Not sure where to go from here?

[2011]

Hi everyone

 

I've came across this board through searching for thoughts and advice on my own situation; i've looked a at a good few posts and it looks like there is quite a few knowledgable people on here with some great advice, so I thought it might be wise to post my situation on here and see if I can get an insight into my own situation.

 

I will try and keep the story short but include as much info as I can so people can make a sound judgement and offer advice etc on it.

 

Ok I met this really shy, kina cute (to me) girl last summer, we are both in our 30s, and she hadn't had many BFs or relationships to speak off. So at first we were on the net talking for quite a few weeks and we just clicked, we talked the same, agreed on the same things, talked silly like I do sometimes and we liked a lot of the same things, and seemed to share quite a lot in common, we also talked about our sexual desires/foreplay and what kind of things we want to do lol. We would talk till 4 in the morning until I said look i'll need to go etc

 

So we eventually met up and she was quite shy and really nervous an I was quite shy too but I am not that bad and managed to keep things going and talking and she did too. We were laughing at a lot of things together, talking about friends/family etc, so we got drunk in the pub during the day for about 5 hours then at the end we had a small kiss and then departed!

 

Both of us had a lot of work commitments and this meant we could only really see each other maybe once every 2 weeks, but this was good becuase we both decided we shouldn't rush anything.

 

Our next date was a meet on Saturday night to catch a movie, we went and from there we held hands and she lay her head on my shoulder most of the night.

 

She went to college part time near me and when I was off on holiday I invited her up to the house after it finished, we started off watching the film and talking about this and that and then of course we were lying on the couch and well we started progressing to being more intimate and went on most of the night. No sex just foreplay and lots of touching and well use your imagination lol!

 

So we had a few more dates, kept up the talking, we were texting quite a lot, especially when we never seen each other at weekends, and some nights I would go up to hers and I would stay over.

 

Then one night I was making my way to hers so we could catch a movie at her house, I detected a sort of coldness on the phone and it kind of made me think but not too much and from there on in she was acting kind of weird but I stayed over that night.

 

Next day she was kind of the same and then think it was the next week I was seeing how she was and she was saying all these kind of vague things like not really giving a straight answer, or being cooperative in the conversation. I was saying to her I think it would be good to get out to the city and get a meal as a change from the movies or her place and she was having none of it, just making all sorts of excuses.

 

Eventually I thought i've got to see what is wrong and I texted her and said what is wrong did I do something, she said no everything's fine don't worry. Then again this blanking me went on and on and I finally decided to draw a line in the sand, I said look I think we need to talk, she said what about, I said us and I think we should meet. We agreed to meet at her house but about 10 minutes before just as I was leaving she flaked and said not tonight etc some excuse I texted back saying no I'm coming up, she then texted something silly and meaningless like I couldn't get my car parked in the right spot tonight or something like that!

 

So I got to hers and said I do not know what is going on but if you can't come out of your shell and face up to me and tell me what is wrong then is there any point on going on? I said do you still want to see me, she said Yes I do but you said something a while back that got to me, I couldn't even think really what it was but it sounded like she took it the wrong way but she then said oh it doesn't matter now it is nothing, she is very sensitive and mentioned something about being hurt before so I do not know if she takes a silly comment and puts it on a pedestal and just lets it get to her.

 

At the time I felt as if she maybe had met someone else or was just not interested but didn't want to tell me and let me down nicely so I said look lets take a break and she said we should try and decide when to meet. We agreed a day but then that day came and I never even contacted her because I knew she was going to either not answer the phone or agree then flake out. Then a few days later we ended up texting about something else and I said look I did not think it was wise to meet up at the weekend as I think we need some space. Her reply was it didn't even bother me, don't apologise, I have to save up to buy xmas stuff anyway.

 

From this point I decided to give us space and not be pushy.

 

So from that I left it, she sounded uninterested and not bothered, like she was trying overly to be just aloof; xmas came we exchanged a few emails, NY came and she texted a happy new year msg, I texted same back and then as I was quite drunk I texted her a big script saying I realise something hurt her and I was sorry for not being more attentive but I feel like this has driven her away etc and she got back saying don't be silly that's very emotional but i'm touched etc and I don't want to not know you.

 

I also said I thought that maybe she was seeing someone else and she said why would I do that etc. Since then we have not really spoken that much except on chat; I went on and she instantly hit me with the following: hey stranger how are you, she seemed a bit nonchalant and a bit angryish at some points but we talked for a while like before a bit but not for as long - about an hour. We spoke twice and I knid of hinted at meeting up, she agreed but I think she would flake so I left a VM and said i'm going out this night if you want to come along, I never heard anything back, and I went out anyway as that was my plan. Been in NC for about 2 weeks now.

 

Now I am thinking does she care at all, does she know I still care and was genuinely sorry for what happened, she just didn't seem to show any concern for what happened, I do not know if it was a front or what and I am not sure whether to say anything. I do not want to phone as she will not answer and to be honest I think NC is the best thing just now but what do you people think about her attitude towards the end and how she is feeling? I mean something must have really got up her gills to annoy her or change her mind about me but I cannot figure out what. She said I was expecting too much but how is a date once every fortnight too much, did she mean I was maybe pushing for a RL too quick.

 

I did become a bit kind of needy if you can call it that by running over to hers like a lost dog when she off colour that one week, I suppose maybe it was partly that, but it was not really a bad thing to do just a misunderstanding maybe on her part and mine a bit as well.

 

I'm just not so sure what is going on?

 

I do like her and I know she liked/likes me and I think it would be a silly thing to throw away because of some silly misunderstanding but not sure about her given her kind of blase attitude and insecurity/shyness (masking as sensitive because of previous hurt perhaps). Any ideas?

 

Thanks

 

2011

[Weekender]

2011,

 

It sounds to me like she is just not ready for a relationship. Whatever fears she has of them or whatever bad experiences she's had have taken over.

 

It sounds like you reached out and were willing to put in the effort, but she hasn't responded in kind. Did she ever tell you what it was you had said that was wrong? I suspect she didn't, because I believe you probably didn't say anything offensive...it was probably an excuse to put up a wall and maintain distance. It also seems you were pretty willing to own the blame for saying something without hearing what it was.

 

This is just my opinion, but I believe you have to move on.

[2011]

Hi

 

Can't remember exactly what it was, something I think she took and made into a big drama I do not know. Yes she even admitted that she was like this, a bit reserved, hates confronting things etc. so how good is that for a potential RL? Not speaking in other words.

 

2011