On a scale of 1 - Dating, how frustrated do you get?

[kickintheaz]

so, first date went GREAT.. great attraction, lots to talk about, similar outlooks, no kissing or anything but thats ok... if its worth waiting for..

 

2nd date arranged, for an hours time from now... lookin fwd to seeing her esp after she added me on f/b and I realised how hot she actually is (yes, I'm shallow sometimes, but hey... I'm a GUY thats what we do!!!!)

 

Bearing in mind we met online back in june, chatted for about 2 weeks on phone/email/txt, the usual, had date arranged and she cancelled the day before it due to family stuff she had mentioned may crop up, ok, fair enough, these things happen, sent a 'raincheck' txt a week later but didn't hear from her til last week and I get a txt out of the blue.. deadly!.. date 1 within 24 hours..

 

so, she's bailed again today (about 3 hours ago), citing work pressure, now in fairness I was talking to her last night and she was explaining how busy she was, benefit of the doubt being given that she not lying, though I becoming more cynical, I do believe she IS genuine.. but I gave her an 'out' on the phone.. nope, she was looking forward to it...

 

and here I am, bored, annoyed, frustrated, another notch more cynical of this whole dating game we play...

 

oh and I suggested we reschedule for the weekend, but leave it up to her when she figures out she's free.... so we'll see..

 

but really, on a scale of "1 to Dating", with Dating being the most frustrated one can be, where are you at?

 

I'm at Dating +1 at this stage

[Philetus]

I don't understand your scale so I'll say I'm at 'courting'.

 

This is why when I'm not in a relationship, I date more than one person at a time. It's easier to let these things go. You can discuss 'exclusivity' when it's appropriate.

 

Generally, if people are into you, they make time. The absolute busiest woman I ever dated could ONLY see me Wednesday or Thursday when she closed her restaurant at 11pm but she ALWAYS kept those dates.

 

Set a date with her when you'll get together. If she blows it off tell her to call you when her life 'settles down'.

 

Don't be a pussy. She won't respect you. Take control of the situation. Give her the impression that you'd like to see her but your okay to move on, too.

[kickintheaz]

Thanks Philetus..

 

its a sliding scale which I think we'll just make up as we go along..

 

was just a vent really... I guess when you're dating for so long and finally meet, yet another one, ya can go for more than one date with it gets frustrating..

 

I did the whole multi dating thing, but it just hurt my head after a while! so I resolved in the last month to go one at a time.. thats not to say I'm not talking to others... they think I lead a terribly busy life!!!

 

I'll let the day settle and perhaps set a date tomorrow for over the weekend as you suggested, when work shouldn't really interfere.. if it happens it happens.. if not.. ugh, can't believe I'm gonna say it, but 'theres plenty more fish in the sea'.....

 

*grabs waders and a rod and throws them in the car, just in case*

[NYCmitch25]

Whoah, slow it down horsey, she might actually have a lot of obligation. Though I can understand your frustration. I'm not dating but this one woman BEGS me to call her, and on that day I just wasn't in the mood to call anyone. I work up the nerve to call and she doesn't answer. Later I see her on line, contacting me at times, I'm practically livid but I'm not even sure why... so trust me I can relate.. though we probably need to kick it down a notch and not expect too much out of people.

[CaliGuy]

Granted she has obligations and yes, she did cancel well in advance I think if there's an immediate attraction for the both of you, nobody cancels -- they make the date.

 

For me, I'm so frustrated at the weirdos and crazy people I've gone on dates with that I think I'll just be a-sexual. In lamen terms, I am simply happy being single and healthy with a great career and lots of friends. What more do I need in life, really?!

[Amira4210]

Personally, I've done this before to guys in the past, sometimes I really am busy, other times its bc I am intersted in someone else, but most of the time its been bc I'm not really that intereseted in you. Guys do it too. Let her go, or don't make another date unless she is persistant about seeing you again.

[Brady_to_Moss]

F dating..such a waste

[Green]

You should have tried to KISS her on the first date. Also women can sense when you are frustraded. You need to change your mindset and just enjoy dating and not expect anything out of it.

[kickintheaz]

so... we need to not expect so much of people, respect the fact they have obligations, mind read as to what they are thinking, try kissing em on date 1, not kiss em on date 1 (to appear mysterious or gentlemanly or just dam polite), call em the appropriate number of times between dates, whilst trying to figure out what 'appropriate' is, if they mail the morning after date 1 where we didn't kiss to say they had a great time and agree to a date 2, then when asked on date 2 they re-agree, then you arrange date 2 and give them an out which they don't take and then they cancel date 2 cos they're either busy but are interested, not interested, have someone else, are career minded, suddenly realised they have issues to resolve from bobby ray in 4th grade, need to go to bed early or just had a friend arrive unexpectedly........ and then we're supposed to wait and see will they take the reigns having been asked when they are free and suggest a new time to date or do we call em to rearrange having asked em when they are free but is that not putting too much pressure on em then and then they flake out cos its 'too intense' and disappear and then they reappear down the road wanting to be friends, or just date, or catch up....

 

I am tired just writing the above sentence...

 

I guess what frustrates me in this particular case is that she had an out the day before we were due to go on date, I asked her twice during the call when she was saying she was busy and her mom was up and she needed to work for her, that we could leave it til the weekend or next week if she preferred.. but no, she was adamant she wanted to go on it.. only to cancel a few hours in advance.. now, in the end I had a great evening with another girl I know.. we'd dated once or twice before and ended up gettin back in touch, theres nothing romantic there, but it was a laugh and she got to do the girlie thing of analysing this..

 

Maybe I'm expecting too much, but I'm giving up my time to date these people, especially those who made the effort to make the 'first move' as it were.. and yet these girls dont' seem to respect that.. and i know that can point to issues down the line of 'well if she can't respect even a 2nd date arrangement you're fcked when it comes to the bigger stuff'...

 

I sound like a grumpy old man now, and in a way I am tonight... maybe just putting all this down on screen will get it out and I'll wake up to an email from her tomorrow...then again, I ain't expecting it..

 

Amira you're right, if she wants a piece of me, she gonna have to SHOW me she's worth my time...

 

and to pose another question.. maybe just to myself.. WHY do women (and indeed I imagine men do too) make themselves available to date, yet when it goes beyond 1 or 2 or 4 dates they suddenly realise and tell you.. 'hey, now you know why I'm single, I get pulled in 20 different directions and am useless at keeping to plans....'

 

eh, then why did you make yourself available to date if you KNEW that??!

 

just musing!!!! isn't planet of the apes a great flick...

[BobSacamento]

I'm calling BS on this. No matter how busy you are you can set a couple hours for a date. If not, you are playing BS head games. Trying to look more busy than you actually are.

 

Unless she works in an ER then I can let it slide. Work pressure? WTF is that? Who doesn't have that? If the President can set a date with his wife I think this loser can set 2 hours.

[FL Lady]

I'm calling BS on this. No matter how busy you are you can set a couple hours for a date. If not, you are playing BS head games. Trying to look more busy than you actually are.

 

Unless she works in an ER then I can let it slide. Work pressure? WTF is that? Who doesn't have that? If the President can set a date with his wife I think this loser can set 2 hours.

 

I agree 100%.

[Lucky555]

Sure she is not juggling more than one guy? I have been very busy and stressed before but still found sometime to have a conversation or plan for a better date. It sounds like bs to me. I think it's not very nice to just blow people off.. If she has low interest she should just tell you. Ugh dating does suck!! I am trying to find inner happy mentality for dating again currently it's not happening for me.. So don't let her lead you on. Do you really want someone who doesn't have time?? Really that's an excuse. If she is busy I would hope she has time to connect on the phone at least.

[Lost Fish]

so... we need to not expect so much of people, respect the fact they have obligations, mind read as to what they are thinking, try kissing em on date 1, not kiss em on date 1 (to appear mysterious or gentlemanly or just dam polite), call em the appropriate number of times between dates, whilst trying to figure out what 'appropriate' is, if they mail the morning after date 1 where we didn't kiss to say they had a great time and agree to a date 2, then when asked on date 2 they re-agree, then you arrange date 2 and give them an out which they don't take and then they cancel date 2 cos they're either busy but are interested, not interested, have someone else, are career minded, suddenly realised they have issues to resolve from bobby ray in 4th grade, need to go to bed early or just had a friend arrive unexpectedly........ and then we're supposed to wait and see will they take the reigns having been asked when they are free and suggest a new time to date or do we call em to rearrange having asked em when they are free but is that not putting too much pressure on em then and then they flake out cos its 'too intense' and disappear and then they reappear down the road wanting to be friends, or just date, or catch up....

 

I won't lie, I lol'd at this.

 

Dude, Kick. The girl I was going out with tonight flaked out on me too!!! Ahh! And we were both so pumped up yesterday. I am 100% exactly in the same situation as you! Gah! It's so frustrating.

 

I made one of my good friends go out to dinner with me tonight so I wasn't stuck home alone pissed off at the world, lol.

 

My girl canceled this morning - via text nonetheless. I called her last night to make sure we were still on and to give her the address and directions of the place if she needed them, but she didn't answer, so I left a message and then by 11:30 or so realized she wasn't calling me back. So I already felt the vibe that this one is flaking on me and went to bed.

 

Then this morning she texted me at work - at like 11 AM "Hey, sorry I missed your call, I just woke up and am so out of it - I feel like hell - my stupid throat."

 

Now I know for a fact that she was feeling ill last week and had some busy days - but still met up with me despite feeling sick, then for the past two days she stayed at a casino with some friends who had 2 free nights and partied hard. So she finally just got home yesterday (wednesday) and now came down with this mystery cold/sore throat thing.

 

Sooooo... I'm playing it cool. I told her I was disappointed because I was excited to see her, but definitely didn't want to force her out under duress. And also that I was an amazing guy and it'd be a shame of her to not go out with me, lol.

 

She texted back and said let's meet up early next week. I said fine... and that was it.

 

But you can be damned sure I'm not going to go out of my way to arrange a date again. She's gonna have to do the legwork now or risk losing her shot at me.

 

Oddly enough another different girl boldly asked me out to coffee earlier this week on my facebook - so I told her "let's do this", lol.

 

I honestly don't think you've done anything wrong here man, so don't beat yourself up. It sucks but in this day and age people are flaky and insecure and it prevents a lot of people from being willing to open up to each other even a little bit.

 

I think you are hilarious and smart and if this girl isn't willing to give you a shot, then it's her loss man.

 

Because you are an honest guy who is willing to put himself out there - and that's half the battle.

 

Remember Kick, "We are awesome."

 

Better days, and better dates ahead - for both of us.

Edited August 27, 2010 by Lost Fish
typo issues!

[kickintheaz]

thanks guys..

 

@bob & Fl... spot on, it IS BS... and nope she's only a financial controller for a sweet company (and not a very big one at that!)

 

@ Lucky... who knows how many puppets she has on a string... you're right though, who wants someone who can't switch off from the job for 2 hours...

 

@ Lost Fish.... dam bro... seriously? did we pick em from the same lineup or something? that just SUCKS... especially since ya can be 90% sure she's lying to you.. and like lab rat I had high hopes for ya.. (figured TWO of us couldn't be stood up at the same time)

 

I think you're right and theres only one way to play it and thats be Mr Mentos now.. i.e cool.. let them do the legwork, if they want a piece of us, they gotta show us how much they want in.. ironically enough, I have a couple of txts this morn from other interested parties.. maybe the Gods DO know what they are doing!!!!

 

So this morning, on my sliding scale of frustration I'm probably around the 'fck them' mark...

 

we ARE awesome Lost...

 

tonight I'm gonna go meet and stay with a buddy of mine, who lives in a VERY well to do area.. down to his local for some guinness, where the pints are cold and the girls are hot...

 

oooh, maybe I'll meet someone in real life.. who knows!!.. its always when ya just don't give a **** that they appear out of the wordwork.. and today, I really just don't give a ****...

 

so, stick a red flag in her, she's done...

 

I think I'll keep this thread open... I can look back on it in years to come and realise all the crap we went through to get to that happy place.. which at the moment I reckon could be where CaliGuy is...

 

A-Sexual... :lmao: