Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Im very new to the long distance thing (maybe not even all that long 60 miles). We've been talking for alittle over 2 months since we met online. At first he seemed sweet and I liked the way it felt to have someone there again. I split from my childrens father over a year ago (still dont think im truly over it 100%) so it was new again. He met my children and they all instintly hit it off. Now I feel trapped. He wants to know my every move questions everything I tell him im doing, and is really just starting to get to me. I told him lastnight to back off I wasnt even going to talk to him and didnt. He stopped the texting and waited until lunch to call today.

 

Now I was kind of short with him tonight not really answering him about him coming here for the weekend. I said we would talk tomorrow I really didnt feel like talking about it tonight. He asked if I was upset with something and I said that I felt smothered lastnight and didnt like it to with he responded ok well I call you tomorrow then goodnight.

 

I guess the few things I need to know whether or not they are normal or if its just me not ready for a serious thing yet. #1 do plp tend to be more on the jealous or posessive side when they are in a relationship were they are farther apart? #2 Is it a huge red flag if he needs or wants to know what im doing every second? #3 How do I tell him its not working out without really hurting him? (if thats what I decide to do) #4 am I insane to think at some points I really like certain things about him then the rest of the time Im comparing him to my completely opposite EX and thinking he'll never be him in this way or that way etc. but he's so much nicer, and, but way more in my personal space ( I go on and on and on in my head like that all day)

 

Im starting to think I really dont know what to think, I guess thats why I figured I ramble everything here and hope someone could sort through atleast some of my ramble. Thanks for taking the time

Posted

 

Im starting to think I really dont know what to think, I guess thats why I figured I ramble everything here and hope someone could sort through atleast some of my ramble. Thanks for taking the time

 

#1 do plp tend to be more on the jealous or posessive side when they are in a relationship were they are farther apart?... I suppose it depends on the person. I know in my relationship neither of us are possessive, but I am sometimes slightly envious, although I don't think in an unhealthy way. Sometimes I envy that his friends get to physically spend time with him, and I can't. But I don't discourage him having a social life, nor does he do that to me.

 

#2 Is it a huge red flag if he needs or wants to know what im doing every second?... Once again, depends on the person. Any minute of the day my SO knows what I am doing, and I know what he is up to. That is standard for us. To others it may be excessive. It is all what you are ok with. It sounds like to me that you two are very new to the relationship and may still be feeling out what is appropriate/comfortable for you both.

#3 How do I tell him its not working out without really hurting him? (if thats what I decide to do)... if he likes you a lot it will hurt him, no matter how you let him down. That's all there is to it.

 

#4 am I insane to think at some points I really like certain things about him then the rest of the time Im comparing him to my completely opposite EX and thinking he'll never be him in this way or that way... I have found myself comparing my SO to my ex as well, albeit I do it very rarely. It is only when something comes up, that I compare. Like once when something broke, my SO struggled to fix it, whereas my ex is very mechanically inclined and would have had it done in a flash. That comparison came up in my brain because I suddenly found myself in a position I had never been in before. I have a man who is not into mechanics! I expected my SO to know what to do immediately, because my ex would know what to do. That wasn't the case, and threw me for a loop, but not in the sense that my ex is better than my SO. It was more like I had been with my ex for so long I had conformed to the idea that every man possesses certain qualities (like knowing how to fix things) and that obviously isn't the case. Hope that makes sense.

 

Buuut, the key is I am 110% over my ex. Like I have totally moved above and beyond him, and my ex is done with me. You admittedly are not past your ex and that is why you compare.

 

Are you rebounding?

Posted
#4 am I insane to think at some points I really like certain things about him then the rest of the time Im comparing him to my completely opposite EX and thinking he'll never be him in this way or that way etc. but he's so much nicer, and, but way more in my personal space ( I go on and on and on in my head like that all day)

 

I honestly think #4 is the only relevant question here. He could be the 'nicest' man in the world but if you're still comparing him unfavourably with your ex then the chances are very high that you're not ready for another relationship.

 

I think we all make fleeting comparisons at the start because things are just different from what we are used to (as in LisaLee's case) but if you're thinking 'he'll never be him', that's a huge red flag. It really screams out that actually you want your new man to be your old one - a sure sign that this is a rebound.

 

If you feel he's invading your personal space, especially so early into your relationship, then you're either not ready or he's not the right man for you.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you both for your time and input. I think I just need to have straight foward conversation with him about how its too much too soon, before he pushes me farther away.

Posted

Whether or not he is doing something wrong, it does sound like you want your space.

×
×
  • Create New...