iheartsuki Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) Ok....I don't know if I'm getting too worked up over the little things....or if it's the little things that you SHOULD be paying attention to. My last relationship was w/ someone who was a liar, had no conscience and was completely manipulative and, in retrospect, there are SO many little things that could have tipped me off if only I had paid closer attention/not been in denial about it. I am trying so hard to make my current relationship a happy, healthy one and not drag the past into the present, but it's extremely difficult, especially when you know what you COULD have maybe done differently in the past to avoid such pain. I'm not saying that my current bf is necessarily the same as my ex, but there are little things that really get to me and cause me to question him. Some examples: 1) We got into a really big fight the other day about a complicated situation involving money owed. Both of us thought we were right, but he kept saying things like "I don't like what you're doing" or "I don't think what you're doing is moral" as if I am intentionally swindling him out of money rather than misunderstanding a situation. It ultimately came down to about $15 and he said that if I don't "give him his money...that's it"...he's "done". I'm really bothered by the fact that a) he assumed what my intentions and attacked my integrity over a misunderstanding, b) I am expected to NOT assume HIS intentions (he gets very angry when I do this), and c) he basically threatened to break up with me in the middle of an argument (and is now denying it). 2) I have noticed that depending on what company we're in, he is either more or less affectionate. If we are around one of his guy friends who I know does not like me, he's not very affectionate. He's not cold or mean....I just usually end up feeling very non-existent. When I tell him this, he says that I am not joining the conversation and why is it his responsibility. But I can't really contribute to a conversation about things I know nothing about (usually the case w/ them) and it's more just affection that I'm looking for, anyway. I just want to feel like I'm his girlfriend sitting next to him and not a bump on a log. If we are around a couple that is very affectionate and loving, however, or if we're around his parents or my parents, etc.....he is very affectionate. He looks me in the eyes, touches my face, etc. I will admit I am very insecure. I do get jealous. I try not to let it consume me or the relationship. But I was particularly bothered the other night when we had plans to make s'mores together....which I was thinking was going to be a cute, romantic, fun thing to do together. We went to a building on his campus where there's a fire place to make them and when we got there, there was already a fire going and people sitting next to it. Not a problem. My bf IS very friendly and likes to make conversation w/ other people. He offered to let them join in and was making conversation w/ them. Also not a problem. I am reserved, myself, but I realize he isn't and we were in a public place, so that was not the problem. The problem was when I started feeling non-existent. He was primarily talking to the other people, did not touch me affectionately once and, for most of that time, one of the people left and the other person who was there was a very attractive girl. She was married, apparently, but they were the ones mostly talking to each other. I came over and tried to talk to my bf and he just went back over and started talking to her again. Then when the other person came back, the other two were talking to each other more than my bf and I were. It just seemed very odd. I ended up feeling like I could have made s'mores by myself which was completely not the point. When I told him later that this was bothering me, he got really upset and said we've been spending a lot of time together. He also tried to turn it into me not wanting him to talk to other people. Yet for so long in our relationship, it was the other way around....him getting upset at me for not being affectionate enough and always placing demands on me. I just don't get it. Are these small things I'm reading too much into? Or are these red flags? I missed all the red flags before and I'm scared of doing it again. But I also don't want to create problems where there aren't any. We've had a lot of problems and recently took a break to try and start things over with a clean slate. Things were really, really good for awhile...but now we seem to be heading into another downward spiral after a few arguments.... Any advice would be greatly appreciated... Edited December 15, 2010 by iheartsuki
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