Tofu Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 (Its abit long but please bare with me) My case is a long distance relationship so i just wanted to see wat you can make out from this and give me your opinion and advice on how to make us get together again: We were in a long distance relationship for 8months, me 20 and her 17. And we just decided today that we want to give this relationship a break because she cant last with us not being together everyday. Were only 1hr away and i went down today to try and work things out with her to try and keep this relationship going but she was certain it couldnt go on even tho we've only seen each other twice, first was just a month ago and second was today with us trying to talk over it. I tried telling her now that exams are over and were finally ready we can try and see each other regularly again through weekends. She said it would just hurt her more if she tried and i tried to logically reason with her for an hr that if you dont attempt this you wont ever know and breaking up would just be certain pain for the both of us so i wanted her to take the chance path and try seeing each other regularly, she wouldnt listen and kept saying she cant do it... and i understand now logic is not the way to go. In the end we both agreed to give it a break and just be friends then we just spent the rest of the day just chatting like very close friends. I could tell from her eyes and voice that she loves me deeply when she said 'i love you' and i do too for her but the distance problem is wat dragged us apart. I asked if there was still a chance we could get back together and she said if the circumstances changed, which im assuming is if i was able to get closer to her but i cant cos of my duties in university and her in college. We kissed passionatly before i left for the train today showing the feelings we still hav for each other, we talked via text, msn and phone after i got back home just normal chit chat and my mind tells me to keep in contact with her everyday like this from now on so we can still stay close and hopefully she will giv our relationship another chance but im not sure if you feel this would be the right thing to do always talking to her like we were still a couple? My question is, do you think that over time she will grow to miss those days we hav been together and try to get by this distance problem and be back together with me again? The love is still there, she said this relationship would be perfect IF we werent far away so we could just drop by each others house anytime to be together physically, sadly we cant. Valentines day is approaching soon and i was wondering should i do anything for the day or just leave it alone? Thanks in advance I look forward to your replies and discuss this further with everyone
donovant91 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I think she will, speaking from experience I was in a LDR for 5 years. It sounds like she really cares about you and since shes one that follows her emotions if you tempt her enough she will jump back into the relationship. If she was serious about it not working out she would probably talk to you less or ignore you. Just keep in mind for a LDR to work out you have to work EXTRA hard. Small gestures like sending her flowers or leaving her big emails really go a long way. Just keep dropping hints about how much you adore her and she won't be able to resist.
snug.bunny Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 Do most people consider one hour long distance? Even if you were closer, is it realistic to expect to be with each other every single day? If you were living together or married, yes, but until that point (if it ever reaches that point) it doesn't have to be every single day. On that note, how often were you seeing each other before she decided the distance was too much? If it was once a month, with an hour distance, then that is probably why the relationship didn't progress much further.
Winterborn Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 I wouldn't call this long distance, really.... I think her problems with the "long distance" are only masking something else, maybe insecurities...
Author Tofu Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) Do most people consider one hour long distance? Even if you were closer, is it realistic to expect to be with each other every single day? If you were living together or married, yes, but until that point (if it ever reaches that point) it doesn't have to be every single day. On that note, how often were you seeing each other before she decided the distance was too much? If it was once a month, with an hour distance, then that is probably why the relationship didn't progress much further. Most people dont consider it to be far at all just she thinks through her gut feeling it cant work. She says shes that kinda person needing the people she loves to be close to her physically so she can come see them anytime, but i agree its unrealistic at all. In the 8 months we've been together we've only seen each other 2 times and that includes today when we talked bout givin it a break. It was my fault early in the relationship for being reluctant to see her until last month when we finally saw each other for the 1st time, we had the best day of our lives and we were certain we are right for each other compatibility-wise... I was extremely eager to see her again after our 1st meeting but exam comittments and her needing to comfort a grieving friend kept us apart for a month until yesterday where she just couldnt hang on anymore. She told me it cant work cos it hurt her so much the day i left when we 1st saw each other and she just kept feeling lonely and in pain as time passed cos i couldnt be there with her physically so she didnt want to hav to go through the same pain again when i visit and then leave again. But to be honest the only reason shes felt lonely is because it took so long for us to see each other again and honest to god i had tried so many times after that 1st meeting to see her again but exams and comittments had kept us apart which was unlucky and i told her that it would be so unlikely for that to happen again if we actually tried to regularly see each other more, she just kept insisting she 'cant' and told me to stop telling her to 'try'. I know for certain our relationship would easily have progressed and blossomed if we actually did the things a real couple do and that is to be with each other rather than sit behind a phone all the time, I wanted us both to take that step but she wasnt strong enough to take it. I wouldn't call this long distance, really.... I think her problems with the "long distance" are only masking something else, maybe insecurities... She is quite an insecure girl, the weird type and i love her so much for her personality but this is a part of her i have always tried to get her through and during the tough times shes had i hav always been there for her, the only thing shes nvr talked bout with me until it was too late was how she felt lonely not getting to see me enough, which like i say she hasnt even given it a chance for us to see regularly. I asked her twice if distance was really the only reason and she said it was, and from her voice i believe her. Right now im considering to add one of her friends on facebook and talk to her bout how our relationship had fallen so low all of a sudden and see what she thinks of it and hopefully maybe she can convince her to come bk. My gf had talked to all of her friends bout it apparantly and all agreed a long-distance relationship isnt the way to go my gf told me, but i still cant believe a 1hr distance problem is wat made things go so wrong. I met one of her mates during our 1st day, tho we didnt talk much we had a fun time with us 3 together. Im not sure if i should talk to her or not tho cos obviously i cant expect her not to tell my gf i contacted her bout it but i want to throw in my reasons to why i think this relationship would hav worked if we actually tried. My girlfriend listens to her friends more than anyone (tho i was the 1 she always listened to before all this happened) so i was hoping if i could convince her why my reasons can make it work she too will tell my gf to try as well... one support from 1 of her friends is much better than everyone agreeing that this relationship cant work for her Also i need to know if i should stay in contact with her or not, she likes me alot but right now she just wants to be friends. If i stay in contact will that make her feel closer to me again or should i try to minimize contact (like shorter texts etc) so she starts to miss me? I know for a fact that she still loves me in her mind, just not seeing each other makes it painful for her... she was crying today when we talked bout it and i could see how much it really hurt her to do this but she felt there was no way to work this out after alot of thinkin to herself. I dont want her to hurt anymore which is why i was willing to giv it a break. Edited February 10, 2011 by Tofu needed more detail
Author Tofu Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated, i dont want to lose this strong bond me and my gf still have
gator12 Posted February 11, 2011 Posted February 11, 2011 NC is the way to go. Tha is the only way she will ever miss you is if you completely dissappear. Don't take any of her crumbs either, she will send you many messages and call but unless she specifically says she wants to give it another go you have no reason to reply to her. She needs to opportunity to miss you and you need some space from the relationship to see the problems in so if you should get a second chance you wont make the same mistakes again. -Gator
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