Some light in here would be nice

[goldenrainbow]

Long story short, one year of toxic relationship with a controlling, extremely jealous, verbally abusive and possesive guy (although prince charming when he was "in control").

I broke up in September because I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore, the obsessive control, losing contact with all my friends, and so on.

 

Addictive relationship, got back to him ONE week later.

 

One month afterwards found out he was cheating me online and I broke up again.

 

He once found out i had gone out with some girl friends and made a scene, threatening to kill me over the phone, as he was suspicious I had been with another man (I had not).

 

Now, shoot me, because after this I GOT back to him.

Until one day he was so jealous after I got home from a work dinner that he threatened to "punch me in the face" - his words.

 

this was almost a month ago and it was final for me.

 

Stupid thing is I still love him and he still controls me.

 

I went out last Saturday and saw him outside the bar where I was, he texted me saying "I know you're in there".

 

Geez. Today he calls me saying that he drove by my door and he "KNEW I was with someone at 1 am because all lights were on".

 

My brother came to visit me...

 

So I am UNDER his control again. I know that as he knows that I came back to him after such mess he made, he's sure that I will come back to him, but this time NO, NO , NO (yup, going to rehab lol)

 

What scares me is this guy controlling my steps like this, knowing where I am, stopping my door to check if I'm in or not. I'm kind of scared because although he keeps babbling the usual speech "I'll love you till I die and can't live without you", he's got a gun and has already threatened to kill me if he ever caught me with another man.

 

Any advice? I cannot contact the police, he is a dangerous man when he loses control, I honestly don't know what his reaction would be...besides, I know, I'm stupid, but I love him still.

Edited December 31, 2010 by goldenrainbow

[rhonian]

What you described is scary. If he ever does anything threatening that you can get documented that would help you (a text, v-mail, letter, witness, etc.) You may have to go to the police for restr order and get it on file. I dont know him but sometimes a "drastic" step like that will scare them into the "light". Also, what kind of relationship did you have with his family? Is ther any member of his family you could talk to that could talk to him? How old is he? His behavior is of a VERY serious nature.....

[dmncoldworldgrl87]

Long story short, one year of toxic relationship with a controlling, extremely jealous, verbally abusive and possesive guy (although prince charming when he was "in control").

I broke up in September because I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore, the obsessive control, losing contact with all my friends, and so on.

 

Addictive relationship, got back to him ONE week later.

 

One month afterwards found out he was cheating me online and I broke up again.

 

He once found out i had gone out with some girl friends and made a scene, threatening to kill me over the phone, as he was suspicious I had been with another man (I had not).

 

Now, shoot me, because after this I GOT back to him.

Until one day he was so jealous after I got home from a work dinner that he threatened to "punch me in the face" - his words.

 

this was almost a month ago and it was final for me.

 

Stupid thing is I still love him and he still controls me.

 

I went out last Saturday and saw him outside the bar where I was, he texted me saying "I know you're in there".

 

Geez. Today he calls me saying that he drove by my door and he "KNEW I was with someone at 1 am because all lights were open".

 

My brother came to visit me...

 

So I am UNDER his control again. I know that as he knows that I came back to him after such mess he made, he's sure that I will come back to him, but this time NO, NO , NO (yup, going to rehab lol)

 

What scares me is this guy controlling my steps like this, knowing where I am, stopping my door to check if I'm in or not. I'm kind of scary because although he keep babbling the usual speech "I'll love you till I die and can't live without you", he's got a gun and has already threatened to kill me if he ever caught me with another man.

 

Any advice? I cannot contact the police, he is a dangerous man, I honestly don't know what his reaction would be...besides, I know, I'm stupid, but I love him still.

 

NO NO NO u need to end this right now!!! U HAVE to contact the police, this man sounds very dangerous!!! I know u say u love him, but are u willing to die for him?? NO WAY u better not be, u got your whole life ahead of you, its almost 2011 make a change right now! U need to go completely NC, change ur phone number, email, everything, i would even suggest packing your bags and moving at this point. If you have some relatives or friends u can move in with that live far away then do it. This man has threatened your life, if you go back to him i'm afraid for your safety! Promise me you will do this, I know its a tough desicion to make but at this point its life or death for u. What u need to do is contact the police and tell them u want a restraining order and that they need to keep an eye on him in case he tries to go after you. Seriously for your sake move away!! It's the best option and you wont be living in fear all the time. GO NOW!!

[goldenrainbow]

rhonian, he's 38, and I keep no contact with his family whatsoever...

I know I am a co-dependent person and that is probably why this relationship is being so addictive, but I'm giving him the cold and silent treatment lately and I guess that's what's driving him mad..

 

He knows where I work. the only thing I have is a voicemail message from him where he tells me to "F*** off" and that I am retard and so on and so on...don't have any proof of his threats

[goldenrainbow]

dmncoldworldgrl87, you know, that's what I would do if I could, but I have two kids (not his, I divorced their father), and they're stable, my rent contract doesn't allow me to move or I would have to pay a lot, which I really can't afford. Besides he knows where I work.

 

He does have a gun though