Trusting people are better at detecting liars!

[Kamille]

It has been said on here, by a couple of my favorite posters, that I approach the world with rose-tinted glasses. One of these posters () has even held my view to be idealistic and has been known to report that her cynical view of the world is much more in line with human nature.

 

Just read an interesting tidbit about trust and being able to detect liars in Psychology today. I unfortunately can't seem to find in the article in the on-line version of their magazine but here it goes, summarized.

 

An as of yet unpublished study by Mark Weber of the University of Toronto has demonstrated that people who have more faith in their fellow humans are better at detecting liars. To cite Psychology Today:

 

Those who generally believed people to be honest were champions at ID'ing the liars. What's more, trusters were the only subjects to note voice changes and fidgeting, two telltale signs of fibbing (...) It may be that trusters are better at recognizing deceit because they've learned from being burned in the past (...). Naturally wary folks, on the other hand, avoid altogether the relationships that lead to such insights.

 

It really made sense to me. People who display a general propensity to be unable to trust others' intentions seem to always be on the look out for signs of malicious behavior and or intentions, which leads them to be unable to identify the moments when people are actually being shady. They also don't seem to be able to trust their own instinct when it comes to who they should trust, so are generally looking for external signs as to whether they should trust someone or not.

 

Meanwhile, I always get a gut reaction to people, which informs who I trust and do not trust. I'm actually rarely wrong about people, and tend not to pay much attention to people who I deem to be untrustworthy. What's fascinating is that this ends up being cyclical: I am reinforced in generally trusting people where the most cynical keep getting confirmation that people are untrustworthy (since, in truth, they struggle to identify trustworthy people).

 

Now if only they could tell us how we can learn from being burned.

 

 

 

The article is in the November- December issue of Psychology Today 2010, p.14.

 

The research cited will be published in this volume:

Not Pollyannas: the adaptive benefits of being a high truster when detecting lies," Carter, Nancy & Weber, J. Mark, Social Psychological and Personality Science, In press.

Edited November 10, 2010 by Kamille

[theBrokenMuse]

Very interesting. It sounds as if those who are cynical are considering more people to be liars as opposed to picking the 'right' people of the test to be liars so in a sense they would be overreaching but that would still be effective in keeping oneself from getting hurt... What I would be really interested to know is the average ratio for the number of times of trusting vs cynical people get duped to see if there is any major differences.

[carhill]

OP, I've found the key for myself is accepting the signals and trusting *myself* to act on them in a healthy way. In retrospect, perhaps similar to yourself, I find I'm rarely 'wrong' about the instincts, but, different from what you've shared, in the moment, I *choose* to not act on them positively. That's the people-picker issue in action. I'm working on it.

 

IMO, people who are intrinsically (as opposed to situationally) cynical and untrusting paint everyone with the same brush and their abilities to distinguish differences in behavior, aura and healthy responses by their own instincts diminish. Essentially, they trust *themselves* less.

 

I recall, in past postings, making remarks about 'trusting with verification'. That cynicism was situational, reflecting the processes I was going through at the time, mainly divorce. As that process has concluded, so has that perspective faded. IME, it's a difference one can 'feel'. Everyone's experiences are different.

[TouchedByViolet]

I stick with the trust others until shown otherwise approach. The mentality fosters a positive perspective on the world and the inherent sifting process removes most of the untrustworthy people.

 

Having said it that, when I look at the population I notice that it is not uncommon for someone to let a person of questionable trust into their lives if that person has something of importance to offer. It could be friendship, a relationship, love, financial stability, emotional support, etc. Essentially, when we have a need not being met, and someone comes along who can meet that single need sacrifices on values such as trust are made (often without much thought).

[Kamille]

It sounds as if those who are cynical are considering more people to be liars as opposed to picking the 'right' people of the test to be liars so in a sense they would be overreaching but that would still be effective in keeping oneself from getting hurt...

 

That's how I interpret it too. If one does not know how to disciminate for lying, then it's probably "safer" to mistrust everyone. I can see, however, how that can lead to challenges in establishing frienships and relationships.

 

What I would be really interested to know is the average ratio for the number of times of trusting vs cynical people get duped to see if there is any major differences.

 

The PT report made it sound like the ratio was significant. I cited the to-be-published reference because I eventually want to read the study in more details. While I find PT to have a good track record when it comes to reporting research results, I always like to dig my own teeth in questions of methodology. As a sociologist, I often interpret psychological results differently then psychologists would. The majority them tend to explain their results through biology and not sociology, and this often leads to very different interpretations.

 

OP, I've found the key for myself is accepting the signals and trusting *myself* to act on them in a healthy way. In retrospect, perhaps similar to yourself, I find I'm rarely 'wrong' about the instincts, but, different from what you've shared, in the moment, I *choose* to not act on them positively. That's the people-picker issue in action. I'm working on it.

 

Thanks for sharing your insight Carhill. Since I'd be curious to know how one learns to be able to identify liars, I would like to be able to understand the process you go through better. What you are saying is that you tend to "mistrust" easily but now work on not acting on that instinct until actions confirm it?

 

IMO, people who are intrinsically (as opposed to situationally) cynical and untrusting paint everyone with the same brush and their abilities to distinguish differences in behavior, aura and healthy responses by their own instincts diminish. Essentially, they trust *themselves* less.

 

This seems to be key. Again, the question is, how does one acquire that trust in their inner judgement?

[Mellisa]

Very interesting. It sounds as if those who are cynical are considering more people to be liars as opposed to picking the 'right' people of the test to be liars so in a sense they would be overreaching but that would still be effective in keeping oneself from getting hurt... What I would be really interested to know is the average ratio for the number of times of trusting vs cynical people get duped to see if there is any major differences.

 

Is this general or only love life wise?I was trusting and maybe still am.I was duped once and got burned.I dont think it turned me into a cynic but it did make you realize what people are capable of and that you do need to be more careful next time around.Being cynical is probably a defence mechanism people pick up because they dont want to be vulnerable.

[carhill]

Scientifically, I'm sure there are methodologies to detect lying, such as are dramatized on a currently running TV show on Fox and, of course, mechanical means, like lie detectors.

 

I wish I could describe exactly how the process works. IMO, it's an outgrowth of general sensitivity; the method and intensity by which our bodies and brains process outside stimulus. Each of us are different in that regard. It took me many years, as well as learning more about the science of the brain and senses during my mom's disease process, to put any construct to what I had *felt* for decades.

 

The conundrum with such sensitivity is that the signals can often be overwhelming and confusing, so the mind, in an effort to make sense of the chaos, dismisses some of the sensory inputs. The work is consciously controlling that process and selecting the appropriate information from the jumble which is presented.

 

I found the most effective 'therapy' for myself has been to purposely immerse into known chaotic situations where sensory overload is a foregone conclusion and then work through the inputs, isolating information. I do this most pointedly while traveling. An example would be focusing in on a conversation across the room while screening out all inputs in the immediate proximity. In essence, disappearing into the fabric of the environment and directing sensitivity in one direction, into the 'texture' of the selected stimulus.

 

Here's a question: Would you say you live 'outside' yourself or 'within' yourself? Do you naturally experience empathy, even with strangers, and 'feel' them, or do you feel them to be what they appear, strangers?

 

I believe the ability to seamlessly 'connect' with people has a lot to do with sensitivity and the ability to process the other person's aura and 'presence' in a fluid and instinctive way. This same ability can also encompass and detect behaviors surrounding deception by being sensitive to all the inputs provided and processing them.

 

IMO, the last part is the hardest part, believing in the process and trusting the inputs experienced.

 

Is it a good thing to rarely be surprised by anything in life? IDK. It is what it is.

 

My apologies if this seems incoherent. Explaining details of my perceptions of psychology has never been my strong suit. I'm a better welder

[theBrokenMuse]

Is this general or only love life wise?I was trusting and maybe still am.I was duped once and got burned.I dont think it turned me into a cynic but it did make you realize what people are capable of and that you do need to be more careful next time around.Being cynical is probably a defence mechanism people pick up because they dont want to be vulnerable.

I am speaking about in general life. There are a whole lot of Peter Poppoff types in the world and they aren't targeting the cynics so I am curious as to what areas the trusting folks are excelling in when it comes to keeping out the creeps and and vise versa. Psychology is really interesting stuff.

[musemaj11]

I dont trust people and I dont even trust myself.

 

But the article makes sense.

[northern_sky]

Interesting. I would consider myself very cynical, yet I seem to have a good instinct when it comes to people. I took an online test for a study once where you had to detect from short video clips the fake smile vs the genuine smile and came up with 100%.

 

The thing you mentioned about cynical people getting involved with untrustworthy people is interesting. For me, I often get involved with people who have a gut negative instinct about in the hopes that I am wrong. In other words, that instinct is there but I choose to ignore it.

[northern_sky]

Just to expand a bit on my last post, my strength seems to be zeroing in on another person's negative character traits from a small amount of interaction. Maybe this is why I'm so cynical.

 

For example, if somebody seems beneath the surface to be repressed, cold, artificial, insecure, controlling, calculating, etc. I will pick it up very quickly.

 

 

The typical cycle for me is I meet somebody new, if they have a trait like this I become aware of it and my guard goes up a bit.

 

Then I have more interaction with them and decide I was too hasty in my prior assessment, try to give them the benefit of the doubt, question my judgment.

 

Then later that trait I picked up at first and chose to ignore inevitably comes back to bite me in the arse. This has happened to me more times than I can count.

[Kamille]

Just to expand a bit on my last post, my strength seems to be zeroing in on another person's negative character traits from a small amount of interaction. Maybe this is why I'm so cynical.

 

 

There's a difference between recognizing that everyone has flaws and recognizing when someone is untrustworthy. We pretty much all have a dark side, which also means we also all have a good side. I know, for instance, exactly what makes some of my friends tick, which doesn't mean I trust them less.

 

I think it's important to distinguish negative character traits from trustworthyness. Someone who has flaws is just being human. Someone your gut tells you is untrustworthy is likely not someone you want in your life.