KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hey guys. I found this website last night when googling for some kind of support group or just a community that helps people move on. I have a lot of friends that help me when they can, but during the daytime I'm usually left to myself. Here's the story: We started dating about 5 months ago. I know it's a short time compared to a lot of you, but something just felt so right about it. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. She had two beautiful daughters that I loved, and they absolutely adored me (I was their Ken Bear, as they said). In the past couple months, she's been chatting with a new friends of hers via text messaging more and more. In fact, in the last 3 weeks, she texted him nearly all day. I voiced my concerns, but she said there was nothing there and that she loved and cared for me and me alone. A couple days ago I was spending time with her at her place. We spent the whole day together and at night we decided to "do our own thing" after dinner, movie, sex, and a shower. After the shower, we did just that. I got on the desktop to play some video games and she got on the laptop to read reddit (love that website) and chat with friends. Eventually I finish with my games and lay down next to her. We're cuddling up, being all lovey dovey, watching old music videos and laughing at some of the comics on /r/f7u12 (redditors will know what this is). Then a message popped up. This guy she's been texting with mentioned something about wanting to kiss her lips. I went into panic mode. What is this? What's going on? Why is he saying that? She was stunned. I asked to see the chat log and her phone. She complied. He had sent her two very flirty messages, and she hadn't responded. However, she admitted to having feelings for him. Having been cheated on in the past twice, I went into immediate defensive/territorial mode. I wanted her to choose him or me. She couldn't. So I packed up my stuff and left. Since then we've talked. Our initial plan was to see how things went. She wanted to sort out her feelings for this guy, but didn't want me out of her life. We agreed, for the time being, to see how things play through. Last night we talk on the phone and she's being more distant. I get it out of her that she doesn't want to get back together with me. But she can't imagine her life without me. Today I am going to call her an initiate No Contact. I have since also signed up for Match.com. Not necessarily for exclusive dating, but just to meet people. I live in an area where I can't really go out and meet people on a whim. I am, however, going back to college in 2 weeks. All of my friends have been very supportive. I'm just looking to get as much support and advice as I can. So, help a new guy out around here.
J0N Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 She sounds like she is just keeping you around, in case things don't work out with the new guy. I would NOT call her and just go NC maybe she will realize what she lost, maybe not. If it were me, I wouldn't let her walk over me.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 So if she tries to contact me, what do I do? There are too many ways she can do it, and completely blocking her out of my life is impossible as far as this is concerned. That is, if she wanted to get in touch with me, she could. Do I just not respond?
GoingInsane Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I wouldn't call her to initiate NC - just do it. If you let her know, you're giving your blessing for her to find out whether the other guy is who she wants to be with, you're letting her off the hook. Just go NC and let her think about what she really wants without you there to make her feel better about herself. She will no doubt call, text, message you - just ignore it all. You're not cutting off her chance to be with you if that's what she really wants (and what you really want). She will find a way to let you know.
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 So be it. Initiated NC as of 15 minutes ago or so. I mentioned last night that I wanted to talk to her today about something. She texted me asking if I wanted to talk now. I'm not responding. We'll see how it goes.
stopthemadness Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Hey guys. I found this website last night when googling for some kind of support group or just a community that helps people move on. I have a lot of friends that help me when they can, but during the daytime I'm usually left to myself. Here's the story: We started dating about 5 months ago. I know it's a short time compared to a lot of you, but something just felt so right about it. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me. She had two beautiful daughters that I loved, and they absolutely adored me (I was their Ken Bear, as they said). In the past couple months, she's been chatting with a new friends of hers via text messaging more and more. In fact, in the last 3 weeks, she texted him nearly all day. I voiced my concerns, but she said there was nothing there and that she loved and cared for me and me alone. A couple days ago I was spending time with her at her place. We spent the whole day together and at night we decided to "do our own thing" after dinner, movie, sex, and a shower. After the shower, we did just that. I got on the desktop to play some video games and she got on the laptop to read reddit (love that website) and chat with friends. Eventually I finish with my games and lay down next to her. We're cuddling up, being all lovey dovey, watching old music videos and laughing at some of the comics on /r/f7u12 (redditors will know what this is). Then a message popped up. This guy she's been texting with mentioned something about wanting to kiss her lips. I went into panic mode. What is this? What's going on? Why is he saying that? She was stunned. I asked to see the chat log and her phone. She complied. He had sent her two very flirty messages, and she hadn't responded. However, she admitted to having feelings for him. Having been cheated on in the past twice, I went into immediate defensive/territorial mode. I wanted her to choose him or me. She couldn't. So I packed up my stuff and left. Since then we've talked. Our initial plan was to see how things went. She wanted to sort out her feelings for this guy, but didn't want me out of her life. We agreed, for the time being, to see how things play through. Last night we talk on the phone and she's being more distant. I get it out of her that she doesn't want to get back together with me. But she can't imagine her life without me. Today I am going to call her an initiate No Contact. I have since also signed up for Match.com. Not necessarily for exclusive dating, but just to meet people. I live in an area where I can't really go out and meet people on a whim. I am, however, going back to college in 2 weeks. All of my friends have been very supportive. I'm just looking to get as much support and advice as I can. So, help a new guy out around here. Sorry to say but I think what you had with her is over. Just be glad you didnt stay 2gether for years and then her do this. Maybe later on down the road you guys can be friends as you werent 2gether that long.Feel Better.. Good Luck...
Author KYoung2200 Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Yeah, I've accepted that it's older. And I think the only way she'll ever realize what she's missing or what she did is if I just disappear off her radar. As long as I'm there it seems like she's going to have a sense of it being OK. Well, it's not OK. She wants to be friends with me, I understand that. But right now I want nothing to do with her.
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