bitteorca Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Hey, I'm not sure whether I'm over-analyzing things here, but there are two sides that my brain cannot decide upon. 1. Is that she is pulling away from me. Her texts aren't as 'cute', 'missing you' is less frequent, and she semi-blew me off tonight. We were supposed to do something, but she made plans with her friend for dinner. I just have a gut feeling things aren't quite the same. She also doesn't seem to ask me to come round quite as much, but this could just be about me taking the lead, i don't know. I suppose I have just noticed a change, but then again she recently sent me a nice text, so I suppose its just less frequent, more sporadic. She also doesn't really ring me any more unless I ring her. 2. However....when I see her she is fine with me. She doesn't seem distant, she seems pretty affectionate with me, and we get along just fine. I also see her quite regularly, it's not like she has fully blown me off, she did ask me whether I wanted to come round after, and it could be a genuine reason. But its just the first time it has happened really. She also texts me everyday. Even though they're not quite the same cuteness, she does still initiate contact by text all the time. She also always rings me back, so she is by no means ignoring me. I suppose my main question is, is she just more comfortable with the relationship (doesn't have to chase me any more, I'm less of a challenge, etc) or is she pulling away slightly? I'm torn between the two. But sometimes I think I am just over-analyzing everything, which I know I need to stop. When I am with her, I am fine and don't have any doubts at all! I spoke to her about stuff when I saw her. I didn't necessarily bring this up, but she brought up something that I had said a few weeks ago that was bothering her. I don't really want to go into that too much but said I was sorry etc. She said that she thought we had been arguing a bit too much for the amount of time which we have been with each other, which is true really. And we said to each other that we should not argue (we have argued, but they have been about things in particular, its not like we argue about anything, and its not like we argue all the time at all). She said that we should still be in our honeymoon period, and she just thinks it should be a bit better. I think I am partly to blame for this after our discussion. I think the old cycle of over-analysing things and then acting weird/a bit distant/off with her as a result has taken its toll. She did say however she was happy with me and by no means wanted to end things/take things easy/needed space, etc. She kissed me and cuddled me and stuff Conclusion: I think I need to be how I was in the beginning, and not to worry about things, because when I worry > I act differently > she acts differently > creates more worry > repeat process Also, she has recently taken a morning after pill after a splitting incident in the bedroom! She confessed to being moody as a result. Could this have something to do with things? How significant could this be?
Sanman Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I would say that you should relax a little and just have fun for now. How long have you been together? The third option is simply that she is burned out with the fighting and annoyed at you. That does not mean that she is done with you, but that she is temporarily tired of the tension. That doesn't mean that she has any intention of pulling away forever. Either way, I feel for you man, as I am going through something similar with my gf.
Author bitteorca Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Its only been a very short time, approximately 1 - 1.5 months of actual relationship. I have been thinking of trying to make it up to her, being more cute, etc. But then another side of me thinks that I haven't been thatttt bad... at all really. I suppose in situations like this its hard to identify cause and effect. Was I the cause of it? Or could it be something completely different? Also, is the hormonal issue after taking the emergency birth control pill a substantial enough factor to consider? I obviously don't know how girls feel when like this as I am a guy!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 You don't chase in a relationship. If you want a challenge, you're better off playing. I think you should really relax on your girlfriend. Overanalyzing will certainly get you nowhere.
lenny Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 bitteorca, I would so like to talk to you one on one about this. A lot of what you are saying rings true for me as well ... but from the female perspective. I am a little further into the relationship than you currently are and feel I have some insight to offer you. I am new to this so not sure if you can initiate a conversation via email or anything but ...
Author bitteorca Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 bitteorca, I would so like to talk to you one on one about this. A lot of what you are saying rings true for me as well ... but from the female perspective. I am a little further into the relationship than you currently are and feel I have some insight to offer you. I am new to this so not sure if you can initiate a conversation via email or anything but ... Hi lenny, you have disabled private messages so cannot contact you! papercut - I don't want to chase! I don't think I said I did?! I want it to be equal, like I felt it pretty much was. But maybe she didn't think it was equal and is making me chase a bit, who knows. This is so complicated!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Hi lenny, you have disabled private messages so cannot contact you! papercut - I don't want to chase! I don't think I said I did?! I want it to be equal, like I felt it pretty much was. But maybe she didn't think it was equal and is making me chase a bit, who knows. This is so complicated! No, according to your original post you wrote she chased you. There shouldn't be any chasing in a relationship, just mutual corroboration and respect. You're overanalyzing again. Your gf doesn't need to chase you, neither do you her. Just leave well enough alone before you make it any worse.
Author bitteorca Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 I agree that there should not be any chasing in a relationship, but I also feel that it is natural for there to be a bit of push and pulling. People do it without even realising. Maybe I'm just on the other end of it at the moment, and it isn't really that much of a biggy. And yeah, I plan to just leave it alone and not worry about it. At the end of the day, she hasn't left me, or said she needs space etc, she's fine with me, just....different I suppose
zengirl Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I agree that there should not be any chasing in a relationship, but I also feel that it is natural for there to be a bit of push and pulling. People do it without even realising. Maybe I'm just on the other end of it at the moment, and it isn't really that much of a biggy. And yeah, I plan to just leave it alone and not worry about it. At the end of the day, she hasn't left me, or said she needs space etc, she's fine with me, just....different I suppose I'm not sure how old you are. In an adult relationship, I don't think there needs to be much push/pull once you're settled. Also, I find it odd when women chase men, in general. I show my affection and consideration to my boyfriend, contact him occasionally, etc, but I'd never chase him. If I felt I had to chase him, I'd think something was wrong.
Author bitteorca Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 I'm worrying about this again... I asked her whether she wanted to do something tomorrow but she said she was going to a gig with one her friends. I said that she could always invite me, but she replied that she was going to but it was just girls going. I don't know how true this is. However, she did suggest doing something else on another day when i said let me know when you next want to do something then I don't know what to think any more. I don't know whether I'm over-analysing and over worrying, or whether my gut instincts are actually right. All this worrying is just really getting me down
Eeyore79 Posted November 20, 2010 Posted November 20, 2010 Sometimes people are a bit insecure at the beginning of a relationship, and will constantly text, declare their love, say they miss you, send all of their time with you, etc. When they feel a bit more secure and happy, they no longer feel the need to declare their love all the time, and they feel more comfortable being apart from you sometimes. So maybe your gf has just settled into the relationship a bit and is feeling more secure and less needy?
Author bitteorca Posted November 20, 2010 Author Posted November 20, 2010 Sometimes people are a bit insecure at the beginning of a relationship, and will constantly text, declare their love, say they miss you, send all of their time with you, etc. When they feel a bit more secure and happy, they no longer feel the need to declare their love all the time, and they feel more comfortable being apart from you sometimes. So maybe your gf has just settled into the relationship a bit and is feeling more secure and less needy? I do hope you're right. I suppose this is one side of my thinking. That she is just more comfortable, and feels she doesn't need to try quite as hard any more. It just creates confusion if someone comes on to you (relatively) strong and then simmers down, it obviously brings confusing emotions for myself. I suppose I just need to relax a little. After our next meeting, I'm going to let her ask me when I'm free next etc. And if she doesn't then I shouldn't panic. At the end of the day she is still with me, still initiates contact, and still wants to hang out. Look on the bright side of things bitteorca!
Am4Real Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm not sure how old you are. In an adult relationship, I don't think there needs to be much push/pull once you're settled. Also, I find it odd when women chase men, in general. I show my affection and consideration to my boyfriend, contact him occasionally, etc, but I'd never chase him. If I felt I had to chase him, I'd think something was wrong. Exactly! I agree!
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 I'm worrying about this again... I asked her whether she wanted to do something tomorrow but she said she was going to a gig with one her friends. I said that she could always invite me, but she replied that she was going to but it was just girls going. I don't know how true this is. However, she did suggest doing something else on another day when i said let me know when you next want to do something then I don't know what to think any more. I don't know whether I'm over-analysing and over worrying, or whether my gut instincts are actually right. All this worrying is just really getting me down I wouldnt worry, but this type of thing would irritate me. I have learned the past 10 years not to trust a woman unless she proves herself to be worthy of that trust. I'd say that her actions are saying... "not that into you". Txting is what you do when you don't care enough to talk to someone.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 25, 2010 Posted November 25, 2010 She said that she thought we had been arguing a bit too much for the amount of time which we have been with each other, which is true really. And we said to each other that we should not argue (we have argued, but they have been about things in particular, its not like we argue about anything, and its not like we argue all the time at all). She said that we should still be in our honeymoon period, and she just thinks it should be a bit better. I think I am partly to blame for this after our discussion. I think the old cycle of over-analysing things and then acting weird/a bit distant/off with her as a result has taken its toll. She did say however she was happy with me and by no means wanted to end things/take things easy/needed space, etc. She kissed me and cuddled me and stuff Hmm. Not a good sign, I'm afraid, especially given how she's acted stand-offish during that time also. I really feel for you as I've been there myself. It's horrible not knowing where you stand with someone so early into a relationship.
Author bitteorca Posted November 25, 2010 Author Posted November 25, 2010 hey, thanks for your replies It has turned into this thread now: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t254741/ my gut instincts turned out to be right
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