I take the blame for...

[SophiaL]

Ok, so today I feel more 'rational' and instead of missing the ex to the point of going crazy; I have decided to try and understand why... well, beside the fact that I spent 7 years with him and leaving the habit aside.

 

I think is time to work on the real issues that led the relationship to a mutual end.

I can honestly say that I take the blame for:

 

1.a- Not understanding when it was over and staying in a relationship for the sake of being used to him.

1.b- Not dealing with what I thought was wrong in the relationship and then giving it a decent try.

1.c-Letting things that happened in my life influenced the way I saw and treated him.

 

* On the 05th Year, I had changed and so had my feelings toward him and towards the relationship we had. If only I was mature enough to talk to him about it, instead I expected him to do something and it turns out he realised I had changed, but also didn't do anything to revive the relationship, he let it be with the hope I would do something! Miscommunication, disinterest?

 

2.a-I take the blame for getting comfortable with having everything done for me (cleaning, laundry, cooking) and not making the effort to do something for him in exchange.

2.b- For not showing him how much i appreciated him and what he did to me.

2.c- For not letting him have a 'personal life'.

2.d- For not respecting his way of life.

 

* He did everything around the house, maybe it was his way to make up for not doing anything outside that environment. But, I just let it be and took it for granted. I have consumed all his energy and did not let him be himself sometimes, made him do what I wanted instead of what he did want.

 

3.a- I blame myself for being a moaning, sometimes irrational person.

3.b-For letting everyday life problems come between me and him.

3.c-For letting my old self go and expecting him to be and do everything to make me happy, when i was actually the only responsible for my happiness.

 

*If only I could understand why it all had come to that.

 

 

I am also able to understand few points where he did go wrong, but I also know he is not ready to admit to it. Because, at the end of the day I have always known he was a laid back person and still I behaved like I did.

 

I'm grateful for everything he did for me, and now I know I need somebody with a different attitude to life, so in this way I could be fulfilled. But, I hate myself for letting it all happened and wasting not only 7 years of my life, but of his as well.

 

So, when people say move on I just think to myself, I did not give this relationship I proper try or I've hold on to it for too long and I can't forgive me for that, so closure is almost unachievable.

 

How do I let it go of someone that holds me together?

 

P.S- I'm not a horrible person!!Though it sounds like.

Edited January 23, 2011 by SophiaL

[timchambo]

...you sound like someone I know....

 

dear god I hope not.

 

Sounds like it was mutual for you guys so probably not. I like what you've done with this post. I hope to be that clear headed soon.

 

Something I am trying to come to terms myself, with you brought up. You said:

 

I'm grateful for everything he did for me, and now I know I need somebody with a different attitude to life, so in this way I could be fulfilled.

 

Did he not want to do any of the things in life you wanted to? Did all the other bonds you built in 7 years not mean enough to outweigh any imbalance you guys had in different attitudes on life?

 

I question if this was a factor in my last relationship in my ex's eyes. Being the bread winner (*cough* only source of income) I had to assume responsibilities that my ex did not. This may have appeared to come off as less ambitious, but in reality it was me being responsible. She was aware of how I wanted our lives to be adventurous and we did quite a bit. Far more than most people actually. There would have been more to come, but sadly it ended.

[SophiaL]

Hey Tim,

 

My break up was mutual, and I can honestly say that bonds we had made throughout the 7 years we were together, were not enough to hold the relationship.

 

There was the feeling that it was perfect in so many ways that it had become a companionship and not a relationship that looked like it was going somewhere. As the years went by, our difference grew and even though we had loads of common things we wanted in life, it got to a point that their were common things but not necessarily meant to be for both to share. I'm sorry I'm not sure if I making myself clear. But, as a woman I can tell you that even though what we had was excellent, there was still something missing from it.

 

I'm not sure about if that was the case for you, in my relationship we both saw the end coming.

 

I regret the things I didn't do, but it got to a point where it was too late to change.

We've been broken up for 7 months, we still maintain contact, but I've stopped asking for a second chance. He's seeing somebody now and it breaks my heart. But, at this point in time I'm focusing on my own issues and life, I can't tell him I've changed but I can show him that in the long run.

 

I'm sure you will get to where I'm now, and that will make things a bit clear. But, closure is still a long way!