OceanGirl Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 This is a quote from D-lish in regards to OLD. True or false? I am still pissed about that guy that made a lame excuse about not being free this weekend to meet. I knew his excuse was BS and it was confirmed by him being online and logged in to OKC ALL day today. Helping his mate move my a$$. He is not even with some other girl, he would rather be ONLINE than meet me. WTF I don't understand his sudden loss of interest. Our messages were nothing but small talk so he couldn't really deduce that I am "crazy" or anything. He went from looking at my profile 4 times a day and responding right away, to dodging the meeting and completely ignoring my last message. Since the start of OLD, no guy has ever flaked on a meeting. If we exchange one message and I keep it going, we ended up meeting. This is the first. I don't get what I did wrong
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I guess maybe he is a real flake ... or perhaps he is a 63 year old grandma. You never know with online connections. You are absolutely right that this does NOT count as a rejection.
Kamille Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You can't win 'em all OG. And the good news is: he did you a favor! Who needs to get involved with a lying flake? Not you! And fyi, I agree with D and Mme. Chaucer. It's not rejection if you haven't met.
EasyHeart Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Even if it is "rejection", so what? You're going to get rejected by men and you're going to reject men. That's just part of life. Oh well. Next!!!
irc333 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I know one woman that quit online altogether because of this similar situation. Apparently, she was having her nails done at the salon, she was getting ready for her online date, and then he TEXTS her saying something came up 3 HOURS before the date. She texts back, "NO, you make a date you KEEP IT!!" She goes home, and sees him LOGGED on POF "Online Now" all night that VERY night. I think people are more obessed with the dating site (the chase) itself than actually MEETING in person. This is a quote from D-lish in regards to OLD. True or false? I am still pissed about that guy that made a lame excuse about not being free this weekend to meet. I knew his excuse was BS and it was confirmed by him being online and logged in to OKC ALL day today. Helping his mate move my a$$. He is not even with some other girl, he would rather be ONLINE than meet me. WTF I don't understand his sudden loss of interest. Our messages were nothing but small talk so he couldn't really deduce that I am "crazy" or anything. He went from looking at my profile 4 times a day and responding right away, to dodging the meeting and completely ignoring my last message. Since the start of OLD, no guy has ever flaked on a meeting. If we exchange one message and I keep it going, we ended up meeting. This is the first. I don't get what I did wrong
SunsetRed Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I "let go of" (hate the word rejection) a guy I'd met on POF. We had several phone calls before our first date. The first phone call seemed promising. During the other phone calls he did some things that scared me (inviting me to his place before we met in person, calling me terms of endearment, expecting me to be "spontaneous and ready to go when he called). I over looked those things and met him for our date. The date itself wasn't bad, but then he insisted on kissing me when all we had was a quick lunch date with so so conversation. I said no and then turned him down for future dates. I feel bad rejecting someone, but I knew I'd have to reject him at some point (as I knew I didn't want to kiss or anything else with him), so I got it over with after the first date. I'm not expecting much out of online dating. I figure there's a 98% chance that the rejection will go either way, but I'm still giving it a try for that 2% chance that something could come of it.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I looked at his profile a bit more closely now and there are some things that I haven't noticed before: He is a smoker (deal breaker for me) He sometimes does drugs that are not pot (deal breaker for me) He is a "retired raver" (ugh) The thing is, when I went through the stage where I wasn't ready to meet in OLD, I told the guys "I am not ready to meet at this point". I didn't make up stuff like "I have to do X Y Z for the next 5 weeks". Oh and half of his profile is about how he values honesty and is not into games and BS. How he is straight forward and always speaks his mind (yeah right ).
SunsetRed Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Yeah, many of the profiles are BS. I saw a profile where the guy said he was a non smoker and then there was a pic of him with a cigarette in his mouth!
Sarah1977 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 . He is not even with some other girl, he would rather be ONLINE than meet me. WTF For the record, I sometimes log into sites at work and then go home without ever logging off. I've also got a phone app that opens the site on my phone every time someone sends me a message. So it's quite possible, that even though he appears logged on, he's not actually there.
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I looked at his profile a bit more closely now and there are some things that I haven't noticed before: He is a smoker (deal breaker for me) He sometimes does drugs that are not pot (deal breaker for me) He is a "retired raver" (ugh) The thing is, when I went through the stage where I wasn't ready to meet in OLD, I told the guys "I am not ready to meet at this point". I didn't make up stuff like "I have to do X Y Z for the next 5 weeks". Oh and half of his profile is about how he values honesty and is not into games and BS. How he is straight forward and always speaks his mind (yeah right ). You really need to start reading the profiles of men you are planning on dating. For you to have missed the smoking, drugs and partier aspects of his profile shows that you didn't even read it before making a date.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Well, now that it's been determined that he is indeed a flake and has deal breaker qualities for you, it's YOUR turn to move on ... no more looking at his profile, etc. Okay?
Banker Chick Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I don't think you can consider it rejection and even if you do, it's really the best kind of rejection because it was so early on the "rejection" could have been for a million reasons but obviously nothing substantial. I let those early "grass must be greener somewhere else" kinds of rejection roll off. I'd worry more about someone that rejected me after they got to know me!
Cracker Jack Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 How exactly did you miss the "smoking, drugs" part, anyway? What part were you reading initially? But yeah, good thing he did make excuses. You wouldn't have been comfortable with him, so it's no point even worrying about it. Imagine if you enjoyed the date, but noticed the drug and smoking part afterwards? You'd be quite annoyed. And I agree with D-Lish on the rejection tidbit.
Star Gazer Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 How exactly did you miss the "smoking, drugs" part, anyway? What part were you reading initially? She probably wasn't reading any part of it. She did say she really liked his pictures.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I seriously need to re-think my superficiality when it comes to men I chose to meet from OKC. Looks-wise I have pretty much been meeting clones of each other. All I look from their profile is that they are not saying they are looking for casual sex and that they can at least write a paragraph that is not completely dumb (even if cliched). I pretty much only skim the little box with their smoking/drinking etc info and zero in on the height only (I know, I know). Another guy that I will be meeting on Tuesday, I initially dismissed because he wasn't good looking enough. I have since decided to give him a chance so we will see how that pans out.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I seriously need to re-think my superficiality when it comes to men I chose to meet from OKC. Looks-wise I have pretty much been meeting clones of each other. All I look from their profile is that they are not saying they are looking for casual sex and that they can at least write a paragraph that is not completely dumb (even if cliched). I pretty much only skim the little box with their smoking/drinking etc info and zero in on the height only (I know, I know). Another guy that I will be meeting on Tuesday, I initially dismissed because he wasn't good looking enough. I have since decided to give him a chance so we will see how that pans out. Or you can just take a little time out to fully read their profile. I hate basing a person merely on their picture, even the good looking ones are not ideal if their profile doesn't carry any semblance of a person with an outgoing personality. I have came across many well thought out profile from my time on OKC. It's the really good looking ones with blank or incomplete profile you should be wary of.
GivenUp0083 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I "let go of" (hate the word rejection) a guy I'd met on POF. We had several phone calls before our first date. The first phone call seemed promising. During the other phone calls he did some things that scared me (inviting me to his place before we met in person, calling me terms of endearment, expecting me to be "spontaneous and ready to go when he called). Jesus, I always try to set up casual but nice dates when I meet girls and I'd NEVER just try to pull a move of making her "ready to go" whenever I called, even after I met her. Yet for me it's like pulling teeth to get a response from most women I write to. I feel like I get a response for ever 30 women I reach out to. I wonder what these douchebags do that I'm not. She probably wasn't reading any part of it. She did say she really liked his pictures. That's probably my problem. I'm not very photogenic and I don't take a lot of pictures of myself, so eventhough my friends say my pictures are fine, they aren't traffic stopping. I seriously need to re-think my superficiality when it comes to men I chose to meet from OKC. Looks-wise I have pretty much been meeting clones of each other. All I look from their profile is that they are not saying they are looking for casual sex and that they can at least write a paragraph that is not completely dumb (even if cliched). I pretty much only skim the little box with their smoking/drinking etc info and zero in on the height only (I know, I know). Another guy that I will be meeting on Tuesday, I initially dismissed because he wasn't good looking enough. I have since decided to give him a chance so we will see how that pans out. Let me just say something about people's looks from their pictures. You hear a lot of horror stories of women or dudes not looking like their pictures when you finally meet them and it is hugely disappointing. But I can tell you I've met at least half a dozen women who were not HALF as attractive in their pictures as they were in person. I remember being blown away by one girl when I finally met her. She just had bad pictures of herself, in person she was gorgeous.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Since the start of OLD, no guy has ever flaked on a meeting. If we exchange one message and I keep it going, we ended up meeting. This is the first. I don't get what I did wrong How long have you been doing OLD? I've been on for three years (off and on) and have been flaked out countless times by women. This has understandably affected you, but you have to think to yourself 'what have I actually lost here?' The answer is very little at all. A guy who you thought was interested but who turned out to be a flake. Better he flakes out on you online than when you start dating.
GivenUp0083 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 How long have you been doing OLD? I've been on for three years (off and on) and have been flaked out countless times by women. This has understandably affected you, but you have to think to yourself 'what have I actually lost here?' The answer is very little at all. A guy who you thought was interested but who turned out to be a flake. Better he flakes out on you online than when you start dating. I couldn't agree with you more about everything you just said. Think of it this way OG, how would you feel if you went out on 3, 4, 5 dates that in your eyes went WONDERFUL and you really felt something was developing and that you really like this person and he says he'll call you tomorrow....and THEN he just out of the blue never ever called you back ever again. That's happened to me and it's really hard for anyone to deal with. Be thankful it didn't get that far.
Author OceanGirl Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I couldn't agree with you more about everything you just said. Think of it this way OG, how would you feel if you went out on 3, 4, 5 dates that in your eyes went WONDERFUL and you really felt something was developing and that you really like this person and he says he'll call you tomorrow....and THEN he just out of the blue never ever called you back ever again. That's happened to me and it's really hard for anyone to deal with. Be thankful it didn't get that far. Ugh. I would feel absolutely horrible That's pretty much my worst fear. I have only been OLD for a few months only so I guess this sort of flaking is completely normal?
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