Margot Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I was in NC for 5 months and then two weeks ago at my birthday he appears in my apartment. Since that day I have continued NC. But then I received this e-mail and I just want to know why he does this.What you guys think about this? Please tell me because I don't want to break my NC but I want to understand this. FYI: He broke up with me. Lied, manipulated me, I think that he cheated on me with a co-worker (he is still hanging with that girl), blamed me for everything and didn't apologize for anything. Just acting like nothing happened. That's why I went NC. X, Days like this are the days that I should not write you...Everybody says that I should write you when I'm calm and my mind clear so I don't risk myself of writing something that I should not say to you at this moment. And today is just one of those days for various reasons, some of those reasons aren't just about you but I really want to say you something and more because the day that it is (he broke up with me the first exactly a year ago). You promise me that you were going to write me how you are, you promise me. I don't want you to tell me about your life or have complex conversations, because I know that there is going to be time for that but I really I want to know how your procedure went. (I had a minor surgery last week and my brother already told him that everything went well). I alson wanted to know that if you want me to lend you the book that I told you for your trip to the states. Is the perfect book for traveling because it's easy to read and it's super funny. I hope you are fine...please write me at least that you are alright.
Author Margot Posted December 21, 2010 Author Posted December 21, 2010 I'm being tempted to contact him
restart Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 OK, you stated an immediate assumption...that he cheated on you, but DO you know? Get him to tell you if thats in fact so?! Is he still with her, plain and simple, lay it all on the line. Then get him also to explain the motive behind the email, respond with..."What ARE you driving at here?" Stand firm. Mutual communication is one thing but is he now in a "sort of" phase with the other girl, and wanting to rekindle the better kind of communication he had with you? My guy gut is telling me, based only on what you've said, that maybe he isnt really sincere about the email, maybe he was drunk/emotional when he wrote it?! You'll find that out if he answers the above questions (and see that he answers them say during day hours if by email...since not likely he'd be drunk then etc), but if he daddles around them, forget it. On one more reread of the email...he appears manipulative, wanting answers from you, wanting you to promise him (what the hell for?!!!!)without coming forth and revealing any feelings...strange...thats why I think he's not sincere about it. Just my guy take. Has he written other emails like this...what time of day were they written?
hoping2heal Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I really would not give him the ego-stroke he is looking for. Has he changed since the breakup? Is he a more genuine person now than he was a year ago?
SimonSerenade Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I'm in the some boat love, Dumped 5 months ago, Went no contact around 2 months ago after failing attempts to be her friend and get her back, She's contacted me seeing if I'm alright twice by email, Her mum asked me on Skype if I'd received the emails, Now she's gone and got me 3 Christmas presents, To me it's all a mind fart and I don't understand it as I got nothing on my birthday. Either way I feel like my strength is being tested, Maybe not so much by her as I don't understand her intensions but by myself and that email you just posted shows no sign of remorse or regret for anything he has done, There's no apology and that's where you need to draw the line, Before anything can ever go in to contact there should be no hard feelings on either part, How worthless would you feel talking to him knowing he got away with not feeling a thing after what he did yet you felt extremely saddened and hurt by him? The meaning of this email he sent dosen't matter, What matters is how you feel and right now I feel your not ready to talk to him, If I was you I'd steer clear and just ignore it, Don't budge till you hear what you need to hear, He's almost exactly like my ex, Cold, Selfish and couldn't care less, He just comes across somebody who is completely up him self yet there's nothing up where his head's at to be proud at, Keep him at an island distance and eventually as time passes by he'll be knee deep down at our level, Sods law, Ain't it great. Do yourself a favour and if you reply, Make sure you reply to the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread or just here, We'll all understand
SimonSerenade Posted December 21, 2010 Posted December 21, 2010 I really would not give him the ego-stroke he is looking for. Has he changed since the breakup? Is he a more genuine person now than he was a year ago? She's hit the nail on the head with this one, What good can come from replying when you don't know for sure if he's still the same selfish waste of space?, I wouldn't want to reply to my ex knowing I'm the only one who has changed for the better, Right now my ex is a stranger to me and may aswell be a tramp requesting change when she contacts, At least that's the way I intend to see her in the future should she contact a few more time's, You got nothing left to give him so don't give him the satisfaction of giving what you don't have.
cerridwen Posted December 22, 2010 Posted December 22, 2010 He does this because he is selfish, curious, and uncomfortable. He is uncomfortable that you're ignoring him. He is uncomfortable that you aren't giving him his way. He therefore wants you to stop, but not enough to actually apologize to you. He wants his way like a bratty child. He wants HIS questions answered but does not care enough to swallow his pride and be straight forward with you. I hope you don't acquiesce unless he contacts you with more honesty. Even then, does he even have the character you want in a partner?
Author Margot Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 OK, you stated an immediate assumption...that he cheated on you, but DO you know? Get him to tell you if thats in fact so?! Is he still with her, plain and simple, lay it all on the line. Then get him also to explain the motive behind the email, respond with..."What ARE you driving at here?" Stand firm. Mutual communication is one thing but is he now in a "sort of" phase with the other girl, and wanting to rekindle the better kind of communication he had with you? My guy gut is telling me, based only on what you've said, that maybe he isnt really sincere about the email, maybe he was drunk/emotional when he wrote it?! You'll find that out if he answers the above questions (and see that he answers them say during day hours if by email...since not likely he'd be drunk then etc), but if he daddles around them, forget it. On one more reread of the email...he appears manipulative, wanting answers from you, wanting you to promise him (what the hell for?!!!!)without coming forth and revealing any feelings...strange...thats why I think he's not sincere about it. Just my guy take. Has he written other emails like this...what time of day were they written? Hi Restart, Thanks for your reply, every reply here in LS is helpful in one way or another. First of all, he didn't tell me he cheated but I found some messages between him and this co-worker of his that talk about suspicious sexual stuff. When I confronted him he denied everything but with some messages he said that he wasn't going to defend himself that I believe him or not. But this girl has a reputation of being a slut and always the other girl. But then I kept finding hints that made me believe that something between them was going on. I was so stupid to just stick by his side (I still believe that he cheated on me), because I was blinded by love. But eventually he left me because I was just keeping track of every move he made. It wasn't healthy at all. But he keeps hanging with her, and that tells me a lot. Second of all, I also believe he wasn't at all sincere in this message and maybe he had a little emotional rant or something. I don't believe he was drunk because he doesn't drink at all and all the message are always during his work hours. Third, yes I believe is trying to manipulate me and just can't bear that I'm not the silly girl I used to be and always stick by him. He can't fooled me again. And he stating that I PROMISED him that I was going to write, I don't even remember promising anything and please he made lots of promises and he broke them all. He thinks that that is going to make me feel bad and break my NC. I'm not replying to that message because it just that he doesn't deserve it. He hurt me, lied to me and haven't realize or at least hadn't told me that he is aware of the damage his words and actions had caused me. He hasn't apologize or said at least an I'm sorry to least make me believe that he is not as selfish as he has become. Next week is his birthday, and I'm just not going to send him or tell him anything. What do you think? I know that he expects something and I have a suspicion that maybe if I don't write him anything he is going to send me another manipulative message. Well lets see...
Author Margot Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I really would not give him the ego-stroke he is looking for. Has he changed since the breakup? Is he a more genuine person now than he was a year ago? Hi hoping2heal, Thanks for your reply. Yes I truly believe he just wants an ego boost because he just can't stand or believe that I'm stick to NC and that I'm completely ignoring him. It just that he was used to having me there for him and now I just almost disappeared from the face of the earth. And I believe that he hasn't change because, well at least the last time he talked I could sense that he was making a show, that he was lying, and trying to make me believe that he is suffering for me. Well I know that he keeps hanging with this girl and are making lots of things together. I just believe that when he gets tired of her he is going back to me. Well that's what he thinks...
Author Margot Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 I'm in the some boat love, Dumped 5 months ago, Went no contact around 2 months ago after failing attempts to be her friend and get her back, She's contacted me seeing if I'm alright twice by email, Her mum asked me on Skype if I'd received the emails, Now she's gone and got me 3 Christmas presents, To me it's all a mind fart and I don't understand it as I got nothing on my birthday. Either way I feel like my strength is being tested, Maybe not so much by her as I don't understand her intensions but by myself and that email you just posted shows no sign of remorse or regret for anything he has done, There's no apology and that's where you need to draw the line, Before anything can ever go in to contact there should be no hard feelings on either part, How worthless would you feel talking to him knowing he got away with not feeling a thing after what he did yet you felt extremely saddened and hurt by him? The meaning of this email he sent dosen't matter, What matters is how you feel and right now I feel your not ready to talk to him, If I was you I'd steer clear and just ignore it, Don't budge till you hear what you need to hear, He's almost exactly like my ex, Cold, Selfish and couldn't care less, He just comes across somebody who is completely up him self yet there's nothing up where his head's at to be proud at, Keep him at an island distance and eventually as time passes by he'll be knee deep down at our level, Sods law, Ain't it great. Do yourself a favour and if you reply, Make sure you reply to the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread or just here, We'll all understand Thanks SimonSerenade, Don't worry that I will keep my distance. I will keep posting in the "post here instead of contacting your ex". Yes he is being selfish, hasn't apologize for anything and thinks that he can appear in my life when he wants and the way he wants. You can see that in the e-mail he sent me he said that "he doesn't want me to talk to him about my life and have complex conversations because he KNOWS that we will have time for that". This guys truly believe that we are going to be friends ,or more than that. And that's his main problem that he thinks that things are going to be easy and that are going to happen his way. He almost slip to me that he has like a plan of trying to get back at me. I just ignored everything but I can't deny that I still love him and some of his message get to my nerves. BTW Next week is his birthday and I'm not going to say anything. What do you think?
Author Margot Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 He does this because he is selfish, curious, and uncomfortable. He is uncomfortable that you're ignoring him. He is uncomfortable that you aren't giving him his way. He therefore wants you to stop, but not enough to actually apologize to you. He wants his way like a bratty child. He wants HIS questions answered but does not care enough to swallow his pride and be straight forward with you. I hope you don't acquiesce unless he contacts you with more honesty. Even then, does he even have the character you want in a partner? Hi Cerridwen, You have said it plain and simple, he is just uncomfortable of me ignoring him, of me sticking to my NC, of me not being his doormat after 6 years together, of me not following his mind games. And yes I just can't believe that he hasn't apologize for anything and still continues with his messages and sometimes with very manipulative sentences. Don't worry I will not contact him. His birthday is next week and I can't deny you that I will be thinking of him but I'm not going to contact him or send him anything. I believe that maybe he expects something...but he's just going to keep waiting...
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