dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 This is more of hypothetical question, but I have been in this position before and was wondering. What can a guy do to get a woman friend to look at him differently and to actually consider dating him? I know it does happen, although rarely. Is there anything you can do to make it more likely? Anybody have any experience with this?
aerogurl87 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Stop acting like a friend and ask her out or start acting like someone who is interested in more than a friendship at the least.
Author dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 Friend zone doesn’t really mean much to me. What is your situation? How long have you know this girl? How old are you guys? (22) Does she know you like her as more than a friend? Have you held her hand or kissed her? If I like a girl then I go for it. I know that trying anything in life brings with it the risk of failure. Don’t be afraid, it’s all in your head. Like I said, I intended the question to be more hypothetical, but, yes, I did have someone in mind. So what if you are both mid 30s, have had a good (although long distance) friendship for several years, and have never had any sort of physical relationship. Oh, and I do know we both did have some interest in each other when we first met, but it never developed into anything more than a friendship (distance was a major factor, I think).
Duckduckgoose Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I am a woman, so I will take a stab at this. Within about 5 minutes of talking to a guy, I can tell if I would want to have sex with him or not. Not saying I will but just saying I would if I were to get into a relationship with him. When I look at guys, I am either instantly attracted (like hey he would be a good boyfriend) or not. I get along better with males than females for the most part, so I would be friends with most guys pretty easy. That said, if I was attracted to a guy and not involved in a relationship (and he wasn't either) I would try to learn more about him and send signals that I am interested. He might pick up he might not. Guys that are in the friend zone probably would get to know me better, but probably not have a chance to date me... just because I am not attracted to them. I could not say for sure if a "friend zone" fellow would ever be able to move to relationship material. I've not been in a situation where that has happened. For it to happen something would have to occur that makes whatever I thought was not attractive enough about him to date changed... or something else really shined through about him, that the "not attracted" flew out the window. For example, there is a fellow at a place I have been frequenting as of late whose face lights up when I come in there. We have talked some, we have things in common and he's okay to talk to. However I am just not attracted to him... /friend zone/. Even if I wasn't currently going through a divorce I would still not be attracted to him. I do hope that some nice girl comes in there that does like him, as he's a sweet fellow and deserves a good girl. I would happily give him girly advice if he ever asked it. I realize what I posted may sound selfish, but its just one woman's perspective on friend zone...hell sometimes friend zone is better than relationship zone... she will come crying to you when her a$$hol3 boyfriend cheats and leaves her.
Author dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 You should be willing to walk away from this friendship if you feel it’s the “friend zone.” That's my dilemma, she is a pretty cool friend. So I don't want that to end.
Author dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 hell sometimes friend zone is better than relationship zone... she will come crying to you when her a$$hol3 boyfriend cheats and leaves her. lol, I don't see how that would be better than a relationship zone...
Duckduckgoose Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 lol, I don't see how that would be better than a relationship zone... It means she trusts you. If anything is going to get you out of friend zone... well trust is a HUGE issue in relationships. If she trusts you and you've been there while she was down it might be the boost you need to get out of friend zone.
Author dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 It means she trusts you. If anything is going to get you out of friend zone... well trust is a HUGE issue in relationships. If she trusts you and you've been there while she was down it might be the boost you need to get out of friend zone. Interesting... I never thought trust as being so important before. But it does make sense.
zengirl Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 The Friend Zone is man's creation. The only way to get out of it is to (a) stop dreaming for the girl and just be her friend, truly, (b) walk away completely, or (rarely) © make a move, but be prepared for (b) in this case. . . maybe (a) after some temporary space if the friendship is really important to you. Women don't find men less attractive because they are friends. However, we will be friends with men we aren't attracted to. Still, there are some, rare times when both partners are so inert that no movement has happened even though both have interest. However, if you make a move, and it's rebuffed, accept that it's probably not going to happen.
East7 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Topic often treated here, just look at the threads.. 1/ take proactive actions to show romantic interest. Tease her, hit on her, don't just be polite and nice. If you behave like a friend, she will only look at you as a friend. 2/ if no positive interest manifested within 4-6 first dates don't waist time, move on. 3/ avoid group dates. Within about 5 minutes of talking to a guy, I can tell if I would want to have sex with him or not. Not saying I will but just saying I would if I were to get into a relationship with him. When I look at guys, I am either instantly attracted (like hey he would be a good boyfriend) or not. That said, if I was attracted to a guy and not involved in a relationship (and he wasn't either) I would try to learn more about him and send signals that I am interested. With my hindsight that's how 99% of women react. A woman is either attracted the 1st day or never will...
sally4sara Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 It can be pulled off, but you do run a risk in this. Once you let your attraction be known you can't hide it again. So if she has absolutely zero sexual interest in you, admitting sexual attraction could make the friendship awkward there after. Is the friendship still LD? Not being around her makes this harder to pull off. It also comes down to whats going on in her personal life. Is she completely single or is she in a relationship? Fastest way to flub the whole deal is to approach the subject while she has a BF. Second fastest is to approach it right after she has a messy break up. You might get emotional shoot out sex, but the sun will come up and she'll wig out.
sally4sara Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Topic often treated here, just look at the threads.. 1/ take proactive actions to show romantic interest. Tease her, hit on her, don't just be polite and nice. If you behave like a friend, she will only look at you as a friend. 2/ if no positive interest manifested within 4-6 first dates don't waist time, move on. 3/ avoid group dates. With my hindsight that's how 99% of women react. A woman is either attracted the 1st day or never will... I disagree that this is true for every woman. It certainly hasn't held true for me. If the guy is completely not attractive to me it holds true, but a decent looking person can build off a good personality and sense of humor into more appeal.
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 What can a guy do to get a woman friend to look at him differently and to actually consider dating him? As a corollary of the power of the ring, date someone who doesn't see you as a 'friend'. Social proof raises interest and you might have in fact met a better and more compatible person for yourself. Win-win. This is just another great example where men can learn from women. If a woman puts her interest out there and the man sees her as a friend, she accepts it and finds another man who is interested. IME, this happens very quickly. Like a light switch. Learn from it. Don't pine away; don't think up scenarios to 'win her over'. Don't waste one second of your time beyond the point where 'friend' comes up. Spend time as friends, sure, but don't waste one emotional second on it. Move on. A woman who values and appreciates and will reciprocate your attraction, attention and love awaits. Go get her.
somedude81 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 In my experiences, once you become friends with a woman, it's over. Barring some real weird and unlikely circumstance, she will never see you as more than a friend. The only thing a man can do, is try really hard to not become a woman's friend, cause it's a one way street.
irc333 Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 Make some kind of physical contact with her (like any normal heterosexual man would), that would send you out of the FZ as soon as possible. This is more of hypothetical question, but I have been in this position before and was wondering. What can a guy do to get a woman friend to look at him differently and to actually consider dating him? I know it does happen, although rarely. Is there anything you can do to make it more likely? Anybody have any experience with this?
paddington bear Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 You are not in the normal friendzone which includes regular meetings with the other person, having to watch them flirt with other guys, listen to them complain about being ill-treated by other men. All the while you think 'but what about me? Why doesn't she see me as more than just a friend?' So, you still have a chance I would say. Firstly ask yourself why after all these years and with the distance being still there you now want to get out of the friendzone? Desperation, a recent breakup, or did she say/do something to give you some hope? All I'm saying is, make sure you are wanting her now for the right reasons. When you know the answer to that, then I would actually simply tell her what you wrote here. That you felt something could have happened when you guys first met, but that distance prevented anything more than friendship, what a shame that was because you think she'd be great as your girlfriend and not just a friend. Wait and see what the response is to that. If you are shot down in flames...well at least she is a long way away and you don't have to keep hanging out 'as friends' with this woman after a declaration. (easier said than done, I know..)
Author dave22 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Posted January 21, 2011 (edited) Firstly ask yourself why after all these years and with the distance being still there you now want to get out of the friendzone? Desperation, a recent breakup, or did she say/do something to give you some hope? I guess it has mostly been me wondering what could have been if we had lived closer and had more of a chance. Edited January 21, 2011 by dave22
Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 This is more of hypothetical question, but I have been in this position before and was wondering. What can a guy do to get a woman friend to look at him differently and to actually consider dating him? I know it does happen, although rarely. Is there anything you can do to make it more likely? Anybody have any experience with this? If you can't appreciate her friendship and need to sit an plot how to get her to shag you, then you are no good for her. Why don't you instead try and learn how to cope with rejection better?
Recommended Posts