kaygato Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My ex and I were in an ldr for 1.5 years, although the last 3 months have been really rocky and on-off w/ me in denial that we were breaking up...sigh. We broke up "once and for all" just 2 weeks ago. I'm 18, he's 19, first relationship for both of us, and we go to colleges an hour apart. We met 2 summers ago and started dating at the end of July in 2009. He was going off to college 2.5 hours from our hometown and I was going into my senior year of highschool. We both I would describe as being somewhat immature with relationships and with this being our first we were pretty emotionally codependent on each other, I would say. Even though I trusted him more than anyone else other than my family...I still didn't trust him enough. I had and still have some insecurities about myself that caused me to not be able to be completely open with him. In some ways I wish we would have just been friends because I think that I was too immature to handle a serious relationship and maybe I should have taken the chance that we would grow apart. I really love him, but I know I hurt him this fall. I was depressed and I distanced myself from him and took him for granted. I couldn't trust him to tell him what I was going through and I was selfish in that I didn't caring for his needs the way I should have and only thought of myself. I was basically a mess my first semester and really hurt the connection we had. When he broke up with me my mental state was not good and I couldn't accept it. That resulted in us getting back together and breaking up twice more. Even though I think I contributed more to the breakup than he did...he also did some things as well. I encouraged it, I guess, but I would say he was a bit too emotionally dependent on me and that affected his schoolwork somewhat. I guess the ldr part might have made it hard for both of us to live in the moment... We both took the relationship really seriously from the start and I think we maybe should've taken it slower...I don't know, it all seems like water under the bridge now. Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for sympathy. And maybe some false hope that things could at least work out for us in the future? I've accepted that I need to move on and am no longer in denial about the breakup. I've also been getting treatment for the depression I went through and I'm trying to move forward and focus on school and new friendships I've been forming at my college. I just still have a tiny seed of hope that things might still work out between my ex and I. He said he'd be willing to be friends, and he'd even be willing to talk about where things went wrong in the fall (we never really talked about that when we decided to get back together...stupid I know). He basically started to move on 2-3 months ago and now I'm playing catch-up. I'm sure we'll hang out in the summer. I'm just wondering if it's too late for us. What do you think? I learned the hard way that reconciliations have to happen naturally...and that my ex would have to be the one to want it. No amount of trying to convince him or begging will work. I know in the past of our relationship I've been guilty of trying to force things instead of letting them just happen. I'm just wondering if there's any hope for us in the future...
Author kaygato Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I mean... do guys ever revisit the past? Do they go back to old girlfriends they broke up with? We had a very strong connection and I'm hoping staying friends might rekindle it. I know I'm probably being too optimistic. So any positive or negative opinions or advice you have is welcome. Or if you have any stories or personal experiences I'd appreciate it.
aerogurl87 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 It's possible that a reconcilliation could happen. My ex of 1.5 years came back to me about a month ago and we could've gotten back together had I decided I wanted to give him another chance. Unfortunately by then I'd found someone better and I went back to my boyfriend whom I'd just broken up with, and now him and I are planning to live together soon. But if he really loves you he'll come back, they always do in my experience.
Author kaygato Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 I'm just so tired of myself...I feel like I'll never be over this. I'm at the point where part of me just wants to move on, and the other part doesn't want to forget about him and is scared for the future. I'm coming down with the flu right now and I'm so upset over everything. Right now I'm in low contact with him, but I plan on talking to him in a couple weeks about what went wrong between us. I'm not expecting we'll get back together from talking about it but I want to see what he feels about it and explain more about what I was going through last fall. I shouldn't wait around for him though, right? I guess the reason I'm trying so hard to be understanding with him is because I know I hurt him...how can I come to terms with that and move on? I don't want to feel the same way 6 months from now. If he doesn't want me...I'd rather find someone new who does. But how do I stop loving my ex? How do I close the book on us when things still seem unfinished?
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