Second date with ex.

[Harkonn]

Hello there.

 

I just went on a second date with my ex-girlfriend of two months now. I was going out with this girl for around 3 years or more. We lived together, talked every day and she went overseas and now wants to be single, on return we have been emailing each other. She has been emailing me over the Christmas Break wanting to catch up and meet, well suggesting it along with seeing a movie. I know its a huge risk meeting up, I do want her back, and I can't seem to not respond to her emails. We met in the city and went shopping followed by coffee and lunch. Ended up in a park , I made a joke about her being single now and I could woo her. We ended up kissing quite passionately. I think I initiated but she was definitely into it. We went to the movie, initially she was leaning away from me but when the lights darkened she was lying on my shoulder, and we were holding hands. More worrying she tried to initiate more physical contact...I stopped her however. On the walk back home for dinner, we were holding hands a bit but she said maybe its too soon. I said I don't want to rush into anything either and I knew she was worried about commitment. Nothing else was said, other than that she said she didn't think she would be with other men and she liked what we had for the moment. Had dinner, ran back to catch out seperate trains and on the platform she kissed me on the lips and wished me a happy new yr. She is going to a party for NYE tonight, I still worry what shes doing but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt. Am I being strung along? What does everyone think? I know I have been weak but I really care for this girl so much. What should my plan be from here to give us the best chance of this working again?

[2010_Sorry]

She really seems to be giving mixed signals here. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but it seems like she is spending time with you out of convenience, or she is still having uncertain feelings about you.

 

I could be WAY OFF here, but if she wanted to work on your relationship, she would give you no reason to post these questions on LS. There would be no doubt about her intentions.

[Harkonn]

Thanks I am just so confused. Some days shes into me, other days her minds intent on being single and having her time. Kinda over being on this emotional rollercoast. What do you recommend I do, go NC, or continue this risky meeting up dating business. She is aware I want to be with her, and she has a history of being insecure and sometimes manipulative. She has a new group of friends she hangs out with and I beleive they are a bad influence. I just want her to make up her mind without the infleunce of myself and everyone else around her. At the same time I am scared that if I let her go, shes too proud or scared to come back and sort things out.

[Mrlonelyone]

Harkonn

 

We are all here due to some species of mixed signals. Yours are very powerful because they are so physical. One minute she's acting totally into you the next not... Your not really alone in what your going through. The specifics may be different but the overall dilema is the same.

 

Here is my advice to you. Enjoy having whatever it is you have with her while you have it. Don't worry about tomorrow and guard your feelings. Act as if tomorrow could be the last time you see or hear form her. In the meantime she can figure out weather or not she wants to be with you.

 

There is also the possibility that she'll never ever be sure. Every day a person wakes up and makes the decision to make a change...or not.

[Harkonn]

I'm kinda finding this extraordinarily difficult because I am so emotionally torn up right now, I'm not sure if she is the same, outwardly she doesn't show it. I love being with her and being around her in this capacity, the only thing seperating us from being bf and gf when we are out and about like this seems to be the level of security in our relationship. But I don't think I can keep this up for too much longer, my life is atm dominated by this, for example my sleeping patterns have been disturbed, I'm kind of semi euphoric then miserable again. I want to be able to trust her, if shes legitimately confused about what she wants I completely understand, and maybe its not such a good idea that I'm around her in this capacity, effectively nagging her through being present into getting back with me. I want her to just want me for me. With no external pressures placed on her. If she doesnt end up being with me then I will deal with it and go my seperate ways. I remember her saying no one understands me or has a connection like you do with me, saying her new friends from overseas are immature and stuff. But at the same time, she thinks I need to change a bit before anything can happen. I recall the word 'a long time' being used.

 

BTW- she wanted to be single following me discovering through facebook this 30 yr old man has propositioned her multiple times overseas, and had kissed her at a movie. I confronted her about it. she told me two days later she needed to be single so as not to hurt me again.