abust1 Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 Hello, I’m a 30 year old male. My 4.5 year ex and I have been broken up for about 8 months. I made a lot of mistakes during the relationship, and was never able to fully commit my heart to it for a lot of reasons I won’t get into. We did get engaged but I could never get married, and that’s what the breakup came down to, so she started seeing another guy while we were still living together. We haven’t had contact for about 1.5 months when this past weekend she sends me a text message saying “You are so mean. I can’t believe I used to want to have your babies”. Why did she send this?? The strange thing is that I was really struggling with our breakup RIGHT when she sent that. I had done some serious facebook stalking that day and found a recent picture of her on someone else’s account. I then proceeded to go through all of our old pictures, which was a terrible idea and very devastating. I was in the process of putting our old pictures on DVD’s and deleting them from my computer when I got that message. It is taking every bit of strength I have left to not respond. The main thing stopping me is imagining the anxiety I would feel waiting for a response after I sent the message, plus the additional pain from whatever hurtful things she would probably continue to say. I can pretty well interpret the message just as her trying to get a rise out of me, even though my heart wants to interpret it as her somehow still having feelings for me. My problem right now is that I am still in love with her, but I know the chances of ever getting back together are next to nothing. Despite that, I just want to plant a seed, somehow let her know how much going through all this pain has changed me and how I feel about life, and how much I’d love to share that with her. I know I am supposed to be exercising “no contact”, which I am. I am also obviously struggling with letting go and I feel like I have to put myself out there one more time to finally get it, or by some miracle we can work things out. I want to settle down, I want to see and love someone as a person and not an object. My family is not very close, and I want to start my own, so the baby comment really hit home. I know at this point I should just embrace these changes for myself, move forward to being a better person with my next partner, but the time it will take to get over my ex and find that person is overwhelming. Years. I am lost. I have unbelievably strong regrets about the past. This weekend was a real setback, I am back to barely being able to sleep and work. I had no idea how difficult this would be. I see a counselor every 2 weeks or so, but I really have no outlet besides that. I have pretty much exhausted my friends and family. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
benB Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 My ex sometimes sends me things like that even though she was the one who treated me like crap. I think it is her way of justifying leaving me even though we really loved each other, or so I thought. I think she knows that she was the bad one but is too immature to say so and has to place blame on me even though I don't deserve it. Maybe yours is doing the same? Who knows, we both we never find out what goes through their minds, so don't sweat it man. Stay strong and stick with NC.
Author abust1 Posted September 15, 2010 Author Posted September 15, 2010 My ex sometimes sends me things like that even though she was the one who treated me like crap. I think it is her way of justifying leaving me even though we really loved each other, or so I thought. I think she knows that she was the bad one but is too immature to say so and has to place blame on me even though I don't deserve it. Maybe yours is doing the same? Who knows, we both we never find out what goes through their minds, so don't sweat it man. Stay strong and stick with NC. No contact is the plan, but MAN is it tough sometimes. I did some crappy things during the relationship, then she ended it badly. I really wish I knew why she sent me that, but I just have to let it go. How long have you been broken up and how often do you get messages like that?
benB Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 I dated her for 3 years and we have been broken up for about 5 weeks. Not that often, she goes through times where she calls and texts me a lot saying she loves me and misses me. Then she will send a mean text to me. It is odd, but I think she is just trying to justify everything.
Trovador Posted September 15, 2010 Posted September 15, 2010 You won´t know ever if you don´t ask or she volunteers some information... It looks to me like a sort of plead, like the ones I've received or sent... For example, once I sent a mail with these words "Proud", meaning she was too proud to talk things over... she called me right away and we started again... although in retrospective I realize it wasn't a break up but just stupid fight... if she just did it to mess with you at least you are in her thoughts... small consolation but something many of us don't even dream of having... What would I do? I either would ask her or I'd keep NC strongly but I'd refuse to live wondering what she did mean with her attitude... it's not healthy, it's not human...
Recommended Posts