Perplexed81 Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 Quick background, me and my ex-fiancee have been broke up 2 months now. She dumped me becuase of how I got when I didn't get my way. I gave up a ton of things for her and ontop of that controlled all my finances. I never ever saw my check and went directly into her account (joint). I would have an allowance for stuff and if I wanted something I would let her know. Now most of you may think, what a terrible idea but she was very good with money which Is why I chose this route. She never stole or spent excessive amounts of money infact was the opposite. However becuase of all this things I gave up (this is just one) it got to the point whenever I wanted something she would ALWAYS say we don't have the money even though we DID. Its like if we don't have a million dollars in the bank (exaggerating) then we don't have the money. I'm not gonna lie I'd get pissed and wouldnt speak to her for days until she finally gave in. We were scheduled to get married last month, had the ring, all the plans made, we were together for 2 years, lived for 1.5 years, her daughter was calling me dad, was extremely close to her family and they all loved me. After last blow up I called and was the bigger man and told her I was sorry for the way I acted, that it wasn't worth it and as soon as she said the words "I don't think this is gonna work" i hung the phone up, went to the house, packed up all my stuff and left. I get a text about 6 that afternoon from her daughter (8 years old) said "daddy please come home, i'm crying". I text her back very kindly saying "I know sweety, I wish I could but mommy needs some alone time". I didn't contact her for 2 weeks and she didn't contact me. After 2 weeks of no contact I contacted her and said that I hope we could be friends and she said "We can be civil" eventually I texted her back and had taken these 2 weeks of no contact to look over our relationship as a whole and I concluded that I did EVERYTHING wrong, I shouldn't have left the way I did, I shouldn't have blownup, all of this could have been worked out a million other ways than they did. I tried explaining these things to her and she said she just doesn't see a future, she says she loves me very much but her decision is no and that its doing whats best for her and her daughter. However she told a friend of mine that she decided not to get back together with me becuase of the way I handled the breakup. She still takes my daughter to school everyday and talks with my ex-wife (baby's momma). I did the usual, sent her flowers with a card, texted her (not excessively) just to get closure. She would never give me a straight answer as far as giving us another shot. It wasn't it until another week went by that it seemed like I had to pry an answer out of her and it was no, theres no future. I cut off all contact again and its been another 2 weeks no contact so far with a total of almost 2 months without seeing each other. She's not seeing anyone nor talking with anyone. Her daughter tells my daughter almost everyday that she hopes me and her mom get back together. My ex still seems very bitter as well she should be. My question is, her daughter which still sees me as her dad is having a birthday in the next 2 weeks. I thought about sending her a card and some birthday money for toys, should I? Funny thing is my ex and her daughter both have birthdays 2 days apart in the next 2 weeks. I thought about sending both of them a card but decided since she hasn't really responded at all to my flowers and cards and texts that I wasn't going to send her one but I want to send her daughter a card. Would that be ok or not?
Author Perplexed81 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Any input appreciated? please.
bl22 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Have you accepted the break up or are you stil holding out hope? Maybe just politely ask the ex if this would be okay with her to send them?
Author Perplexed81 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Its a mixture of both. It took alot for me to set my pride aside at the beginning of the breakup and do the usual wrong moves even though they seemed like a good idea at the time i.e. flowers, cards, occasional texting. I did what I felt was enough to get the message across that I'd like to reconcile however at the same time during these past almost 2 months i've been getting along business as usual. If it happens good, if not then lesson learned. However if it she pops up a year later wanting to reconcile i'm sure that ship would have already sailed. The purpose for me sending her daughter a card and some money for toys is becuase 1. Kids don't understand these things and the fact that she chose me as a father figure makes me wanna not do wrong by her and 2. Showing the ex in a subtle way (by not sending HER a b-day card) saying "you won't have to worry about hearing from me, you made your point".
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