Break and Broken Up within a month period.

September 1, 2010

I met my ex in Oct of 2007 at work I was her Boss, On December 8th 2007 we became a couple. We had a great relationship for 2 years. During those 2 years she kept hinting and pushing for an engagement but I didn't want to give it to her because she was basically asking me for it. I liked the idea of surprising her and not have her hint towards it. Anyways despite that the relationship still continued to go surprisingly well. Christmas 09 I was out of town visiting my mother as I always had Christmas with my mother it has been a tradition of mine , My Ex even came with me Christmas 08. Well I came back and we exchanged gifts I had gotten her a ring and her eyes lit up thinking it was an engagement ring and right there and then I realized I made a mistake because it was just a ring. I assured her it was not an engagement ring but felt bad. Anyways again the relationship was going well until Valentines 2010 we got in a fight over nothing I can seriously remember and then the relationship started to get rocky. I kept getting cold shoulder and signals but she kept telling me maybe we just need to get away. We had a vacation with her family planned for April 2010. She kept saying maybe we just need to see how this vacation goes and we just need time alone with each other. Well April vacation comes and goes and it was then I knew I wanted to marry this woman. The vacation went very well and we had some of the best intimate moments in our relationship so I when I got back I started scouting for a ring. Well shortly after one of her Uncles Dies and she wanted me to go to the Funeral and of course I followed. Shortly after that there was a weekend I wanted to stay home and she had a fit and wanted me over instead of sticking to my own plans I caved in and went over. She was having a garage sale in which I had no interest in helping so I stayed in and the Monday after she calls me stating she needs her space this is where the "Break" comes in and I was utterly devastated given I was planning to propose to her around her birthday. Anyways during this break we were both in contact with each other and it seemed like we were still together in fact she just wanted to get away on a vacation again. I sort of played along with the idea and was looking up all inclusive vacations. We needed to do it basically that week because she had just got a Job thanks to me and her mothers boyfriend being references the following week. Well I told her I am not going to book this and it was mostly in fun because I don't know where we stand but she also found out my plans to propose to her and although our status was on a break she said she would still say yes. Well anyways she calls me and says I need to get my license now because I won't have time once I get my job but since I am unemployed I am in need of a favor. I help her out and from there we ended up looking at engagement rings she even tries them on and asks if it is bad luck too (Well as it stands it looks like it is for me). So we end up back together and things are going absolutely great even the passion in our kisses have increased and again although not often intimacy had improved. Well my sister was visiting one weekend from out of town and she had planned to come over but due to fatigue decided not to and then ended up going to a friends house of hers who had also been having relationship problems but I brushed it off and said have a fun weekend we will connect later. Well My sister was doing something with friends on Sunday so I decided I would do something with my girlfriend. I decided I'd surprise her and go to her her house while on the way she calls and finds out I am on my way and acted all surprised and happy on the phone. We we going to spend the day with her sister and her sisters fiancé and so we proceeded to do so but she gave me the cold shoulder all day and it was driving me nuts I tried to kiss her and she'd back off . I never once asked her what was wrong because I thought it could be just one of those days related to the time of the month sort of thing. Well usually she wants me to stay the night Sundays and due to work usually I have to go but this time I could stay and she was like well if you have to go its okay you can go I found this awkward yet again but ended up staying the night but the cold shoulder continued in the bedroom so I just slept it off. The next morning she was all mad because I got up too early for her. I said calmly just go back to sleep I'll get out of your hair and go downstairs. She gets up with me anyways since it was her first day starting a new shift 11:30-8:00 pm. She was to tired so out of love I made her lunch for that day and she gives me a hug and says thanks but is still giving me the cold shoulder. That whole week no phone calls were made to each other and we only talked on msn which was something she started to log onto a lot more recently. I asked her if we rushed too fast back into things and she asked how I felt. She said we would talk later and later never came. Then Midweek I came across an email from her to her new boss that was very flirtatious and she gave him her cell number. I was furious and became a phone and text terrorist that night and did even more stupid things by telling her sister what I found etc. She was furious when I eventually got to talking with her which I can understand now looking back on it. From there I became a facebook terrorist questioning a lot of things including if she likes her new boss (deja vu how she met me) She just told me she needs to be independent right now and doesn't need to be in a relationship that she loves me but is not sure if she is in love with me. Well again my stupidity before I found advice online I questioned a mutual friend of ours that I met through her (The same friend from earlier in this thread) She answered me saying my ex just needs time to her self as she has never really been single etc she tells me to just give her time and thinks she will make the right decision but it would be naive of me to think the right decision is reconciliation. This time it is a full fledged break-up where I have continued to make stupid mistakes damaging the situation even more than I could imagine. I place the Break Up Date the date I accused her of cheating which was July 28, 2010. Well I instructed her that the way I came about the email was dishonest but not entirely deceitful she did give me her password but she also left her msn logged in in my system tray and I right clicked check email and clicked on a thread that had the title re: still thinking it was my email I did not realize I was in hers until I read her phone number on the screen. However I was honest with her about reading it and how I came about it and I even took it upon my self to help her change her password because she isn't exactly computer literate at times. Well then comes our first weekend split apart and she decides she is going to live the single life and go partying etc well she ends up at her dads and is feeling hung over and sick and is in dire need of a ride home. She calls me up and I can't drive legally at the moment so she is telling me her cell phone is dead and her charger is at home and she needs to get a number out of her contact list could I sign into her msn account. Well I am reluctant and tell her I can't we set you up with a new password and she says it's fine I'll give it to you I trust you with it. Awkward moment so I log in and turns out she doesn't have it stored on there either so she asks me to pretend to be her and ask many co-workers on her list for their phone numbers and I do so and she thanks me and finally gets a ride home. Well the next week I decided I needed to leave my city to clear my head as I took many of these acts as mixed signals and I even told my ex I needed to come by and pick up all my stuff and hand her her key and she says she doesn't want to see me so do it when she is not home but to keep the key. Again a mixed signal to me. Anyways I get all my stuff over a course of 3 days and leave her her stuff she has at my place. I left her key under the door. She texted me and says thanks but I could have just come in and say hi. I said it was best I didn't. Well the night before my flight out of town she is talking with me on the phone saying maybe we need this and perhaps she will find out while I am gone if she really misses me. I am also talking with her sister's fiancé on msn and he is saying a lot of her plans are falling out and she is ending up miserable. He tells me he thinks she will be back. Well I fly out to visit my mother and I spend two weeks there. It just so happens I chose her Birthday weekend to leave because that was my initial proposal date I had in my mind and I thought it would be best I be gone. I still left her a B-day gift (Other than the license I help pay for earlier) I got her a CSI game for the Wii but I didn't leave the other gifts because they could be pushing the issue at hand. I had written her a love letter for the first time in the relationship before we had split and I made a DVD slideshow of our dates and vacations. I kept these because I didn't want to push the issue further. Well I call and wish her a happy birthday and from then on I decided I would do No Contact. I failed day one I contacted her on MSN. It didn't go well so Day 1 resets the following day and I am strong I spend the next few days strong, She contacts me on facebook chat and chat starts out well and then she pushes how she wants me to move on and the chat starts to get nasty until she says call me and lets get this off our shoulders so I give in and I call her. We talk and she feels bad that she has broken my heart and I ask her why would you say you would say yes if I were to propose to do this break up a month later. Anyways we were on the phone forever cause she was bored and I kept mentioning that I think we should let each other go. So again I do no contact that lasts just under a week when she calls me. Seems like a repeat of the last conversation at the end she asks me to call or text her to mention I landed safely back home. So now comes my flight home I decided I wasn't going to give in and I didn't contact her. Well she MSN's me and I give in yet again and tell her my flight went Ok now in all of my No contacts I have only failed day one I see each time I give in its because she has initiated the contact thus leaving it to limited contact. Well on this flight I met a girl from my past whom we always liked each other but one of us was always involved with another and I decided I'd ask her out to a catch-up date and we go out and strange coincidence she is going through a similar situation with her Fiancé, Well this girl leaves a post on my Wall that to me seems to have gotten to my EX because for the first time ever since our split my Ex's MSN status was negative: Frustrated, Confused, Got a lot on my mind I wish I was on Vacation, Ever since our split the status were always positive until about 3 mins after the girl from my pasts post on my wall. Days later my cousin invites me to a club with his girlfriend and girlfriends hot single sister via post on facebook and I declined saying I had other plans. I have also been making plans with my EX's sister and sisters Fiancé as it was to be a final goodbye type thing because they became great friends of mine through this. I felt it was only right not to be secretive about this and I told my ex on MSN and she said its a little weird but she is ok with it. I didn't bother to question her status but did mention that I am sorry she is frustrated. I also invited my EX to the plans as "just friends" but she says she is not ready to see me and I sort of agreed because I can't just check my feelings at the door either. Well She ends up at the same friends house that weekend and I go out with her sister and have a blast my aim was to say goodbye but they had fun too and invited me to other plans to hang out her sisters fiancé even encourages me to double date with them when I find a new girl while her sister hopes things smooth over with me and my ex. Well my ex contacts me on facebook while at her friends house and says she will talk with me later and never calls but I wasn't waiting up for it either. That contact I could tell was full of anger and it didn't hold well with me. Well while I was out with her family I made it a point to be positive , look good and not mention my ex. She came up a few times but I brushed it off as much as I could because I wanted that day to be about them and I not about my ex. It turns out my ex got jealous of the facebook posts from what I heard from her sister and she also bought tickets to the same sporting events as I did which I found a little awkward. Well that night her MSN status again turned to Drawing a Blank, Tired, Feeling Empty, I haven't talked to her since (This past Sunday) I'm sticking to me not contacting her but I can't help but keep her as a friend on Facebook and MSN because I told her that she can contact me when she is in dire need of a friend but not to contact me just to say Hi and small talk. I just can't help but think every-time she contacts me its to reconcile thus I have been failing No Contact. Now reading and typing all of this I know where I myself went wrong and I have been working on myself

Basically our relationship failed because:

Our Polarities switched/My Attractiveness decreased

Polarities switched at the beginning of the relationship I was in control at the end she had gained it

Attractiveness: Due to the polarities switching I lost my confidence, became needy and jealously overtook most of my emotions.

From this I can learn a life experience but I can't help but love my ex. I still think she may be the one that got away. I still have a sense of hope too but also recognize that it could be false. I am taking my time and working on myself I recognize my mistakes and I'd urge others not to do what I have done.

My failures:

Don't beg, cry, plead with your ex

Don't harass her friends for information

Don't tell them you planned to propose (I feel this is why we got back together during the break) It's like a guilt trip

Don't be insecure it is a huge turn off - maybe the reason she lost attraction from me because I was both clingy and insecure the week we broke up

Don't terrorize with sms, ims, phone calls or emails, or social networks

The two I am still failing because I keep thinking I may miss my 2nd chance or 3rd chance:

- As part of No Contact do not stalk MSN Profiles and Facebook accounts (I'm still failing this suggestion myself because sometimes I see dropped hints)

- Don't answer every contact on the ex's side (I'm failing because I can't help but think it could be the reconciliation call) This makes you too available to them

Hopefully my post will help others before they do the same mistakes.

My other problem is do I drop my new friendships with her sisters and sister Fiancé because they are secondary as the came out of me meeting my ex?

They both expressed that they would like to remain in contact with me as true friends are hard to come by and they treat me as such and I treat them the same. In fact we have more plans to hang out.

September 29, 2010

It would be much easier to read if you could break up your massive wall of text into smaller paragraphs. I started reading then got lost and my eyes began to hurt. I think it would help everyone help you if you did this.

September 29, 2010

It would be much easier to read if you could break up your massive wall of text into smaller paragraphs. I started reading then got lost and my eyes began to hurt. I think it would help everyone help you if you did this.

Agreed.

I skipped to the end points, all of which are accurate 100%.

You are only as valuable as you market yourself, the second your stock value drops, and emotional connection can only keep two people together for so long.

You've gotta get back to the 'I'm the **** and I'm awesome' attitude, and if you don't get her, you'll get another.

September 29, 2010

That was my first post here, should have know better I'll clean up the wall of text later if there are those who would like to read my story. Right now on iPhone and working before my date tonight.

September 29, 2010

That was my first post here, should have know better I'll clean up the wall of text later if there are those who would like to read my story. Right now on iPhone and working before my date tonight.

Good luck Billie. Is it the same girl as last time? let us know how it goes.

September 30, 2010

No this is that date, The first game I went to was with a male friend.

As for the date it didn't go as I wished it would but I knew going in what would happen and it did.

It went from a 1 on 1 personal thing to a co-worker thing so basically I got better seats and less communication in fact the girl was talking and ended up sitting with other coworkers though I was still in the conversations as I chose to sit at the bar behind her and I could jump in. We had a lot of great laughs and stuff but it was less personal as I thought it would be. Now I did go into this thinking that exact scenario would happen so I was prepared for it. It still however boosted my confidence and I still had fun but I didn't get to do or ask stuff I normally would. I also missed my chance at something. She mentioned Lady GaGa concert but couldn't find anyone to go with and I didn't jump on it (I hate lady GaGa but my friend did and he beat me to the punch and said he would go) I just didn't want to seem to needy right away.

To top it off my team lost.

Still a great night but now I need another thing to look forward too and I believe the next thing is a meet up with my Ex's sister again as she is getting me a package I ordered and had delivered to her aunts house.

She is a really cool girl with a good head on her shoulders and I love her and her fiancé like a brother and sister.

Having things to look forward to helps coping for me. I'm kind of excited for ski season as I I'll get back into it and then in spring I want to try sky diving.

September 30, 2010

As for the date it didn't go as I wished it would but I knew going in what would happen and it did.

It went from a 1 on 1 personal thing to a co-worker thing so basically I got better seats and less communication in fact the girl was talking and ended up sitting with other coworkers though I was still in the conversations as I chose to sit at the bar behind her and I could jump in. We had a lot of great laughs and stuff but it was less personal as I thought it would be. Now I did go into this thinking that exact scenario would happen so I was prepared for it. It still however boosted my confidence and I still had fun but I didn't get to do or ask stuff I normally would. I also missed my chance at something. She mentioned Lady GaGa concert but couldn't find anyone to go with and I didn't jump on it (I hate lady GaGa but my friend did and he beat me to the punch and said he would go) I just didn't want to seem to needy right away.

That's too bad. Any chance you'll go out with her on a more personal date? Glad you didn't volunteer for Lady Gaga, that would have made you look kinda needy.

September 30, 2010

Cleaned up story in Paragraph form:

How I met my ex:

I was working for a large Canadian Retail store as a consultant. It was in an expansion stage in which the retail floor was expanding into the warehouse and a new smaller warehouse was being built. Not only was I in consultation but I was leading teams of hired help to run daily tasks. One of my friends mother was part of the hired help and she brought in 3 people of whom she knew needed part time work. One of which was my ex. I met her in October of 2007.

How we became a couple:

I had heard word from many coworkers and friends that my ex had a crush/thing for me. However at the time I had a thing for someone else. In a sense I was playing hard to get because I kind of was hard to get for her. Now I am very flirtatious or at least use to be so we were exchanging back and forth flirtatious behaviors, however I was also trying to keep it low because I didn't want it to effect my job either. She was chasing big time and since I had advanced knowledge that she was into me I knew I could have her. We had a Christmas party in Nov in which we were seated at the same table and I ignored her throughout the party as I was still chasing another girl but not in a sense to gain that girl it was more just one person of interest to talk to. This effected my ex as she really wanted to dance and I never got around to it but she was so stunning and I just didn't want something I can have at the time. Starting from late November to Early December she kept getting closer and closer to me at work and I started walking her home and such just as friends but it blossomed on night when I had invited more than just her to dinner but it was only her and I that ended up going. That night just didn't end she was clingy but I liked it as I didn't want her to go either we went from dinner to coffee, coffee to window shopping the mall, window shopping the mall to , coffee again and then she walked me home and stayed the night. We had than became an official couple. December 2007

The Relationship:

Since we become a couple for 2 years there was constant fun and we can coin this the "honeymoons stage" surprisingly only a matter of 4 months into the relationship she was pushing for an engagement. I had got her a promise ring instead because it was only 4 months and I was just only starting to find out who she was. The promise ring wasn't an escape goat for me but I didn't like the idea that she was pushing for the engagement especially in the time frame she did.

The Christmases:

2007:

Kind of an odd subtitle but each x-mas something did go down. December 2007 our first x-mas was only 2 weeks after we met and I was scheduled to fly out of town for that time period so I would be spending it away from my new found love. I flew out of town but the ex and I kept in contact from when I was away unfortunately being fresh into a relationship I seemed to be a magnet for other girls and I ended up video chatting with one in which she performed a striptease. (I wasn't on camera only the girl) This was while I was away on Holiday. I was scared to ruin the Holidays for my ex and in retrospect I could have kept it from her. I didn't have a thing for this girl either. Anyways I get back and my new found love and I exchange gifts and she even has a suite booked for new years for us. After all the holidays settle I let her know what happened and she felt like I violated her trust and this is only weeks into a new relationship with her. I was bummed because I didn't have control of the situation but she feels like I wasn't telling her the truth when I didn't have to tell her anything at all. I'm just too honest and had to tell her.

2008:

My ex decided she would come with me out of town this year as she wanted to spend x-mas with me and it had always been a tradition of mine to have x-mas with my mother who lives a couple of provinces away from me. She came and met my family

2009:

Like the first year my ex stayed back home and I went off to see my mother. While there I was looking for a necklace as a gift but ended up getting my ex a "ring" instead. When I gave her this gift as it was an extra it came off as I was getting her an engagement ring but this was not the case and I had felt really bad after seeing her eyes lit up thinking it was. I had to tell her it is not what she thinks it is.

Started Going South The "Break":

Valentines 2010 we ended up fighting and to be honest I believe because I wasn't the hopeless romantic she thought I would be and I really feel like she was expecting something especially after the incident at x-mas. She began giving me cold shoulder and when we talked some weekends she would say maybe we just need to get away (Like the fun we had in the "Honeymoon Stage") We had an upcoming vacation planned for me to meet her family in Tallahassee Florida for April 2010. She would say stuff like maybe we just need that vacation and for some reason I wasn't seeing these signs. So that vacation came and went and it was then I knew I want to marry this girl and could wait to start planning the engagement. I was looking at rings online and beginning to develop plans on how I wanted to propose. When we got back a few weeks went by and suddenly a knowingly ill Uncle of her passes away and we goto the funeral and I am there for her moral support. A weekend or two passes and she is supposed to come over to my place but for some reason every time this is planned something else comes up. This particular weekend she is helping her mother with a garage sale and wants me to come over. I stand by my word of wanting to spend this weekend at my place but eventually cave in and go over to see her. She wants my help in the garage sale but I have no interest in doing so so I stay in. The Monday following this said weekend she calls as normal but states she is in need of a "break" as she needs to figure things out in her life.

"The Break":

We are now in the break phase in which I tend not to call her as much but I am still taking her phone calls. We actually still feel like a couple only we don't see each other but are spending lots of time on the phone and such. She explains again that maybe what our relationship needs is alone time and another vacation. To me it seems awfully demanding but I play along with the idea out of curiosity but also let her know I am not booking something not knowing where we stand. She says to me I just want you to be spontaneous for a change. She is wondering why I am saddened while we talk because I don't have the same tone of voice and that's when I stupidly let it slip that after Florida I realized she was the one I wanted to marry and that I had put a non refundable deposit on an engagement ring. While we are still on "break" she explains that she would still say yes. I have no clue what is going on here.

"Break Time is over":

During the break she contacts me asking for a favor as she is in need of money as she wants to get her learners permit before her new job starts. I help her out with the finances and also help her study for the tests. We end up going from the test drive place to a mall and she says she would like for us to look at rings and I agree to it and so we do. After this everything was just like it was 2 years ago if not better.

"The Cold Shoulder:"

My younger sister is flying into town and I was going to spend the weekend with her and my ex was going to come over as well. My ex ends up calling me to cancel due to exhaustion from work which I understand as transportation to me would have been to much for her after an exhausting shift. I said that's fine we could see each other the following weekend. She calls me again but this time she is at a friends house which I found awkward but wasn't too bothered by it because the friend picked her up and I don't want to be controlling. She asks if I am upset and I answer honestly saying well we could have picked you up and you could have spent time here but it's okay you have your own group of friends too. She then says maybe we can meetup the next day in which I said I'll be with my family but I'll let her know. Well Sunday that weekend frees up and I decide to surprise her and bus out to her her place. While doing so she calls and finds out my plan and was all sweet on the phone. Once I get there I was given practically the cold shoulder all day but I brushed it off thinking it could be time of the month or so. However come night time when I would normally stay she was pushing for me to go well not really pushing but saying if you need to go tonight I'll be fine but that was so out of character for her. The next morning she gets mad cause I get up at my normal time and it woke her up I said calmly just go back to bed and I'll go downstairs. She says no its okay and follows. She is too tired to make herself a lunch so I make one for her and am about to leave for work so i go for a kiss and all I got was a lousy hug so I was still getting the cold shoulder. Cold shoulder continues throughout the week with limited contact to only msn in which I asked if we got back together after the break too quickly. She says she would talk to me later:

Betrayed her trust yet again:

Going back to me thinking about why I am getting the cold shoulder I was looking for answers and wasn't getting any. Oddly enough I go to check my email by right clicking the msn icon in the system tray and clicking check email. To which the first email I see is entitled Re:. Which is something I often get in my box as for work I send similar emails. I click it and begin to read and it is mostly gibberish about a someone saying they are sorry they didn't email earlier etc but they had lost the email and then I read my ex's phone number in this email. I immediately realized msn had auto signed her in and not me and I was in the wrong account but then the rest of the email began to make sense and not gibberish it was her flirting with her current boss.

The Break Up

I was furious and living in the moment with the above and began to bombard her with texts, phone calls etc and can't get a hold of her, Eventually I get a hold of her sister and I stupidly end up telling her what I saw, before I can even discuss it with my ex. I finally get a hold of my ex and we talk and she explains it was nothing and it was a co-worker party type thing. (This email was not a co worker type party thing it was one on one and dated the same day she was at a friends house when my sister flew into town) She hung up mad and we ended up breaking up. I then began to bombard her Facebook inbox with questions about this email I found etc, also talked to mutual friends etc. The break up was just one of those " I haven't really been single and would like to experience it" type break ups.I was also given all those lines you want to hear like, It's not you it's me, if it's meant to be it will be, I still love you but am not sure if I am in love with you etc. I asked if I had a chance and she wouldn't say no etc.

Limited Contact:

I didn't have the brains to go NC right away as it was far before I found this notion. I did however decide for myself I would not make an effort to contact her but will answer her contacts. During this LC period there were times despite the email fiasco that she needed me to log into her email. I did it for her and I dropped every thing I did on a pin whenever she needed me. I even set her up with getting her self new passwords to build back the trust. Let it be known I acted on signs that were not really there and pushed her further. I am now in No Contact.

Why we failed: