Rose T Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 So after managing to ignore a few "fishing" emails from my ex (we broke up 6 weeks ago, he cheated on me with a co-worker and was planning to leave me for her when I discovered everything and accelerated the end), I stupidly broke NC today when he wrote asking for a second chance. He apologised in the email, said he'd do anything to fix things and had realised that he'd lost the most important thing in his life. He acknowledged his immaturity and said that he realised we could have worked through his doubts about us - he's realised that there weren't any actual problems in our relationship, he just didn't appreciate what he had. He's abroad with work for three weeks (back in two). I know he's probably just bored and alone there but he was so explicit that I found myself writing back. I thanked him for his words, but said that there was no way back for us as a betrayal of trust had been involved. That even if we did want to try again, trust was broken. He'd also have to resign from his job (due to co-worker) and I wasn't going to ask him to do that as we couldn't start over. I told him I hoped he'd find happiness again. Why do I feel so terrible now? I KNOW I shouldn't have broken NC, of course. But this was the message I wanted to see from him... all those nights of pain, I longed for him to say these words. It's tearing me up even though I've done the right thing. I probably shouldn't have replied at all. Please tell me I'm not going crazy! I feel so awful and can't stop crying. I don't know why I felt compelled to spell things out to him - I thought it would give me closure. I also didn't want him to keep writing to me. I just want to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose T Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Need some tough love here, guys. I was right not to entertain a second chance, wasn't I? Link to post Share on other sites
Hhhh Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think you were, if you believe that you are better off without him the you made the right choice. Your probably right things went south with that relationship and now he's asking for you back. Intime you will heal and move on. You don't want to be a second choice to someone who can so easily throw it all away Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose T Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think you were, if you believe that you are better off without him the you made the right choice. Your probably right things went south with that relationship and now he's asking for you back. Intime you will heal and move on. You don't want to be a second choice to someone who can so easily throw it all away Thankyou Hhhh. Yes, of course the ex NEVER mentioned the elephant in the room - i.e. what happened to the girl he was having the affair with - so I'm left thinking that she rejected him, or he realised that he wasn't ready for a relationship with her and sabotaged that too. I don't want to be a second choice. I'm going back into my NC cave. I've stuck my head out enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 He cheated, he betrayed your trust in the worst possible way. There is no room for a second chance when that's what's going down. You did the right thing to deny him another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose T Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thanks for the solidarity Mrlonelyone! My head knows this, which is why I gave him the rational response... my heart's just still in a puddle of tears on the floor! It's so easy when you read other people's stories to suggest doing the right thing... when it happens to you it suddenly seems much more complicated than it usually is. I would never again manage to be that cool, relaxed, funny person I once was with him after his betrayal... It's better to be alone for now and see what the future brings. I've already made more new friends in the last four weeks than in all last year. I need to get back to healing now. Link to post Share on other sites
Byren Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Even if we did want to try again, trust was broken. I don't want to be a second choice. These two quotes say it all, Rose, you're doing the right thing here - keep strong and if you feel the urge to get together with him again remember the horrible things he's done to you. You have every right to feel upset right now, and take some time to feel that emotion. Saying that though, you seem to be doing just great without him and I'm confident that you'll be fully back on your feet and enjoying everything that comes your way in no time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rose T Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 You have every right to feel upset right now, and take some time to feel that emotion. Saying that though, you seem to be doing just great without him and I'm confident that you'll be fully back on your feet and enjoying everything that comes your way in no time. Thanks for your support, Byren! I don't know about other people on this forum, but I always seem to be in a mess on Mondays. I think it might be because I party all weekend to keep sad thoughts at bay and then find that the tiredness and memories catch up with me at the start of the week. So he caught me on a bad day... you're right, I have been feeling a lot better in recent weeks thanks to the power of NC! Also meeting some really cool people... it was definitely time I made new friends as I had lost a few on the way while in my LTR. Just got to keep healing and enjoying the experiences that my single state is bringing. I'll be looking out for your thread Byren, hope things go ok for you on Wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
Byren Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 It's great that you're getting out there and not letting this break-up hold you down, I'd say that the partying is probably having more of a positive effect than a negative one (at least mentally!). You're bound to feel sad sometimes, especially when there's nothing else occupying your mind. You never know, maybe you'll meet the perfect guy whilst out there tearing up the floor Link to post Share on other sites
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