READ!!! Getting Over Your Ex

[Zella]

Here are some suggestions that may make us feel better. I got them from some books I read about breakups and getting yourself back together. After the list I am posting a few "activities" that could be helpful as well. I will try to use this guide and see how it goes. This is assuming NO CONTACT with your ex. If anyone has more helpful ideas please add them to the list. If it at least helps out one person, then I will be glad I posted it. Good Luck!!!

(In the list: Peak = Good time, Valley = Bad time)

 

1. Relax, each valley is temporary

 

2. Blame is useless. Blaming only gives away your power. Keep your power. Without power you cannot make changes. The helpless victim can't see a way out

 

3. You are not developed enough to attract the love you want. Don't settle for anybody just to have someone. Be loving and you will be lovable

 

4. This is only a stepping stone in your pathway

 

5. How you feel depends largely on how you view your situation. The key is to separate what happened to you from how good and valuable you feel you are as a person

 

6. Ups and downs are connected. The errors you make in today's good times create tomorrow's bad times. And the wise things you do in today's bad times create tomorrow's good times

 

7. You cannot always control external events, but you can control your personal peaks and valleys by what you believe and what you do

 

8. To change a valley into a peak, you can change how you feel about what is happening

 

9. The path out of the valley appears when you choose to see things differently

 

10. You change your valley into a peak when you find and use the good that is hidden in the bad time

 

11. Between peaks there are always valleys. How you manage your valley determines how soon you reach your next peak

 

12. You become more peaceful when you realize that you are not your 'good times' or your 'bad times'. They just happen to you and you are in control to handle them. It's not what happens, it's how we react to it

 

13. Ask yourself: What is the truth in this situation? Then ask yourself how you can be of more service? or What would be the most loving thing I could do right now?

 

14. Shift your focus on someone else. Get outside of yourself

 

15. Truly appreciate and use what lies in a hidden valley

 

16. A great way to get to your next peak is to follow your vision. Imagine yourself enjoying your better future in such specific, believable detail that you soon enjoy what takes you there

 

17. Avoid believing things are worse than they really are. Make reality your friend

 

18. Wishing leads to no action

 

19. When you truly follow your vision, you 'want to do' the things that make it happen. You don't force yourself, you just want to so much that you find yourself doing things you never knew you were capable of

 

20. Look at what is real, not what you wish for or fear that is real

 

21. Relax, knowing that valleys end. Trust the process of life to always bring you what you need

 

22. Visualize yourself as a five year old child all alone crying. This child needs love and care. Tell the child it is okay to make mistakes while learning. Promise you will be there no matter what. Let the child get very small and put it in your heart. Every time you look down, see the child's face looking up into your eyes and counting on you

 

23. Whatever we concentrate on increases, so don't concentrate on it. If you concentrate on missing someone, you will just miss them more

 

24. When something goes, it is only to make room for something new and better

 

25. Self approval is the key. Nothing works from the outside

 

26. Try, try, try. If you don't try, you can lose valuable time that you could enjoy sooner better than later

 

27. Remember, if you are loving then you are lovable. Whatever you give returns to you multiplied

 

ACTIVITIES:

 

1. When you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning thank for everything good in your life that you can think of. You can write it down if you want. Don't give up even if you don't come up with much.

 

2. Every day look in the mirror and say:

- I'm doing the best I can

- "Your name" I love and accept you exactly as you are

- You are wonderful and I love you

- I approve of myself

- I feel better, I love you and I am helping you feel better

- Everything is working out for your highest good

- Whatever you need to know is revealed to you

- Whatever you need comes to you

- All is well

(Keep doing this every day even if you don't believe it. Just don't criticize yourself)

 

3. Every day after a shower take 5-30min meditating or praying. Or just try sitting quietly and counting your breath in and out from 1 to 10 and they starting over. Don't fight your thoughts. Just focus on counting

 

4. Come up with a goal or many little goals you want to accomplish. Write them down and follow through. Get outside of yourself. Pick things you always wanted to do but were scared of.

 

5. Exercise, hang out with friends, LS

 

(If you first don't succeed, try and try again. If children gave up when they fell for the first time, they would never learn to walk. Don't make it harder on yourself by saying you are a failure, encourage yourself after each baby step)

 

Good Luck

[cavedweller]

Zella,

 

Thanks ...

 

A couple of months ago I lost my soul-mate..My stupid mistakes caused the break-up and I have to live with that..I have to put it behind me and move on..But, oh, it is so hard....

 

cave dweller

[Zella]

cave dweller, do not blame yourself. You are allowed to make mistakes. I don't know your story, but whatever it is, I believe a soul-mate would understand and forgive.

[isitme1]

my hole is pretty deep...i feel like putting the dirt over me...and she is teling me I dodnt do anything wrong and its all her...

[NeNinja]

"Ups and downs are connected. The errors you make in today's good times create tomorrow's bad times. And the wise things you do in today's bad times create tomorrow's good times."

 

This seems really simple. Like good old fashioned common sense. It makes sense though, it seems like I should have thought of this a long time ago...

 

But its a really helpful thought. Thank you.

[Zella]

isitme1, sorry to hear how you feel. But I believe your biggest problem is blame. You are blaming yourself although she told you otherwise. Your user name even says it. (This is what I get out of your story, but I may be wrong) So in that case, try not to do it because it won't get you anywhere.

Ok, let's say you believe her that you did nothing wrong and it's all her fault... You have no control over external events. They just happen and you have to deal with them. The list is supposed to help you do that (I really hope it can help some, look at #12 and 13). Doing the right thing should make you feel better.

 

NeNinja, you made my day. Thanks for reading. I'm so excited to be able to help. And I am going through a crazy break up and coping time myself. So thank you for making me smile for the first time today

[isitme1]

thats the point...I thought I was doing the right thing..

[Zella]

I'm sure you were doing the right thing. If she didn't appreciate it, someone else will. How are we supposed to know what the other person wants us to act like? All we can do is be ourselves.

[evilmonkey2008]

thanks for this, it really does help!

[LifeIsGreat]

my hole is pretty deep...i feel like putting the dirt over me...and she is teling me I dodnt do anything wrong and its all her...

 

I have learned much over the last few years.... one is this---

 

If she says 'its not you, its me'- she is right, believe her

 

If she says 'you can do better than me'- she is right, believe her

 

Much of this depends on how long you were together (since in some really short term relationships people will use that as an excuse to get out) , but I can tell you that some women (and men) just can't be in a ltr. Some are just screwed up in the head with too much baggage or emotional issues they aren't willing to address.