OneSadLady Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 I've been with this guy for five years. I thought we'd smoothed over most of our issues, but lately I've been questioning. We met at our place of work and really hit if off. I was in an abusive relationship and he had just gotten divorced BUT was living with his girlfriend (whom he claimed to be his ex, but I would learn otherwise). He was sleeping with her while sleeping with me! He would take showers after we were intimate and would stand me up a lot. Well, it ended in a VERY DRAMATIC showdown. His GIRLFRIEND called me and had me meet her and forced him to choose between the two of us and he chose me. I was SO MADLY IN LOVE that through time I forgave him. Now, roughly five years later (great way to start a relationship, huh?) I find out he's up to his old tricks again! He kept me informed. This is where it gets really weird. So he tells me "everything" that's going on. He shows me nasty images of this other woman and says that "she's really getting on my nerves, look what she sent me!" Ok, so I make a BIG mistake and decide to trust him. He says he's doing NOTHING WRONG, so I trusted him. Well, one day I decide to change the image on MY PHONE, which is the phone he takes to work with him and find images of HIM JACKING OFF IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM! So I get to thinking. Now, we have a "share system" to help fuel TRUST. So I am able/allowed to log into his accounts and do so, 100% with his permission and find where he wasn't exactly mean to her. He told her that he missed her too and even said "i bite too" well, that's all I found. The woman is an ex coworker. The images and messages made me question. I managed to get him to admit to some raunchy stuff. The man is 34 btw. He told her that he wanted to **** her titties, watch her titties bounce in the mirror and that she had nice tits. That is what he WOULD ADMIT TO! Well, I'm upset! Obviously, but then he has the audacity to say that he DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS WRONG!!!! He also admitted to sending several dirty images BACK TO HER! But he thinks I should just forgive him and get over it because he could have run away with her or ****ed her, but I just don't think I can believe him! He says he never actually slept with her so he didn't technically cheat! I requested he log in to talk to her and he obliged! Her heart was broken and she was pissed that I knew as much as I did! I tried talking to her first! She wouldn't listen! She's going through a divorce and is about TEN YEARS OLDER THAN HIM!!!! I was so polite, I just wanted to know the truth, but SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT I WAS HIS FIANCE AND WE'D BEEN TOGETHER FOR FIVE YEARS!!!!! He always referred to me as his gf in chat! How cruddy! Should I forgive him? Should I just get over it? I was thinking here lately that he's been lying about sleeping with her! She still wants a relationship with him and is EXTREMELY emotionally attached. I'm still trying to get through to her, I sent her an email (I was very polite, though I don't think much of people that screw around with other women's men!). BUT anyhoo, he's working and going to school. I found, just today, homework that was incomplete and a zero on a test! Then I remembered that he has no money and managed to bring me back a cheesecake a little while back, insisting I look at the date/time so that I could know it was given to him in class, well I'm thinking, did he even go? He also comes home with cigs from time to time and I know he has NO MONEY! He's got to be getting $$ from somewhere and last time I checked hotels had refrigerators. What the hell should I do? I love this guy so much, but I cannot stand to be walked on! If I kick him out he'll be in prison for five years for nonpayment of childsupport! I'm the only person that's ever stood by his side and helped him out, if it weren't for me he'd be rotting away in prison right now! He uses MY TRUCK, MY PHONE and is living in MY HOME! Heaven help me, what do you think?
PegNosePete Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 What a total jerk. You should ditch this waste of space. He will lie to you again and again and again if you allow him. If you want any happiness in your future whatsoever, get rid of this scumbag and find someone who will make you happy. If you stick with this loser then you are in for a whole world of pain in the future.
quankanne Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 his problems are not yours – let HIM worry about child support, etc. Meanwhile YOUR problem is his reckless disregard for the relationship. Stay, go, the decision is yours. However, I can tell you this: Because he doesn't understand that his behavior is "cheating," he's not going to be concerned about making serious changes to be faithful to you. Nope – if you stay, all it's going to do is reinforce his belief that he can do whatever he wants and you'll be okay with it, because you "love" him. honey, he's a trainwreck, and I think you deserve much better than what he'll ever be able to offer. But, if you want to invest the next 5-10-15-25 years of this kind of bullshxt, understand that it will never, ever, get any better than what you've got with him right now ...
TheLoveAdvisor Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 C'mon! Whacking off in a Public Bathroom?? Sending this stuff to some girl? This is cheating already! Sending emails back and forth like this would suggest they are already doing the wild thing, trust me! I would never do that to somebody unless I felt comfortable enough, and even then I couldn't do that... He isn't mature enough, nor does he seem to care enough to erase any evidence, further suggesting that he is seeing just how far you will let him go.... If you just let it go like he suggest, then you must decide if you must just let him go to! Matter of fact, if anything, you find a man to send vids of you masturbating in a bathroom, then when he finds it, tell him to let it go,its no big deal! Worse, if he becomes a Sex Offender, then you have a whole new set of problems to deal with....
nittanylion Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 I am trying to be as polite as possible about your future ex-bf. The writing is on the wall.... Its time honey. Send him back to the homeless shelter. This is where he belong. Your consolation prize? NO heart burn or heart ache for future bf. Dam, I hate to be polite, its just not in me.
harkkam Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 That guys is such a jerk. You deserve so much better. Jeez he didnt technically cheat, he's nuts. You will never be able to fully trust him regardless of how long you are together I think maybe that fabric of trust is broken. Dump him
Author OneSadLady Posted November 13, 2010 Author Posted November 13, 2010 Ah yes, he is indeed my ex. Things came to a rather DRAMATIC ending lol. I'm so tired of drama and I'm NEVER GOING TO GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS EVER AGAIN!! He stole my phone just to talk to her AGAIN so I freak out and tell his girlfriend that I'll call the cops if he doesn't bring my truck home. Well she tells him that I CALLED THE COPS and got him for grand theft auto (which I DID NOT) and that he should steal my truck. Thank god he doesn't do that, but he freaks and waits in a Kroger parking lot for his girlfriend to pick him up. WHERE HE GETS PICKED UP BY THE POLICE! HA HA HA! He had a warrant out for his arrest and cops came by cuz he was loitering suspiciously in a parking lot! So his girlfriend drove three hours just to get a call from him in jail where he tells her that I got him arrested! So then she hounds me as an evil woman for pressing charges I didn't press. I must have told her 10+ times that I can't remove charges that don't exist until I pull up the government site with his warrants listed and send her the link! And yes, MULTIPLE WARRANTS, none having anything to do with my vehicle. He's sitting in jail now and she's so depressed. He told her that he NEVER LOVED ME and that he was going to leave me Dec. 9th (which happens to be eight days after my birthday and also his graduation date for that class). I don't know whether to believe her or not, but I do trust her more than my ex! Apparently he was hitting on her first and kept things going, forget the fact we were supposed to get married when we got our lives together, which was actually looking up for the first time. Well, she wants him to help her pay her bills, but his entire family will tell you that the man WILL NOT WORK, pretty much everyone in his family at one point or another has stuck their necks out for him and he's screwed them over, so this isn't going to end good anyway, if history does repeat itself and he's like 34 so I doubt he's going to change over night. You'd think you could trust someone especially after being with them for close to five years, but GOOD GOD, I guess you just never know. However, I think Karma crept up and bit him on the rear in the end. I swear I feel like I was being watched over cuz this would have sent me to a mental institution from depression if things would have happened differently. I really loved this guy and did everything I could but it didn't happen that way. I'm oddly happy! Oh and also, it took me close to a week to find my truck but thankfully he was willing to tell someone from the jail when I called down there where it was. He left it in a parking lot and hitched a ride to wait in a different parking lot. He was afraid of being picked up for being around my truck! LMAO, he actually saved me money cuz that way it didn't get impounded! I wish them both the best! But I still can't help but feel relieved! It's not my problem anymore! Thanks everyone for your wise advice! You guys were right!
imagine Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 This guy is a leech. You will not be the last person that he rips off. Learn from the relationship!
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