isitme1 Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 (edited) well I am all new to this...dont know what I am looking for here...advice, ways to find closure, maybe to seek out help... I have had a terrible year and it gets worse by my gf of 4 months decided that she wanted space and wanted a break @ the beginning of Dec....it took me by surprise to say the least...when we 1st started we agreed to take it slow and build our relationship...you know the whole be friends 1st type of deal...previously before me she was a very long unhealthy relationship that wasnt going anywhere she said...during our time she made all the first moves...she introduced me to her parents & rest of the family 1st, she wanted me to go to church w/her, and even wanted me to spend thanksgiving w/her family in in another town..of course out of respect we did not seep in the same quarters...now she hasnt met my family since they all lived in a different state...I thought things were great...her family even told me that its been a really long time since they seen her so care free, happy, & laughing all the time w/me...they missed that in her....then out of the blue she comes out w/the whole she feels trapped ad didnt like how serious we were & that we were moving to fast...I told i was willing to slow things down & do whatever she feels comfortable with...even before that I stopped staying at her house...This girl means alot to me...after the next week when we started to slow down she wanted to go out to diner...I was very quiet and didnt know what to do or how to behave...I didnt yell at her or anything like...I just kept quiet...she finally told me that is something she can not handle so she wanted to take a break for awhile...of course this crushed me...what was worse we had an event t go to the next day w/her family & my job...the drive was the same thing...we just kept quiet...i just didnt want to say anything or mess things up any worse...she insisted going to my event in the evening...i told her why do yu want to do something that would make you uncomfortable...she took me home...then I started everything...I kept blaming myself for messing up our relationship & so forth...she didnt say much & kept telling me that it wasnt my fault & it was all her doing...So i decided to do with what she wanted and leave her alone to give her space...we ddnt communicate for 1 whole day...There were some things happening that week that she kept giving me updates on ...I didnt bring up anything else about us because of the what was going on that week...I told her not to worry about it and just deal with what was going on...she did called me to apologize for messing up my work event & Christmas for me..she said she felt bad about it...well I decided to not talk to her for awhile...she called me last weekend and i didnt anwser...she said she wanted t talk about what was going on & to possibly have dinner this week...I just didnt call back...the next day she sent me a text asking if was ok...i didnt respond...she later texts me that she owes me an apology for hurting me and that I am a good man & she didnt treat me as such....so i called her back and let her talk...she comes out telling me that she didnt want to have the pressure of getting married soon...she wanted to get to know me and make sure I am the right one for her...she wants to go out w/her friends, and then the kicker she wants to be able to meet new friends...so i say you want to date...she said she didnt want to do that...she likes building friendships and then see what happens from there...she still wants to see me, date me, and just get to know one another and not go so fast...i told her I wasnt even ready to get married...i told her I wasnt even ready to use the L word yet...I wasnt sure...then I asked her if there was somebody else...then she tells me that there is another person she wants to know as a friend and not close the door on getting to know the other person...she feel slike if I am supoose to be the one for her and the one she ends up with...I just told her she is everything I wan right now and I was willing to accept everything about her...she said if I was sure about that...I said of course...that to me is how you get know a person...I asked her why she introduced me to her family & wanted me to do everything w/her & her family...her answer was because she cared about me & that what she wanted at the time...it scared her so much that her family enjoyed me alot that she panicked and felt the pressure of them wantng us to get married...they never even mentioned that...I told her its not up to our families and that it would be up to us if that were to happen...in al she said I made her happy, she is still attracted me and still wants to se me for dinner...I dont know..I havent talked to her in a couple of days...she did call me @ work to leave to a message asking me how I was...i havent called back..dont know if I will...i am so torn up about all this..she is everything I wanted & made me very happy...I know what we had is gone...if i see her for dinner things will be weird I know...I also have her Christmas gifts for her & her family...do I give them to her? Do I have dinner w/her...after we talked she wanted to talk again to let things soak in...I did ask her not to give up on us...I jut dont know what do...sorry if i feel like i talked alot and kind of went everywhere with it...i was trying to sum it it shorter...all this has even affected my time I spend w/my family that are visiting for the holidays.... we are both in our 30's also... Edited December 22, 2010 by isitme1
Woggle Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Just let her go and thank god you dodged a bullet by getting out early.
goldenrainbow Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 if she is mentioning someone else, jump off that train. I think that girl doesn't know what she wants. She may be messed up by the previous relationship (how unhealthy was it?) but you don't have to pay for that. Please don't allow yourself to be anyone's second choice. GIve her time, and especially, give YOURSELF time.
Author isitme1 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 the worse part is that I am enjoy her family alot...I dont know...so hard for me to just let her go...I dnt want to compete...she said she is screwing up things...as far as unhealthy...she was basically taking advantage of and not respected...she told me I was completely opposite of it and she enjoyed it...I treated her right...so really sad about it...
stopthemadness Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 Am soo sorry but reading your post , the whole time Am thinking shes just not onto you! Like someone else said. Just be glad you got out now before your wasted any more time with someone who dosent feel the same way about you. Go No Contact on her. That way you can start healing. Then you can make "new friends" too. Good luck.....
Recommended Posts