help, I realize that I kept on a girl that prob wasnt the best for me as other people have told me, but love is blind, and i still love and miss her and wish we could reconcile and be together, but idk if I can trust her.

 

So should I...

 

A. Not respond, keep on NC and she will prob sell the ring.

B. Tell her gluck selling the ring, hope the money she makes out of it will make her happy.

C. Buy the ring from her at whatever price.

D. Plead like I have in the past and tell her that I love and miss her and wish she would come back.

 

Any help and feedback would be appreciated sorry it's soo long. I did it all for this girl from Tiffany Jewlery to loving a child and trying to be a young father, to trips and spending thousands of dollars on her. Seems hard that she would leave bc of my family as I told her it's us against the world, yet she didn't want that.

 

People tell me she is just trying to get a rise out of me with this email. It wouldn't be the first time.

 

Sincerely,

 

J

[Woggle]

I doubt you will get it back. You wasted way too much time on her so I would just accept this loss and move on. She is no good.

[gator12]

She is immature in many ways and shows a big lack of character in all of her behavior. This girl is fire and I'd advise you to stay as far away as possible. The promise ring doesn't matter, let her do with it what she will, maintain your dignity and don't respond. Stay strong, you are def better off without her.

 

-Gator

[westrock]

You sound like a good guy wanting to do the right thing. She seems to have zero respect for you. You deserve way more than this.

 

I understand you love her, but do you think she loves you? Is this the way you want a woman to love you?

 

Do you know anything about her relationship with her own family? The issue she mentions about your family may be something that's important to her especially if her own relationship with her family is not good. However, she is also using that as a way to keep you at a distance. Since you cannot make your family like her or anyone else, she knows she can always use that against you as a convenient excuse to justify breaking up with you and doing all those things that are detrimental to a relationship with you. This is her issue, not anything to do with your family.

 

The fact that she wants to sell you back a gift you gave her as a symbol of your love just shows you her true character. Doesn't that sound messed up to you?

 

You should just ignore her and walk way from this mess. Nothing you say to her will change her mind. She's going to sell the ring anyway.

 

Good luck. One day you will meet a woman who is 180-degrees opposite to this woman and you will wonder what were you thinking before.

[joshislost]

I doubt you will get it back. You wasted way too much time on her so I would just accept this loss and move on. She is no good.

 

I realize this now, I wish things hadn't ended like that. I was always getting the blame for everything aka emotional abuse.

 

She is immature in many ways and shows a big lack of character in all of her behavior. This girl is fire and I'd advise you to stay as far away as possible. The promise ring doesn't matter, let her do with it what she will, maintain your dignity and don't respond. Stay strong, you are def better off without her.

 

-Gator

 

Gator, thank you for the kind words it really means a lot, you're a great person! This forum rocks. Just wish she wasn't like this to me! I did all I could for her and her son.

 

You sound like a good guy wanting to do the right thing. She seems to have zero respect for you. You deserve way more than this.

 

I understand you love her, but do you think she loves you? Is this the way you want a woman to love you?

 

Do you know anything about her relationship with her own family? The issue she mentions about your family may be something that's important to her especially if her own relationship with her family is not good. However, she is also using that as a way to keep you at a distance. Since you cannot make your family like her or anyone else, she knows she can always use that against you as a convenient excuse to justify breaking up with you and doing all those things that are detrimental to a relationship with you. This is her issue, not anything to do with your family.

 

The fact that she wants to sell you back a gift you gave her as a symbol of your love just shows you her true character. Doesn't that sound messed up to you?

 

You should just ignore her and walk way from this mess. Nothing you say to her will change her mind. She's going to sell the ring anyway.

 

Good luck. One day you will meet a woman who is 180-degrees opposite to this woman and you will wonder what were you thinking before.

 

Westrock,

 

Thanks for the great words to answer your questions:

 

I think she loved me, and I think I hold out hope that maybe the girl that I first met will love me again someday... She never told me she didn't love me and I hold out that someday she will come back, I know I am lying to myself.

 

Is this the way I want a women to love me? No, I feel that she could be better but she choses to be like that. I have changed many things for her, while she would change none for me.

 

I do know her family and their relationship.. She used to live with her mother, whom was a crack head wh*re, not lying. When she was a child her mother would constantly have other men to have sex with her for money, she also told me of an abusive step dad whom used to beat her, and her father whom was barely in her life, would blow her off on days she was supposed to see her. She told me she used to bring her mother back from overdoses and witnessed her mother die from an overdose when she was young. I felt so bad, I was never raised like that. I wanted to give her better. She faced custody battles as a kid, and lives with her aunt, whom isn't exactly the most sane person either. She has been to counseling many times.

 

I wanted to give her and her son a stable father figure/husband to raise a family the right way. Give her something right. Because my family wouldn't accept her she used to leave me, you are right she was using that to breakup whenever she wanted. I can understand that she did it because she wanted a stable family for her and her son. I couldn't provide that, I apologized, begged and pleaded with her that I would be a great father and husband. A family is about her, her son, and I. I told her if my family doesn't accept her, which they didn't then I pick her over them. Yet that wasn't enough for her. She demanded the impossible for me to make my family like her. I cant force that on anyone.

 

I even went as far as to try and get her and the baby's fathers family to reunite in order to be able to provide the child with grandparents. Since my family wasn't willing to be grandparents I tried to make it right with them, and I would be ok with it, but yet that wasn't enough. I am really sorry my parent's won't accept her, but I feel and i told her multiple times its about us not them. That was all never enough. I just dont get why i still am so in love with her if she treated me so badly.

[Art_Critic]

First:

The ring should have been returned to you after the breakup happened..

She isn't the true owner of the ring as the engagement never happened and that promise wasn't fulfilled.

but with that being said I also don't think getting the ring back will do any good for you either.

 

I will say this though.. I would run fast away from this person..

The child ISN'T yours so you have no ties..

 

Please do yourself a favor and just let her pawn the ring and block her number and never talk to her again..

She seems like a user and sooner or later she will use you again...

You sound like a man who has his heart in the right place but was taken advantage of by a woman who has some issues..

[Lemontang]

Woah! Dude. I read your other thread on this and responded as her possibly trying to goad you into a response. After reading all that I'm now not so sure and would be none to surprised if she did sell it.

 

In saying that I'd still stick to the guns of a tale you can tell to others but also to yourself about what not to accept in future relationships.

 

In essence I had a similar experience to. My heart was in the right place, when it was nothing more than an ATM and roof over her head. But I learn't from this and moved on (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253971/)

 

As twisted as this may sound, sometimes it's good for the good guys to get burn't if only so we wake up and realise that there are some people in this world that will and do take advantage of us. But in learning this we ensure it won't happen again us. Prior to my ex I was blissfully unaware and accepted that people would always do the right thing. Sadly this is not always the case no matter how morally or ethically the situation should be treated.

[milkmaterial]

u know even if ur story is sad, i felt glad that men like you exist.

 

come to think of it, you tried your best. you did everything, and what did she do?

 

if u think about that, it makes u feel a lot better. dont think of what she did for u, dont even think of what she did TO you. think about everything u did for her, and that would be enough.

[spackle]

would you think me harsh if I called you a doormat??

 

Only because she cheated on you repeatedly and you took her back. She knew how much you cared for her and IMO took advantage of that.

 

Please cut all ties with this leach. Only then can you move on and find yourself a good woman.

[joshislost]

First:

The ring should have been returned to you after the breakup happened..

She isn't the true owner of the ring as the engagement never happened and that promise wasn't fulfilled.

but with that being said I also don't think getting the ring back will do any good for you either.

 

I will say this though.. I would run fast away from this person..

The child ISN'T yours so you have no ties..

 

Please do yourself a favor and just let her pawn the ring and block her number and never talk to her again..

She seems like a user and sooner or later she will use you again...

You sound like a man who has his heart in the right place but was taken advantage of by a woman who has some issues..

 

I agree with you Art and thanks for your great feedback, it should have been returned at first, but as the saying goes "it is what it is."

 

Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate that. I am usually fine, from time to time I do miss her, but when stuff like this happens it puts a strain on me and I just want to respond to her, but I've been sticking strong. I kind of want to tell her i hope the money she gets from it makes her happy, but is it even worth my time, it'll only lead to another fight.

 

Woah! Dude. I read your other thread on this and responded as her possibly trying to goad you into a response. After reading all that I'm now not so sure and would be none to surprised if she did sell it.

 

In saying that I'd still stick to the guns of a tale you can tell to others but also to yourself about what not to accept in future relationships.

 

In essence I had a similar experience to. My heart was in the right place, when it was nothing more than an ATM and roof over her head. But I learn't from this and moved on (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253971/)

 

As twisted as this may sound, sometimes it's good for the good guys to get burn't if only so we wake up and realise that there are some people in this world that will and do take advantage of us. But in learning this we ensure it won't happen again us. Prior to my ex I was blissfully unaware and accepted that people would always do the right thing. Sadly this is not always the case no matter how morally or ethically the situation should be treated.

 

This was def. a learning opportunity for me bud, I learned how people can be cruel, and very evil. Even if you want the best for them. I read your story and we have very similar stories. I felt the same way in essence, I was putting in all the effort while she was not.

 

I can agree with you that its great for learning. I have learned a lot on what is love, and what isn't. If she truly loved me, she wouldn't do what she did at the end, or even what she did with the ring, that's just hurtful. I am sorry you went thru a similar episode as me, but it seems like it was a learning experience for both of us.

 

u know even if ur story is sad, i felt glad that men like you exist.

 

come to think of it, you tried your best. you did everything, and what did she do?

 

if u think about that, it makes u feel a lot better. dont think of what she did for u, dont even think of what she did TO you. think about everything u did for her, and that would be enough.

 

Thank you Milk! That means a lot. I mean i treat people the way I'd like to be treated.

 

In my heart and mind I feel I did the best and provided the best for her and her son at the time. I even went on to start saving money for her son to go to college someday, something (she told me) her childs father wouldn't ever do. I felt I was doing what a man, future husband, and father should be doing.

 

The only thing I felt I could have changed, but didn't was at the end when she went out with this other guy I told her afterwards wtf you are playing me with this guy. She responded that she wasn't that I knew about him now, and he supposedly knew about me. Idk if I believe that. Anyways. She told me if I wanted another shot with her I had to prove myself to her (this was a constant thing) or else I would lose her to the other guy. I told her first and foremost, I do try everyday and do as much as I can for her, from seeing her daily, to choosing a job next to where she lived, to picking her over my family, and to choosing to help raise her son with her, and providing him a stable family (as in me, and her). Even to bringing her a rose on our anniversary only to find out she was out with someone else. I also told her that I constantly fight for her, and she didn't fight for me, she already had decided before hand to go out with that guy, so clearly she isn't fighting for me while I am fighting for her.

 

-Maybe I should have fought harder, but I feel like she wasnt putting in any effort, leaving me in the dumps while she was out with other men, idk I felt like i did the right thing at the time.

[joshislost]

would you think me harsh if I called you a doormat??

 

Only because she cheated on you repeatedly and you took her back. She knew how much you cared for her and IMO took advantage of that.

 

Please cut all ties with this leach. Only then can you move on and find yourself a good woman.

 

Spackle,

 

I wouldn't find it harsh. I find it constructive actually and thank you for your input. What would force a person to be like that. I have cut all ties and start to heal, when I am healing all of a sudden she comes back and does this to me again to get a response and it sends me right back to step one lol.

[gator12]

Cut off all ties with her. NC is the way to go to heal uninterrupted. And the answer to what would make her like that, is i don't know. Some people just are immature in relationships, then others just have a complete lack of character. You shouldn't have taken her back the second time. Here's how I view cheaters, there are two types:

• One time- the one who is usually feeling unnappreciated in the relationship, cheats one time but tells you almost immediately and is truely sorry and does whatever it takes to earn your trust back
  
• chronic - this is the "once a cheater always a cheater". they don't cheat because they are emotionally compromised in the relationship, they cheat just for the sake of cheating.
  

In my opinion the first type is the only type that is forgiveable, and almost all people are at risk of being that type once in their lives just because of the nature of it. The second type is just a person of no class, someone you are really better off as far away as possible from. Your ex was the second type which is just another reason to stay away from her. You're a nice guy which sometimes translates to doormat and she took full advantage of it. F*** her, lol, she didn't deserve you man.

 

-Gator

[joshislost]

Cut off all ties with her. NC is the way to go to heal uninterrupted. And the answer to what would make her like that, is i don't know. Some people just are immature in relationships, then others just have a complete lack of character. You shouldn't have taken her back the second time. Here's how I view cheaters, there are two types:

• One time- the one who is usually feeling unnappreciated in the relationship, cheats one time but tells you almost immediately and is truely sorry and does whatever it takes to earn your trust back
  
• chronic - this is the "once a cheater always a cheater". they don't cheat because they are emotionally compromised in the relationship, they cheat just for the sake of cheating.
  

In my opinion the first type is the only type that is forgiveable, and almost all people are at risk of being that type once in their lives just because of the nature of it. The second type is just a person of no class, someone you are really better off as far away as possible from. Your ex was the second type which is just another reason to stay away from her. You're a nice guy which sometimes translates to doormat and she took full advantage of it. F*** her, lol, she didn't deserve you man.

 

-Gator

 

Agree with you it's def a type 2 situation I am dealing with here she has hurt me a lot in the past and won't give up with the hurt.

[joshislost]

Just received a new email saying :

 

"just fyi ignoring me doesnt make u seem tough. makes u seem like a loser who cant build up enough balls to say i want it back or for me to sell it."

 

Should I demand it back (for free), not respond, post depplover_1980 response, or tell her to sell it?