Six months later and she still "wants to be single."

[somedude81]

Ugh, I'm so frustrated &

 

Last semester we hung out several times. We had one "date" were she basically freaked out and brought a guy friend when she realized I wanted a date. Few days later she told me that she didnt' want to to date anybody and we went no contact until September when she late added a class I'm in. Since then we've been spending more time together this semester though it's been only seeing each other on campus.

 

Last week I tried to get her to hang out with me on the weekend and she told me that she was too busy with school to do so, then she suggested we hang out Monday the 11th, which we did for an hour 30 or so.

 

So after class today I asked her what she was doing this weekend. She said she was going to the museum for her art project, I said "cool, go with me." Then she asked if I was asking her out, before I could answer she said, "remember, I told you that I don't want to date anybody." I told her that's what you said 6 months ago. I said something that I'm not looking for anything serious and that we could go really slow but she just said that she doesn't want to date "not anybody." Then she said we can hang out next week when she's not as busy with school, which I didn't even ask about, it was her idea.

 

I know I need to accept that she's a lost cause, but I still want to figure out what's going on in her head. I'm assuming that it didn't take her too long this semester to realize that I'm still interested in her. And yet she still hung out with me, even though it was just on campus. She's accepted a little more than half of my invitations. Today was the first time that she actually told me no, instead of giving an excuse.

 

The very fact that she wants to keep hanging out, while knowing that I like her, is just really odd to me.

 

Anyways, I'm disappointed but not surprised that I'm in this situation. I just wish there was something I could do.

[GooseChaser]

Sometimes people want to have a period of time where they stay single; it can be for a variety of reasons. Maybe she sees you as more of a friend. She doesn't seem to be showing a lot of interest. It might be a good time to say "next!" She knows you're interested-- if she decides she is too, she'll come to you. The ball is in her court.

[Surrealist]

She wants to be single until such time she meets a guy she is attracted to. Guess what that means for you?

[somedude81]

Sometimes people want to have a period of time where they stay single; it can be for a variety of reasons. Maybe she sees you as more of a friend. She doesn't seem to be showing a lot of interest. It might be a good time to say "next!" She knows you're interested-- if she decides she is too, she'll come to you. The ball is in her court.

Why would she want to be single for a year, or more? I wasn't surprised if the was single before I met her.

 

As for her seeing me more of as a friend, that's what every girl I've ever been into has done. Girls have never liked me. So since I'm not attractive to women for only God knows why, I end up becoming their friend.

 

Yup, the ball is in her court, which is basically the story of my life. For once I'd love to have a girl into me and I have the power.

 

She wants to be single until such time she meets a guy she is attracted to.

What's taking her so long to find somebody? She's the kind of girl that if she told me she's never had a boyfriend, I wouldn't be surprised at all.

 

I'm just really annoyed that being alone, actually has more value to her than I do.

[bobdole]

she wants to be single until such time she meets a guy she is attracted to. Guess what that means for you?

 

+++

 

 

.

[40 Fonzarelli]

She just wants to be friends. If you really want a shot, stop paying so much attention to her and go talk to other girls. She will come back around if she's interested.

[counterman]

I agree with what the other posters said. If you're still interested in her and she says she doesn't want to date, then I think you should talk to other girls and stop hanging around her. Last thing you want is to her end up dating another guy, whilst you're still hanging with her. It's sort of like "you told me you didn't want to date anybody...yet you're dating this guy?!? wtf?".

 

Just make other plans with other chicks. If she comes around, she'll come around.

 

I met this chick once. Asked her on a date. She said she wants to be friends first and keep hanging out. I told her that I liked her now and cannot be friends. Ever since then, we haven't hung out. However, I would have continued to hang out with her and, at the same time, go out with other girls on dates; it didn't turn out that way. It could have been fun but I wouldn't know.

[brainygirl]

She doesn't want to date or doesn't want to date you. I really think its immature of you to take it personally. Besides, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is less than enthusiastic?

[bac]

Ugh, I'm so frustrated &

 

Then she said we can hang out next week when she's not as busy with school, which I didn't even ask about, it was her idea.

 

I know I need to accept that she's a lost cause, but I still want to figure out what's going on in her head.

 

The very fact that she wants to keep hanging out, while knowing that I like her, is just really odd to me.

 

Anyways, I'm disappointed but not surprised that I'm in this situation. I just wish there was something I could do.

 

I do not know what is in her head. But, I went to university when I was young too. Most girls were like me 19-20. There were several guys who were about 8 yrs older than the majority of people. Our older guys were strange because they behaved differently(horny) than younger guys behaved.

Unfortunately, most girls at early 20s are not horny. I would assume that you can not understand that, but it is the reason why younger girls do not want to get laid every time when an opportunity presents itself. Sure, they get laid with guys sometimes but they do it for different reasons not because they truly enjoy sex.

IMO, She probably does not understand your feelings and sexual desires at all. That is why she is fine to be your friend. She is just socializing, trying to be polite and nice. There is nothing going on in her head because she does not understand you at all. Some girls figure out what sex is about in late 30s.

 

If you want to connect with a female, find a girl who feels the same way like you do. If you want a platonic relationship, you can date young beautiful girls who do not want to have sex at all. If you want to have sex, you might want to find a girl who wants to have sex. There are horny/sluty girls in 20s who are easy to get laid with anyone including older guys. If your girl was one of them, you would have sex with her a long time ago. There are older girls who are often hornier than younger girls.

 

 

The very fact that you want to have sexual relationship with her is just really odd to her.

[that girl]

The very fact that she wants to keep hanging out, while knowing that I like her, is just really odd to me.

 

 

She doesn't really want to hang out with you. If she did she would be accepting most of your invitations and inviting you places.

 

She doesn't mind hanging out with you and will occassionally accept your offers. It is your interest in her that is preventing you from seeing this.

[luvnpain]

It's odd to you. Ha. Surely it is since no woman could possibly live for anything else except getting a man. She's in school and all, but everyone knows that's just a front to give her a 4 year plan to meet her husband. She couldn't possibly have goals of her own, and even decided that she doesn't want any distractions with dating.

 

Why would dating distract her anyway? Possible pregnancy? Splitting time? Making him feel important (and don't forget making him a good sandwich). No one ever dealt with any crap like that. Men are always so supportive and put their needs on the backburner for their women, so she could probably get what SHE wants and have a guy too, right? Oh but then what she wants wasn't a question was it? It is assumed that she must want the man above all. What a silly chic.

 

Six whole months, and she still has not abandoned this idea that she could have the future she envisions for herself. How dare she make her OWN desires a priority. After all, a penis has made itself readily available to her, why the hell won't she answer the call? I see why you're annoyed. Life outside your bubble cannot be half as good as she is pretending it is, huh. Friggin' tease.

[somedude81]

I agree with what the other posters said. If you're still interested in her and she says she doesn't want to date, then I think you should talk to other girls and stop hanging around her. Last thing you want is to her end up dating another guy, whilst you're still hanging with her. It's sort of like "you told me you didn't want to date anybody...yet you're dating this guy?!? wtf?".

 

Just make other plans with other chicks. If she comes around, she'll come around.

She isn't the only girl that I talk to. In the Japanese class that we're both in we basically share the same group of buddies, who all happen to be girls, except for me. So it's basically me and four girls. But she is the one that I focus on the most. I guess I should focus more on the other girl I'm somewhat interested. But I'm afraid I'm going to get friendzoned again and I'm just tired of that happening.

 

Yeah, if the girl I like, does end up dating somebody else in the near future, I will get very pissed.

She doesn't want to date or doesn't want to date you. I really think its immature of you to take it personally. Besides, do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is less than enthusiastic?

Why is it immature of me to take it personally?

 

As I've posted several times, my relationship history with women is terrible. I've always been rejected or friendzoned so how can I possibly assume that it's not my fault?

 

Do I want to be in a relationship with someone who is less than enthusiastic? Yes! As long as she somewhat likes me at the start, with potential to be into me more, I'll take it. Right now I've received zero interest from women and don't have any relationship experience at all. All I really want at this point is a buddy I can hang out with, who's open to getting down somewhere down the line.

I do not know what is in her head. But, I went to university when I was young too. Most girls were like me 19-20. There were several guys who were about 8 yrs older than the majority of people. Our older guys were strange because they behaved differently(horny) than younger guys behaved.

Interesting bit of info. Are you saying that the old guys were horny when the young guys weren't or that the older guys had a different kind of horny?

 

BTW she's 21 and I'm 29. But nobody can correctly guess how old I am.

 

Unfortunately, most girls at early 20s are not horny. I would assume that you can not understand that, but it is the reason why younger girls do not want to get laid every time when an opportunity presents itself. Sure, they get laid with guys sometimes but they do it for different reasons not because they truly enjoy sex.

Woah, that's a dropping a bomb. I thought that the girls in their late teens/early 20's were really horny. I keep hearing how most girls lose their virginity at around 16. I've also met several 18 and 19 year old virgin girls. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl was a virgin as well.

IMO, She probably does not understand your feelings and sexual desires at all. That is why she is fine to be your friend. She is just socializing, trying to be polite and nice. There is nothing going on in her head because she does not understand you at all. Some girls figure out what sex is about in late 30s.

The very fact that you want to have sexual relationship with her is just really odd to her.

Hmm, does she know I want to have sex with her? We haven't talked about sex yet and I haven't even tried to kiss her. The only things I've done to show her that I like her is to give her attention and invite her to do stuff with me. Is that enough for her to know I want to sleep with her and that makes her uncomfortable?

 

 

If you want to connect with a female, find a girl who feels the same way like you do. If you want a platonic relationship, you can date young beautiful girls who do not want to have sex at all. If you want to have sex, you might want to find a girl who wants to have sex. There are horny/sluty girls in 20s who are easy to get laid with anyone including older guys. If your girl was one of them, you would have sex with her a long time ago. There are older girls who are often hornier than younger girls.

I'm tired of doing platonic friendships. They don't do anything for me. I don't want a slutty girl either.

 

Is there any middle ground between no sex drive and slut?

 

She doesn't really want to hang out with you. If she did she would be accepting most of your invitations and inviting you places.

 

She doesn't mind hanging out with you and will occassionally accept your offers. It is your interest in her that is preventing you from seeing this.

The only invitations she has rejected was; going to a salsa club meeting with me because she does not like to dance. Hanging out with me on the weekend because she was too busy with school. And of course the invitation for this weekend where she actually told me that she doesn't want to, instead of thinking of an excuse.

 

If she doesn't want to hang out with me, why would she accept any invitation at all? If somebody that I didn't want to hang out with, invited me, I'd apologize and say that I wouldn't.

I've seen some of my guy friends wait in "hope" that someday the girl they like will be with them. This can be a difficult situation to deal with. One of my friends in particular waited almost 6 yrs for the girl he liked

 

And get other girls that are friends, if she sees you with other females, you will most definitely get her attention.

Oye, I can't wait six years, she aint worth that.

 

Whenever we're in a situation where it's not just the two of us alone, I'm always with other girls. But I'm sure she can tell that none of the other girls are into me either so she doesn't get jealous. Do I need to start playing games to get her into me?

[brainygirl]

First, you say you don't look 29, that may be true. I just turned 29, I've been teaching 4 years. Today I had a student ask if I'd just graduated. I know I have a baby face, but that doesn't mean that if I tried to pretend to be 19 again they wouldn't pick up on it.

 

Second, have you seen the dating issues everyone on here, including me, has? It may be your approach, or it may be that you tend to pick girls who are unavailable.

[OceanGirl]

 

She doesn't really want to hang out with you. If she did she would be accepting most of your invitations and inviting you places.

 

She doesn't mind hanging out with you and will occassionally accept your offers. It is your interest in her that is preventing you from seeing this.

 

+ 10000

 

She accepts some invitiations because she is bored or too nice to say "no" to all of them since she keeps seeing you in class.

 

If you were to stop contacting her and stop asking her to hang out, she would most likely never contact you again apart from making small talk in class.

 

She also most likely wants to date, but is wating to meet a guy that she is attracted to.

[Els]

I'm really curious as to what's going on in YOUR head. When someone rejects you point-blank, you don't ever try again with them, unless they themselves initiate it (and even then it's iffy). Six months ago, she didn't want to be romantically involved with you but saw you as an okay friend. Not all women are crazy enough to immediately block and issue restraining orders on someone who asks them out, y'know. Now, she still doesn't want to be romantically involved with you, but is still okay with being friends with you. What's so hard to understand?

[OceanGirl]

Few days ago, I went to a dinner and movie with this guy as friends.

 

I know he likes me and I know that I am not attracted to him in that way. I already told him that I just want to be friends and he keeps asking me to hang out anyway. So I accepted this time because I had no other plans and was bored.

 

Half way through dinner this guy starts asking me for reasons on why I don't want to date him. He also starts sitting closer to me which made me REALLY uncomfrortable. I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I told him that I am just not ready for a relationship. He said that we can just date and see where it goes - to which I replied that I don't want to date anybody (this couldn't be further fro the truth, I just didn't want to date HIM).

 

Newsflash: girls would much rather be single than date someone they are not attracted to.

[somedude81]

First, you say you don't look 29, that may be true. I just turned 29, I've been teaching 4 years. Today I had a student ask if I'd just graduated. I know I have a baby face, but that doesn't mean that if I tried to pretend to be 19 again they wouldn't pick up on it.

 

Second, have you seen the dating issues everyone on here, including me, has? It may be your approach, or it may be that you tend to pick girls who are unavailable.

Heh, so you know what it's like for people to think you are younger than you really are. I may not be able to pass for a High School senior, but I can say I'm 23 and nobody would doubt it.

 

Yeah, lots of people have dating issues. I really do think my problem is my approach. I'm not that attractive to women, so I try to avoid coming at them in a way that will warrant a quick rejection.

 

As for them being unavailable, how can somebody be single and unavailable?

+ 10000

 

She accepts some invitiations because she is bored or too nice to say "no" to all of them since she keeps seeing you in class.

 

If you were to stop contacting her and stop asking her to hang out, she would most likely never contact you again apart from making small talk in class.

 

She also most likely wants to date, but is wating to meet a guy that she is attracted to.

You're probably right. Most of her friends are back at her hometown 20 min away and she lives on campus. I don't think she really hangs out with anybody on campus except for me.

 

So she accepts some invitations to not seem rude to me?

 

I know that if I stop contacting her she won't contact me again. That's exactly what I'd expect to happen from all women. Girls don't give a damn about me, so I need to be assertive if I want to interact with them

 

I wonder what kind of guy she is attracted to? From my limited understanding of women, mostly gained from this board, she's waiting for a really hot guy who will probably end up using her for sex and then getting rid of her.

I'm really curious as to what's going on in YOUR head. When someone rejects you point-blank, you don't ever try again with them, unless they themselves initiate it (and even then it's iffy). Six months ago, she didn't want to be romantically involved with you but saw you as an okay friend.

Six months is a long time. From what I've read on this board, a womans reasons for not wanting to date somebody can and do change. I highly doubt she wants to be single for the rest of her life.

 

Somehow, some guy will find a way to change her mind.

Not all women are crazy enough to immediately block and issue restraining orders on someone who asks them out, y'know. Now, she still doesn't want to be romantically involved with you, but is still okay with being friends with you. What's so hard to understand?

If there was a girl I wasn't into and she liked me, I wouldn't want to spend any time at all around her.

One: I don't like getting any attention from somebody I don't like back.

 

Two: I'd feel bad that spending time with that person would give them false hope.

 

That's why it seems really weird that she knows I'm into her and she's still open to spending time with me.

[Pfiend101]

You're better off without her. She probably wants to date some loser that gets smashed every weekend and is going nowhere in life. Because he makes her feel "emotions". LOL forget about that bitch

[TouchedByViolet]

Plenty of good advice here for you somedude81. Sorry about your luck though, life can be frustrating.

[that girl]

In the Japanese class that we're both in we basically share the same group of buddies, who all happen to be girls, except for me. So it's basically me and four girls. But she is the one that I focus on the most. I guess I should focus more on the other girl I'm somewhat interested.

If you've been ahrdcore persuing her, odds are decent than none of the other girls will go for you. Most people don't like to be second choice.

 

I keep hearing how most girls lose their virginity at around 16. I've also met several 18 and 19 year old virgin girls. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl was a virgin as well.

The national average is about 17/18, which means half of kids lose it after high school.

 

I don't buy this whole "college girls aren't interested in sex" thing, but it is a period where a lot of people are just started to get into relationships.

 

The only invitations she has rejected was; going to a salsa club meeting with me because she does not like to dance. Hanging out with me on the weekend because she was too busy with school. And of course the invitation for this weekend where she actually told me that she doesn't want to, instead of thinking of an excuse.

 

If she doesn't want to hang out with me, why would she accept any invitation at all? If somebody that I didn't want to hang out with, invited me, I'd apologize and say that I wouldn't.

I really don't think she's interested but I don't think she hates you either. Unless she is offering alternate dates ("I can't meet up Sunday, but I could do Tuesday") you should move on after two "Sorry, I can't make it" responses. She just isn't interested.

[skydiveaddict]

 

 

 

but I still want to figure out what's going on in her head.

 

 

Why?.....................................

[bac]

Interesting bit of info. Are you saying that the old guys were horny when the young guys weren't or that the older guys had a different kind of horny?

 

BTW she's 21 and I'm 29. But nobody can correctly guess how old I am.

 

Woah, that's a dropping a bomb. I thought that the girls in their late teens/early 20's were really horny. I keep hearing how most girls lose their virginity at around 16. I've also met several 18 and 19 year old virgin girls. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl was a virgin as well.

Hmm, does she know I want to have sex with her? We haven't talked about sex yet and I haven't even tried to kiss her. The only things I've done to show her that I like her is to give her attention and invite her to do stuff with me. Is that enough for her to know I want to sleep with her and that makes her uncomfortable?

 

 

I'm tired of doing platonic friendships. They don't do anything for me. I don't want a slutty girl either.

 

Is there any middle ground between no sex drive and slut?

 

QUOTE]

 

I am saying that the old guys were horny in a totally different way which was obvious and assertive. Old guys had totally different body language which told everyone that they were horny for any young meat.

If you were a horny 21, would you behave the same way with the girl?

 

BTW she's 21 and I'm 29. But nobody can correctly guess how old I am.

It is not about your looks. It is about her sexual drive which is very low and your sexual drive which is high. Your sexual drives do not match.

 

You are looking for girs who are out of your league because they are too young for you. They are immature emotionally and sexually. Unfortunately, they are mature intellectually because they are studing at university. That is why they have more common sense to avoid meaningless sex.

 

Losing virginity has nothing to do with girl's sex drive. It is a social/emotional/rational choice. A girl just have to get rid of it because of all the social/emotional pressure. A girl just have to try to have sex with guys because it is smth that should be done if she wants to get married and make babies someday.

 

Any girl assumes that any guy wants to have sex with her. She knows that you want to have sex. But, she does not want to have sex. Yes, it is very uncomfortable when a guy wants to do smth sexual with you, including touch your hands, kiss you, hug you, force you to have sex. Actually, it feels disgusting and after the forced sexual things girls want to vomit.

 

Is there any middle ground between no sex drive and slut? IMO For age 21 there is no middle ground. But, for girls older than 23, sure,there is middle ground, a girl who has low sex drive but emotionally imbalanced, has no common sense. She wants attention, love, improve her self-image, have good time, have a BF, get married someday. And, men tell her that sex is the way to go to get all the desirable things.

[bac]

Sex is a great thing when it is done with the right person who is really into that.

You say that you don't want a slutty girl either.

 

But, a slutty woman can be great at sex. She can give you exactly what you need. I mean you need to believe in yourself and you need to succeed.

You will have the best sex of your life and physical/emotional satisfaction.

 

Have you ever had sex with a girl 21, who is not slut? From what I know about the sex, only a very horny guy would not notice that the girl does feel nothing, she is lying as a cold fish without any movements, she moans because the movements in her vagina are sensitive/painful, she is waiting for the end of the useless activity and she is the happiest when you finally done with sex.

[Awesome Username]

 

Yeah, if the girl I like, does end up dating somebody else in the near future, I will get very pissed.

 

Why is it immature of me to take it personally?

 

As I've posted several times, my relationship history with women is terrible. I've always been rejected or friendzoned so how can I possibly assume that it's not my fault?

 

 

She's just not that into you, and you have no right to get pissed at her for dating someone else in the future. After all, she's just waiting for someone who she's attracted to. This is the truth.

 

Instead of dwelling on it, try to find different girls. In fact, I would look for girls in a different circle than the ones in your Japanese class. There are some guys that certain girls aren't into that I have found to be completely attractive.

 

Don't sell yourself short, okay? There are more fish in the sea and I'm sure that there's a fish out there that would LOVE to date you.

[Katherineos123]

Why would she want to be single for a year, or more?

 

What's taking her so long to find somebody?

 

I havent read the entire thread, so excuse me if someone else has already asked this question... but, whats wrong with being single for a year or more?

 

Ive been single for over a year, not necessarily by choice, as Ive had suitors, but because I havent met anyone who's moved me enough to declare them my boyfriend... This girl probably hasnt found anyone she's liked enough and doesnt want to settle... unfortunately for you, it seems as if you may have fallen into this category

 

or maybe! **audible gasp!** She's happy being single!

Edited October 14, 2010 by Katherineos123