phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Basically, been hanging out with a woman on & off the last two months. Two weeks ago SHE initiated kissing with me. We were out tonight & she was basically acting like it never happened. She didn't want me putting my arm around her, no kiss, but she wanted to hang out again. WTF?!? I told her I wanted to go on a date with her & she tried to avoid the convo & asked me why it has to be labeled. I told her I'm looking for a relationship. Dateing has romantic intent & can lead to a relationship & I want to make sure we are on the same page. Then she gave me some crap about how she doesn't do good with relationships & why be so serious & we'll hang out again. I told her I have limited free time & if given the choice of a date or hanging out a date is going to win. Oh and she is also on POF but claims she doesn't even use it even though she admits to checking it & she plans on canceling it. sure thing. Can you say multi-dating? Yeah, i'm not contacting this woman again. i'm 39 & she's 38. Time to grow up & just tell someone you arn't interested in them. I don't plan on feeding another attention whore. I doubt I will hear from her again. If I do i'll just tell her i'm only interested in dateing. am I doing this right or am I coming off as some bitter butt-hurt looser? I really don't know. I'm tired of "hanging out" with women more than 4 times & still not knowing where it's going or what her intentions are. am I wrong for wanting to know? I can play the game & just ignore them & watch them come running after a week or two but honestly that crap gets old & just tells me i'm not dealing with a quality woman. I have better things I can do. Dating sucks. Glad I have a dog. LOL!
jadedone Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Don't completely ignore her. respond slowly, respond in a disinterested manner, be too busy to hang out for a while,then see what happens.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 ^ game playing could mean you get to tap her once or twice, but it's not going to be relationship material. When you had first asked her out, did you made it clear it was a " date"? This girl sounded wishy washy. Kicking her to the curb was the right move.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) at your age I'll give you kudos for kicking this broad to the curb. I'm a 28 year old man & just beginning to entertain such thoughts. she should've both been there & done ALL that by now. at best, this ones a boy eating cougar with no long term aspirations. Bail. Edited January 21, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I don't plan on feeding another attention whore. Yep, can't swing a dead pussy without hitting an attention whore. Another one bites the dust... Personally, I've found the best way to get rid of them is to be both serious about marriage and be sexually aggressive. They scatter. Good luck
Author phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 ^ game playing could mean you get to tap her once or twice, but it's not going to be relationship material. When you had first asked her out, did you made it clear it was a " date"? This girl sounded wishy washy. Kicking her to the curb was the right move. She asked me out first. She's the one that started talking about us being on "dates". Saying things like "I never dated a computer guy before" (i'm a computer guy.) she tossed out the word date a few other times. I just went with it & escalated physical contact & waited to SEE what she did, not what she said. So when I invited her to my house to watch a movie & she wanted to cook dinner. I think that is very obvious as to what my intent is. add in she kissed me twice, let me rub her legs while she put them across my lap & was in my arms with her head up against mine & you have a woman acting like she is romantically interested in me. Not two friends "hanging out" Now the word "date" isn't in her vocabulary. LOL! I can't ignore her either, she works in my building. However, I hardly even see her since our paths only cross every few months. So i'll be friendly & say "hi" but that is all. So i'm not worried about the work thing at all. Plus our company does not discourage dating between co-workers as they expect people to be adults & not let it affect their work. The funny thing is she didn't want me telling people at work we were talking & hanging out after work because she didn't want people knowing her business. OK. I get that. But after we kissed she wanted me joining her in the lunchroom where everyone can see us eating together. don't really understand that. Oh Well. I just need to keep reminding myself that she knows what I want & knows what I mean by dating. She is not obligated to date me. But, I am not obligated to give her attention either. I wonder how many other "guy friends" she has kissed.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 She asked me out first. She's the one that started talking about us being on "dates". Saying things like "I never dated a computer guy before" (i'm a computer guy.) she tossed out the word date a few other times. I just went with it & escalated physical contact & waited to SEE what she did, not what she said. So when I invited her to my house to watch a movie & she wanted to cook dinner. I think that is very obvious as to what my intent is. add in she kissed me twice, let me rub her legs while she put them across my lap & was in my arms with her head up against mine & you have a woman acting like she is romantically interested in me. Not two friends "hanging out" Now the word "date" isn't in her vocabulary. LOL! I can't ignore her either, she works in my building. However, I hardly even see her since our paths only cross every few months. So i'll be friendly & say "hi" but that is all. So i'm not worried about the work thing at all. Plus our company does not discourage dating between co-workers as they expect people to be adults & not let it affect their work. The funny thing is she didn't want me telling people at work we were talking & hanging out after work because she didn't want people knowing her business. OK. I get that. But after we kissed she wanted me joining her in the lunchroom where everyone can see us eating together. don't really understand that. Oh Well. I just need to keep reminding myself that she knows what I want & knows what I mean by dating. She is not obligated to date me. But, I am not obligated to give her attention either. I wonder how many other "guy friends" she has kissed. First " date" at your house? Bad move on your part and bad move on her part for agreeing.
Titania22 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I told her I wanted to go on a date with her & she tried to avoid the convo & asked me why it has to be labeled. I told her I'm looking for a relationship. Dateing has romantic intent & can lead to a relationship & I want to make sure we are on the same page. I just want to respond to this 'labelling of dating' thing. I felt exactly this way before the date I went on last November. In fact I posted my concerns on here, before the actual date. Not everyone associates the word date with positive experiences. Also I said back then I wasn't looking for a relationship. Despite this after a few dates with said guy, I developed feelings and did want a relationship. The point is, sometimes people think they know what they do and don't want, when really they are just reacting to past negative experiences. It isn't until we have some positive experiences, that we can reassess, what it is we think we want. Now I am friends with that guy and think he is great. But I haven't run out and signed up for more date with other guys. Because I am aware that, yes I had a good experience, but I have still had many more bad experiences then good. However I feel I won't have to shelve myself for as long this time, and will be less reluctant about labels in the future.
Author phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 First " date" at your house? Bad move on your part and bad move on her part for agreeing. Not a first date. I'd been out with her at least 5 or 6 times over the last few months. first time she kissed me.
irc333 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Yeah, that's what I figured I'd better start doing, when they pull this, "We can go out, but it's not a DATE" crap...or they FZ me, but want to hang out. I'll start to flirt, get into sexually related questions, and make physical attempts at touching her. I don't let them get rid of me, I figured I'd better do the above, and watch them run. Yep, can't swing a dead pussy without hitting an attention whore. Another one bites the dust... Personally, I've found the best way to get rid of them is to be both serious about marriage and be sexually aggressive. They scatter. Good luck
irc333 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I think most women are notorious for labeling something as a "date", because when they go out, if they find out they don't like the guy, at least they can say it wasn't a date. But if it goes well, she'll tell her friends it was a date. WHat's really show stopper, is when a guy asks a woman out, and he's about getting ready to pick her up, and he uses the word "date" in a sentence at this point, she goes, "What made you think this was a date?" Woops! lol
Emilia Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 for a woman I think I am quite impatient but it maybe an age thing, I am 38 too. if I find a guy is wishy-washy with me, I move on. why bother hanging out with someone 5-6 times even if it's not a date? I hang out with male friends, not with those I am interested in getting to know on a different level. I give them 1 drink to show interest, max 2 if I'm really curious.
Author phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 I just want to respond to this 'labelling of dating' thing. I felt exactly this way before the date I went on last November. In fact I posted my concerns on here, before the actual date. Not everyone associates the word date with positive experiences. Also I said back then I wasn't looking for a relationship. Despite this after a few dates with said guy, I developed feelings and did want a relationship. The point is, sometimes people think they know what they do and don't want, when really they are just reacting to past negative experiences. It isn't until we have some positive experiences, that we can reassess, what it is we think we want. Now I am friends with that guy and think he is great. But I haven't run out and signed up for more date with other guys. Because I am aware that, yes I had a good experience, but I have still had many more bad experiences then good. However I feel I won't have to shelve myself for as long this time, and will be less reluctant about labels in the future. The feeling I got from your post is the same feeling I got from her. So you explained it far better than I could. Ok. I get it. But i've been out with her at least 5 or 6 times over the last few months. If we had kissed again or I saw even a little progress in that respect I wouldn't of said a thing. But I did not want to get into a situation where i'm perpetually hanging out with a chick & I didn't want to just start ignoring her either. I have been giving her plenty of space because I kinda felt this from her. Only asking her to do things once a week. not bugging her with texts or anything. One thing, she did toss out FWB. I did say I wouldn't turn that down even though i'd eventually want a relationship. So maybe i'll just be friendly & not mention date if she contacts me.
Author phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 for a woman I think I am quite impatient but it maybe an age thing, I am 38 too. if I find a guy is wishy-washy with me, I move on. why bother hanging out with someone 5-6 times even if it's not a date? I hang out with male friends, not with those I am interested in getting to know on a different level. I give them 1 drink to show interest, max 2 if I'm really curious. You ever initiate a kiss on the lips with a guy you just wanted to hang out with?
Titania22 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 The feeling I got from your post is the same feeling I got from her. So you explained it far better than I could. Ok. I get it. But i've been out with her at least 5 or 6 times over the last few months. If we had kissed again or I saw even a little progress in that respect I wouldn't of said a thing. But I did not want to get into a situation where i'm perpetually hanging out with a chick & I didn't want to just start ignoring her either. I have been giving her plenty of space because I kinda felt this from her. Only asking her to do things once a week. not bugging her with texts or anything. One thing, she did toss out FWB. I did say I wouldn't turn that down even though i'd eventually want a relationship. So maybe i'll just be friendly & not mention date if she contacts me. Maybe she is more comfortable with the label FWB. I think if you are interested have sex with her. This is part of what changed me from not wanting a relationship, to suddenly needing one. We were calling it dating at the time, and I developed feelings. I couldn't bring myself to agree to an FWB thing, so I insisted on a relationship. It was a complete flip, from what I had posted on my online profile, and what I had communicated during our dates. In fact it never even occurred to me I would develop feelings until it happened. Maybe if you go to the sex thing, you will at least be able to gauge your compatibility, and she may unwittingly develop feelings, and you will see how quickly she will change her tune then. Of course you have to be willing to cope if she doesn't. Of course if she doesn't give you the opportunity to have sex or even kiss, you have your answer.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 She sounds like a major headcase to me. She's not relationship material and she's just not that interested in you. Maybe she's attracted to you, but that doesn't mean she's looking for the same thing. Sounds like maybe she just wanted to make out one night. Girls do that. If I were you I'd just booty call/text her late at night on weekends. Once you show her that you're over the whole "date" idea then maybe she'll keep you on as a FWB.
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You ever initiate a kiss on the lips with a guy you just wanted to hang out with? Not a woman, but have had this happen countless times over the decades. Kisses, touches, body rubs, pelvic thrusts, sweet nothings in the ear, you name it. Then, without missing a beat, 'you must've misunderstood' Yep. This phenomena is really no different than women complaining about men who seem to like them, saying and doing all the 'right things', to get laid. Attention, desire and ego validation are an attention whore's 'getting laid'. The main difference is one of genitals. There is no mistaking the erection of a man and what he wants. With women, it's nebulous. Mysterious. Or something like that. If you want to date and have sex, that's your path. If she's not on it, that's OK. Move on. Plenty of women in the world.
Emilia Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You ever initiate a kiss on the lips with a guy you just wanted to hang out with? not nowdays so much but a few years ago would have, especially after drinking. sometimes it's a way to test chemistry. sometimes it's about being horny at that particular moment, doesn't mean it will have a follow up
Emilia Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Not a woman, but have had this happen countless times over the decades. Kisses, touches, body rubs, pelvic thrusts, sweet nothings in the ear, you name it. Then, without missing a beat, 'you must've misunderstood' Yep. This phenomena is really no different than women complaining about men who seem to like them, saying and doing all the 'right things', to get laid. Attention, desire and ego validation are an attention whore's 'getting laid'. The main difference is one of genitals. There is no mistaking the erection of a man and what he wants. With women, it's nebulous. Mysterious. Or something like that. If you want to date and have sex, that's your path. If she's not on it, that's OK. Move on. Plenty of women in the world. ^^^^^^ this basically. initiating a kiss in itself means nothing I'm sorry
iJester Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Just **** her and continue looking for a compatible match. When you find said match, cut the cord on this one. Doesn't seem like she'll care.
irc333 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 This post demonstrates how women seem to call the shots in the dating world, ie - "Ill call it a date, when I say it's a date."
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 This post demonstrates how women seem to call the shots in the dating world, ie - "Ill call it a date, when I say it's a date." Yes, pretty much. The important thing to remember, as a man, is the power of choice; to care less about one particular woman's perspective on what a date is and more about his perspective of what he wants. If she doesn't match up, disconnect her, without prejudice or care. Accept that *some* women live to fool men and use them. It's what some women do. Identify them, erase them and move on. Simple.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 This post demonstrates how women seem to call the shots in the dating world, ie - "Ill call it a date, when I say it's a date." That's why I'm very direct with girls when I'm asking them out. I look them straight in the eye, give them "that look", and ask them if I can take them out sometime. If they don't think I'm asking about a date after that then she's clearly using me. Just **** her and continue looking for a compatible match. When you find said match, cut the cord on this one. Doesn't seem like she'll care. She might care after HE cuts the cord. Girls hate it when you end it with them, even if they're just on the fence. Some girls, said attention-whores, are typical for having wishy-washy interest at first, then sleeping with men just to keep them around if they think he'll stop chasing. Yes, pretty much. The important thing to remember, as a man, is the power of choice; to care less about one particular woman's perspective on what a date is and more about his perspective of what he wants. If she doesn't match up, disconnect her, without prejudice or care. Accept that *some* women live to fool men and use them. It's what some women do. Identify them, erase them and move on. Simple. This is one major reason I chose to go with more online dating than asking women out in person. At least I have a general idea online that this girl is making an effort to date and is available (of course this isn't always 100% true), but that's the general idea with online dating. A lot of it is timing with girls online. They get bombarded with emails, so catching them early helps a lot, or getting lucky and catching them with an email just after they've moved on from a guy that it didn't work out with.
Author phineas Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Maybe she is more comfortable with the label FWB. I think if you are interested have sex with her. This is part of what changed me from not wanting a relationship, to suddenly needing one. We were calling it dating at the time, and I developed feelings. I couldn't bring myself to agree to an FWB thing, so I insisted on a relationship. It was a complete flip, from what I had posted on my online profile, and what I had communicated during our dates. In fact it never even occurred to me I would develop feelings until it happened. Maybe if you go to the sex thing, you will at least be able to gauge your compatibility, and she may unwittingly develop feelings, and you will see how quickly she will change her tune then. Of course you have to be willing to cope if she doesn't. Of course if she doesn't give you the opportunity to have sex or even kiss, you have your answer. I can cope with it. I'm more annoyed with the fact that every chick I try to date try's to make me their gay shopping buddy & I have to literally tell them to go to hell in order to get them to leave me alone. And this crap about pointedly asking them on a date is nonsense i'm realizing. They know exactly what I want. The same thing every other guy in the world wants. The only reason a guy would pay attention to them for any length of time. I refuse to believe they think I don't want to have sex with them especially when i'm putting my arm around them, holding their hand, hugging them & trying to kiss them on the lips.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Yep, can't swing a dead pussy without hitting an attention whore. This has got to be one of the funniest things I've heard... all year.
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