NeNinja Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I went out last night I jumped straight into my last relationship from another two and a half year relationship that ended on good terms (she just moved away.) It's been almost five years since I was really single and I've been enjoying my newfound freedom. This was my third 'date' with a girl I met the weekend after the breakup. We had a drink a week later, went out on New Year's Eve, and then out last night. She's a really nice girl, really cute and considerate. Bonus: She knows the situation so there isn't any awkward relationship pressure hanging over us. The problem is the last two times that we've gone out we've run into one of my ex-girlfriend's best friends. (Her boyfriend and I do a lot of the same things and know a lot of the same people.) The first time on New Year's Eve, we chatted for a few minutes while I was headed to the bar for another round of drinks. I told her to wih my ex a Happy New Year when she saw her and that was that. Last night was A LOT different. I really have no idea what's going on with my ex-girlfriend and I really am trying my hardest to accept the breakup and keep it/her out of my mind while I improve and enjoy my life. I talked to her boyfriend and avoided all serious breakup/relationship/ex-girlfriend related conversation. When his girlfriend walked up it was pretty obvious she had sent him on 'a mission' and he was taking to long. He asked who the girl I was with was and I ducked the question with "That's (Her Name.)" The same one from New Year's Eve? "Yeah." I'm glad she was over by our table with her friends because it got even more awkward when my ex's friend glared at me and said "Well...it looks like you're winning the break-up." and walked/storme away. Her boyfriend gave me the "Sorry, bro" shrug and followed after her. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time but I woke up this morning shaking my head and saying what the hell was that about? What are you supposed to say to something like that? She broke up with me. I have barely heard from my ex in ~3 weeks since we broke up a month ago. I'm just trying to get on with my life. I'm not trying to win the breakup. I'm really just trying to survive it. I know that the right thing to do is nothing, but if anyone has any insight to the how's and why's of this situation I would appreciate it.
Fern Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 My take on it? At the risk of sounding petty - HAHAHAHAHA!!! Rub it up her. You've certainly given her something to think about. Well played - completely accidentally.
SDA Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Wow man good for you. I think that your ex is definitely keeping tabs on you with this friend and maybe she still has feelings for you or just is really jealous that you are spending your time wisely. Keep doing what you are doing. Your ex broke up with you. If she has a problem with it she shouldn't have ended it.
Author NeNinja Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 It only took me a few days to realize that all of our 'mutual' friends were really her friends or my friends and another day to figure out exactly how things were or were not going to get back to her. I'm afraid its going to look like I'm rubbing it in. I'm not trying to make her jealous. I'm not trying to 'win' anything. If it were up to me she would know absolute zero about me and 'my process' until I'm done with it. So who's really upset here? Is it her friend or is it her?
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 This is a very nice story. You're not gloating and you're trying your best to move on - what's a dumpee supposed to do, right? Thanks for sharing. As for your ex's bff, she needs to re-evaluate what she's done because uh... you do need to move on and you're doing your best. NC's helped you stay on that track. Funny how NC can also bring other, unexpected happenings.
Author NeNinja Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I forgot to add that this particular girlfriend/boyfriend combination had been dating for three years before she dumped him at the beginning of last summer. He ended up going 'no contact' for a month or two. They had been hanging out since August but just 'officially' got back together in October. She even went out on a few dates with another guy. So there's another happy, optimistic success story for all the LoveShackers out there. I'm not thrilled with her friend's response (or her 'spying') but for some reason it feels good to know that things aren't all glitz, glitter, sunshine, and roses on the otherside of the breakup. Still...it has me thinking about her A LOT today. And lastly I've jinxed myself by saying there is no 'relationship pressure' with the new girl. All of our 'dates' have been group things in places with lots of other people at least a week apart. Now a night after our last 'date' she wants to stay in and watch a movie...with me. If that's all I have to complain about I guess I'm doing alright.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 And lastly I've jinxed myself by saying there is no 'relationship pressure' with the new girl. All of our 'dates' have been group things in places with lots of other people at least a week apart. Now a night after our last 'date' she wants to stay in and watch a movie...with me. You'll correct this right away, right?
Author NeNinja Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Correct it? Grammatically? Ethically? I don't want to lead her on. There is a definite attraction there but I'm REALLY not interested in jumping head first into another relationship...and she knows/knew this. I've even gone as far as not really pursuing anything physical (well...mostly) because I didn't want to give her the wrong idea. I'm going to a basketball game.
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I don't want to lead her on. There is a definite attraction there but I'm REALLY not interested in jumping head first into another relationship...and she knows/knew this. I've even gone as far as not really pursuing anything physical (well...mostly) because I didn't want to give her the wrong idea. Yes, this is what I mean. Remind her again about the boundaries that you have in place. I'd say that she's starting to push the limits just a little bit more to feel you out more. If she gets defensive, just explain to her that this is how you interpreted what she was doing (just the 2 of you watching movies) and you are just concerned because you didn't want to lead her on. A broken heart needs time to heal, but it's nice to have distractions. The distractions are what I want for myself, too. I want to get over my ex as fast as I'm able. I'm going to a basketball game. Enjoy!
Author NeNinja Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Looking back at last night I can see a few spots where she may have been pushing the limits a little bit...and a few times when I may have let the 'lines' get a little blurry. It's nice to see that there are other people out there committed to doing things the 'right' way. (I wasn't one of them until recently. That's been the big 'lesson' that I've taken away from this relationship.) A broken heart needs time to heal, but it's nice to have distractions. The distractions are what I want for myself, too. I want to get over my ex as fast as I'm able. Best of luck to you! But be careful what you wish for. You might end up needing a distraction from your distractions!
0hpenelope Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Best of luck to you! But be careful what you wish for. You might end up needing a distraction from your distractions! To get my mind off of this dude, I'll take it. Keep us posted on your situation if you can. Because it's really quite funny when people who decided they want nothing to do with you suddenly shoot themselves in the foot.
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