YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 It basically proves what I have always felt. I should know, Facebook was a tool my EX used to cheat. It used to be the tell-tale lipstick on the collar. Then there were the give-away texts that spelled the death knell for many marriages. But now one in five divorces involve the social networking site Facebook, according to a new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1334482/The-marriage-killer-One-American-divorces-involve-Facebook.html ...and... The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years. http://www.aaml.org/sites/default/files/Divorce%20Lawyers%20Facebook%20Tops%20in%20Online%20Evidence.pdf
carhill Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Perhaps mere coincidence but my exW said she opened a FB account a few months before we had the 'divorce' talk, while we were in MC. I've never looked at it so don't know what went on or goes on. I don't use FB but we both used MS for some musical artists we followed together while M. Neither of us used it as fodder for flirting or that kind of stuff, AFAIK. TBH, I'd probably be wary of a woman my age who was deep into FB and similar. Probably incompatible.
trippi1432 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 LOL!! Okay....I will agree that ANY social medium is an outlet for someone to cheat, not just Facebook. There is Classmates, Linked In, Yahoo Chat, Dating sites...online communities...any of those venues gives a person the opportunity to cheat in some form or fashion (emotionally as well as physically). Heck, porn sites broke up many marriages when they hit the Net. The fact is, if people put as much effort into making each other happy...meeting each others needs, marriages wouldn't break down nearly as bad. On the other hand, if a person is a cheater and has no respect for their spouse...the cheating would happen regardless of online venues. Heck, from my exH's story and he was not an avid user of the computer, he just met her while jogging one day!! LOL!!! ;)
Author YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Perhaps mere coincidence but my exW said she opened a FB account a few months before we had the 'divorce' talk, while we were in MC. I've never looked at it so don't know what went on or goes on. I don't use FB but we both used MS for some musical artists we followed together while M. Neither of us used it as fodder for flirting or that kind of stuff, AFAIK. TBH, I'd probably be wary of a woman my age who was deep into FB and similar. Probably incompatible. I agree 100% I am not a 17-year-old girl so I too do not use Facebook. Additionally I have goten along pretty well for over four decades without Facebook. But like you say, if I was a man or a woman who was interested in someone and they were a daily Facebook user, I would consider them incompatible. Plus REAL MEN ™ don't Facebook. They really don't. LOL!! Okay....I will agree that ANY social medium is an outlet for someone to cheat, not just Facebook. There is Classmates, Linked In, Yahoo Chat, Dating sites...online communities...any of those venues gives a person the opportunity to cheat in some form or fashion (emotionally as well as physically). Heck, porn sites broke up many marriages when they hit the Net. But as the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says, "81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook." So Facebook is the leading tool used for infidelity and cited in 1 in 5 divorces in America. IMHO it just makes cheating way to easy from the comfort of your own couch... while your spouse is literally in the other room.
Citizen Erased Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 If there wasn't facebook, they would use their phones and text. If they couldn't text, they'd call. If the telephone wasn't around they'd write a letter. And so forth.
Author YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 If there wasn't facebook, they would use their phones and text. If they couldn't text, they'd call. If the telephone wasn't around they'd write a letter. And so forth. Absolutely. There has always been infidelity. But Facebook is SPECIFICALLY named by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. That's the point I am trying to make. I think it makes "hooking up" with old flames/people-of-interest far too convenient since all you have to do is type in a name and POOF! ...there they are no matter where they are located on Earth - (provided they are on Facebook.) While you can't type old flames/people-of-interest names into your cell and find them.
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 If there wasn't facebook, they would use their phones and text. If they couldn't text, they'd call. If the telephone wasn't around they'd write a letter. And so forth. Agreed. I see how social networking makes it 'easy', but a couple of decades ago the headline would have been 'three out of five divorces involve the use of a telephone'. I think it's not only about the medium of communication, but about the fact that on average many will just interact with a lot more people throughout the course of a life time now than they would thirty or fifty years ago. We move more frequently, change jobs faster, travel more, etc, in addition to our online lives. More exposure to potential infidelity fodder. We need to understand the new expectations and demands that changed life styles and new means of communications place on us, but we can't conflate cause and medium into a simple 'facebook user = infidelity prone'.
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 While you can't type old flames/people-of-interest names into your cell and find them. True - but you can type it into any search engine. I can't imagine automatically disqualifying a potential partner that uses google
Author YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) ...but we can't conflate cause and medium into a simple 'facebook user = infidelity prone'. Agreed. I just found it really interesting that the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers admits 81 percent of its members have used evidence from Facebook, and 1 in 5 divorces in the US involve Facebook. So Facebook *is* becoming a relevant factor in infidelity in the USA. True - but you can type it into any search engine. I can't imagine automatically disqualifying a potential partner that uses google I don't see Google as I see Facebook. Facebook is a narcissists wet dream and a time burglar. Google isn't. So I would question my potential partners maturity and possible mental health if she was a serious daily user of Facebook. Edited January 23, 2011 by YellowShark
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Agreed. I just found it really interesting that the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers admits 81 percent of its members have used evidence from Facebook, and 1 in 5 divorces in the US involve Facebook. So Facebook *is* becoming a relevant factor in infidelity in the USA. Yes, I agree it's an interesting observation. Maybe as much as its factor in infidelity, it really shows what a significant factor facebook plays in people's lives in general, infidelity being just one component of that. The amount of threads in the dating section on fb, the amount of people (NOT just teen agers) who check fb ten times a day, the concept that any business/institution/ organisation needs a fb-page, etc. I know a few people who are not on fb, but it's becoming increasingly rare.
Questionis Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Its just a really handy way to prove something isn't it. Saves following people and bugging rooms etc. If you take facebook away people ill just go back to that. Its not the cause of break ups, I don't think. Well nless you take into account that casual cheating , you can pretend is not happening, but if you see it big and bold on facebook, and your friends, can see it too, not just your neighbours, you may be more inclined to act...
Author YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 ..it really shows what a significant factor facebook plays in people's lives in general, infidelity being just one component of that. The amount of threads in the dating section on fb, the amount of people (NOT just teen agers) who check fb ten times a day, the concept that any business/institution/ organisation needs a fb-page, etc. I know a few people who are not on fb, but it's becoming increasingly rare. Once again I agree. But it's weird because the Earth functioned pretty darn well for centuries prior to Facebook being invented six years ago. But so many people - (not you) - really take offence when one points out the damaging aspects of Facebook. Personally I think it is creating an entire generation of semi-literates who are unable to digest more than 140 characters at a time. That makes me sad.
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 But it's weird because the Earth functioned pretty darn well for centuries prior to Facebook being invented six years ago. It's one of those things. You cross that line and you can't go back
jenifer1972 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Once again I agree. But it's weird because the Earth functioned pretty darn well for centuries prior to Facebook being invented six years ago. But so many people - (not you) - really take offence when one points out the damaging aspects of Facebook. Personally I think it is creating an entire generation of semi-literates who are unable to digest more than 140 characters at a time. That makes me sad. I share your general loathing of MS and FB, but have given up on fighting it - it is like smog..everywhere...can't get away from it:(. My husband, while he was my boyfriend, kept a secret MS of exes who send him crap like "Happy Hump Day", "shoot me an IM stranger", BS like that. When I found it by accident because I made him pull up what he was always "minimizing" when I walked by, I was shocked and livid. Many fights and counseling ensued, and I will never totally forgive him for that. Now we have a couple's FB page, just to keep up with family and friends who are far away; it is very convenient and nice if it is used for that.... and his exes followed him there with 'friend' requests. Gooo figure..
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 One in five American divorces now involve Facebook Nice try, but none of that is statistically significant. Just forget all about it. You should be far more concerned about the vast threat to your privacy when you participate on Facebook. Those foolish enough to compile so much of their personal data along with their entire social network in one spot have only themselves to blame. There are no real "victims" here.
jenifer1972 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Nice try, but none of that is statistically significant. Just forget all about it. You should be far more concerned about the vast threat to your privacy when you participate on Facebook. Those foolish enough to compile so much of their personal data along with their entire social network in one spot have only themselves to blame. There are no real "victims" here. Yeahhh, but... except when you are the innocent unsuspecting SO of the person who has a secret account and is using it to cheat on you. That is not victimless..
Author YellowShark Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Nice try, but none of that is statistically significant. Just forget all about it. You should be far more concerned about the vast threat to your privacy when you participate on Facebook. Those foolish enough to compile so much of their personal data along with their entire social network in one spot have only themselves to blame. There are no real "victims" here. That is HUGE reason I am not on Facebook. NOTHING online is secure or safe from hackers. The banks servers are not, the governments servers are not and Facebook's servers are not. And it AMAZES me that people voluntarily put their entire lives on Facebook - (location, name, pictures, workplaces, like and dislikes) - and not once give any thought to the vulnarability they have EXPOSED themselves to regarding identity theft or hackers. I mean how do you know that app your using on Facebook isn't transmitting all my data to god knows who? You don't. And how do you know your data isn't being hacked by someone overseas? YOU DON'T. That's another very valid reason I won't play the Facebook game.
UnsureinSeattle Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Facebook absolutely makes it easier for people who wouldn't necessarily get in touch with you to track you down... but if it wasn't Facebook, it'd be instant messages. Or emails. Or phone calls. Or clandestine meetings at work*. Or friggin' smoke signals. It's not "Facebook's" fault that people cheat. The fault lies with weak people who are unsatisfied with their lives suffering from malnourished egos or GIGS. Facebook just facilitates these people who are too weak to seperate fantasy from reality. On the final D-Day I had with my SO, I told her "Life is not a movie. Your actions actually effect people." *I'm familar with this one- but my SO indulged in some of those other ones, too
losttoerotica Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Take a look at my post by losttoerotica. I can vouch for facebook f'ing up my life as wife fell into it completely.
sumdude Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Facebook, e-mail, texting, cell phones have all made it easier to find and maintain relationships of all kinds as well as keep them secret from others if desired. But they are just tools, it's up to an individual to make the decision to cheat. Don't blame Facebook, blame the cheater.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Yeahhh, but... except when you are the innocent unsuspecting SO of the person who has a secret account and is using it to cheat on you. That is not victimless.. Here again, this is NOT unique to Facebook. If your SO has an account on a legit. dating site, or on Adult Friend Finder, he can use it to cheat on you as well. Those other sites just don't inspire YOU to assemble all of your personal data and your entire network of social connections in one spot, to be completely exploited by mildly interested outsiders.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Facebook absolutely makes it easier for people who wouldn't necessarily get in touch with you to track you down... but if it wasn't Facebook, it'd be instant messages. Or emails. Or phone calls. Or clandestine meetings at work*. Or friggin' smoke signals. It's not "Facebook's" fault that people cheat. The fault lies with weak people who are unsatisfied with their lives suffering from malnourished egos or GIGS. Facebook just facilitates these people who are too weak to seperate fantasy from reality. I generally agree with all of these sentiments!
trippi1432 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 But as the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says, "81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook." So Facebook is the leading tool used for infidelity and cited in 1 in 5 divorces in America. IMHO it just makes cheating way to easy from the comfort of your own couch... while your spouse is literally in the other room. Of course 81% of those Lawyers back up getting their evidence from Facebook....it establishes a time line for the infidelity for those who have an account. Still not much different than cell phone logs or the what not. As was stated by someone else, it's not the social medium that causes the infidelity, but the people who do the cheating themselves.
comethemorning Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I agree 100% I am not a 17-year-old girl so I too do not use Facebook. Additionally I have goten along pretty well for over four decades without Facebook. But like you say, if I was a man or a woman who was interested in someone and they were a daily Facebook user, I would consider them incompatible. Plus REAL MEN ™ don't Facebook. They really don't. May I ask if your deep aversion to Facebook is because it is the medium your XW used to cheat on you? I use Crackbook, but it is because I live 2 hours away from all of my friends and with what I am going through with my STBXH, it has been like a lifeline for me. {Plus I use it as a way to keep an eye on my kids and their 'online behaviour'}. I live in Canada, in the middle of bloody nowhere, and during the winter there isn't much of anything to do but surf the net. {Canadian usage really surges during the winter according to the stats}. While my X was still here, I hardly used it at all. But when things went wrong {and boy, did they go wrong}, I did find myself using it a lot more. Being in my 40's, I do not think it says anything about my maturity level. I do not play any of the games, nor do I obsess over it, but I do find it a great way to stay in touch with those I cannot see very often as I am very isolated where I live. JMHO. Peace.
Author YellowShark Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 As was stated by someone else, it's not the social medium that causes the infidelity, but the people who do the cheating themselves. You're missing the point like other people in this thread are. Facebook does not "cause" infidelity. Facebook has become one of the leading tools USED by people who cheat. It facilitates infidelity, not causes it. In fact so many people who cheat USE Facebook these days 1 in 5 divorces in America now involve the use of Facebook. May I ask if your deep aversion to Facebook is because it is the medium your XW used to cheat on you? Nope. I lothe Facebook because it is turning and entire generation into narcissistic, impatient, semi-literates who are either unable or unwilling to digest more than 140 characters at a time. Facebook is making people insecure and they wonder more about who friended and defriended them than people in their real lives. Facebook requires less of you. On Facebook you "think" you are close to someone because they are on your "friends" list yet you barely ever talk to them verbally. They aren't a "friend," they are simply an entry on Facebook. Facebook is also making an entire generation blasé about their personal privacy. I use Crackbook, but it is because I live 2 hours away from all of my friends and with what I am going through with my STBXH, it has been like a lifeline for me. {Plus I use it as a way to keep an eye on my kids and their 'online behaviour'}. I live in Canada, in the middle of bloody nowhere, and during the winter there isn't much of anything to do but surf the net. {Canadian usage really surges during the winter according to the stats}. So what did people do for centuries before Facebook was invented 6 years ago? To me Facebook is like smoking once was. No one thought smoking was bad for decades.. and now we see the effects of smoking. I expect the same from Facebook since it is eroding our friendships, marriages, and relationships. While my X was still here, I hardly used it at all. But when things went wrong {and boy, did they go wrong}, I did find myself using it a lot more. Being in my 40's, I do not think it says anything about my maturity level. I do not play any of the games, nor do I obsess over it, but I do find it a great way to stay in touch with those I cannot see very often as I am very isolated where I live. JMHO. Peace. So how did you stay in touch with people before you had a Facebook account?
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