chiantiii Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 I am in med school, 33 years old, and and I'm in love with my professor. It seemed like we flirted a lot throughout the semester. I'm almost positive I did not misread his flirting. I went to his office twice at the end of the semester because I was really having trouble with the course. I was in there for an hour both times. I couldn't stop smiling and looking at him because I find him so irresistible. He's so funny and nice, and soft spoken. The thing is though, is that he's married (I think), but did not have any photos of his kids or wife in his office. Sometimes he looks at my chest (go figure). Here are some things that happened between us: i was sitting alone in the lounge one day, and he strolled in to get something to eat from the deli. he then turned around and smiled, waved his hands at me, while he said hi. then i waved back the exact same way, and said hi. it was awkward as ass, because it was more reflex-like than a real wave, and my hands just started having a life of its own while i was waiving. weird. i'll never forget it. what kind of professor waves his hands like that to a student? A nervous one perhaps?i went up to him two weeks before the end of class, and asked him about his schedule, because i had a "list of questions i have been saving to ask him." I did not follow up with him, so on the last day of class, he announced that he was available through email or "if you have a list of questions you have to ask, then stop by my office."we ran into each other like 6 times in the hallways. i never see any of my other professors, except once a year. This was starting to creep me out a little but I got over it.while he writes on the board, he pauses and turns his head back and stares at me. after he caught me staring me a few times, i started just looking at the board, even though i knew he was staring at me. i'm weird like that. he won the staring contests in class.i went to see him twice in his office - the first time, i smiled a lot at him, and giggled. he blushed crazy red, twice. twice. he laughed at my jokes and wanted to talk about himself. there was tension. we had another battle of staring contests. the visit lasted an hour, but it felt like 5 minutes. i hurried out of there. he then said "well, email me or come visit me in the office..." i abruptly left. the second visit was like 55 minutes, and he laughed some more at my sarcasm, and then we stared into each other. it was intense, but i left in a hurry again.i saw him the deli 3 or 4 times throughout the semester. I am always there at a certain time due to my class schedule.i saw him in the hallway once when we were completely alone. we awkwardly said hello. i wanted to cry.he likes to write on his legal pad, but pauses every 3-5 seconds and looks at you (or he does to me). but it's too intense for me. i always pretended to be staring at his writing.he stares at me in class, but that doesn't really count bc he stares at everyone in class.i sent him a christmas card that said: " P.S. - want to meet for coffee sometime?" (this is where i'm at now). He has not replied yet. I really really want him to either a) reply in an email and tell me that he is flattered but will have to decline my offer b/c of the fact that he was my professor and (maybe) married; OR b) text me and ask me when we should meet up. He does not seem like the type to just not reply or respond to a sweet Christmas card. He's soooo nice and polite, and very understanding. He always emailed me back so quickly and it just seems unlike him (or what I know of him) to not email me and tell me something. Just a thanks for the card. Does this mean he's not interested? But if not, then being 48, wouldn't he have just laughed it off (the coffee date) and emailed me and told me "no thanks, have a nice semester?" One more thing, grades have not been turned in yet. I don't even think the finals have been graded. But class is officially over, and has been for weeks. Is this the reason for the no response? He has my phone number b/c my number is in my outgoing signature on emails we've exchanged. Please please please help me.
january2010 Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 The thing is though, is that he's married (I think) This is all you really need to know. There's nothing in your exchanges that suggests he has any interest in you other than as one of his students. The awkwardness may stem from the fact that he knows you are flirting with him and while it might be flattering, he does not necessarily want to encourage you or make a move. It's also likely that there'd be something in the university's policies regarding fraternisation with students. And even if there isn't, it's not going to do his professional reputation much good to get involved with you, particularly if he has an input into your grades. Accept that it's a 'look but don't touch' situation.
denise_xo Posted December 26, 2010 Posted December 26, 2010 It's also likely that there'd be something in the university's policies regarding fraternisation with students. And even if there isn't, it's not going to do his professional reputation much good to get involved with you, particularly if he has an input into your grades. Accept that it's a 'look but don't touch' situation. Ditto. In addition to him possibly being married, he could also lose his career.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 But we don't even "know" that he's married. Given all of the evidence, a guy like that with any interest at all WILL respond, and his response will be clear (if he's interested). Furthermore, at 33, you're perhaps more realistic than might be some much younger coed with stars in her eyes. Good luck.
Author chiantiii Posted December 28, 2010 Author Posted December 28, 2010 But we don't even "know" that he's married. Given all of the evidence, a guy like that with any interest at all WILL respond, and his response will be clear (if he's interested). Furthermore, at 33, you're perhaps more realistic than might be some much younger coed with stars in her eyes. Good luck. Thank you so much for your input. I know in my heart that he is/was interested in me, but he could have changed his mind. Or I am really bad at gauging men's interest, which is sort of scary because I was 99% sure this time. I mean you can usually tell these things, you just know when they act different towards you then other students. I also want to mention that he was giving me these "signs" before I even thought of him that way. But it's been 13 days since I sent the card, and no response. Not even a "thanks, but no thanks" reply. Does that mean he's definitely not interested?
Seamless74 Posted December 29, 2010 Posted December 29, 2010 wow a woman attracted to a teacher... cliche' maybe cmon honey you can find an older father figure somewhere else other than school.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Well I have an ex boyfriend who married his student. He is 15 years older than she is. Seems to have worked out pretty well for them. If he is married, then I wouldn't be thinking anything will come of this. If he isn't...he will find a way to ask you out. Trust that a man who is interested will find you. He always does.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 Also...trust your instincts. If you think he was flirting, he probably was. But if he doesn't respond to your card, then he is probably married.
jenifer1972 Posted December 31, 2010 Posted December 31, 2010 I am a doctor, so from one doc to one who wants to be one, come to your senses! You should know by now that there are repercussions for profs who carry on with students, let alone married ones. This is a school girl crush, nothing more. Go out with your classmates and find someone better suited for you. This has " hot mess" written all over it!
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