Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) For the first time in a little while I wake up looking forward to the day. Free to rise with the binds cut untethered looking forward to the day. From the weight of the past, remembering, not wallowing and looking forward to the day. That is my status of the day on FB. Looking back on the last two months... since I found her on Facebook... I have never felt as good as I do right now. Sending that letter laying out how I still feel for her even after so long, and getting that email back which was either a jealous pose by her BF or a cowardly reply by her via her BF makes me feel better. I was brave enough to take a chance, nothing ventured nothing gained... it was the kind of thing that with a positive response makes me a genius, and a negative response makes me a fool. Let me put it this way to you all. She has many great qualities. She has been a great mother to my little doppleganger my son. She was a great lover and friend when I had her. However right now I need to remind myself and you of some of the horrid things she did, that I was willing to overlook ...since no one is ever perfect. Many people here have tried to lecture me about what a real man in my sitaution would do. As if I am solely responsible for everything that's wrong here. Here is what a real woman would do or not do: A real woman would not treat a man like a secret for years. A real woman would not have that mans child, and not tell him, and lie to practically everyone in their life about it. A real woman would not then use that child as a sympathy play to make herself look more socially acceptable. A real woman would not , as it looks, use men to make herself look socially acceptable (as was done to the fiancee), or perhaps as a convenience (as may be happening to current BF). A real woman would look at how she treats men and think... what if someone did my son that way? A real woman would be honest about such important things and own up take the medicine and from there really move on in a healthy way... instead of setting up a potential lifetime of drama. (When the boy wants to know his biological father.) She will have to ask herself why she is still a receptionist... and never graduated college... when she at one time wanted to be a MD. She will have to ask herself why she chased away a guy who was willing to work to support her through her education... because he was too black for her father to approve of? She will wakeup one day, when her looks have fully faded, and wonder why she let her histrionics and drama causing, attention seeking behavior ruin her life, and the life of every man who ever cared for her.... From her father... to very nearly her brothers marriage... to me... to her fiancee... to her son... and likely her BF... All have been burned but one.. one who is still to much in the honeymoon haze to see it. She is only out for PRAISE: P- provocative and seductive behavior (signaling interest to many men. having many men in her orbit) R- relationships, considered more intimate than they are (Saying she's deeply committed after only two months) A- attention, must be the center of (has to have an audience... as we did when we fooled around in chemistry class) I- Influenced easily (Can go from one man to another based on what others say about him... from me to fiancee back to me to BF.. ohy) S- speech (style)-wants to impress, lacks detail (Claiming to be the soulmate of a man who makes her laugh and drives her crazy... just don't mention a name...that way more than one of us can think it's us.) E-emotional lability, shallowness (having BF say he loves her with all his being.... she says back.. I like having you in my life) M- make-up, physical appearance used to draw attention to self ( She cleans up well. Going from looking nerdy in glasses to being painted and seductive) E- exaggerated emotions- theatrical (Check) She is the typical histrionic personality disordered woman. I knew this about her for quite some time. That deep inside she was sick in a way. I knew her games and loved.... no on some level still love her anyway. Though I just won't be an active part of her life for the time foreseeable. I came in with open eyes only to be turned out by one who has not yet been awakened to her bull $1it. I have compared our story to the movie .... a beautiful mind... A story about a man who found love only to go crazy then... to find that old love again after he dealt with his demons. It is not my mind that needs to deal with deamons. I have done all I can do. My moral obligations fulfilled. I have done all I can do, my legal rights swindled from me. She's someone else's blessing and some other mans curse. I have never felt better than I have right now. Their is a horde of young Muslima's who are good and upright and looking to do the right thing by God and a good man. Women who deserve my long suffering love. There is a crowd of young women who are open and willing to treat me right. Women who deserve my long suffering love. Yet I have to admit that If after a while of NC/LC she came crawling back to me ... as she has done before... and I had nothing going on... I would more than likely consider it... for she is my vice and my weakness. She is a brid with a broken wing, and I just have a need to repair it. God please let me find someone that will do me right before that tragedy can happen! Edited December 30, 2010 by Mrlonelyone
january2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 You seem to need to vent rather than get feedback or advice. Have you thought about starting a journal?
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Your darn right I needed to vent. A journal no one but me will read just wouldn't do it. I needed to write down where others could see all the horrible things this person has done in her interpersonal relationships with men. From being a factor in the break up of her parents marriage.... to almost breaking up her brothers marriage... to using me as a thing..that just makes sperm for her... then dividing me from my son by her connivance... to now totally gas lighting this new guy... Oh I totally expect people here to say I am just bitter. For they know the woman better than me. I know that I am not perfect either. How do I know I am not perfect? Because I fell into the trap of providing her with more "supply". Get a load of this from a message board for people who have to deal with people who have personality disorders. http://www.psychforums.com/histrionic-personality/topic53498.html Backup supply? by Butchannon » Fri Sep 03, 2010 3:47 pm After me and my HPD broke up last Decemeber after I discovered her massive cheating for the first 6 months of our 2 year's relationship, she is not attentive to me like HPDs suppose to be. The situation is actually upside down because she became in still is somehow ignoring. When we lived together she used to send me texts and give me calls multiple times a day and she asked me did I safely come to work etc. After I told her to leave from my apartment she cut off all the communication. I tried to talk to her by phone (we have a baby together) but she refused to. She also has great support from her parents which don't like me since I told her to leave. They ignore me when I visit my baby every Saturday. I found out that she probably told them that she went on drinks with guys and that it wasn't considered cheating for her. The truth is she screwed multiple guys without protection and gave me STDs and I was doubting if child was actually mine and so I have done paternity test. Situation now is like that. I found out she has got her secret profile on Facebook and she wrote to some guy she knows much longer than me. When I found out that and told her about it she deleted it immediately and said they were just friends. But here is a question... Do you think that guy became her first choice of supply and I went to second or even lower? We hear eachother every day, we make love when I am on visitation of my kid, she says she loves me all the time and want to be together. But she doesn't send me any texts, even if I write her she doesn't write back always. But when we argue and I put the phone down she calls back every time. And if I don't call her for couple of days when she does something inappropriate she doesn't even try to solve things and waits till I call her. Do you think if she wouldn't care she wouldn't talk to me? Or she just uses me as her source of supply and she devalued me? The thing is I think if she cared she would come back after abandonment? But she behaved ignoring which surprised me. Truly there was some influence of her parents who doesn't like me, but... What should I do with attention to her? Should I be attentive or not at all? I don't know how much is enough and when is too much/too little... That sounds soo much like her conduct. His conduct sounds soo much like mine... Because if a man chooses to deal with such a woman that's what he bargains for. They have a way of evoking such strong emotions in men.... leaving us to wonder. Why do we exes's of HPD's go on caring about them? I did not want to say it here... I did not want to make it about this here. I just wanted some advice here. Now here's the whole story. The woman I have been trying to deal with was, and is, beyond the cultural differences I spoke of, not mentally all right. She's good at making people think she is for a time. Check this video out about such people. I tell you it describes her to a T.
january2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) The journal facility on this site is viewable by all, as far as I know. Unless you change your privacy settings. It just seems that starting a thread like this where you're open to ridicule is not very healthy for you. You don't want feedback or advice. It just seems that you just want to argue the same points and post after post is just toing and froing with no steps forward. Eventually, most people will just give up on responding to your posts and you'll be left to stew. I'm not the thread police. Just expressing concern about someone who seems to be in a lot of pain but is 'stuck' and doesn't want to move forward. Edited December 30, 2010 by january2010
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 I don't care if people I don't know riddicule me. They could only speak from ignorance... and a opinion offered in ignorance could only be disregarded. Anyone who's gotten out and lived enough has had the misfortune of being tangled up with a mentally disordered person. I was, and due to a child, still am. I did what I had to all I could do to make things right. Anyone who thinks that's worthy of riddicule is not worth my worry.
january2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Posted December 30, 2010 Okay, never mind then. I can see that you need to continue with this until you get it out of your system.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2010 Author Posted December 30, 2010 Not really I'm done. This is my closure barring any new developments for this. Which I predict such new developements will happen. The woman, as described above, feeds off the drama and attention. As others have noted I feed into the drama to an extent. As soon as she has used up this guy she will give me a call. The history keeps on repeating itself. I pursue she runs... I walk back, she runs back. I want to get off this crazy ride but it's easier than it sounds. I just hope that this time,I'll have something better going and through that the strength to not answer the phone/email.
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