Margot Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Hi there. I made myself this question and wanted to know your thoughts, opinions or experience. Why some dumpers keep contacting the dumpee? Making my long story short, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago after 6 years together. I think that we had a special bond, had lots of things in common, liked to do the same things, we are both social and political activist, worked in academic environment. Well people just said that we were meant for each other. Our problems were basically that we spent a lot of time together, were co-dependent and maybe we just lived in a world were only him and I existed. Also I started to get jealous of a co-worker of his, and later found out some dirty texts and emails. Well I was stupid to ignored that but I think that things got out of hand and we were fighting a lot and started to distance ourself. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. I cried, begged, well I transformed in a person that I just didn't know was inside of me. He said that even though he loved me (and will never loved someone like he loved me), that I was the most important person in his life, that I was his love of his life, he just can't be with me. That he needed to be alone and start to be like himself again because he transformed himself to made me happy. That he knew that I was co-dependent from the beginning and that wasn't right I know that's not right and I have been in therapy for that before I was with him, but if you knew from the beginning why you stayed with me for 6 years? Well as soon as we broke up I started NC. Then he started to bomb me with e-mails, texts every week. And has being doing that for 4 months. I haven't replied to anything because he hurt me bad, he hasn't apologize or at least say sorry for blaming me for everything, hasn't accepted that he cheated (I'm almost 100% he did with his co-worker), and it's just treating like anything wrong happen. You know I'm his BFF. Yeah right. I know that I'm not still over him and that's also why I don't reply because I need to get over him. But the thing is that his messages are just of stuff we used to like, do or see together, info of film festivals, political activities, things he saw on the web that I might like, people that he have met that are like "us", place he have gone that he thought he was going to see me, that he is desperate to know anything about me, that he wanted to pass by my house to bring me some mail, that my opinion on the things he's doing in his new work and his accomplishment are very important to him and mine too. BTW I'm moving to the States next semester to start my Ph.D., he doesn't know that yet and I just don't want him to know. But being honest sometimes I just think what his reaction would be. If he dumped me (I think for another girl), didn't want to be with me, wanted me to move on, why they just keep contacting you when I clearly stated that I don't want to talk to him? If they left us, why sometimes I feel that they are really not over us? Does he want his sugar free cake and eat it too? Or it just my imagination or broke heart thinking so?
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 A link to your latest thread: Why he writes me this?
Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I have had alot of experience with my exs doing things like this.. IMO they are just not 100% ready to let go of us for some reason or another.. If they keep you in there life they are saying they are not sure its 100% over.. Even if they are 98% they just can't exactly get there for whatever reason. It could be for selfish reasons they know we have made them feel better in the past. So they want us there to pick them up. Not necessarily missing us but missing the "good" feelings we gave them. Somtimes yes keeping in contacting can lead to "fixing" things. In most cases this dosen't happen.. We are just going through the vicous circle over and over again with out a chance of us healing and fixing ourselves.. In this we are putting ourselves in the victim situation.. If you decided to go NC it was for good reason. The best thing you can do at this point is do your best not to worry what his txts mean. Try not to put yourself through this. Yes we all do it when our ex contacts us. The way to truly get over them though is to not only stop thinking about our past with them but not letting ourselves deal with the "mixed signals syndrome".. I did it for a while trying to be friends hoping to fix things. I thought I was strong enough to do it but I couldn't.. So good on you girl for ignoring him.. Its hard I know but the more you heal I promise these stupid attempts at contact will no longer even phase you.. Good luck and god bless!
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