Winterborn Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 Hello, I'll start by giving some details about our LDR... yes, 2000 km apart but it's been such an experience... Thanks for stopping by to take a look at it Age: 25 (me), 24 (him) Children: he's got one child from the previous relationship How often we've met: it depends, we used to be apart for much of the time and been 'official' almost 1 yr ago. Time together: 5 yrs (it sounds weird, but we fell in love from the very beginning, though we tried to mind of our own lives and be involved with other people) the beautiful part.... Well, I always 'knew' he has something for me, but I was staying cool because of the distance. I killed my feelings seveal times, thinking "it wouldn't work". He finally travelled to my country 2 years ago... although he was with another woman, he was mad about me and confused of what to do... I eventually sent him back to her. When I separated with my last Bf, he carefully planned his confession... and eventually said in a delicate, extremely romantic way that he can't be happy without me and that he wants me to accept his love... and that was it, we were crying with joy and started talking daily or so. We took another trip, and this time we felt free to be a couple and make love for the first time. Well, but then... he got stressed with the situation at his home, I got to put pressure on our relationship and also to be fearful... (because of my unhealed wounds) and we started to argue a bit. I was getting a but rough and one day he wanted to dump me. I wrote him a needy, pleading email, bursting with all my feelings... hoping it will restore his trust in me. I am ashamed of it now, but it wasn't disastrous back then, surprisingly. He came back the next day, confessing he totally snapped because of the crazy ppl in his life.... He fixed his mistake, I was ok. but... he did one of the greatest things in the world! Only days after, he made a secret trip to visit me!! He planned with my friends and flew here right away...! called me and said he's at my place, out of the blue! I almost got a heart attack! Everyone was in total positive shock! The days that followed were pure bliss.... He even started talking to me about marriage and asked me to move away with him. And not long ago, another trip together. Passionate nights and more promises... We kept on having arguments though, in spite of him saying that he wants me to move in with him. I felt there was something unsolved, an old issue steming from the past. It grew on us and he confessed he feels bad about me now. He wants space and wants to get back to the time when we were friendly chatting... But we were never only friends!..... He contradicts himself in atrocious ways, I simply can't make sense of his mind! He's doing all that he condemns in others! For example, he hates judgmental ppl, but he judges like crazy!! I feel he just wants a woman who would smile, swallow and wait for him to get through all moods he wants.... Now he's busy moving away, to a new home. We communicate via email, pretty seldom. I'm giving him time and space. I was trying to show him the reality, but I stopped out of fear of being too critical. I'm about to make a switch, so that he may start feeling the love, not the pressure. My next email will be short and positive, instead of long and critical. Anyhow..... the situation hurts me so bad... I'm minding of other activities in my life, but I know we need each other. We've always learnt much about life together, and we have a wonderful journey ahead. I'm not afraid of difficulties in relationships.... but he runs away at the smallest bump . How can I handle him without exploding? and how am I supposed to act? try try and get some reasoning to him, or to pretend things are ok and to do smalltalk? what if my detached attitude will push him away? in the past, my love confessions were getting him closer and ending the argument... but now, I'm sure he would feel pressure.
ReturnToSender Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Wow that sounds really rough. From what you describe with his moods and such, it really seems like theres a lot going on under the surface there that more likely than not has absolutely nothing to do with you, but is taking up a lot of his emotional resources. I saw what you put in the last thread about having gone NC for a month and then dropping a line...at first I was thinking it was because 1 mth really isnt that much time, but after reading your story, I think its because whatever is going on with you hasnt been and probably couldnt be solved in one month and hes still wrapped up in it. Very unfair to you though that hed take out frustrations you dont even know about, on you and the relationship. This is where Im going to say, its not that NC didnt work for you...you didnt give it enough time and broke NC...he didnt reply because for whatever reason hes not ready, and it seems hes not going to say anything to you until he is ready...if he is ever ready. Yeah you could keep writing him and trying to keep in touch, but every time you do, youve taken away any chance to simply write you on his own because he wanted to and without pressure...and if he doesnt respond to you, it will hurt even more cause you know hes purposely ignoring you. I say give him time, and if/when he contacts you...he better have a *really* good reason for what happened...listen and decide for yourself if what he tells you is in your mind and heart a good reason for having left you hanging and ignoring you like that, and take it from there...
Recommended Posts