wmrjw82 Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) Hi Everyone, So here's my story. I was 28 years old and a single dad w/ a 6 mo old baby when I met this girl. We dated for about 6 months and she just broke up w/ me the day after my birthday (January 14th) after I had just moved in December 1st. We went really fast but there were hardly any arguments. I truly thought that she was the one. I know it wasn't a long relationship but the way she was around my son and the fun we had throughout the summer, fall, and holidays was amazing to me. She accepted him and me and we often talked about marriage and living together very quickly. The whole thing was a whirlwind really. After New Year's she started acted funny. Little arguments here and there. Discontent. Like I said we were living together at this point (something she always pushed for) and made this amazing nursery for my son. Well, one night she said she was going out w/ the girls and didn't come back until 6am. She said she had gotten drunk and stayed at her girlfriends place because it was safer than driving back. A day later she says she needs a "girls night out"... then a few days later, she breaks our plans at my companies holiday party because she has come down w/ the flu. I stay home, take care of her and on Sunday after her work shift (she had started feeling better at this point) she says that she's going out for a beer or two w/ the girls again. At this point I was starting to get that feeling that's it's about to be over. She keeps talking about stuff like "I need time to think", "I need time and space", etc. (Which ofcourse is never a good thing)... well I finally give it to her one night a few days later when we are sitting in the living room talking. She said she didn't know if she loved me that I wasn't giving her the space she needed. I slept that night in the guestroom and went to work the next day. The following day I text her that I would give her the space she needed and would stay at my folks house for the next few days. She thought this was a good idea. Well, like I said, my birthday comes on Jan 13th and I get a single text from her in the afternoon stating "It may not mean much now but happy birthday!"... I replied that it meant the world to me and that i've been thinking about her alot lately. The next day I wake up and I look on her facebook page and she had taken down me as the person she was in a relationship with. SHE DID IT OVER FACEBOOK! The funny thing was, I couldn't understand why she would do that to me when some guy had done that to her earlier in the year and she was totally devestated by it. I told her thanks to doing to me what ___ did to you. You KNEW how that felt and I dont understand why you would ever do that to me. Anyways, it took me 2 weeks to move all my stuff out and I finally did that last sunday. I have been no contact for the past week and each day is getting harder. In those 2 weeks I questioned her and asked for explainations and the clearest one I got was when she told me "I'm just not happy. Wasn't ready to have a family. Have a lot of things I need to do before that happens." "just didnt want all that. Found myself interested in another guy. But trust me nothing has happened and probably won't. I just don't think i should be wonder about someone else. Guess I just wasnt really in love" "i haven't been in love for awhile. I dont see a future with you." "my heart and my gut said get out." I'm just floored by all this cold ****! It came literally out of nowhere. On christmas she even wrote me a card that said, "to our first xmas...may there be many more! i love you!" I mean that was literally 3 weeks before she told me all this stuff. Other problems included finances between us... i'm going thru a custody battle right now and most of my finances go to that. But the custody battle is ending soon and she knew that. Also, we were always around each other alot unless we were out w/ her friends. I dont have many friends but I always told her that if she wants to go out and do her thing that's fine. I was all for her having girls nights, etc. I never felt like I was smothering her because we always just wanted to be around each other. There were never any signs and i'm trying to stick to this no contact thing as best I can... but why did she have to be so cold and harsh? And out of nowhere? And after living together for just ONE MONTH. WHICH SHE WANTED! I mean, I changed my life for this girl and now i'm forced to shack up w/ my folks for awhile until I can get my finances in order. It's very depressing being back home here especially when this girl was so amazing and beautiful and really the best girl I ever had. ----- Anyway, that's my story. Ive been sticking strong to no contact for the last week but I dont want to bother her and the stuff she has said to me that for the time being atleast it is OVER. I guess my questions are... is there any hope that she's just temporarily overwhelmed w/ the situation? I mean, this was the sweetest girl and we never had any arguments but the breakup was the harshest i've ever experienced. Just plain mean. And over facebook? Just blows my mind... any feedback would be appreciated.... Edited February 6, 2011 by wmrjw82
carhill Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 IMO, a combination of emotionally immature and another person of interest to her having become single. In that circumstance, if true, you were a placeholder. Her text about 'someone else' lends credence to there being 'more' than was shared. When you started dating, how long ago did she say she ended her last relationship? Was there any extraneous contact with an 'ex'? Hindsight is usually 20/20. My advice would be to focus on the wonderful gift of your child and, in the future, be less hurried to move in with someone. My sympathies...
spackle Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 harsh. Try and be thankful that it was only a short relationship, imagine how hard it would have been if you AND your son had become more attached to her.
darran Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 man sounds like she put herself in a situation which she wasnt ready for. freaked out... and then... well yea. not a nice thing to do on someone. dont hate her for it and don't chase her. just take a step back and realise that it was short and you are lucky! something like that happened to me... never got back with this one. she turned out to be a right bit*h! thank god she did a b-line... funny thing is she did exactly the same on the new guy she got with (this aint my current ex) hope youre ok man... just vent here!
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 Well the story w/ her ex was that he broke up w/ her in March over facebook, they no longer contact each other but to get back at him she started messing around w/ his buddy who is in their same military unit. She's still friends with that guy. And yea, I was chasing her for the 2 weeks while I was moving stuff out w/ constant texts, but she just kept saying nothing I did or said would change anything so i've kinda just given up. Last Sunday I left the key on her dining room table and haven't had any contact since. I had to unfriend her right away on facebook because I knew I would find myself constantly looking at her wall which would be totally unhealthy. I also unfriended all her friends. I guess I just expected more from her. She acts like im just a bother and the relationship was never really that serious, etc. and literally ALL the time we were talking about marriage and the work that she did on my son's nursery and the time she spent with him was amazing. We set up this movie room in her basement, bought a couch together. It was really special having her in our life. Other circumstances that came up were that she recently failed out of her school program in December so I know that she's lost career wise. Maybe she blames me for it? I mean, when I was chasing her all I would get were texts saying "dont come before a certain time because the driveway will be full (ie - i have someone over), etc. She is literally as cold as can be. The only things I can come up w/ is the school thing and this other guy situation. And today, I happened to look on her facebook page (yes, I occasionally still view it) and the only pics i can see are her profile pics. She just today deleted all the ones that had me in them over the past year. She knows those are the only pictures I can see of hers. I thought maybe the no contact would have her missing me or wondering but it seems to be having the opposite effect and it seems as though she hates me Need help...
Eddie Edirol Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 Man you were only with her for 6 months? You were a classic rebound, or placeholder as Carhill said. That sucks when you dont know how to watch for the signs of a rebounder. The obvious one bieng her devastation over her last guy dumping her. think about her behavior over the last 6 months, and make sure if you see that behavior again, beware! BTW, she was wary about you for the entire 6 months. She just dated you to try to forget about her ex, or make him jealous. You didnt notice when she was pulling awat months ago. Thats why she went from great to cold in 3 weeks.
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Posted February 6, 2011 (edited) No, I honestly dont think I was a rebound because that relationship with that other guy only lasted about 3 months. I guess I should have notated that. Another thing about this girl is that she has been married and was only married for 1 year. She said that he was abusive and he made up lies about her saying that she cheated on him. Before they were married I think they were dating for a year. So besides our 6 month relationship, the only longer ones she has had were her marriage from 3 years ago (which lasted 2 years total) and her first love when she was like 18 (which i think lasted for 2 years too)... everything else for this girl has been 6 months or less. The only thing I remember her saying from the beginning was that she didn't understand why she kept getting dumped. I think she really did like the 2 guys before me but neither relationship lasted that long (we're talking 3 months or less for each) Edited February 6, 2011 by wmrjw82
carhill Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 View as a positive sign a woman who examines *her* role in relationships with a critical eye and accepts responsibility for their ultimate end. IMO, a woman (or man) who casts all responsibility upon the departed partner should be suspect as to both their personal health and the veracity of their statements. IOW, don't believe even half of what you hear, especially if it's negative and about a former partner. If she's been predominantly a 'six month' girl since her M was over, that's her path. Her actions appear to support her truth to that path. There is likely a disconnect point in her intimacy style which causes her to disengage at a similar point of intimacy in each relationship. Regardless, her words and actions match. Sorry about that...
Eddie Edirol Posted February 7, 2011 Posted February 7, 2011 View as a positive sign a woman who examines *her* role in relationships with a critical eye and accepts responsibility for their ultimate end. IMO, a woman (or man) who casts all responsibility upon the departed partner should be suspect as to both their personal health and the veracity of their statements. IOW, don't believe even half of what you hear, especially if it's negative and about a former partner. If she's been predominantly a 'six month' girl since her M was over, that's her path. Her actions appear to support her truth to that path. There is likely a disconnect point in her intimacy style which causes her to disengage at a similar point of intimacy in each relationship. Regardless, her words and actions match. Sorry about that... EEEEEXAACTLY She is going to tell you what she needs to make herself look like a victim, but she knows what she did to get dumped in those relationships, she probably did the dumping, and probably moved on to new guys before dumping the last guys. She probably also cheated on her marriage. Guess what, she probably dumped those guys the exact same way she dumped you. Her lines seemed well rehearsed.
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 AFTER 10 DAYS OF NC.....SHE JUST SENT ME A TXT. She knew my custody hearing was scheduled for today, Feb. 9th. What she doesn't know is that it has been pushed back until April 12th. She just sent me, "Prayed for ya. What went down?" What do I do? She just ripped my heart out 3 weeks ago and told me all this cold **** and now she is contacting me and says this? Do I reply? All help is appreciated...
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 DON'T REPLY AT ALL!!!! She made it clear that she wasn't concerned for you or your son. Remember, she didn't want a family. Why should she care? Keep going on NC you're doing great. By the way, we care. What happened?
Chi townD Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 Opps..just re-read. Sorry, why was it pushed back?
depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 What an arsehole!! Why do these people think they can send a random message like that with no explanation as to where they been the last 3 weeks!! Don't reply.
JasonRules Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 If you reply, you'll be telling her you have absolutely no respect for yourself and are nothing more than a feminine napkin to be used and disposed of. What she did to you was criminal. I would change my number. Do you know why? Because no matter who else you find next, I guarantee she will be better than this one. You probably found one of the worst women on the planet. And no, I'm not kidding.
GreenPolicy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 EEEEEXAACTLY She is going to tell you what she needs to make herself look like a victim, but she knows what she did to get dumped in those relationships, she probably did the dumping, and probably moved on to new guys before dumping the last guys. She probably also cheated on her marriage. Guess what, she probably dumped those guys the exact same way she dumped you. Her lines seemed well rehearsed. My ex early on in our r/l described all of her exes as "losers." Now based on what some of her friends told me, most of them indeed were, but ALL of them? None of them were good long-term relationship material? So either we have somebody who takes no responsibility for her relationships ending, or she indeed has a habit of picking losers, or some combination of both. She can no longer make that claim, that she has only dated "losers," since she's been with me.
JasonRules Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 My ex early on in our r/l described all of her exes as "losers." Now based on what some of her friends told me, most of them indeed were, but ALL of them? None of them were good long-term relationship material? So either we have somebody who takes no responsibility for her relationships ending, or she indeed has a habit of picking losers, or some combination of both. She can no longer make that claim, that she has only dated "losers," since she's been with me. If all her exes were losers, what does that say about her?
GreenPolicy Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 If all her exes were losers, what does that say about her? That either they were and she doesn't pick well, or she denies them their humanity when the r/l ends.
JasonRules Posted February 9, 2011 Posted February 9, 2011 That either they were and she doesn't pick well, or she denies them their humanity when the r/l ends. F... her then. Who needs basketcases like this anyway? Next... The sea is full of fish!
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I'm DEFINITELY not replying to this. After all the stuff that has been said by her and her actions i'm literally FLOORED by why she would send this txt msg to me today? I literally do NOT know what to think of it. I mean, it's obvious I still have strong feelings for her at this point but is she reaching out to me or just dangling a carrot? Either way i'm not replying because I didn't deserve her treatment.
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Posted February 10, 2011 Okay i'm finding myself really weak so would really like some help with this. She txt me again around 8pm and says, "So? What happened with custody?" Is she wanting me back? Why does she even care? I would take her back if it was something where she was temporarily overwhelmed w/ the baby and the dogs (i brought 2 of them and she had 2 of her own) and her failing out of school. Maybe she made up the other guy to push me away... I dont know. But I don't want her to think that it's okay to just break up with me like this in the future. I'm just feeling really weak and confused. What should I do?
depplover_1980 Posted February 10, 2011 Posted February 10, 2011 She is testing the water cos she needs the attention. You decide what you want to do but I would hold out longer yet.
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